Post by Isiah Zombie on Oct 27, 2007 11:54:38 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
The Fabulous 5
Episode: 3
Original Post Date: October 27, 2007
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IZ and BigBoss are slouched on separate couches watching TV at BB's Shanty. Monkeysarefunny is on a third couch sleeping.
Isiah Zombie: What are we watching?
BigBoss: Fish Cops.
Isiah Zombie: What?
BigBoss: Fish Cops, it's an animated show with fish cops. I never get to watch this show so SHH!
Isiah Zombie: Okay.
BigBoss: Oh I forgot to ask, how was it at that fake jail cell last week?
Isiah Zombie: Let's just say I got "acquainted" by a certain fellow named "Spike".
BigBoss: Ouch.
Isiah Zombie: Yeah... I've never felt so dirty. So anyways, I invited Steven and Donutz here for some shots later on, kay?
BigBoss: Pshaw.
*Rex walks in*
Rex: My first year as a freshman, and I'm nothing more than a failure.
BigBoss: Yeah we know. Be quiet, I'm trying to watch TV.
*Monkeysarefunny wakes up*
Monkeysarefunny: Oh, Rex! There you are! I put up flyers of you missing with a $10 reward for your safe return.
Rex: I'm worth more than TEN DOLLARS you NERD!
Monkeysarefunny: Really? I thought that was a bit pricey...
Rex: Any pointers for school?
BigBoss: No. You'll always be a failure.
Isiah Zombie: Well actually, we could help-
Rex: Yes, pleeease? I'm mostly scared because one of my classes is full of girls and also I'm getting picked on by preps, emo's, jocks, and seniors who pick on me since one of my electives is near the football room. And I'm not fitting in.
Isiah Zombie: Well if you're in a class full of girls... then maybe they mistook you for one.
Monkeysarefunny: KA-POW.
Rex: Are you guys gonna help me or not?
BigBoss: No - get out the way, I'm missing Fish Cops because of this.
Rex: I really need the help - everyone thinks I'm a nerd because I type fast.
Isiah Zombie: Typing fast doesn't mean you're a nerd.
Rex: Can't blame them though, I can't hear a thing in the class with everyone screaming. The teacher upgraded me to Keyboarding 2 because I type too damn fast, now I have to sit up front with juniors and seniors who are mostly girls too. I'm smoking everything, hell the teacher is telling me to slow down or I'll break the keyboard, heh.
Isiah Zombie: Are you the only one who types fast?
Rex: Hell for all the times teenagers are on failspace now, they should be typing like me now.
*Steven and Admiral Donutz walk in*
Steven: Alright, we brought some Hennessy's Cognac from the liquor store. Get ready to get drunk mates!
Monkeysarefunny: I prefer vodka myself.
Isiah Zombie: I like coffee... but the lack of milk in it makes me wanna smack someone upside the head.
BigBoss: I'm TRYING to watch Fish Cops!
Rex: HEEELLLOO! Did you guys forget I'm in the middle of a crisis here??
Monkeysarefunny: Wait, you're still here?
Admiral Donutz: What's your crisis, Rex?
Rex: I need help at not being a failure.
Isiah Zombie: We will help you - because, with our powers combined-
Monkeysarefunny: OMG! You're Captain Planet??
Isiah Zombie: ...Because with our powers combined, we transform into... The Fabulous 5!
Rex: You mean six?
Isiah Zombie: No we're not counting you.
Monkeysarefunny: "The Fabulous 5" sounds like that "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" show.
Isiah Zombie: That's actually where I got it from. Except this time it's "Straight Eye for the Queer Guy."
Rex: Who's the queer guy?
BigBoss: ........Psh, noob.
Isiah Zombie: We'll divide the tasks up into five. Someone will deal with the bullies, someone will deal with the girls in your class, someone will update your appearance, someone will "un-nerd" you in your class, and someone will.... ummm... insult you... for motivation.
*One day later, still at BB's Shanty*
IZ and Rex are the only ones in the room.
Isiah Zombie: Okay Rex, I'm in charge of helping you deal with the girls. Lesson 1: Don't be afraid of them, they don't bite. Well actually they do, but that's another lesson for another day.
Rex: Don't be afraid? How? Give me some pointers.
Isiah Zombie: Just talk to them, like a normal person.
Rex: What if a girl wants to go on a date with me?
Isiah Zombie: ......Let's cross that imaginary bridge when we come to it.
*Monkeysarefunny walks in*
Monkeysarefunny: I'm here to help you with the bullies.
Rex: So you'll beat them up for me?
Monkeysarefunny: Umm, no. I haven't beaten up an 4-year old since I was 12.
Rex: They're not 4 YEAR OLDS you NOOB!
Monkeysarefunny: Seemingly... seemingly... to the untrained eye.
Rex: You don't need a TRAINED eye. I know they're older than 4 years because we're all in High School.
Monkeysarefunny: ....The truth is sooo convenient, isn't it Rex?
*Monkeysarefunny walks out*
Isiah Zombie: So getting back to the chicks-
Rex: Should I type fast to impress the girls?
Isiah Zombie: ...Wow, you're dumber than I tell people.
*Admiral Donutz walks in*
Admiral Donutz: I'm in charge of updating your appearance, Rex!
Isiah Zombie: What are you going to do to him?
