Post by Isiah Zombie on Apr 19, 2008 7:03:45 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Girl Scouting
Episode: 28
Original Post Date: April 19, 2008
__________________________________________
Isiah Zombie, Monkeysarefunny, and Admiral Donutz are sitting around in their apartment one morning...
Admiral Donutz: So who won the "Battle of the Bands" last week?
Monkeysarefunny: It was a close battle between "The Pro-Midget Mafia" and "The Zip Code Rapists." But in the end, "The Results of Inbreeding" won by a landslide.
Isiah Zombie: It would've been cool if I could actually attend that competition...
*knock knock knock*
Admiral Donutz: (answers door) Hey Shion!
Shion Alien: Oh hello Donutz. I just came to inform you that I was not deported several weeks ago.
Monkeysarefunny: Aww dude, you didn't bring your little robot, Zorat, did you?
Zorat Robot: *walks in* (robot voice) Master-Shion, awaiting orders.
Monkeysarefunny: Damn. This crap-bot always pisses me off...
Admiral Donutz: So Shion, what do you want?
Shion Alien: Well as you may know, I'm from out of town-
Monkeysarefunny: -Mars?
Shion Alien: ....Yeah.... and lately, I've been feeling a bit lonely...
Monkeysarefunny: I guess your robot can't always satisfy all your needs.... KA-POW!
Shion Alien: I think I really need to find my significant other.
Isiah Zombie: ...Well I could hook you up with someone if you want.
Shion Alien: Is that possible? Elaborate.
Isiah Zombie: There's this park out near Lakeside where all kinds of chicks go to.
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah Shion, that's where I met MY girlfriend.
Isiah Zombie: Monkey, your girlfriend was attached to your arm when you were born.
Zorat Robot: You-do-not deserve a girlfriend, Monkey Boy. My analysis concludes that you are unable to foster a stable relationship.
Monkeysarefunny: Hey, I'd like to think I'm pretty cool and fly...
Zorat Robot: Counting-you, that makes one person.
Isiah Zombie: Anyways, wanna go the park, Shion? I'll be your coach.
Shion Alien: Yes, I'd like that.
Admiral Donutz: Umm.... I guess I'll stay home and watch Silver Fang - my favorite cartoon.
30 minutes later, at Lakeside Park...
Isiah Zombie: Alright Shion, let's start scouting for some girls. Heh, I guess you could say that we're "girl scouting."
Monkeysarefunny: No IZ, don't ever use that term again.
Shion Alien: It is odd, but I am getting a strange feeling inside me.
Zorat Robot: Master-Shion, my evaluation suggests that the feeling you are experiencing at this moment is classified as "nervousness."
Monkeysarefunny: And I'm feeling hatred against you, Zorat. Does that count?
*girl sits on bench in the distance*
Isiah Zombie: Oh hey, what about her? She seems nice.
Shion Alien: I am unsure of myself. What should I say to her?
Monkeysarefunny: Say something funny. Pretend you're an animal. It works every time.
Shion Alien: Which animal should I choose?
Zorat Robot: Master-Shion, extensive studies of the life forms on this planet suggest that a dominant creature to be portrayed as would be a Rhinoceros.
Shion Alien: Okay, I will be a rhinoceros.
Isiah Zombie: Wait, before you go, put this little earpiece in your ear so I can communicate with you and tell you what to say.
Shion Alien: Thank you Zombie *walks over to girl on bench*
Monkeysarefunny: Hey IZ... you think I'm pretty cool and fly, right?
Isiah Zombie: ...Shut up, Monkey. I need to concentrate on telling Shion what to say.
At the bench...
Shion Alien: *sits* Hello girl, I am a Rhinoceros. Well, hung like one, that's for sure.
Girl #1: Haha, okay, that's cool. So what are you gonna do now?
Shion Alien: I will stomp the ground, and snort, to alert you that you are in my breeding territory.
Girl #1: Haha, okay. You know that turns me on. What would you do if I start unbuttoning your shirt?
