Post by Isiah Zombie on Apr 26, 2008 9:16:47 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Zoo Time
Episode: 29
Original Post Date: April 26, 2008
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Isiah Zombie and Admiral Donutz are in their apartment one morning...
Admiral Donutz: Hey IZ, I'm going to the whale expedition at the Zoo later today.
Isiah Zombie: Now why in the world would you want to do a horrible thing like that?
Admiral Donutz: I'm recording a documentary video about how we need to protect the endangered whales from poison. Whales are very important in our ecosystem and the oceans will die off and be boring without them. It is very important whale research.
Isiah Zombie: You're just going there for the free whale shoes, aren't you?
Admiral Donutz:
.............MY FEET ARE ROUNDISH! Whale shoes are the only ones that fit!Isiah Zombie: Okay, okay. That's all you had to tell me.
Admiral Donutz: So, will you come with me to the Zoo?
Isiah Zombie: Eh... why won't you ask Monkey?
Admiral Donutz:
...Monkeysarefunny: *walks in* .....HUZZAH! Where's my coffee?
Isiah Zombie: YO Monkey's in DA HOUSE!
Admiral Donutz: Hey MAF, do you want to go to the whale expedition at the Zoo today?
Monkeysarefunny: No, do you?
Admiral Donutz: Yes, I need a ride.
Monkeysarefunny: Ride? Did you say ride? One time my Grandma caught my ex-girlfriend riding on top of me with clothes on. My Grandma said "Ride 'em like the dog he is!" .......Needless to say, that killed the riding.
Admiral Donutz: What does that have to do with anything? Remember that one time when you went with IZ to the carnival just to get those free clown costumes?
Monkeysarefunny: Umm... that wasn't me.....
Admiral Donutz: IT WAS YOU!
Monkeysarefunny: NO IT WASN'T! LIES! LIES AND SLANDER!
Admiral Donutz: ...But I saw a clown costume in your closet.
Monkeysarefunny: .......
Admiral Donutz: .....'Twas you.
Monkeysarefunny: Well I can't go anyways, because I.... I.... umm.... I have to babysit for one of Mutton Butt's friends.
Admiral Donutz: Oh yeah? What's the kid's name
?Monkeysarefunny: ...Uh......... Hobokid...
Admiral Donutz: Do you even like playing with children??
Monkeysarefunny: No, but I like playing pranks on them. Easy come, easy go, will you let me go?
Admiral Donutz: Fine, fine. I'll let you go babysit. I guess IZ has to come with me to the Zoo.
Isiah Zombie: DANGITTY!
Several hours later, at the Zoo.....
Admiral Donutz: I'm glad you could make it.
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, well, let's just get the damn whale shoes and get the hell out of here... because the best thing about going to the Zoo.... is when you leave the Zoo.
Admiral Donutz: Don't you want to look at some other animals while we're here?
Isiah Zombie: Well, I like penguins... and I've always wanted to see them at the Zoo.
Admiral Donutz: Alright, let's go look at the penguins.
Isiah Zombie: SWEET! I mean, Sweeeeet........
An hour later, at a store called "Ice Cream Socials"...
Monkeysarefunny: *walks up to counter* Psssst. Yo Red Jello, you get my order in yet?
Red Jello Ninja: *looks up from desk* Who there?
Monkeysarefunny: It's me, Monkey. You remember me, right?
Red Jello Ninja: Oh yeah - fashizzle.
Monkeysarefunny: So is my order in yet?
Red Jello Ninja: Nah brah, I too buzy gettin laid like all uz Ice Cream fanz.
Monkeysarefunny: Really?
Red Jello Ninja: Fo sho man. I talk dis while gettin sum.
Monkeysarefunny: But.... we made a deal. If I don't get what I want.... someone's going to get hurt... *points water gun at Red Jello*
Red Jello Ninja: Dat gun dunt gots know buletz mahn.
Monkeysarefunny: *puts gun down* ...Just tell me, you got my stuff?
Red Jello Ninja: Hell yeah gangsta, that stuff is wicked ill.
Monkeysarefunny: So can you give it to me?
Red Jello Ninja: You aigggh in my book. 'Member the passwurd?
Monkeysarefunny: Umm, no......... I had amnesia once or twice before.... though I can't remember which.
