Post by Isiah Zombie on Jan 5, 2008 10:06:35 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
The Billion Dollar Plan
Episode: 13
Original Post Date: January 5, 2008
__________________________________________
Isiah Zombie and Monkeysarefunny walk into BB's Shanty.
Isiah Zombie: Hey Monkey, do you know where Donutz is?
Monkeysarefunny: *shrugs* I don't know.
Isiah Zombie: Don't shrug at me boy!
Monkeysarefunny: YOU AIN'T MA DADDA!
Isiah Zombie: DAS RIGHT! I'MA YO MAMMA!
Monkeysarefunny: ....N-No you're not.
Isiah Zombie: You're right, I'm not.
Monkeysarefunny: That's what I thought.
Isiah Zombie: But seriously, I am.
Monkeysarefunny: ...
*BigBoss walks in*
BigBoss: Hey dudes, I have good news and bad news. Which do you want to hear first?
Isiah Zombie: Whichever.
BigBoss: Alright, well, last night I went on a date with a girl named Wendy.
Isiah Zombie: So what's the good news?
BigBoss: That is the good news.
Isiah Zombie: Oh... well I bet Wendy makes good frosty's then.
BigBoss: She does - if you know what I mean! SLAP IT HIGH!
Monkeysarefunny: *slaps it high with BB* Good one!
BigBoss: Yeah, and she says she wants me alone on the beach tomorrow night.... if you can catch my drift.
Isiah Zombie: Heh.... alone... on the beach.... by yourself.
BigBoss: Anyways, want to hear the bad news?
Monkeysarefunny: Yes! I insist on hearing bad news immediately!
BigBoss: You guys both remember who Leo is, right?
Isiah Zombie: Ummm...... no.
BigBoss: Sure you do - remember he stole you car and then went to your Thanksgiving reunion? Then you said that you would send a Gator after him?
Isiah Zombie: Yes I know what I said, I'm the one who said it.
BigBoss: Well it turns out - get this - that he's now a.... *leans closer* that he's now a rich bastard.
Isiah Zombie: Ooooh really? Then why did you say his forum was crappy the last time you went?
BigBoss: Well it turns out - get this - that he will... *leans even closer* that he will inherit a billion dollars tomorrow from his great-great grandfather.
Isiah Zombie: Good, now can you back up a few inches?
BigBoss: But before I do, listen to this: it turns out - get this - that he stole your car because... *leans in EVEN closer* that he stole your car because he's starting a new car company based on YOUR design.
Isiah Zombie: Alright GET OFF ME.
BigBoss: *backs off* I wasn't even on you.
Isiah Zombie: You were almost IN ME.
BigBoss: Yeah, you'd like that, wouldn't you? Well... Leo will inherit the money tomorrow in a big conference hall where everyone's going to be... maybe you should go too. Anyways, time for me to leave, I just came in here to deliver the skinny on what's going on.
Monkeysarefunny: So..... so you're a delivery man now?
BigBoss: Yes, you could call me that.
Monkeysarefunny: Have you ever delivered to anyone famous?
BigBoss: Is Led Zeppelin famous?
Monkeysarefunny: OHMAHGAD! You did NOT deliver to Led Zep?!?
BigBoss: No I didn't, but they ARE famous. Good bye, I'm leaving now *walks out*
Isiah Zombie: Did you happen to notice anything unusual about what just happened here?
Monkeysarefunny: Other than the fact that BigBoss wasn't wearing any pants?
Isiah Zombie: No, I'm numb to that now. I was referring to Leo the Vampire and him becoming a billionaire now.
Monkeysarefunny: Ah... yes.... quite odd.
Isiah Zombie: You know, I think I just might attend that conference hall thingy tomorrow.
Monkeysarefunny: Can I come?
Isiah Zombie: No... you look tired.... and yellow.
Monkeysarefunny: Perhaps Mr. Washington can change your mind.
Isiah Zombie: Let me talk to him.
