Post by Isiah Zombie on Apr 5, 2008 9:41:57 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
New Residence
Episode: 26
Original Post Date: April 5, 2008
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Isiah Zombie, Monkeysarefunny, and Admiral Donutz are on the streets searching for a new apartment...
Isiah Zombie: Hey look at that sign over there. There's an apartment for rent nearby here.
Admiral Donutz: Read the small print. They don't allow any animals.
Isiah Zombie: Oh....... sorry Monkey.
Monkeysarefunny: Hey
Admiral Donutz: Haha, but seriously, I have a dog named Buster and he needs a lot of space to run around in.
Isiah Zombie: Alright, look at that other sign. There's an apartment that says it has three rooms, a bathroom, a dining room, a study room, a GIANT-ASS garage, and... a kitchen. And they also allow pets.
Monkeysarefunny: Geez, guys, what is wrong with you? It says this apartment has a big "living room."
Isiah Zombie: ......So?
Monkeysarefunny: No offense, IZ, but since you're a zombie and all.... wouldn't a "living" room be kind of awkward for you?
Isiah Zombie: I don't care. I'll take it ;D
Several minutes later, the trio approaches the apartment they're willing to rent...
Admiral Donutz: If we want to live here, then we have to act like normal, civilized people.
Monkeysarefunny: Aww hell naw.
Isiah Zombie: Donutz is right. No more projectile vomiting and collapsing while we're being interviewed.
Monkeysarefunny: Then why don't you put me in a cage and lock me up while you're at it? Huh?
Isiah Zombie: Because that would be considered a hate crime.
Admiral Donutz: Okay, here's the landlord's room. He's the head hancho of this place. Are we ready to see him?
Isiah Zombie: Hold on, let me limber up....... umm.... this can take several minutes...
Monkeysarefunny: Oh gawd, let me handle this... *knocks on landlord's door*
El Dave: ....... *opens door* ....Hello? Who goes there?
Monkeysarefunny: Hey what are the requirements for living here?
El Dave: I like anything zany. Zanyholic!
Isiah Zombie: But what if we're civilized and proper? Can you live with that?
El Dave: I can't live without ZANAHOL!
Admiral Donutz: Are there any rules that we have to follow?
El Dave: Say whatever comes in your mind here. It doesn't matter. Doesn't have to make sense. So boo ya!
Monkeysarefunny: Hey we fit that description! C'mon landlord guy! Let us live here! Pleeeease?
El Dave: Depends..... I need to see the money.
Isiah Zombie: We're low on cash.... do you accept artwork?
El Dave: Sure. Done deal.
Admiral Donutz: But we can't do that every month....
El Dave: Do you guys have a steady income of cash? How much do you get paid?
Monkeysarefunny: I get paid in peanuts...... slave labor for the loss.....
El Dave: Alright, I want ten pieces of artwork for this first month of rent.
Isiah Zombie: .....Five.
El Dave: Ten.
Isiah Zombie: Deal.
A few hours later, after everything has been moved in...
Isiah Zombie: Hey Monkey, where's Donutz?
Monkeysarefunny: I don't know. He said he went downstairs to bring the TV in...
Admiral Donutz: *runs in holding TV* ...Whoa! This hallway is dangerous! I was chased by a cheetah, flamed by a snowman, and was almost eaten by a dragon!!
Monkeysarefunny: ........So is the TV okay?
Admiral Donutz:
It's fine, MAF.Isiah Zombie: Yeah I noticed there's a lot of diversity in this building. Almost every one is unique.
Monkeysarefunny: If every one is unique, then how are we different?
*knock knock knock*
Isiah Zombie: I wonder who it is.
Admiral Donutz: No. Stop. Don't open that door!
Isiah Zombie: *opens door* .... Hey there.
Shion Alien: Hello, my name is Shion. Do you have a wrench, a chainsaw, or a wrenching chainsaw?
Isiah Zombie: Ummm.... no.
Shion Alien: Oh. Well my spaceship is out back and I can't get it to start up.