Shion Alien: Rhinoceroses don't wear shirts.
Girl #1: No, you're not really a Rhinoceros silly. Stop playing games.
Shion Alien: Rhinoceroses don't play games. They ****ing charge your ass.
Girl #1: Stop, c'mon, be serious...
From the distance...
Isiah Zombie: Woah, I think I may have gotten a little too far on that one...
Monkeysarefunny: FAILURE. Now it's my turn to be coach. Hasta-la-vista, IZ Le Coach!
Zorat Robot: Earth-to-dweebs: You. Speak. English. You. Aren't. Japanese. Can't comprehend. MISCOMPUTE! MISCOMPUTE!
Meanwhile, back at the apartment...
Admiral Donutz: HAH! Silver Fang comes to the rescue like always!
w00tdude: *walks in* ....Hey Donutz. Are you watching cartoons?
Admiral Donutz: Yes. Please don't bother me.
w00tdude: I've never been in this apartment. It looks cool.
Admiral Donutz: Shut up... *throws a shoe at w00tdude*
w00tdude: Owww! I'm suing for damages! .......But I might change my mind for 5 bucks....
Admiral Donutz: ....I said leave me alone.
w00tdude: I just want to talk to somebody. I deleted all my buddies on AIM by accident.
Admiral Donutz: Just add those two friends back. Don't worry, one was a bot.
w00tdude: Heh, you're funny... wanna hear a joke? A businessman walks into a bank and yells POTATOES!!
Admiral Donutz: Don't you wish that most people came equipped with a mute button?
w00tdude: Heh, yeah.
Admiral Donutz: ...I was talking about you...
Meanwhile, back at Lakeside Park...
Monkeysarefunny: Alrighty Shion, go talk to that girl by the tree. And remember: repeat exactly what I tell you to say.
Shion Alien: Okay, thank you Monkey *approaches girl*
Isiah Zombie: Heh, this should be interesting.
Shion Alien: *walks next to tree* Hello girl.
Girl #2: ....Hi.
Shion Alien: You don't even look like a girl.
Girl #2: .......What??
Shion Alien: I mean.... uhhh.......... my mom has that same dress.
Girl #2: What? Who do you think you are ?
Shion Alien: I mean..... nice shoes??
Girl #2: *slaps Shion* ...... *walks away*
Monkeysarefunny: *kzrk* Okay, my words didn't work out that time.
Shion Alien: *walks back* You guys aren't helping me at all.
Isiah Zombie: Give us more information, like what's the most important thing on a girl for you? ....Eye patch? Species? Do you prefer for them to be alien?
Shion Alien: I think I like humans, and I want them to be nice. Do you think that girls like nervous, shy guys?
Monkeysarefunny: Girls don't like Shy-Guys. I can tell because they all avoided me when I wore my Shy Guy costume.
Shion Alien: I really need tips on how to pick up ladies.
Isiah Zombie: Grab them by their waist and lift with your knees.
Shion Alien: I'm serious here, I like my girls like I like my internet-
Isiah Zombie: -Tricking you into getting a virus?
Monkeysarefunny: -Wide open, and full of men?
Isiah Zombie: With lots of add-ons?
Monkeysarefunny: People all over the world are getting on it?
Isiah Zombie: Tons of nudity?
Monkeysarefunny: A series of tubes?
Shion Alien: NO! You guys aren't helping me! I'm going to find a partner myself!
Isiah Zombie: Okay, fine, but whatever you do, don't call a girl the wrong name when you're having sex.
Monkeysarefunny: Well you know what they say, long nose, long hose.......
Shion Alien: ..... *walks away*
Isiah Zombie: You know Monkey, I think we really got through to him.
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah I know. We make such a great team.
Meanwhile, back at the apartment...
Admiral Donutz: So you promise that if I help you find a new friend on AIM that you'll stop bothering me?
w00tdude: Yes.
