Post by Isiah Zombie on Apr 12, 2008 10:43:47 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Electric Prostates
Episode: 27
Original Post Date: April 12, 2008
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Isiah Zombie is walking down the street one day...
*cell-phone rings*
Isiah Zombie: (answers phone) Hello?
Monkeysarefunny: Hey man I'm starting a new band in our garage. Get your ass here quick and join.
Isiah Zombie: Wait, why do I have to join your new band? You didn't want to join my "100 Vitamins-A-Day Club."
Monkeysarefunny: Because you're the straw in the cup. You stir all of our personalities together. Without you, the vodkatonic is...... tasteless.
Isiah Zombie: Hmmm..... give me some time to think about it.
Monkeysarefunny: Decide quick you little sunshine sister.
Isiah Zombie: Alright, what the heck - I'll do it. The STRAW IS IN DA CUP!
Monkeysarefunny: What? .........Who is this?
Isiah Zombie: It's IZ you idiot.
Monkeysarefunny: ...I ....gotta go...?
Isiah Zombie: Alrighty *hangs up*
Blinkey the Hobo: Shut your BAZOO! I'm trying to sleep in my balloon here!
Isiah Zombie: Umm... who are you?
Blinkey the Hobo: Hand over a wad of money or some Graveyard Stew before the Harness Bull show up!
Isiah Zombie: You want me to give you money? How about you get a job, or sell me something, or-
Blinkey the Hobo: -Sell you something? In my Keister I have a shirt, brand new. It's my LAST SHIRT. Will you help the Main Stern out and buy it? It's only a dollar....
Isiah Zombie: One dollar? Fine *gives dollar to Hobo* Now give me my shirt.
Blinkey the Hobo: Your leather poke makes a good mark, heh heh... *opens old briefcase* ...here is your end of the bargain *hands over shirt*
Isiah Zombie: This shirt has a giant marijuana symbol on it
Blinkey the Hobo: Shut your hoof and leave!
Meanwhile, Monkeysarefunny and Admiral Donutz are in thier GIANT-ASS garage...
Monkeysarefunny: Okay, IZ is coming over. Now who else should force into our band...?
Admiral Donutz: Let's invite Caboose and w00tdude. They can play instruments, right?
Monkeysarefunny: Donutz, you don't have to know how to play an instrument to actually play an instrument.
Admiral Donutz: Can you remind me again why we're starting a band?
Monkeysarefunny: There's a "Battle of the Bands" competition and I really want to win the prize.
Admiral Donutz: Oh yeah, now I remember. So you mean the $7,000 first place prize?
Monkeysarefunny: No, I want to win the consolation prize.
Admiral Donutz: Which is.....?
Monkeysarefunny: A toaster with an afro! A new Super Froaster! Now with an even bigger FRO
!Admiral Donutz: *sigh* MAF, sometimes I just don't understand you...
Monkeysarefunny: Hey you don't have to. But get used to it, we all have to share this big spinning rock we call Earth.
30 minutes later...
*w00tdude walks in garage*
w00tdude: Okay I'm here! Where's the Legos you guys promised me?
Monkeysarefunny: Mutton Butt, there are no Legos.
w00tdude: What? ...... *starts to twitch* ....What?? Monkey you lied to me!
Monkeysarefunny: I didn't lie to you - it's called a sales pitch.
w00tdude: Teh awwws.... you are teh suckish.
Admiral Donutz: Anyways, we're here starting a new band for a competition. Do you know how to play any instruments, w00ty?
w00tdude: Yes! I can play an instrument!
Monkeysarefunny: No, your skin-flute doesn't count...
w00tdude: What? ...I really can play instruments. Let's see.... I can play the bongos and... the clarinet...
Monkeysarefunny: Can you play them at the same time?
w00tdude: For an extra bag of Legos, sure!
*Caboose walks in*
Caboose: YARGITY-YARG YARG, mates!
Admiral Donutz: Umm Monkey? What did you promise Caboose to make him come over here?
Monkeysarefunny: Nothing. Caboose really is a bad-ass drummer.
Caboose: Me duffle has me drums and me mutiny!
w00tdude: I don't want to play my bongos if he's going to play the drums.