Isiah Zombie: Well you could call someone who might be able to- WHAT....... you have a spaceship??
Shion Alien: Yes. I'm from out of town.
Monkeysarefunny: WOWZA! You're an alien, dude! You have gray skin, a big bald head, and big black olives eyes! With only three fingers and a thumb! Hey IZ, can we keep him? Pleeeease?
Shion Alien: Like I said, I'm from out of town. I come from a planet that no human has never heard of before, it's called-
Monkeysarefunny: -Mars?
Shion Alien: Umm... yeah... sure. Listen, if I can't get my spaceship working, then I can't go to work.... and if I can't go to work, then I can't pay for my apartment.... and if I can't pay for my apartment, then the landlord will have me deported back to-
Monkeysarefunny: -Mars?
Shion Alien: Umm... yeah... so do you think you guys can help me out here?
Isiah Zombie: Wait a minute, if you can be deported bact to Mars, then does that means you're an............ illegal alien?
Shion Alien: Yes, you understand.
Admiral Donutz: So what do you do at your job?
Shion Alien: Well I don't have a job yet. I applied for a job yesterday to do strawberry picking... and the people there rejected me. I put MONTHS into putting that resume together!
Admiral Donutz: ...Months?
Shion Alien: Then I go in for the interview and they didn't need anyone because they got a bunch of illegal Mexicans to do it instead. I mean, what's a person with 30 years of experience in the backbreaking industry of strawberry picking supposed to do?
Monkeysarefunny: Well, you could go into grape picking, but then you have to go through 4 more years of school.
Shion Alien: I'm too old to go back to school.
Admiral Donutz: How old are you, Shion?
Monkeysarefunny: A grillion.
Isiah Zombie: Oh....... I thought he was a brazillion...
Shion Alien: So will you help me out?
Monkeysarefunny: What's in it for us?
Shion Alien: I'll give you a special drink. It gives you neon pee.
Monkeysarefunny: Neon piss? You mean I can pee in the dark? Hell yes! That's awesome!
Isiah Zombie: Umm, I don't think I want that-
Monkeysarefunny: -Shut up IZ. Give me a bottle, turn off the lights, and let's have a party!
Shion Alien: I'm glad you're willing to help me. Let me get Zorat to bring the special drinks over here *presses button on wrist*
Isiah Zombie: Zorat? Who's Zorat?
Shion Alien: He's my personal robot. I brought him with me when I fled my planet. I left "Mars" because my father had his own bases with troops and stuff. He started a war.... and I almost died... sad, sad times....
Monkeysarefunny: So............ how long does Zorat usually take on his errands?
Zorat Robot: *strolls in* (robot voice) Requested-Neon-Juice has arrived, as specified. To whom shall I present the tonic.
Monkeysarefunny: Give to me. Give it to me now!
Zorat Robot: Awaiting-orders-from Master Shion.
Shion Alien: ...Zorat only obeys my command.
Monkeysarefunny: Gee, I wish I had a computer chip installed in my brain so I can be a rich little punk, too.
Shion Alien: What do you mean? He's an android, not a cyborg.
Monkeysarefunny: All gay-bots are the same to me.
Zorat Robot: *points laser arm at Monkey* Master-Shion, shall I zap the douche.
Shion Alien: Well that depends - will you guys help me fix my spaceship?
Isiah Zombie: Yes of course I'm willing to help. What about you Donutz, you in?
Admiral Donutz: I'll only help if MAF helps.
Monkeysarefunny: Psh.... I ain't helping no Zorat punk-bot.
Isiah Zombie: Better watch your back now.
Monkeysarefunny: Why, is Zorat gonna come get me?
Isiah Zombie: No, I put a sign on your back.
Monkeysarefunny: Aw, dammit! *pulls sign off*
Several minutes later, a few blocks away from the apartments, outside near the broken spaceship...
Admiral Donutz: The spaceship looks like a frisbee UFO!
Shion Alien: It's a classic. I bought it with my own money.
Isiah Zombie: Hey Shion, I don't think we've introduced ourselves. Hi, my name is Isiah Zombie. At your service.