Red Jello Ninja: Rawful, good won never taught uh dat. Here your stuff is foo.... *hands over Mint Chocolate Ice Cream to Monkey*
Monkeysarefunny: Mmmmm.... smuggled all the way from Africa.
Red Jello Ninja: That's major cash bro. Dey hella good. I hella say hella hella times. I hella just said that.
Monkeysarefunny:
I have to pay for this? But I thought we made a deal?Red Jello Ninja: Muahahahaha! You boy dun gettin fooled!
Monkeysarefunny: Y you tink it funy to tak wit bad gramma? Did you fail English or something?
Red Jello Ninja: Me fail English? Unpossible! ....Awww SHIZZLES! The cops be round da corner! *hides under counter*
Monkeysarefunny: Uhh... thanks for the Ice Cream then... *leaves*
Meanwhile, back at the Zoo.....
Isiah Zombie: Hey look! A penguin! How are you doing you little penguin? You're a cute little penguin - yes you are
!Penguin: *gives the flipper* UP YOURS!
Isiah Zombie: ...
Admiral Donutz: Heheh.... you can stay with this penguin while I go get my whale shoes... *walks away*
Isiah Zombie: Hey penguin... why are you so rude? What's the deal?
Penguin: IT'S PENGUIN TIME DUDE! Let's SLIDE!
Isiah Zombie: ...Umm, you don't have the appropriate body parts to speak. You know, like a mouth, a tongue, and vocal cords...
Penguin: Quack.
At the same time, in another part of the Zoo.....
Zoo Keeper: Here is the whale expedition! Lots of whales to be seen!
Admiral Donutz: Are you handing out free whale shoes?
Zoo Keeper: You have to pay for them. They're not for free.
Admiral Donutz: Hand them over you little park ranger!
Zoo Keeper: ...Hey man, don't pick on me when I'm holding a baseball bat.
Admiral Donutz: Just give me my shoes NAO!
Zoo Keeper: Only if you act nice to me, okay?
Admiral Donutz: Convince me to do it.
Zoo Keeper: Convince me to feel like convincing you to do it.
Admiral Donutz: "It" being......?
Zoo Keeper: You tell me.
Admiral Donutz: What do you want me to tell you?
Zoo Keeper: Oh. I thought I told you already.
Admiral Donutz: What makes you think I did not tell you?
Zoo Keeper: ...You're confusing me.
Admiral Donutz: What's confusing you?
Zoo Keeper: Everything.
Admiral Donutz: That is a lot.
Zoo Keeper: Is a lot, a lot?
Admiral Donutz: It's almost too much.
Zoo Keeper: Thanks for explaining it to me.
Admiral Donutz: My pleasure.
Zoo Keeper: You are one of the most polite people I know.
Admiral Donutz: That's what I was accentuating when I said 'my pleasure.'
Zoo Keeper: Politeness is a virtue.
Admiral Donutz: I want my shoes now.
Zoo Keeper: Oh. Why do you want them?
Admiral Donutz: Because I am a nice person.
Zoo Keeper: Good reason. Actually, I don't meet many nice people... *hands over whale shoes* ...Do you like them?
Admiral Donutz: What is not to like about them? See ya later, LOSER! *walks away*
Zoo Keeper: ....Oh... this is the third time someone has stolen whale shoes from me....
At the same time, in another part of the Zoo.....
Isiah Zombie: So you're pissed off because your Zoo life sucks?
Penguin: Quack.
Isiah Zombie: Okay, I'll sneak you out of here..... just crawl through that vent over there and I'll meet you on the other side.
Penguin: Quackitty Quack *nods*
Admiral Donutz: *walks near* ...I got my whale shoes, we can go now.
Isiah Zombie: Uhhh...... I'm kinda busy right now.
Admiral Donutz: Doing what?
Isiah Zombie: ...Kidnapping a penguin...
Admiral Donutz: You're such an idiot, IZ.
Isiah Zombie: What did you just call me?
Admiral Donutz: You heard me.
Isiah Zombie: Suppose I did - an idiot in a good way, or an idiot in a bad way?
Admiral Donutz: Let's just leave. The security guards are starting to look at me funny.
Isiah Zombie: DANGITTY! Let's go now!
Admiral Donutz: But I thought you just said you were going to kidnap a penguin?