Admiral Donutz: I'm going to take his teeth out first. They look tasty and yellow.
Rex: McJesus! You guys aren't helping AT ALL!
Admiral Donutz: That's because you haven't seen this snazzy jacket I picked out for you. *Lifts up pink furry jacket* Be prepared to be called a sexy beast!
Rex: Get Out!
*Admiral Donutz walks out*
Rex: You've wasted ten minutes of what could've been my PC time, IZ!
Isiah Zombie: Ten minutes - my favorite amount of time.
*Steven walks in*
Steven: I'm the guy in charge of "un-nerding" Rex, right?
Isiah Zombie: Yep.
Steven: This is one tough assignment, mate. First, you need to drink some Hennessy's Cognac to lift your spirits.
Rex: I'm afraid of drinking.
Steven: Well sack up and fight the power, Nancy!
Rex: ...?
Steven: Here, have a shot. *gives a cup to Rex and lifts own cup* Cheers!
Isiah Zombie: Remember to remove the spoon from the cup before drinking it, Rex.
Steven: Have another shot you old bloke! *drinks another shot*
Rex: How is this un-nerding me?
Steven: *drinks ENTIRE bottle* Uhhuhh.... hoped that helped, mate....
*Steven walks out*
Isiah Zombie: Hey BB! Come in here!
BigBoss: (from other room) I'm watching Fish Cops - leave me alone.
Isiah Zombie: But you're in charge of motivating Rex by insulting him, remember?
BigBoss: (in other room) Oh yeah. Hey Rex, you suck!
Rex: You guys are no help at all!
*Monkeysarefunny walks back in*
Rex: You're all just a bunch of gay guys who are doing this whole "Queer Eye for the Straight Guy" thing cuz you're all... well, gay. I bet the original Tyrannosaurus REX had a bigger dingaling than all of yours combined!!
Isiah Zombie:
Monkeysarefunny: .......Yeah, but too bad it's arms were too short to get a go at it. KA-POW!
Two days later, Rex goes to school while being followed by a camera crew that IZ hired. The Fab 5 watches the live video on the plasma screen at BB's Shanty.
BigBoss: We can't watch Fish Cops because we're too busy watching Rex?
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, but he has an earpiece and can hear everything we're saying.
Monkeysarefunny: Hey, Rex! Turn left - do it, do it now! Heh.
Rex: *looks at camera* Shut up you guys, you- AHH! One of the bullies from class is coming for me! What do I do? WHAT DO I DO?
BigBoss: Kick him in the ballsack.
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, listen to BB.
School Bully: Well, if it isn't little Rex again and - oh? You hired camera guys? I guess now you can watch yourself getting assaulted in SLOW-MOTION!
Monkeysarefunny: KA-POW! .... Oh, sorry.
Rex: *looks at camera again*
BigBoss: Kick him in THE BALLSACK, REX!
*Rex kicks the bully and runs away - camera crew follows him*
Admiral Donutz: Oh I didn't see it, what happened?
BigBoss: Rex kicked the guy in the good 'ol toolbox.
Admiral Donutz: Where?
Isiah Zombie: Rex kicked the guy in the undercarriage.
Admiral Donutz: ...Where?
Monkeysarefunny: Rex kicked the bully right in the twin's playpen! Got it now?
Admiral Donutz: Ohhh.... where?
*Later, Rex is in his Typing class with the camera crew in class*
Monkeysarefunny: There's a girl in front of you, Rex, here's what you say: "You wanna get wanged tonight?"
Isiah Zombie: Hey! I'm in charge of handling the girls.
Monkeysarefunny: But you suck SO bad at it.
Isiah Zombie: You're outta your mind.
Monkeysarefunny: I've never been more "IN" my mind!
Isiah Zombie: Huh? You wanna bet? You want some of my money??
Monkeysarefunny: If I wanted you're money then I'll just take it while you're sleeping!
Isiah Zombie: Oh, it's go-time now! *raises fists*
Monkeysarefunny: Well then egg me, will ya?
*IZ and Monkey start fighting in front of the TV*
Admiral Donutz: Why isn't Rex wearing the pink jacket I gave him? Anyways, I can't see anything.... c'mon Steven, let's go.
Steven: *wakes up drunk* Hennessy's Cognac mates! Uhhuh... tokay.
*Admiral Donutz and Steven walk out*
Rex: *looks at camera* Guys? What do I say to her? Guys? GUYS? AHHHH! You *** ***** suck ***** and ***** AHHHUH! *Rex runs out of room*
BigBoss: Hey guys, you can stop fighting, Rex left.
Isiah Zombie: He did? Oh...
Monkeysarefunny: Hmm... maybe I should put up missing flyers of him again?
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, but this time lower the price to $5.
Monkeysarefunny: Okay!
*IZ and Monkeyarefunny walk out*
BigBoss: (to self) Finally! I get to watch my Fish Cops in peace and quiet *changes channel to Fish Cops* Ahh.... good 'ol Fish Cops.
TV Announcer: We interrupt this program to bring you breaking news! A teenager who suspects say is referred to as "Rex" has taken his principle hostage. His motiv is clear: Rex says the "Fab5" ruined his life and that he will seek revenge. Stay tuned, we'll keep live coverage for the next 24 hours!
BigBoss: ............. DAMN YOU REX!