Post by Isiah Zombie on Jun 13, 2009 16:43:44 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Game Show
Episode: 88
Original Post Date: June 13, 2009
__________________________________________
Isiah Zombie and w00tdude are at the Carlton-Ritz Mansion lobby one morning...
Isiah Zombie: Well w00tdude, I'm off to work...
w00tdude: Why so sad?
Isiah Zombie: Because that new "Roxanne" reporter is there. I have to work with her and she hates my guts.
w00tdude: Just buy her a bag of cookies. Every girl likes cookies!
Isiah Zombie: Is that why you're always single?
w00tdude: Now I feel teh suckish...
Isiah Zombie: You need to grow up. Just think like an adult for once.
w00tdude: Psh, adults are just kids who owe money.
Isiah Zombie: And start talking like one too. Just be all like, "Sup home skillet!"
w00tdude: Uh... o-okay...
*Monkeysarefunny walks in*
Monkeysarefunny: Hey guys. I know one of us is thinking about sex... alright, I'll admit it, it's me.
w00tdude: Sup home skillet !
Monkeysarefunny: What'd you call me you little punk?
w00tdude: N-nothing...
Monkeysarefunny: That's what I thought.
Isiah Zombie: Hey Monkey, someone at my job hates me. What do you think I should do to deal with it?
Monkeysarefunny: HOLY MOTHER OF CRAP! Someone else besides me hates you? Well, I never!
Isiah Zombie: Wait... you hate me?
Monkeysarefunny: Yep to the snizzles my homie.
Isiah Zombie: But... I thought everyone liked me!
Monkeysarefunny: You best be joking.
Isiah Zombie: The person who hates me at my job is Roxanne... which is weird, since all the girls love me!
Monkeysarefunny: "All the girls" for you only includes that deaf-handicapped chick at the homeless shelter who thought you were a scarecrow.
Isiah Zombie: And was she not a girl?
Monkeysarefunny: You've never had a girl IZ, just deal with it.
w00tdude: Wait, is IZ gay?
Monkeysarefunny: Well he has made out with a man before... albeit a man posing as a woman, but a man all the same.
Isiah Zombie: What?? You told me she only had a deep voice! How dare you! *runs out*
Monkeysarefunny: I'm glad I got rid of him quickly... *looks at w00tdude* ...Now I just gotta get rid of you.
w00tdude: Teh awwwws!
*Donutz crawls in from window*
Admiral Donutz: Ahhh! Is Helen here ?
Monkeysarefunny: No, why? Is that bizznatch smacking you upside the head again?
Admiral Donutz: Nooo! She just found out that I got a restraining order on her and now she wants to KILL me!
Monkeysarefunny: Well at least you have a restraining order on her -- oh wait, nevermind.
Admiral Donutz: If she comes looking for me--
*knock knock knock*
Admiral Donutz: Fffff***! I was never here! *runs down to basement*
w00tdude: Heh, aren't you glad you got rid of him quickly? Huh? Aren't you ?
Monkeysarefunny: ...No.
w00tdude:
Monkeysarefunny: *opens door* ...Hey BB! What's up my little prince?
BigBoss: You can't call me your little prince anymore, because guess what I got !
Monkeysarefunny: Surgery? Infection? Disease? Moles? Fungi-
BigBoss: -NO! I got chosen to be a contestant on the game show "Oppo-Zoppo"!
w00tdude: Oppo-Zoppo? That's awesome! ...What is it?
BigBoss: Meh, it's basically some lame game show where the host gives you a word and you have to give the opposite of it. Like for example, if I said BigBoss, you would say-
Monkeysarefunny: -Man-less? Womanly? Coward? Loser? Lesbian-
BigBoss: -NO! You would simply say "awesome."
Monkeysarefunny: But you're supposed to say the opposite. So if the opposite of BigBoss is awesome, then that brings us back to being man-less, womanly, coward, loser and lesbian.