Monkeysarefunny: You can't speak to him, he's the guy on the dollar bill.
Isiah Zombie: You tried to convince me to take you for a dollar?
Monkeysarefunny: Works everytime with Mutton Butt.
Isiah Zombie: Well no. I need to go alone.... this is between me and Leo.
Monkeysarefunny: And the hundreds of other people who are also going to be there.
Isiah Zombie: Yes, this is between me, him, and.... them.
Monkeysarefunny: Well since Zombies and Vampires are enemies, maybe you should go in a disguise.
Isiah Zombie: Yeah... what do you suggest?
Monkeysarefunny: A Gorilla costume.
One day later, inside the Conference Hall...
Leo the Vampire: (on microphone to crowd) I'd like to thank everyone for attending this event, especially my great-great grandfather for making all of this happen in the first place. Let me introduce him to you now, the man with the plan, Mr. Archibald the Vampire!
Archibald: *walks out onto stage* Thank you Leo. 40 years ago, when I was 75, I made my first billion. You always remember your first billion... *continues with long speech*
Meanwhile.... outside the Conference Hall, Isiah Zombie tries to sneak in with a Gorilla Costume.
Isiah Zombie: *Tip-toe-ing slowly* ....
Security Guard: Hey you!
Isiah Zombie: Huh?
Security Guard: What do you think you're doing?
Isiah Zombie: I'm just..... looking for my banana! ...I found it!
Security Guard: Hold it right there, I'm going to call the head of security.
Isiah Zombie: The security has a head?
Security Guard: Just wait right here *walks into small booth*
Isiah Zombie: Dammit.... *kzrk* ....
Monkeysarefunny: (from walkie-talkie) IZ, you there?
Isiah Zombie: *pulls out walkie-talkie* Monkey? Is that you?
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah! I sneaked in that walkie talkie in the suit before you put it on. So what's going on now?
Isiah Zombie: Some security guy saw me already
Monkeysarefunny: Quick! Distract him!
Isiah Zombie: What sould I do?
Monkeysarefunny: .....M-Moonwalk?
Isiah Zombie: A moonwalking gorilla! That's brilliant!
Monkeysarefunny: And if that doesn't work, clobber him with the banana club.
Isiah Zombie: Isn't that illegal?
Monkeysarefunny: Not in this state. Over *kzrk*
Security Guard: *walks back out* Sir, I called in for backup, we're going to have to escort you off of the premises.
Isiah Zombie: Oh yeah? Well check this out! *starts moonwalking*
Security Guard: What are you doing? Hey.... that's pretty good!
*The Head of Security walk out*
Security Head: What the hell is going on here?
Security Guard: It's a moonwalking gorilla.
Security Head: Oh? Well stop staring at that monkey and let him inside!
Security Guard: Yes sir!
*Isiah Zombie walks inside*
Isiah Zombie: *runs for the bathroom* Phew... that was a close one *kzrk* ...
Monkeysarefunny: Hey man, you in yet?
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, I'm in the restroom right now.
Monkeysarefunny: Okay, I downloaded the map and it looks like there's more guards there. You'll need my help. I'm heading down there now.
Isiah Zombie: No wait! Stay away from the conference hall!
Monkeysarefunny: See you in 10 minutes. Over *kzrk*
Isiah Zombie: Dammit.... he'll blow my cover... *takes off gorilla costume* ...Wow...... I don't know how those gorillas can stand it in there.
Meanwhile, inside the conference hall...
Archibald: (to crowd) I wasn't always rich.... in fact, when I was a kid, I was SO poor that the elevator in my mansion had nooooooo air conditioning. And I don't see why people say the Great Depression was so bad, because if it was SO bad, then why does everyone call it "great"? Anyways, enough of me blabbering, you all know why we're here. My great-great grandson reminds me of my childhood. When my parents hired my best friend back in the day.... *continues long speech*
*IZ walks down the massive stairs and enters the main hall*
Isiah Zombie: *sits in an empty chair* .....
