Post by Isiah Zombie on Nov 3, 2007 12:12:37 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Heartless Come Home
Episode: 4
Original Post Date: November 3, 2007
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IZ and BB are playing cards at BB's Shanty in the morning.
Isiah Zombie: *Lowers cards* Goldfish.
BigBoss: We're not playing Goldfish you dumbass. We're playing poker.
Isiah Zombie: Well I wanted to play strip poker but you're already in the nude.
BigBoss: And also there's no girls.
Isiah Zombie: Y-Yeah, that too... umm, I hate cards, wanna watch Fish Cops instead?
BigBoss: We can't, they cancelled the show.
Isiah Zombie: Oh, why?
BigBoss: Low ratings. Guess not many people could watch the show... gee I wonder why?
*Monkeysarefunny walks in*
Monkeysarefunny: What's going on? What's the deelio?
BigBoss: IZ wants to play strip poker with me.
Monkeysarefunny: I played cards with a crab once... but then it started making up its own rules so I ate it.
Isiah Zombie: Oh that's clever.
Monkeysarefunny: *Yawns* ....There's noting to do here.
Isiah Zombie: Call Rex, I could use a good flame.
Monkeysarefunny: Remember last week when he held his principle hostage? I set up a deal with the cops so now he's in my "fake jail cell". You remember Spike, right?
Isiah Zombie: Y-Yeah...
BigBoss: Then call Steven.
Monkeysarefunny: He's at an AA meeting. Remember the Hennessy's Cognac last week?
BigBoss: Oh...
Isiah Zombie: Call Donutz then.
Monkeysarefunny: Meh... let's just have a techno party with the three of us.
Isiah Zombie: Just call Donutz, or let's get some new members in here.
Monkeysarefunny: No.... about the new members - my vote is leaning towards no. But I'll call anyways. *pretends to call Donutz on phone*
Isiah Zombie: *Looks a BB* We could use some new members here, right?
BigBoss: I guess.
Isiah Zombie: Or, we could use some old members here, you get my drift?
BigBoss: ...You mean like my grandpa?
Isiah Zombie: No, I mean like old members who used to be here.
BigBoss: ....Like my grandpa?
Isiah Zombie: NO! I mean like TheHeartless... or SaS.
BigBoss: What do you have against old people?
Isiah Zombie: Stop it!!
Monkeysarefunny: Hey guys, Donutz put me on hold.
BigBoss: You want to search for old members?
Isiah Zombie: How hard could it be? We just walk to popular places like MySpace or Youtube and we might come across him.
BigBoss: Eh... I don't know about that.
Isiah Zombie: Just think about how awesome it will be to have this place up and running again.
Monkeysarefunny: *Looks at phone* This phone.... it bores me. *Hangs up* I guess it's just the three of us again! Who wants to have that techno party?
BigBoss: ...Okay, let's search for old members.
Isiah Zombie: Alright, let's plan our route after we finish this round of poker.
Monkeysarefunny: You know, I played cards with a crab once...
Isiah Zombie: Shutty.
*30 Minutes Later*
Isiah Zombie: Let's go over this one more time. I go to Youtube, BB goes to Google, and you go to MySpace.
Monkeysarefunny: Why do I have to go to MySpace?
Isiah Zombie: Again, because you have an account there and because... there's a lot of escalators.
BigBoss: I still say we should invite my grandpa.
Isiah Zombie: .......Shutty.
*2 Hours Later*
Isiah Zombie: *Calls Monkeyarefunny on cell phone* So Monkey, did you see TheHeartless yet?
Monkeysarefunny: (from Amazon) No, but they have great books on sale at Amazon.com!
Isiah Zombie: What the hell are you doing at Amazon.com??
Monkeysarefunny: I - uhh.... I saw Heartless.
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, because TheHeartless SHOPS at Amazon.com...*shakes head*
Monkeysarefunny: No! Because Heartless WORKS at Amazon..... anyways, it wasn't him.
Isiah Zombie: What about BB, have you heard from him?
Monkeysarefunny: He said he went to Starbucks... or McDonald's... or some porno site, I can't remember which.
Isiah Zombie: This is pointless....... just abort mission. Maybe we should come up with a marketing scheme to make new members sign up.
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah! Like "sign up and get a free hat", or "sign up and get free Chick Bucks".
Isiah Zombie: What the hell is a Chick Buck?
Monkeysarefunny: I don't know, but if you get 20,000 you get a free hat.
Isiah Zombie: Good idea, call BB and tell him we're leaving.
*2 Minutes Later*
Monkeysarefunny: *Calls BB on cell phone* Hey BB, abort mission.
BigBoss: Already? It's only been 2 hours and 2 minutes. Time sure goes by fast when you got your hands full.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh... so you were at a porno site. KA-POW!
BigBoss: What?
Monkeysarefunny: I know what you've been doing, and I'm here to tell you it's called a gaggle.
BigBoss: ....Wha-? No, I was actually searching for TheHeartless and I DID see him. He's some graphic designer at another forum. It is VERY similar to IZ's site.... and it's called Leo Vampire's Forum.
Monkeysarefunny: Vampires?? Everybody knows a Vampires worst enemy is zombies! We gotta tell IZ where Heartless is!
BigBoss: No-no-no-no. You'll just make him smarter. IZ's brain once knew so much that he actually grew 8-feet taller. We gotta do this ourselves, without IZ knowing about it.