BigBoss: No, wait -- I meant... GAH DANGIT! Damn you crazy monkey! DAMN YOOOU! *runs out*
Monkeysarefunny: Chaos, panic, and disorder -- my work here is done.
w00tdude: Aren't you glad you got rid of BB quickly? Aren't you ?
Monkeysarefunny: ...Nooooo.
*knock knock knock*
Helen: (from outside) ...OPEN UP DONUTZ! I know you're in there!
Monkeysarefunny: *opens door* ...Hey Helen.
Helen: Where's Donutz? I'm going to KILL him !
Monkeysarefunny: I don't think he's here-
Frankenstein the Sequel: *walks by* -Yes, he is here. He's in the basement.
Helen: Who the heck are you??
Frankenstein the Sequel: I am the servant of this mansion, created by Mad Albert. You can call me King. You smell lovely.
Helen: Donutz is in the basement you say?
Frankenstein the Sequel: Yes, he told me that if you showed up, I should "pretend I didn't know who Donutz was."
Helen: He is SO DEAD! I'm going to go get him!
Frankenstein the Sequel: He told me that if you decide to search for him in the basement, that I should not disclose that fact that he is hiding inside the washing machine.
Helen: Thank you, thank you very much.
Frankenstein the Sequel: No problem. I'm just here to help Donutz.
Helen: Now if you'll excuse me... *runs off to basement*
Frankenstein the Sequel: Hmm, I can't shake the feeling that I did something wrong.
w00tdude: Yeah, you gave away Donutz's location!
Frankenstein the Sequel: No, it's not that. Perhaps I shouldn't have called myself king. It seemed too up front.
Monkeysarefunny: What? Worried your "King's" throne will be usurped before you even has a chance to ascend it? I understand.
An hour later, at the J2 Global Communications Headquarters...
Isiah Zombie: Hey Roxanne... how's it going ?
Roxanne: Oh, you again. I remember your degrading comments about women the other night.
Isiah Zombie: Is that why you hate me? Hah! You've got it all wrong! I love women! I'll have sex with you right now to prove it !
Roxanne:
Isiah Zombie: Or... m-maybe later...
Roxanne: You're a few French Fries short of being a happy meal, you know that?
Isiah Zombie: What's that supposed to mean? You calling me fat? Sad? Or both??
Roxanne: *sigh* ...Too many freaks, not enough circuses...
Isiah Zombie: Why don't you go home and clean your house like you should be doing?
Roxanne: There you again! Did you just say I should clean my house??
Isiah Zombie: NO! I just said........ VACUUM!
Roxanne: I'm not going to vacuum 'til Sears makes one you can ride!
Isiah Zombie: Why bother? You can ride me all night long!
Roxanne: GAH! What is wrong with you?! *walks out*
Isiah Zombie: Everything, apparently...
Meanwhile, on the game show "Oppo-Zoppo"...
Mr. Host: Good day viewers of Oppo-Zoppo! Today our guest is a laddy boy by the name of BigBoss, so let's hear it for him!
Crowd: WHOOOO-YEAH!
BigBoss: *walks onto stage* ...Thank you.
Mr. Host: So, tell us a little about yourself.
BigBoss: Well, my name is BB and I'm pretty ****ing awesome!
Crowd: YEEEAH!
BigBoss: And I'm very fond of Englishmen.
Mr. Host: Okay BB, do you know the rules of the game?
BigBoss: I'm supposed to say the opposite of your word, right?
Mr. Host: Yes, and do you know about your lifelines?
BigBoss: I get lifelines? Sweet! What are they?
Mr. Host: We can give you a clue and you can call a buddy at home.
BigBoss: Sounds good, Mr. Host! Sounds good!
Mr. Host: And do you know what you get for getting all the questions correct?
BigBoss: Uh.... yeah?
Mr. Host: Well then let's get started! The first question!
Crowd: WHOOO!