Admiral Donutz: Why not?
w00tdude: I don't want Caboose to get mad at me.
Monkeysarefunny: ......Dude, he doesn't like you anyways.
30 minutes later, Admiral Donutz, w00tdude, and Caboose are out taking a break....
*Isiah Zombie walks in the Garage*
Isiah Zombie: Hey Monkey, check out my cool new shirt.
Monkeysarefunny: WHO TOLD YOU ABOUT THIS PLACE?? Oh wait, I did.... nevermind. You didn't buy that shirt from Blinkey the Blind Hobo, did you?
Isiah Zombie: Wait...... you... know him...?
Monkeysarefunny: I bought a lot of those marijuana shirts yesterday, like 10 of them. Blinkey probably has more.
Isiah Zombie: So that guy lied to me about this being his last shirt? Well that's just AWFUL!
Monkeysarefunny: ...Awful? Or.................. Rawful??
Isiah Zombie: ...Shutty.
Monkeysarefunny: So IZ, do you know how to play the guitar?
Isiah Zombie: Um, I know that the guitar has chords. Like 'Chord A1'.
Monkeysarefunny: ...A1? A1?? Guitars are not Steak Sauce for crying out loud!
Isiah Zombie: Well I guess I can't join your band because I don't know how to play any instruments.
Monkeysarefunny: You don't have to - because you're our new lead singer!
Isiah Zombie: Me? Sing? But I'm a zombie! Zombies don't sing! .....Or perhaps.... a song called "We All Will Survive"?
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, whatever. Just be you.
Isiah Zombie: So.... what's our band called?
Monkeysarefunny: I was leaning more towards "Monkeysarefunny and the Monkeysarefunny Jazz Funk Trio."
Isiah Zombie: But aren't there more than 3 of us in the band?
Monkeysarefunny: ....Regardless. Hey if one's company, and two's a crowd, then now we have a ****in' party.
Isiah Zombie: Don't you have any other band names for us?
Monkeysarefunny: Well, we could go with my second choice, "Electric Prostates."
Isiah Zombie: And what's the reasoning behind that?
Monkeysarefunny: I think it's relevant, because our music envokes massive pelvic throttle.
Isiah Zombie: Sounds like a rectal nightmare to me....
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, so we're all set. We're gonna lose-I mean with this competition, because.... we really want to win that prize.
Isiah Zombie: You mean the first place prize?
Monkeysarefunny: ........ *leans in closer* ... Shh, don't tell anyone, but I want the consolation prize.... you know, the Super Froaster. Heh heh.
Isiah Zombie: Wait, so you're not even trying to win this competition?
You're just using all of us for your petty desires??
Monkeysarefunny: Like I said, "Shh, don't tell anyone."
Isiah Zombie: Oh hell naw! I'm telling everyone about this!
Monkeysarefunny:
Hey hey hey..... now IZ, that isn't necessary... is it? Take a step into the closet, I want to show you something that will make you change your mind...Isiah Zombie: Okay.... but this better change my mind.... *walks in closet*
Monkeysarefunny: Oh don't worry, it will..... *grabs baseball bat and follows IZ in*
10 minutes later...
*Admiral Donutz walks in*
Admiral Donutz: Hey.... IZ still isn't here yet?
Monkeysarefunny: Uhh, yeah he came, but he's taking a "nap" in the closet.
Admiral Donutz: Let me go check.
Monkeysarefunny: NO!! ..... I mean.... NO!!
Admiral Donutz: .... *walks in closet* ...
... *runs back out* ...IZ looks like he passed out!Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, he's weird like that.
Admiral Donutz: MAF
, you didn't have anything to do with this, did you?Monkeysarefunny: Ye-NO.... of course not. Maybe he's just doing drugs or something...
Admiral Donutz: Well.... his shirt DOES have giant marijuana symbol on it.
Monkeysarefunny: Huh? Really? Oh yeah..... good ol' IZ just had another overdose.
Admiral Donutz: Shouldn't we take him to the hospital?
Monkeysarefunny: Hey man, I'm against drugs too, but......... at what cost, really? ....OH SNAP! The competition starts in ONE HOUR!
