Post by Isiah Zombie on Mar 1, 2008 9:57:19 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Vehicular Collision (Part 1 of 2)
Episode: 21
Original Post Date: March 1, 2008
__________________________________________
Isiah Zombie, Monkey, and Donutz are in the Shanty together.
Isiah Zombie: I'm going to the store, do you guys want to come with me?
Monkeysarefunny: There is no I in pie, but there is an I in pie, and there is a team in meat pie..... TAKE THAT CATCHPHRASES!
Isiah Zombie: So, is that a yes? Or a no.......?
Admiral Donutz: I'll go, I need a new backpack. And while we're out, can we have something to eat? I'm hungry.
Monkeysarefunny: Heh, Donutz has a hungry look - the kind you get from not eating for a while.
Isiah Zombie: Well Donutz, you can have this chocolate bar I have.
Admiral Donutz: *takes chocolate* Thanks IZ !
Monkeysarefunny: Umm..... ..... Can I have a piece?
Isiah Zombie: *sigh* ...A lot of people think that just because the chocolate bar is pre-divided into little squares that it's meant to be shared....... suddenly it belongs to the community.
Monkeysarefunny: Didn't you say that once before?
Isiah Zombie: I don't know, did I?
Monkeysarefunny: I think you did.
Isiah Zombie: Well then I guess I did.
Admiral Donutz: Mmmm..... I like my women like I like my chocolate!
Monkeysarefunny: You mean, dark? ........ With nuts?
Admiral Donutz: No!
Isiah Zombie: ....Not much else to say to that.
Monkeysarefunny: So let's not.
Isiah Zombie: Alright, I'll start up the car.
Monkeysarefunny: Hey wait, you're not gonna drive my pimp-mobile, are you?
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, it's the only car we have. Don't worry *thumbs up* it's all good.
Monkeysarefunny: You shouldn't drive my car because I don't have any insurance for it. And no more dorky thumbs-up gestures while saying "it's all good" either.
Isiah Zombie, Monkey, and Donutz enter the VEHICLE.
Isiah Zombie: Uhh.... how do you start this thing?
Monkeysarefunny: Sometimes the car will start up like a fricken rocket.... so here's what you gotta do: turn off the defroster, open the moon roof, and reverse the car in first gear.
Isiah Zombie: *looks around* .....How do I put the car in reverse?
Monkeysarefunny: ......Yeah, about that......
Admiral Donutz: Hurry up guys! I'm hungry!
Isiah Zombie: Alright, hold on to your hats.... *starts up car*
*Chicka-BOOM!*
Several minutes later, waiting for a red light on an intersection...
Isiah Zombie: So, does anybody else-
Monkeysarefunny: Ohmahgad! That tree just flipped me off!
Isiah Zombie: Uhh... what?
Monkeysarefunny: That tree over there, look!
*street light turns green*
Admiral Donutz: ......Uhh.... guys? The light turned green.
Isiah Zombie: Monkey, what tree? Point it out to me - I have some choice words for it!
Monkeysarefunny: Over there! Look!
*cars behind start honking*
Admiral Donutz: Start driving, IZ!
Isiah Zombie: Don't pressure me under pressure, Donutz! I don't perform well under pressure!
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, tell us about it......
Admiral Donutz: The light is almost red again!
Isiah Zombie: You know what? YOU'RE almost red again!
Admiral Donutz: Just drive!
Isiah Zombie: Alright! FINE! *makes left turn*
*OHMAHGAD POW!*
Several minutes later...
Isiah Zombie: *regains consciousness* Whoa.... what happened?
Admiral Donutz: We crashed into another car at the intersection.
Isiah Zombie: What? How could this have happened?
Admiral Donutz: The street sign says "No Left Turn".
Isiah Zombie: Huh? I didn't see that.
Admiral Donutz: The sign had GIANT-ASS FONT.
Isiah Zombie: Oh yeah...