Isiah Zombie: That was then, this is now. I can't kidnap the penguin anymore..... I have priorities... *Isiah Zombie and Donutz leave the Zoo*
Penguin: ...... *walks out of vent* ..........QUACK
! NO ONE LEAVES ME...... *gives the flipper* UP YOURS!At midnight, back at the apartment, all the lights are out....
Monkeysarefunny: *quietly sneaks back in* ....Mmmm.... Mint Chocolate Ice Cream... all for me...
Isiah Zombie: *shines flashlight in face* AHA! YO Monkey's in DA HOUSE!
Monkeysarefunny: OH CRAP! What the heck are doing awake?
Isiah Zombie: I think a better question is, what the heck are you doing out this late?
Monkeysarefunny: Before I tell you, you are wearing pants, right?
Isiah Zombie: What's that you've got in your hands?
Monkeysarefunny: Nothing....
Isiah Zombie: Is... IS THAT ICE CREAM??
Monkeysarefunny: NO! It's addiction - and how to lick it.
Isiah Zombie: Dude, that stuff is illegal..... THIS IS WHY YOU CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS!!
Monkeysarefunny: *cries* AHHHHHH!!
Isiah Zombie: Stop crying you big baby. Dry those baby eyes.
Monkeysarefunny: *sniff* ....Heh heh.... bright baby blues....
Isiah Zombie: Didn't you know it's illegal to have an open ice cream cone in your pocket?
Monkeysarefunny: Dude, that's not a ice cream cone.... and if I knew that was illegal, I'd cry elephant tears dipped in lava with a slight tad of pepper in between before I tried to do anything like that. I don't see what the big deal is anyways. I didn't even harm anyone.
Isiah Zombie: There was once a man... though I don't remember his name... who once said, "Plants look green because they absorb green light."
Monkeysarefunny: Uhh....... so?
Isiah Zombie: My point is - that's a lie. Stay away from ice cream.
Monkeysarefunny: I'm sorry, IZ..... I won't do it again. Wanna cupcake?
Isiah Zombie: Sure.
Monkeysarefunny: *rams a cupcake in IZ's face* ...HA! *****! You fell right into that one!
Isiah Zombie: *cough* ....Dammit... you got that stuff from Red Jello, didn't you?
Monkeysarefunny: Fashiggity! He the one!
Isiah Zombie: I bet you didn't know that they outsource Ice Cream in Africa.
Monkeysarefunny: Shizzless
Isiah Zombie: Promise me you won't go there anymore.
Monkeysarefunny: Fo 'sho, mofo........ ahem.... I'm starting to talk like Red Jello...
*Admiral Donutz walks in*
Admiral Donutz: *Yaaaaaaaawn......* What are you guys doing up this late?
Isiah Zombie: Don't worry, it's all resolved.... *puts pipe in mouth* ....Monkey won't go buying Ice Cream anymore.
Admiral Donutz: I thought he was busy babysitting Hobokid...... you lied to me MAF!
Monkeysarefunny: Yes, I lied to you - and it felt good to do it..... and if it doesn't feel good, then you should keep doing it until it does!
Admiral Donutz: IZ, go to sleep now. I don't want you to witness me beat Monkey up.
Isiah Zombie: I thought beating people up was against your policy?
Admiral Donutz: Dammit IZ - put down the pipe and focus!
Isiah Zombie: I'm not doing drugs....
Monkeysarefunny: KA-POW! Another win in the E-Z bake oven for the SEXangeles DONUTkers.
Isiah Zombie: Monkey.... it's because morons like you run around with your arrogant, ignorant, preteen, gibberish smack talk that no one takes you seriously.
Monkeysarefunny: Preteen? PRETEEN?? Oh, how young I was.... still cooler than you though, IZ.
Admiral Donutz: *cough* .... I'm too tired for this. You know what I learned today? I learned that ice cream is illegal, penguins can talk, I can easily manipulate Zoo Keepers into making them give me free stuff, and a kid named Hobokid out there is not being watched by a babysitter tonight.
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, that sounds about right.
Admiral Donutz: And since we're okay, that's all that matters. Good night everyone... see you tomorrow morning... *goes to bed*
Isiah Zombie: *sigh* ........I need to buy me some new friends...
