Post by Isiah Zombie on Mar 15, 2008 10:17:37 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Pull Over
Episode: 23
Original Post Date: March 15, 2008
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Isiah Zombie and Monkeysarefunny are BB's Shanty one morning.....
Isiah Zombie: ...Last week's traumatic court experience left me a little rattled and scared. I want to thank everyone who went out of their way to actually defend and support me. These include no one; I hate you all.
Monkeysarefunny: Hey man, if it wasn't for my badass testimony, you'd be spending time in prison with three guys named Roger Klotz, Wolfgang, and Albert McBull.
Admiral Donutz: *walks in and brings in mail* Hey! There's a videotape from Vanilla Island! It's from..... Servant Juan?
Monkeysarefunny: Whoaz...... I don't think I want to see IZ's backdoor plumbing tape just yet.
Isiah Zombie: That ain't no backdoor plumbing tape, Monkey. Juan said he'd send me one of his favorite movies... let's see what it looks like *puts videotape in VCR*
The movie has already started...
The Oracle: So... you've come to find out if you're the Juan.
Neo: Yes.
The Oracle: Well, abre. Let's have a look at you.
Neo: *opens mouth and says Ah* .....
The Oracle: Okay, now I say "Hmm, que interesante, pero..." then you say...?
Neo: "Pero... que?"
The Oracle: Que... you already know what I'm going to tell you.
Neo: ...I'm not the Juan?
The Oracle: Lo siento, muchacho.
*Donutz shuts off TV*
Admiral Donutz: I don't get these Spanish movies. Want to go hang out someplace instead?
Isiah Zombie: Ummm.... wanna go to the Zoo?
Admiral Donutz: We should've went to the Zoo last week when they had that whale expedition. I could've bought some whale shoes.
Monkeysarefunny: Shoulda, woulda, coulda, but didn'ta.
Isiah Zombie: Psh.... this whomps. I had no idea about the whale expedition. You guys wanna go eat at some place?
Admiral Donutz: Sure, let's get pasta. You want pasta?
Isiah Zombie: I don't care... I'm not hungry.
Admiral Donutz: Let's get some pasta
Isiah Zombie: Cool, angel hair.
Monkeysarefunny: LET'S GO SKYDIVING INSTEAD.
Isiah Zombie: ...No Monkey, I do not want to go skydiving today.
Monkeysarefunny: Aww.... why not? You should do something dangerous for once in your life.
Admiral Donutz: Getting in trouble with the law is always a dangerous thing to do...
Isiah Zombie: Well, if last week's court hearings taught me anything, it's too NOT MESS WITH THE LAW.
Monkeysarefunny: You're such a limp lil' nancy boy.... do something dangerous now or I'll show Donutz your secret diary!
Admiral Donutz: IZ keeps a secret diary
?Isiah Zombie: It's not a diary....... it's a secret manly journal.
Monkeysarefunny: Whatever! Just do something dangerous for once in your life!
Isiah Zombie: Alright FINE! Give me the damn keys! I'ma go break the law right now!
Monkeysarefunny: Umm......... wow.... IZ...... I admire you so much right now that's actually blurring on lust.
Isiah Zombie: Both of you - in the car - now!
Admiral Donutz: Yay! Let me take some Hennessey's Cognac and GOLDSCHLIK with us!
*IZ, Monkey, and Donutz jump into the Pimp-Mobile*
After driving for 20 minutes.....
Isiah Zombie: I don't know if I should break the law.... I'M SCARED!
Monkeysarefunny: Well that blows.
Admiral Donutz: You gotta have dudeitude, IZ.
Isiah Zombie: What the heck is dudeitude?
Admiral Donutz: It's the stuff that reverses your mermaid-like personality.
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, and isn't it true that if you don't use it, you lose it?
Admiral Donutz: Lomfao! Roflmao whoamg lomg romfalo! Roffalo! Boffalo romlow!
Isiah Zombie: Dude, it wasn't THAT funny...
Admiral Donutz: .........So I guess we should go home then?
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, that sounds like the best idea.... *speeds up car insanely FAST to get home as quick as possible*
*SIREN! SIREN!*
Isiah Zombie: Uhh.... what was that?