Admiral Donutz: Let me go drag IZ back in here and wake him up... *walks in closet*
*Caboose and w00tdude walks in from front door*
Caboose: Yarg! Hoist the drum arms!
w00tdude: ...Yeah! So where's Donutz?
Monkeysarefunny: He's, uhhh..... *locks Donutz in closet* he's not going to be in our band anymore.
w00tdude: But then who's going to play the bass?
Monkeysarefunny: ....I know a guy named Blinkey the Blind Hobo. It might be hard to make him join, though....
w00tdude: So what are you going to do to make him join?
Monkeysarefunny: I'll give him my DS, put a slice of cheese in between, and call it a cheese sammich.
Caboose: Ya cotton scallywag! What ye need me drumming skillz for?
Monkeysarefunny: We need to start a band so we can have enough money to....... officially start a band, yeah.
Caboose: And who ye got for lead guitar, mate?
Monkeysarefunny: Oh wait, I'm playing rhythm and that means.... *Donutz starts knocking from inside closet* ...Umm... that's probably the thieves again. Maybe we should head out now...
30 minutes later, at the "Battle of the Bands" competition...
Admiral Donutz: *runs in* You locked me the closet, MAF!
Monkeysarefunny: Uhhh... it's called a sales pitch or something.... here... *hands Donutz a peice of paper*
Admiral Donutz: I have to sing a song called "Who Will Survive"?
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, it's a tribute to IZ. I think that's the name of the song he was supposed to sing.
Admiral Donutz: Okay, *signs* Who Will Survive?
Monkeysarefunny: I said sing, NOT SIGN!
Admiral Donutz: Oh..... I guess I need to hit high notes, then.
Caboose: Sir Drake's Dabloons, matey! Me drums be missing!
Monkeysarefunny: Oh CRAP!
Caboose: Aww..... I'm just yankin' yer crotch, mate.
Monkeysarefunny: ....It'd be swell if you didn't.
w00tdude: Okay, we're next! I'm ready
!The Electric Prostates walk out on stage.
Admiral Donutz: Pssst, Monkey. What if the crowd doesn't like our music?
Monkeysarefunny: Hehehe... if they don't like our music, then they REALLY won't like the glue I put on their chairs. Okay! A ONE! A TWO! A ONE-TWO-THREE! *The Electric Prostates start to rock hard*
Crowd Guy #1: ......They're playing four different songs at once, and all four of them suck.
Crowd Guy #2: I'm vegan, and I like this song, despite its cheese.
Several minutes later, after their performance is over...
Monkeysarefunny: Whoohoo! We're done! Hams all around!
Admiral Donutz: Let's face it - we sucked.
Monkeysarefunny: No YOU SUCK!
Admiral Donutz: Please don't get an inflated ego, MAF. We'll probably end up breaking up, then coming back together for a reunion concert commemorating our -1 show streak.
Monkeysarefunny: ...Wow... Donutz, that sounds exactly like something I would say...
*Main Judge walks up on stage*
Main Judge: Your music was an utter disgrace to our competition.
Monkeysarefunny: Did we win?
Main Judge: ... *shakes head*
Monkeysarefunny: So we lost? Do we get a Super Froaster then
?Main Judge: *hands Monkey missing win award* Congratulations on winning the missing award, you guys officially phail.... now get out.
Admiral Donutz: Well, at least we tried.
Caboose: YARG!
w00tdude: Oh well....
Monkeysarefunny: NO! I will NOT LEAVE until I have a Super Froaster in my hands! I'll battle you to the death for it!
Main Judge: I am older than dirt and have more scars than Frankenstein. You do not want to mess with me.
Monkeysarefunny: Heh, you sound like a kickass white dude, a rarity.
Main Judge: I'm not going to say this again - GET OUT.
Monkeysarefunny: Okay okay, don't get mad...... what should I do to get on your good side again?
Main Judge: Kicking you out shall serve as enough punishment for this time. To get on my good side, try praying for me at least five times a day. Facing wherever I am standing at the time. Pray and worship more.
Monkeysarefunny: So.... can I get a mini-froaster or something...?
Main Judge: In the infamous words of Bobby Brown's ex-wife: "OH-hell to-the-NO!"