Monkeysarefunny: Ah.... I see. Let's punch Heartless in the solarplexus till he explodes!
BigBoss: ...Why do you gotta go there You know that happened to me once.
Monkeysarefunny: Well how else are we supposed to make a statement saying that we mean business?
BigBoss: Here's what you do: wear the loudest orange jumpsuit that you can find, dye your underpants lime-green, and don't wear any socks, because they're just ankle hugging bastards that are trying to bring us DOWN!
One day later, at Leo Vampire's Forum...
Monkeysarefunny: (wearing green backpack) Cool! We sneaked in!
BigBoss: SHH! We didn't sign up; we're just guests... and why'd you bring a backpack?
*Admiral Donutz crawls out of backpack*
BigBoss: What?? You can fit in that backpack?
Admiral Donutz: Wow, it sure is roomy in there.
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, I got that backpack at the terminal in the airport.
BigBoss: You didn't have to sneak him in there like that. He could've just walked in normally.
Admiral Donutz: I told you MAF!
Monkeysarefunny: But you enjoyed it, didn't you?
BigBoss: SHH! Try to find TheHeartless.
Monkeysarefunny: *starts walking* Whoa... this place is crap on wheels. All dark, no colors... and Arial font? I'm starting to appreciate IZ's Forum a lot more now.
BigBoss: It looks horrible, but then again, TheHeartless IS the artist here - remember? He's the graphic designer.
Monkeysarefunny: Hey, sandwich artist! Paint me a BLT!!
TheHeartless: (from behind the trio)....Come again?
Admiral Donutz: Heartless!! We've found you!
BigBoss: Hey! Why didn't you ever tell us you left us for this place??
Monkeysarefunny: Yes! I insist on hearing bad news immediately!
TheHeartless: You guys want to know why I left? Well I'll tell you... after we battle!
*SWOOSH!*
TheHeartless: Look around you. This battlefield that we were swooshed to will reveal the truth. It's a 2-on-2 battle; I will join forces with Leo Vampire.
Leo Vampire: We will NOT lose.
BigBoss: Umm, Monkey? I think you should battle with Donutz.
Monkeysarefunny: Who-nutz?
BigBoss: DONUTZ!
Monkeysarefunny: Fine - c'mon Donutz, jump into the battlefield!
TheHeartless, Lep Vampire, Admiral Donutz and Monkeysarefunny jump into the battlefield
TheHeartless: Now, choose your battle cards.
BigBoss: (from behind) You guys throw cards at each other? Psh... sissies.
TheHeartless: *Raises card* I unleash - Sand Monster of Terror!
Leo Vampire: And I unleash - Water Octo-Bot!
Sand Monster of Terror and Water Octo-Bot emerge from ground.
Admiral Donutz: Do we make our own cards up?
Monkeysarefunny: ....I guess.
Admiral Donutz: Okay. I unleash - the BigBossxorzXVI robot upgrade!
Monkeysarefunny: I don't get this. I suck at card games.
BigBoss: (behind the battle field) Didn't you play cards with a crab once?
Monkeysarefunny: Huh? Oh yeah! I unleash - Crab of Doom!
Crab of Doom and BigBossxorzXVIand emerge from ground.
TheHeartless: Sand Monster of Terror, attack!
Monkeysarefunny: Wait, since my crab comes from sand and water, doesn't it make it resistant to them?
Admiral Donutz: Yeah that makes sense.
TheHeartless: Really? Because if so... then I concede defeat.
Leo Vampire: No! That is not how it goes! You **** don't know how to play! *slowly starts to shrink* You will not get away with this. I will return- *dissapears*
Monkeysarefunny: That was some new level of hostility I have yet to see elsewhere.
Admiral Donutz: Well now that we beat you - you have to tell us why you left us.
TheHeartless: ... I left because they need me here. And if they can't live without me, then I can't live without them! *vanishes in a puff of smoke*
One day later at BB's Shanty.
Monkeysarefunny: -So then I beat their team by unleashing a crab card, which in reality, was a logic card. And that's all that happened.
Isiah Zombie: ..........
Admiral Donutz: You didn't miss much, IZ.
BigBoss: It was a waste of one day for sure.
Isiah Zombie: ..........
Monkeysarefunny: Well now that that's been settled, who wants to have a techno party?
Isiah Zombie: ...Why did you battle against him? The mission was to bring him BACK.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh... I forgot.
Isiah Zombie: Can't you tell when something's going wrong?
Monkeysarefunny: .... I have difficulty judging the worseness of things.
Isiah Zombie: Gah... little by little... this place is shrinking in size.
BigBoss: No, it's more like big decisive chunks.
Isiah Zombie: We still need some new members.
Monkeysarefunny: I've got to tell you - my vote's still leaning towards no.
Isiah Zombie: Oh, I forgot to tell you. You DON'T HAVE A VOTE.
Monkeysarefunny: Maybe we don't have any new members because you're always so mean! Seriously, try being a little more sympathetic.
Isiah Zombie: I CAN'T be sympathetic because you're always acting like an IDIOT!
Monkeysarefunny: ...Much better.
Admiral Donutz: Good night guys! See you tomorrow. *crawls back into backpack*
BigBoss: ...We could still invite my grandpa.
Monkeysarefunny: Is he cool?
BigBoss: If you don't mind putting out the extra cash.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh I see. KA-POW!
Isiah Zombie: ....Shutty.