??: What are you doing here?
Isiah Zombie: *looks one seat to the left* Heartless? What are YOU doing here?
TheHeartless: I'm a friend of Leo's, remember?
Isiah Zombie: Oh, oh yeah.... well I just thought I'd support a fellow admin.
TheHeartless: But you hate him.
Isiah Zombie: No I don't.
TheHeartless: You said you were going to send a gator after him.
Isiah Zombie: Yes I know what I said I'M THE ONE WHO SAID IT.
TheHeartless: Which brings me back to my original and still unanswered question: what are you doing here?
Isiah Zombie: I'm here to foil his plot. Leo plans on starting a car company based on my car design.
TheHeartless: You mean that cheap red cooper that you have?
Isiah Zombie: It's NOT a cooper.... but it is sorta small.
TheHeartless: Yeah, seriously, where do the clowns come out from?
Isiah Zombie: Heh.... good ol' Heartless.... COME BACK HOME WITH US!
TheHeartless: IZ, for the first time in my life, I AM home.
Isiah Zombie: Oh... so what's the deal with Leo's grandfather? How long has he been giving this speech?
TheHeartless: You mean Archibald? For the past 2 hours.... and did you notice that he still looks young? Want to know his secret?
Isiah Zombie: Sure.
TheHeartless: He freezes himself every month to stay alive longer. He'll freeze himself again tonight.
Isiah Zombie: Then I will thaw him out then FRY HIS ASS!
*Monkey walks in*
Monkeysarefunny: There you are IZ!... And Heartless!
TheHeartless: Well I've got to go, see ya around *vanishes in a puff of smoke*
Monkeysarefunny: Awww.... anyways, IZ, I brought electrocution magnets to zap Leo on stage.... heh... all the hipnotrons have them these days.
Isiah Zombie: Uhh.... Monkey? After talking to TheHeartless, I don't think I want to ruin Leo's big day.
Monkeysarefunny: NOOO! I had to service the security guards outside to get in here!
Isiah Zombie: But you're a monkey, you couldn't just moonwalked your way in here.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh.... oh yeah. So you want to leave now? What did Heartless say to you to change your mind?
Isiah Zombie: Nothing really. I just remembered how cool people can be even after you hate them.
Monkeysarefunny: ........God IZ, you never do anything dangerous.
One day later, back at BB's Shanty...
Isiah Zombie: I think it's a good thing that I didn't spoil the conference hall yesterday.
Monkeysarefunny: I agree, and if you keep acting that way you'll
start talking to your pillow, pretending that it's the girlfriend you'll never have.
Isiah Zombie: At least I don't pick my left nostril and put the boogers in my right nostril.
Monkeysarefunny: I did that on purpose.... because I saw you spying on me with your night vision goggles while I was outside.
Isiah Zombie: Wait - you saw me?
Monkeysarefunny: You left the lights on in your room, doofus.
Isiah Zombie: Well that explains why the chicks were running away from me at night...
*BigBoss walks in*
BigBoss: Things went well with Wendy last night.
Isiah Zombie: How so?
BigBoss: Sir, a gentleman does not talk.
Isiah Zombie: So what's stoping you?
BigBoss: Well let's just say I did my fair share of "body surfing"... SLAP IT HIGH!
Monkeysarefunny: Yah! *slaps it high with BB*
Isiah Zombie: What does that mean?
BigBoss: Let's put it this way, all of BigBoss's fun didn't just come under the sun... SLAP IT HIGH!
Monkeysarefunny: Whooo! *slaps it high with BB*
Isiah Zombie: What are you saying?
BigBoss: Between you and me, the tide wasn't the only thing going "in and out" if you know what I mean........SLAP IT HIGH!
Monkeysarefunny: Umm.... you didn't sleep with her, did you?
BigBoss: Psh...... no...... I don't get it though, she said she wanted me alone under the moonlight.
Isiah Zombie: Were you?
BigBoss: Yes, I was on the beach.... alone.