Admiral Donutz: Okay, just start talking to people and see if you have anything in common with them.
w00tdude: *types* Hello stranger.
SweetyPIE: Oooohhhh hello there sweetcreams !
Admiral Donutz: ...How do we know that "SweetyPIE" isn't a "SweetyGUY"?
w00tdude: It doesn't matter.... It's just all fun and games!
Admiral Donutz: It's all fun and games until someone discovers he's a butt pirate......... anyways, I think you found yourself a new friend, w00ty.
w00tdude: Really? You don't think there's anything wrong with him?
Admiral Donutz: My gut tells me no, but my brain tells me....... no as well. Ask SweetyPIE if he or she is a sex offender.
w00tdude: *types* You aren't a sex offender, are you?
SweetyPIE: No, I'm a sex BEFRIENDER!
w00tdude: ....Teh awwwws........
Admiral Donutz: HAH!
Several hours later, Isiah Zombie and Monkeysarefunny walk back into the apartment....
Isiah Zombie: Well Shion found a girlfriend all by himself after all...
Monkeysarefunny: *drinking milk* Heh, that demon chick he met at the park was hot as hell.
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, literally.
Admiral Donutz: *walks in from other room* OH THANK YOU - YOU GUYS ARE BACK..... w00ty has been bugging me for the past few hours.... hey wait a minute, where's Shion?
Monkeysarefunny: He got hella laid.
Admiral Donutz: You mean you found him a girlfriend?
Isiah Zombie: Shion met a girl he had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.
Admiral Donutz: Was she good looking?
Isiah Zombie: That chick was hot.
Monkeysarefunny: Anyone who says not-
Isiah Zombie: -Should be shot.
w00tdude: *runs in* HIYA! I just made a new friend on AIM today !
Isiah Zombie: Correction: You made UP a new friend on AIM today.
Monkeysarefunny: *ksk* Haha! KA-POW! That made me expel milk out my nose at a very rapid speed!
Admiral Donutz: That's nasty, MAF.
Monkeysarefunny: No, that's one of the many joys you will never experience. So who here wants to kick Mutton Butt's ass?
Isiah Zombie: Umm.... why would you want to do that?
Monkeysarefunny: I dunno.... I.... like beating up people?
Admiral Donutz: Well w00ty doesn't let me watch Silver Fang, but I don't think we should beat him up for that.
w00tdude: I agree to the fulliest!
Admiral Donutz: You see? Why can't we all just get along?
Isiah Zombie: Because we are people.
Admiral Donutz: But that's against my policy.
Isiah Zombie: What's your policy?
Monkeysarefunny: Donutz doesn't have one - talking big is his policy.
Admiral Donutz: My policy is that I don't beat up people. That is considered corny by some, but awesome by many. An old friend once told me about that.
Isiah Zombie: Dude, you need to get younger friends.
Admiral Donutz: Can't we all just agree to disagree?
Monkeysarefunny: How about you agree that IZ and me are very big and that you're very brittle?
Admiral Donutz: I could get on board with that.
*knock knock knock*
Isiah Zombie: (amswers door) .................Who the hell are you?
SweetyPIE: (fat guy) I'm here to pick up w00tdude. We made arrangements to meet here earlier..... *burp*
w00tdude: Eh... ewwww?
Admiral Donutz: You keep your hands off w00ty you fat bastard !
Monkeysarefunny: I still feel like beating up people. You in IZ?
Isiah Zombie: Hellz yeah. Hey Donutz, want to throw tomatoes at this guy as we drive him around town strapped to the hood of our car?
Admiral Donutz: I could get on board with that too.
SweetyPIE: My lil' sweetcreams isn't here...... *burp* .... I'll go now...
Isiah Zombie: You ain't going anywhere you hobbling fat fatty! We're gonna kick the the crap out of you and leave you ****ing ugly!
Admiral Donutz: He's already ****ing ugly... *throws a shoe at SweetyPIE* ...Get out! *slams door shut*