Post by Isiah Zombie on Oct 13, 2007 11:16:26 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Oversized Dilemma
Episode: 1
Original Post Date: October 13, 2007
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Isiah Zombie and Monkeysarefunny are at IZ's house eating scrambled eggs at the table when BigBoss walks in.
BigBoss: ...Did I walk in on something?
Isiah Zombie: No, I'm just making Monkey some breakfast.
Monkeysarefunny: Try the sauce, it's awesome!.... It's actually sauceome!
BigBoss: *looks at Monkey* Why is IZ cooking for you?
Isiah Zombie: Yeah Monkey, why am I cooking for you?
Monkeysarefunny: *puts fork down and leans back in chair* Remember IZ? It all happened about six months ago.... *everything gets blurry*
*Six Months Earlier...*
Isiah Zombie is in his house drinking coffee and reading the newspaper when Monkeysarefunny walks in.
*Enter Monkeysarefunny*
Isiah Zombie: Hey Monkey.
Monkeysarefunny: Well, I finally broke down and got a myspace
Isiah Zombie: No! You traitor!
Monkeysarefunny: I'm so sorry.... actually the truth is, there's this girl who I'm stalking and she has a myspace page. That's the only reason why I did it.
Isiah Zombie: What's her name?
Monkeysarefunny: Amanda, and I really think she might be the one.
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, and you know what else she might be? A DUDE. Seriously, think about it. "A-man-duh"
Monkeysarefunny: She sent me pics already.
Isiah Zombie: Of who?
Monkeysarefunny: Oh HER!
Isiah Zombie: And how do you know the pics are of her?
Monkeysarefunny:
Cuz we've already video-chatted...Isiah Zombie:
Monkeysarefunny: Well then egg me, will ya!
Isiah Zombie: Umm, no, I will not "egg" you.
Monkeysarefunny: Ah.
Isiah Zombie: .....
Monkeysarefunny: I've arranged to meet with her here.
Isiah Zombie: "Here"? In MY house?
Monkeysarefunny: Yep. My apartment has land mines in the kitchen and I really don't feel like cleaning up tonight..... the blood that is, not the mines. I need the mines...
Isiah Zombie: GAH... fine
...When is she coming?Monkeysarefunny: Tonight. So set this place up and... ummm, buy like flowers or something.
Isiah Zombie: No you.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh come on! I pay for food, I pay for rent... I even donate to the homeless.
Isiah Zombie: Umm, no... you come to my house for food, you haven't paid me my rent in three months, AND you take stuff from the homeless.
Monkeysarefunny: What?? Like when?
Isiah Zombie: Well what about that old mattress that smells like urine in your apartment?
Monkeysarefunny: That was a gift.
Isiah Zombie: Really? And what about that old cardboard box that says "Heywood Jablome's House"?
Monkeysarefunny: I need that. JUST buy me the fricken flowers, will ya! And chocolates, I want this to be special.
Isiah Zombie: Fine, fine.... be sure to send me a pic of her before she gets here.
Monkeysarefunny: Sure thing. And could you put a banner that says "Monkeyarefunny lives here"?
Isiah Zombie: Get out!
*Exit Monkeysarefunny*
*Isiah Zombie walks over to the other side of the room and dials the phone*
Isiah Zombie: Hello, BB? It's me, IZ.
BigBoss: Who?
Isiah Zombie: IZ, it's short for "Isiah Zombie".
BigBoss: Really?
Isiah Zombie: Yes.
BigBoss: I didn't know that.
Isiah Zombie: ...Well now you know. Listen, Monkey just came over and told me that that he's meeting up with some chick he met online.
BigBoss: Psh, noob.
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, and I was just wondering if you could come over and help me to transform my house into Monkey's house.
BigBoss: What? Why?
Isiah Zombie: I know it sounds stupid, but we could actually turn this situation to our favor. You know, like we plant some embarrassing things about him here and there.
BigBoss: That's a good idea.
Isiah Zombie: Alright, so come over and... make sure to put some pants on. I know you're always... in the nude. *Click*
*Six hours later, at 6:00 p.m.*
Isiah Zombie planted fake articles around the house for Monkey to get caught off guard. One such embarrassing article is an "I Love My Pony" magazine in the bathroom.
*Phone rings*
Isiah Zombie: Who's calling?
Monkeysarefunny: It's me. Check your email, I sent you the pics of her.
Isiah Zombie: Okay I will, I just want to make sure who you're dealing with here.
Monkeysarefunny: And one more thing, could you dress up as a butler and serve us?
Isiah Zombie: ...No.
Monkeysarefunny: Please! I don't want to be alone with her. I'll get nervous and puke all over her.
Isiah Zombie: *Sigh* The things I do for my friends...
Monkeysarefunny: Whoohoo! *Click*
IZ walks over to his computer and checks his email. The e-mail reads: Amanda pics. IZ opens it up and there's a picture of a 300-pound girl.
Isiah Zombie: (to self) What in THE HELL? I knew Monkey was a weirdo but.... hahahahahahah.
*2 hours later, at 8:00 p.m*
IZ is dressed up like a butler and he has the food is in the pot ready to be served, then the doorbell rings.
Isiah Zombie: I sure hope that's Monkey.
*IZ opens door and Amanda is at the door. She's a very big girl and very mean-spirited*
Isiah Zombie: Gah! I mean, hey, hi, hello... how are you?