Monkeysarefunny: *regains consciousness* Wow! That was intense! REALLY INTENSE! Well, not really intense but..... pretty intense.
Admiral Donutz: Psh... IZ couldn't read the "no-left-turn" sign.
Monkeysarefunny: Really? IZ, your reading comprehension abilities rival that of a one-eyed infant born from Papua New Guinea, at best.
Isiah Zombie: Well, I was focusing on that tree that flipped you off, remember?
Monkeysarefunny: What? WHAT TREE?
Isiah Zombie: How can you not remember this? The tree flipped you off like 5 minutes ago!
Monkeysarefunny: Heh, yeah...... good times. Speaking of not remembering things, do you remember that my car has no insurance?
Isiah Zombie: Well now that you mention it, yes, I do remember. But no worries, *thumbs up* it's all good.
Monkeysarefunny: I told you to stop doing that!
Admiral Donutz: So, guys, who's car did we hit anyways?
*Car Glass-Shatter!*
Leo Vampire: ...........NOT YOU AGAIN.
Isiah Zombie: Leo? LEO?? What are you doing here??
Leo Vampire: What am I doing here? YOU CRASHED INTO MY CAR - that's what I'm doing here!
Monkeysarefunny: Hey wuzzup man! Remember me? ...We played cards once? Remember I whooped your blood-sucking ass?
Leo Vampire: I don't have time for this. Bear in mind that I am a very important billionaire who cares for nothing more than to see the three of you penalized in any way possible. And seeing as you made an illegal maneuver on this intersection, I will pursue the harshest punishment on your behalf.
Admiral Donutz: ......If only we had some insurance......
Leo Vampire: What? No insurance? What? NO INSURANCE??
Isiah Zombie: Uh-oh....
Leo Vampire: Today is my lucky day! Well, other than the fact that I was in a vehicular accident, of course. You three should say good-bye to your mothers, to your girlfriends, and to your sisters..... cuz I'm yo' MAC DADDA NOW!
Isiah Zombie: So, I'll see you in court ?
Leo Vampire: Ha? See me in court? You still have the gall to suggest the inevitable?
Monkeysarefunny: Your vocabulary is starting to tick me off.
Leo Vampire: I suggest that you hire a faultless attorney to facilitate your quandary!
Monkeysarefunny: Okay, now THAT was on purpose...
Isiah Zombie: Hey Leo, I have a LOT of lawyer friends..... I just haven't met any of them yet.
Leo Vampire: As for MY attorney, I'm well aware that you're well aware of him...?
Isiah Zombie: .....Umm, no?
Leo Vampire: He's a friend of yours..... you know, The Heartless.
Monkeysarefunny: Ohmahgad!
Admiral Donutz: Noooo!
Isiah Zombie: Damn!
Leo Vampire: Well, ta-ta, and..... tatel *walks away*
Admiral Donutz: Umm...... guys? I know this is the best time, but....... I'm still hungry
One day later, Isiah Zombie, Monkey, and Donutz walk into a very respectable Law Firm...
Isiah Zombie: Let's see if anyone will take my case.
Monkeysarefunny: You couldn't read a a sign with.... umm... what was the term again?
Admiral Donutz: GIANT-ASS FONT.
Monkeysarefunny: Yes, you couldn't read a sign with GIANT-ASS FONT. No one will take your case. Not like that.
Isiah Zombie: Whatever... *walks up to counter* Excuse me, ma'am...?
Receptionist: ...Yes?
Isiah Zombie: I was wondering if I could find a lawyer to represent me on my case?
Receptionist: Oh.... your name?
Monkeysarefunny: His name is "Sue E. Side"
Isiah Zombie: No ma'am. Not true. My name is-
Monkeysarefunny: -Seymour Butts!
Isiah Zombie: No! Shut up, Monkey! MY NAME IS-
Monkeysarefunny: -Wattie Nattapong Pornwadee Jr.! ;D
Admiral Donutz: HAH!
Isiah Zombie: GAH Dangit Monkey! What the hell is wrong with you??