Police Officer #1: *on megaphone* Pull over! Pull over your vehicle now!
Isiah Zombie: *slows down car* ...Oh ****.
Monkeysarefunny: Whoohoo! Now this is what I've been waiting for
!Police Officer #1: *gets off motor cycle* ......... *approaches the Pimp-Mobile* ....... License and registration.
Monkeysarefunny: Hey wait a minute, aren't you the guy from the Village People?
Police Officer #1: ....Quiet, you.
Isiah Zombie: Wow, you must've been doin' about 125 miles per hour to keep up with me. Good job!
Police Officer #1: ....License and registration.
Admiral Donutz: You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
Police Officer #1: .....Do any of you kids realize how fast you were going?
Isiah Zombie: Sorry, officer, I didn't realize that my radar detector wasn't plugged in. Otherwise, I would've been driving slower.
Police Officer #1: ....You know kids, driving fast is dangerous. I once had a guy who was driving so fast that he had his hand blown off during an accident.
Monkeysarefunny: ...I guess he can't hitchhike anymore...
Isiah Zombie: Look, officer, I was trying to keep up with traffic. But I didn't see any other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they were.
Police Officer #1: *smells car* .....Is that alcohol I smell?
Admiral Donutz: It's GOLDSCHLIK - a delicious drink.
Police Officer #1: .......I thought you kids were smarter to know that you can't drink and drive. It's against the law.
Monkeysarefunny: And I thought you had to be in good physical condition to be a police officer. It's against the law, right?
Police Officer #1: You had better watch your mouth, boy.
Admiral Donutz: Excuse me, officer? Do you by any chance happen to watch Fish Cops?
Police Officer #1: .....Never heard of it.....
Admiral Donutz: That 's because it doesn't exist!
Police Officer #1: ......I am still surprised that you kids were driving this fast while drinking. That's very dangerous.
Isiah Zombie: Well, I guess if you're going to drink and drive, you should probably drive really fast...
Monkeysarefunny: We didn't actually drink it - we just had it, in our posession. That's not illegal, is it? Huh? IS IT??
Isiah Zombie: Actually, Monkey, it is.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh, oh yeah........
Police Officer #1: .....*looks at IZ closely* Gee son, your eyes look red - have you really been drinking?
Isiah Zombie: Gee officer, your eyes look glazed, have you really been eating doughnuts?
Police Officer #1:
...I'm going to throw the three of you into the county jail if you keep up this behavior.Isiah Zombie: But I pay your salary!
Police Officer #1: ...
...Monkeysarefunny: Officer! Just let us go this one time - we're innocent I tell ya!
Police Officer #1: As am I son, as am I.
Monkeysarefunny: I'm........ I'm not your son.
Police Officer #1: You are what I say you are boy.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh really, and who the hell are you?
Police Officer #1: ........Someone undeniably cooler and more respected than you are.
Monkeysarefunny: Cooler? You have an air conditioner? OH DEAR GOD GIVE US THAT AIR CONDITIONER!
Police Officer #1: .....Enough. I want everyone out of the car. I'm booking all three of you in the county jail.
Isiah Zombie: But.... you're driving a motor cycle... how are you supposed to take us in?
Police Officer #1: DON'T make me use my GUN against YOU!
Admiral Donutz: ...Heh... you know I think everyone who carries a weapon should wear one of those little beanies on their head with a little propeller on it. You know, for fun.
Police Officer #1: That's it! I'm calling for backup! *presses backup button* Get ready to spend time in prison with three guys named Roger Klotz, Wolfgang, and Albert McBull!
Isiah Zombie: Noooooooooooo!
Police Officer #1: AHAH! Doesn't feel so good when the condom is on the other foot, ay?
Isiah Zombie: Well, I wouldn't know how that would feel like...
Police Officer #1: ........You will now learn to live in a confined area where you will be required to iron shirts all day long! Look at my shirt - it has no wrinkles.
Monkeysarefunny: I see that you haven't learned much, because your shirt is wrinkled..... just like your face! JUSTICE KA-POW!