Admiral Donutz: And you can call me Donutz
Monkeysarefunny: Ahem...... "Monkey" is my first name, "Funny" is my last name..... and "Sare" is my middle name.
Shion Alien: Well thank you for helping me out. See that lever over by the door on my ship? Pull it down.
Isiah Zombie: Which one? There's two.
Shion Alien: Pull the one that says "open".
Isiah Zombie: I can't read French. Le grille!? What the hell does that mean!?
Zorat Robot: Stupidity-sensor-rising. Shall I open the spaceship door, Master.
Shion Alien: Sorry Zombie. I forgot that you cannot read my language.
Monkeysarefunny: ........Ohmygawd!! Wake up and smell the coffee, sheeple! Can't you guys see what's going on?? Shion and his little freak-bot Zorat are trying to abduct us!!
Isiah Zombie: ..........Umm...........
Admiral Donutz: I don't see anything wrong with Shion.
Monkeysarefunny: Well you're one strange li'l Finnish kid... that's for sure...
Shion Alien: I'm not trying to abduct you. My ship really did crash.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh yeah? How? Explain and please be specific!
Shion Alien: I was flying around earlier today and I saw a tree that flipped me off. It distracted me and I ended up crashing.
Isiah Zombie: ....Something has GOT to be done about the trees around here....
Monkeysarefunny: I sorta believe that... not really ....... I am going to leave these apartments, and never.... EVER come back... now if you'll excuse me... I need to wipe this from my memory ... maybe with a bullet... *walks off*
Zorat Robot: *points laser arm at Monkey* Run-Monkey-Boy, run.
*El Dave approaches while riding a horse in traffic*
El Dave: LOOSERS! Check out my horse! The activity in my apartments has been ass lately, so I'm taking a break - boo yah! ...Wait a minute, what are you guys doing here?
Admiral Donutz: .....Nothing.....
El Dave: Tell me now, or I could bore you to death by reading the Boring World of Neils Bohr.
Admiral Donutz: ...Shion crashed into a tree.
El Dave: Indubitably. I hate trees. I've never hugged a tree, ever, not until one saves my life... there you are, Shion! ...Since your spaceship isn't working, that means that you can't go to work, and since you can't go to work, that means that you can't pay me my rent.... and that can only mean that I will send you back to where you came from! Prepared to be deported! *throws rope around Shion and drags him up on horse*
Shion Alien: You can't do that! My father will seige war against you!
El Dave: Haven't you realized there is no peace without war? If I don't deport you, then I will be forced to make you do hard labor for very low wages and you'll be paid in peanuts. And not the good kind of peanuts, either.
Shion Alien: No! Not slave labor!
El Dave: *whips horse* .....YEE-HAW!......... Giddy-UP! *pulls a girl up with rope, deep-fries her, takes a bite, and throws her aside*
Zorat Robot: Master-Shion, please return... waiting for commands... *follows El Dave and his horse off into the distance*
Monkeysarefunny: *walks back* Hey guys...
Isiah Zombie: What's up man?
Monkeysarefunny: Oh, nada much, nada much..... I just overheard
our landlord and Shion talking.
Isiah Zombie: ...Really? Where were you?
Monkeysarefunny: I was in the bushes....
Admiral Donutz: MAF spied on us!
Isiah Zombie:
Aww man that's not cool. Stop acting like a 2-year-old.Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, well, there's not a whole lotta 2-year-old spies out there....
Isiah Zombie: What do you want anyways?
Monkeysarefunny: I was just wondering if you were going to admit that I was right. Shion did try to abduct us. So... wanna invite me eat at a Pizzeria?
Isiah Zombie: We don't need to invite you - you just usually tag along with us anyways - especially if we don't want you to.
Monkeysarefunny: I don't know if you know this, but I've been abducted once before...
Isiah Zombie: Yeah.... by your boyfriend.... APRIL FOOLS KA-POW!
Monkeysarefunny: Aww screw you... *listens to The Wall and walks off*