Monkeysarefunny: (to receptionist) Psst. Don't worry about him. Sometimes he fills a large latex glove with warm water and holds it against him just to get the feeling of having a friend.
Receptionist: ... ? Actually, now that I remember, we do have a new transfer attorney who would be happy to take your case. I'll call her in shortly.
Isiah Zombie: ...Thanks.... *walks away from counter*
Admiral Donutz: Transfer attorney? That doesn't sound good.
Isiah Zombie: You know what Donutz? YOU DON'T SOUND GOOD.
Admiral Donutz: ...I hear new attorneys are great !
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah......... for burning.
30 Minutes Later........
*Roll EXE walks in*
Roll EXE: Ta-da! Here I am! Rockin' like a HURRICANE! Sorry to keep you guys waiting, but my previous client, Wattie Nattapong Pornwadee Jr., has a real serious ailment problem.
Isiah Zombie: Hello there. My name is-
Monkeysarefunny: -Suphachad Laksmono!
Isiah Zombie: ...No, my name is Isiah Zombie. Have you heard about my case?
Roll EXE: No, please enlighten me.
Isiah Zombie: Well, it turns out I made a left turn when I wasn't supposed to....
Roll EXE: Weren't there any safety measures preventing you from performing this impotent task?
Isiah Zombie: Yes, there was a sign-
Admiral Donutz: -With GIANT-ASS FONT.
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, there are other details, but, do you think there's a chance that you could help me?
Roll EXE: I believe I've already mentioned impotence at a previous time.
Isiah Zombie: Yes, you have, and yes, it still hurts.
Roll EXE: You need someone to represent you that doesn't suck, and Roll EXE is here for you.
Isiah Zombie: So you'll help me on my case? Whoohoo! *thumbs up*
Monkeysarefunny: Okay, dude, seriously, stop with the thumbs up gestures. I have fists, and I'm not afraid to use them. Preferably, on your face.
One week later, in the civil court, at the trial hearing....
Admiral Donutz: IZ is late.....
Roll EXE: Is he usually tardy in making important appearances?
Monkeysarefunny: Maybe he's starting to FEEL THE PAIN.
Roll EXE: Well, you couldn't officially make a record of that, since you can never tell if he's lying about pain or not.
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, but still...
Roll EXE: People who say "yeah but still" say it when they lose an argument with you and they still want to be right, but they have nothing of substance to counter you with.
Monkeysarefunny: Ummm..... yeah........ but still.....
*Leo the Vampire walk in*
Leo Vampire: Heh heh heh.... is IZ a no-show in today's hearing?
Admiral Donutz: He'll be here, you just wait and see !
Monkeysarefunny: Wow... Leo.... you look so cool *shakes Leo's hand*
Admiral Donutz: What did you do that for?
Monkeysarefunny: You just HAVE to shake hands with someone who has a top hat.
Roll EXE: Yeah, and if you have a cane... well, it's hard for anyone to handle that level of awesome.
Monkeysarefunny: Seriously, that is such an elaborate outfit.
*The Heartless walks in*
The Heartless: Hey everybody, I got a letter from IZ.
Monkeysarefunny: IZ still sends letters?
The Heartless: Yeah, apparently envelopes still have his stamp of approval.... anyways, here's how the letter reads: "This is IZ. I know I made a driving mistake and that Leo is a billionaire.... going to court against him would be Sue. E. Side ..."
Monkeysarefunny: Hey cool! IZ used one of my made-up names!
The Heartless: But wait, there's more: "I've gotten the flight plans to the Vanilla Island Resort..... and that's where I'm writing from. Yeah, I left the country. Sorry to let you guys down.... "
Admiral Donutz: Wow........
The Heartless: IZ left the country......
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, we know. You just read the note out loud.
Roll EXE: No! I will not lose my 20-case winning streak because of Isiah's impotence! I demand an immediate recess!
Dun Dun DUN!!
To be continued.....