Amanda: Are you Monkeysarefunny?
Isiah Zombie: Actually, no, I'm just the-
Amanda: You look a lot worse in real person than you do in the pictures and the video-chat.
Isiah Zombie: Well that's because I'm not Monkey-
Amanda: Does this dress make me look fat?
Isiah Zombie: To me? No. But to everybody else...
Amanda: What was that??
Isiah Zombie: NOTHING! Look, the food is waiting for Monkey and-
Amanda: Food? Who said food? WHERE'S THE FOOD?!
Isiah Zombie: Maybe we should wait for-
Amanda: No waiting, NOW!
Isiah Zombie: Okay, okay...
*IZ walks over and serves Amanda her Macaroon Lobsters Bites*
Isiah Zombie: Hey you know I'm just going call someone real quick, kay?
*Amanda's munching away at her plate*
Isiah Zombie: .....Okay.
*IZ heads over the phone and dials a number*
Isiah Zombie: Dammit Monkey! Where the HELL are you?
Monkeysarefunny: I'm on my way, just try and stall her for a couple more minutes.
Isiah Zombie: I don't think there's enough food in the whole building to stall her! And you never told me that Amanda was a fricken WHALE, man!
Monkeysarefunny: That's because you never asked. Wait, didn't I send you a picture of her?
Isiah Zombie: Oh, actually you did. But still man, you SUCK!
Monkeysarefunny: Well then egg me, will ya!
Isiah Zombie: ....What the hell does that even mean?
Amanda: (from distance) I need more fooooood!
Isiah Zombie: Gotta go! "*Click*
*Monkey and BB are sitting in a parked car outside under a streetlight*
Monkeysarefunny: How long do you think it will take before IZ freaks out?
BigBoss: He's already freaked out.
Monkeysarefunny: Seriously though, this was a nice gig. I say there's a girl coming over for me, then I do the 'ol switcharoo and make him deal with her. Wowza, IZ's sooooo stupid!
BigBoss: Psh, noob.
Monkeysarefunny: Omagad, I just had an idea. Do you think, that IZ and Amanda, could, you know....
BigBoss: SHIVER ME TIMBERS!
Monkeysarefunny: Hahahah.....
BigBoss:.....
Monkeysarefunny: ...Umm, BB? Maybe you should put some pants on.
BigBoss: For what?
Monkeysarefunny: Because some people... actually, EVERYONE might think this is very, very weird.
BigBoss: Ah you kids and your fancy pants. Back when I was a kid, we only had undies... and we were thankful for THEM.
Monkeysarefunny: ......
Meanwhile, IZ and Amanda...
Isiah Zombie: So.... where are you from?
Amanda: Myspace.
Isiah Zombie: I'm sorry?
Amanda: Can't you hear? I said I'm from MYSPACE.
Isiah Zombie: No I heard.... I'm just sorry... heh.
Amanda: Mmmm, the lobster was good. Could you put some in a doggie-bag?
Isiah Zombie: What? This ain't no restaurant!
Amanda: But I said could you?
Isiah Zombie: .........
Amanda: .....
Isiah Zombie: Yes of course. Actually, let me call someone right now...
*IZ runs over to phone and calls monkeysarefunny*
Isiah Zombie: Dammit Monkey, why aren't you here yet?
Monkeysarefunny: It was either me or nobody, and "nobody" showed up.
Isiah Zombie: But you said you were showing up!
Monkeysarefunny: I may have lied...
Isiah Zombie: You may have? Or did?
Monkeysarefunny: ...I may have did
Isiah Zombie: GAH! She's starting to eat everything in my fridge then passing out then waking up and eating everything up again, it's BRUTAL.
Monkeysarefunny: Just tell her she ate, she won't remember.
Isiah Zombie: I tried that, it didn't work.
Monkeysarefunny: Just give her something that you know she won't eat... like vegetables, or fish...
Isiah Zombie: Oh I have some mahi-mahi!
Monkeysarefunny: There you go. Okay, bye.
Isiah Zombie: Hey, Monkey?
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah?
Isiah Zombie: You're dead to me. *Click*
*IZ runs back to Amanda*
Isiah Zombie: I have some mahi-mahi, you don't want that, do you?
Amanda: Mahi-mahi is for mehe-mehe.
Isiah Zombie: OKAY, you know what? I want you outta my house! Now!
Amanda: I need to use the restroom.
Isiah Zombie: Of course you do... and make it quick. And before you ask, yes, "I Love My Pony" and I'm not ashamed! *everything gets blurry*
*Six Months Later...*
Monkeysarefunny: And you see, that's why IZ cooks breakfast for me.
BigBoss: That doesn't explain anything. Shouldn't you be serving breakfast for IZ?
Monkeysarefunny: Well then egg me, will ya!
Isiah Zombie: *grabs hard-broiled egg and throws it at Monkey* *SPLAT* There, I finally egged you!
Monkeysarefunny: That was.... eggcelent.
Isiah Zombie: Oh and BB.... would you mind putting on some pants before I egg you too?
BigBoss: I don't need pants.
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, well... only smart, intelligent people wear pants.
Monkeysarefunny: Which is why you had Amanda over for dinner? Hah hah... OH BURNED.
BigBoss: Psh, noob.