Mr. Host: *ominous music* ...Your first word: fire.
BigBoss: ...Um, the opposite is... water?
Mr. Host: Correct! You're off to a good start BB! A great start!
Crowd: YEEEAH!
Mr. Host: Now onto the second word...
Meanwhile, at the Carlton-Ritz Mansion basement...
Helen: I don't believe this! The Franken-butler told us that Donutz would be in a washing machine! We've searched for an hour and still haven't found him yet!
w00tdude: Maybe the butler lied?
Monkeysarefunny: What? Are you suggesting that the 10 IQ butler-experiment has the power to play mind games with us?
w00tdude: Yes.
Monkeysarefunny: Instead of suggesting the obvious, which is that he's just plain 'ol stupid and can't remember things?
w00tdude: Yeah.
Monkeysarefunny: Wow you're dumb.
Helen: That Frankenstein butler is sooo dead!
Frankenstein the Sequel: *walks in* ...Don't mind me. I'm just dusting the house... *hums*
Helen: You! Liar!
w00tdude: Yeah! Your pants should be on fire!
Frankenstein the Sequel: Pardon me?
Helen: You told us that Donutz is in the washing machine!
Frankenstein the Sequel: He is.
Helen: What are you talking about? We checked already! He isn't there!
Frankenstein the Sequel: Then he must be hiding in the secret closet that's located inside the normal closet.
Helen: Are you sure about that??
Frankenstein the Sequel: Of course I am -- he explicably told me not to tell you. I never forget secrets.
Helen: Alright! I'm coming for you Donutz!
Admiral Donutz: *jumps out of secret closet* ...Okay! Okay! You know where I am! Please don't hurt me!
Helen: Oh I won't hurt you -- I'll do worse than that! *shoves Donutz back and closet and joins him*
Monkeysarefunny: Hmm, me thinks that's erotic punishment. World wouldn't be round without that.
Meanwhile, back on the game show "Oppo-Zoppo"...
Mr. Host: Okay, you've already used your clue lifeline. Are you ready for the last word?
BigBoss: Yeah baby! One more word! Bring it on!
Mr. Host: Here is your last word......... "suora linja."
BigBoss: WHAT THE ****? What is that ****??
Mr. Host: It is of Finnish origin. Do you want to use your last lifeline?
BigBoss: Yeah, yeah... sure. I'd like to call my Finnish buddy at my mansion...
Back at the Mansion basement...
Admiral Donutz: (inside closet) Ahhhh! Get me outta here!
Helen: FEEL THE PAIN!
*ring ring ring!*
Frankenstein the Sequel: *answers phone* ...Hello, I am the servant of this mansion, created by Mad Albert. You can call me King. This is the basement telephone. How may I help you?
BigBoss: It's me, BB. Put Donutz on the line.
Frankenstein the Sequel: Hello, little man, boy. He seems to be unavailable at the moment... *puts phone to closet door*
Admiral Donutz: (inside closet) Ahhh! I'm STUCK!
BigBoss: So am I! If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop digging! Now listen up, bird brain! What is the opposite of the word "suora linja"? Quickly now!
Admiral Donutz: (inside closet) THAT MEANS STRAAAAAIGHT! The opposite is "homoseksuaalinen," which means--
*phone dies*
Mr. Host: Oh, tough luck!
BigBoss: Well that was......... gay.
Mr. Host: ...Correct! The opposite of straight is gay! You win the grand prize, good sir! You win!
BigBoss: Yessss! I'm alive!
Mr. Host: You know what the grand prize is, right?
BigBoss: Um... some sort of specified amount of money, right?
Mr. Host: No! Here at Oppo-Zoppo, the grand prize is all about changing into the OPPO-ZOPPO SEX!
BigBoss: What?? Noooooo!
Mr. Host: Just look at me! I used to me "Mrs. Host" !
BigBoss: Ahhhhhh! *runs out*