Police Officer #1: KEEP QUIET! ........ Backup will arrive soon.
Isiah Zombie: ...Officer, do you really know why you pulled us over? I mean, really, REALLY know why you pulled us over?
Police Officer #1: You were speeding, kid.
Isiah Zombie: Oh, okay, at least one of us knows...
*backup arrives*
*YOWZERS!!! HONK HONK HONK!! AOOOOGA!*
Police Officer #TWO: *cough* I need to get myself a better siren..... anyways, what seems to be the problem here?
Police Officer #1: Looks like we've got ourselves a trio of non-thinking drunkin' idiots who were drunk out of their non-thinking minds.
Police Officer #TWO: That's a major offense, isn't it?
Police Officer #1: ........Yes, yes it is.
Isiah Zombie: Psh.... this whomps.
Police Officer #TWO: Hey by the way, Officer Number One-
Police Officer #1: -Please don't call me that-
Police Officer #TWO: -Do you know about that new hot lady officer?
Police Officer #1: Oh yeah, she bought a Ciabatta.
Police Officer #TWO: Well, she said she wanted a Spanish foreign film for some weird reason..... do you happen to know of any?
Police Officer #1: ......No......
Admiral Donutz: Pssst. Hey IZ, remember that film we saw earlier today?
Isiah Zombie: You mean the one with 'The Oracle' and 'Neo'?
Admiral Donutz: Yeah! Maybe if we help the officers by giving them a video they need, they can help us by letting us go!
Monkeysarefunny: Geez, Donutz.... that has got to be the stupidest idea I have ever heard.
Admiral Donutz: It just might be stupid enough to work!
Isiah Zombie: Excuse me Officer!
Police Officer #1: ........Yeah? What do you want?
Isiah Zombie: I think I have something you might like
! *wink*Police Officer #TWO: OHMAHGAD! Sicko! Perv! Arrest that kid!
Police Officer #1: Okay! Step out of the vehicle with your HANDS ABOVE YOUR HEAD!
Isiah Zombie: ......Psh.... this whomps.
3 hours later, in the County Jail...
Monkeysarefunny: The county jail isn't soooo bad.
Admiral Donutz: Yah! They gave us free clothes! Awesome!
Isiah Zombie: ... *sigh* ..... You know what I should've said to that first cop? I should've said, "Gee, officer! That's terrific! The last officer only gave me a warning too!" and everything would've been fine.
Monkeysarefunny: Cheer up, big fella, at least they give us pre-chewed food in here.
Admiral Donutz: Umm... that sounds disgusting.
Isiah Zombie: Well, I get to make one free phone call.... I guess I should call BigBoss.
A police officer unlocks the jail cell and escorts IZ to a pay-phone so he can call BigBoss.
Roger Klotz: *from the dark shadows of the jail cell* ...Hey there..... sweetcreams...
Monkeysarefunny: Uh-oh.
Wolfgang: Looks like we're going to have a good time tonight, heh.
Admiral Donutz: Who said that
Albert McBull: Tonight you boys will have a mattress made of Roger Klotz and a blanket made of Wolfgang....... and I will be your pillow... Nighty Night!
Admiral Donutz: You guys can't touch us! There's a security camera over there! *points to security camera*
Monkeysarefunny: .....Donutz..... I'm sorry to say this.... but that security camera will only record.......... our first backdoor plumbing tape.
Admiral Donutz: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Meanwhile, IZ is on the phone with BigBoss....
BigBoss: I only have enough money to bail two of you guys out.
Isiah Zombie: Psh.... this whomps.
BigBoss: Oh and remember - if it hurts behind, go take a bath fast.
Isiah Zombie: I will remember that, thanks... *is escorted back to cell* ...... Hey Donutz, BigBoss said if you wanted to leave, that you should sign this paper.
Admiral Donutz: I don't trust you.
Isiah Zombie: You don't have to..... here, sign.
Admiral Donutz: *starts to sing* "Ooooh FETUS! When will you MEET US? I will buy you some ADIDAS!"
Isiah Zombie: Don't sing, SIGN!
