Post by Isiah Zombie on May 3, 2008 10:41:53 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Diamond Investigators
Episode: 30
Original Post Date: May 3, 2008
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On Sunday night, just outside of Jasmine's Pizzeria....
Admiral Donutz: This is it, our clues have lead us to Jasmine's Pizzeria.
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah! I'm gonna kick that thieves' ass!
Isiah Zombie: We should probably see who the thief is first.
Monkeysarefunny: NO! You're either with me or you're against me!
Isiah Zombie: ...I'm against you.
Monkeysarefunny: -That's not an option!
*The trio runs inside Jasmine's Pizzeria to find the thief....*
However, one day earlier, on Saturday morning, the trio is sitting around a table at the Prince Bar....
Isiah Zombie: We don't have any good clues at all... we're never going to find that thief... and to think, in just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.
Admiral Donutz: *shivering* Is anyone else cold in here? The temperature in this bar is freezing.
Monkeysarefunny: Will you shut up about the temperature? You've been whining about it for the past 2 days. It's not THAT cold.
Admiral Donutz: You're right, it's actually worse... *puts on sweater*
Isiah Zombie: El Dave said that if we don't have his diamond ring by Sunday night, he's going to kick us out of our apartment....
Admiral Donutz: I'm too cold to keep looking for El Dave's missing ring. I guess we're going to get kicked out then...
Isiah Zombie: Damn your laziness! We need to pull ourselves together and find the ring. But..... LET'S CLAM DOWN! LET'S NOT GET INTO PANIC MODE!
Monkeysarefunny: Looking around for a missing ring sounds tedious and makes it seem like we don't have a life or anything....
Isiah Zombie: Tedious? It would take like 5 minutes if we actually found some good clues. Learn to search please.
Monkeysarefunny: No! I will not learn to search please!
Isiah Zombie: Umm.... please?
Monkeysarefunny: .....Yyoookee...
Admiral Donutz: I'm going to stand near to the stove to stay warm.... and while I'm at it, I should probably make some breakfast.
5 minutes later, while eating breakfast......
Isiah Zombie: Hey! Lego my eggo!
Monkeysarefunny: Lego my eggo? Psh... roffle my waffle.
Admiral Donutz: .....Landpack my pancake?
Isiah Zombie: No, cakepan my pancake.
Monkeysarefunny: ... *takes a bite of waffle* ...Owww... my tooth still hurts....
Admiral Donutz: Will you shut up about your tooth? You've been whining about it since yesterday. The waffle is not THAT hard.
Isiah Zombie: Heh heh.... I'd take some weed to heal the pain...
Monkeysarefunny: You're not high right now, are you IZ?
Isiah Zombie: Dude, will you shut up about me being high? You've been whining about it for the past 2 days. I'm not THAT high.
Admiral Donutz: ...Getting back on topic... we need to find some clues on the person who stole El Dave's diamond ring.
Isiah Zombie: Well, El Dave said something about the thief leaving a pineapple topping trail in his house...
Admiral Donutz: Oh that's right! And the only place to find a pineapple toppings trail is at-
Monkeysarefunny: -The beach?
Isiah Zombie: No, but maybe at-
Monkeysarefunny: -The mall?
Isiah Zombie: No Monkey.
Monkeysarefunny: *shrugs* I'll just let you guys figure this one out... *twiddles thumbs*
Admiral Donutz: Oh now I know! Jasmine's Pizzeria has special pineapple toppings! Let's go there NOW!
Isiah Zombie: Ehhh.... not now.... we should probably take a day long nap and go there tomorrow night....
Admiral Donutz: Damn your laziness!
However, one day earlier, on Friday afternoon....
*The trio walks into El Dave's room...*
Isiah Zombie: Hey.... we're back.
El Dave: Make yourself at home......... like clean my kitchen. Have you guys found the thief who stole my diamond ring? Remember he stole it yesterday?
Isiah Zombie: Uhh... we're working on it. What day was yesterday again?
Monkeysarefunny: Yesterday was Thursday. And IZ, if by "working on it" you mean "NOT working on it" .... then yes......... we've been working on it.
Admiral Donutz: Is it cold in here or is it just me?
Monkeysarefunny: Will you shut up about being cold? You've been whining about it since yesterday. It's not THAT cold.
Admiral Donutz: Chill out, man.... *puts on warm gloves*
El Dave: So you guys haven't been looking for my diamond ring? I told you yesterday that I would kick you guys out of your apartment if I didn't have it by Sunday night!
Isiah Zombie: Why do you need the ring by Sunday night anyways....?
El Dave: Because that's the day when I'm supposed to give it to my girlfriend. She'll kill me if she doesn't get it by then. And I don't mean that in the playful "OMG she's gonna kill me!" way, I mean that she will LITERALLY Stop-My-BREATHING!
Monkeysarefunny: Your girlfriend sounds......... nice....
El Dave: So anyways, for the next two days I want you guys to look for my diamond ring non-stop. Let me get you guys something to eat. Tomorrow is a big day for the three of you... *walks into kitchen*
Isiah Zombie: I hope I'm not wasted by then.... heh heh....
Monkeysarefunny: You're not high right now, are you IZ?
Isiah Zombie: Will you shut up about me being high? You've been whining about it since yesterday. I'm not THAT stupid.
Admiral Donutz: So you're just joking about it? That's stupid...
*El Dave walks back in*
El Dave: Okay guys.... eat this.
Isiah Zombie: What is it?
El Dave: Just eat it!
Monkeysarefunny: *takes a bite* ...Owww! ....I chipped a tooth!
Admiral Donutz: No one cares. We have more important things to worry about.... like... when will the heater be turned on...?
El Dave: Eat up and rest for tonight..... BUT! I will not let you sleep in your apartment until you can find my missing ring!
Isiah Zombie: Ummm.... hey Donutz, you're the owner of the Prince Bar, right?
Admiral Donutz: Steven left it to me, yes.
Isiah Zombie: Well I guess we can sleep there for tonight, eat a warm breakfast in the morning, and head out in search of that diamond!
Admiral Donutz: I have a feeling that you'll take a day long nap tomorrow morning... *walks next to heater* ...This is why I'm hot, this is why I'm hot.
However, one day earlier, on Thursday morning, at the trio's apartment....
*El Dave walks in*
El Dave: I come bearing very bad news.
Monkeysarefunny: We can't stay up after 3:00 am like we usually do? Because if the neighbors have been complaining........ then let me deal with them.
El Dave: No, it's not that. I bought a diamond ring for my girlfriend a few days ago.... and someone sneaked into my house and stole it!
Isiah Zombie: Don't you have a security system in your room?
El Dave: I dream. And then I wake up. And then my hate for reality goes up a notch. That's why I need you guys to go look for it.
Admiral Donutz: Why is this our problem...?
El Dave: .....GREAT GOOGAMOOGA! I heard that Donutz! If you guys can't find my ring by Sunday night..... then I'll kick you out of your apartment for good!
Isiah Zombie: Well, I think the thief-
El Dave: -Who is it!? TELL ME NOW SO I CAN CLEANSE THE WORLD OF HIS IGNORANCE!
Isiah Zombie: -I think the thief may have left some clues behind.
El Dave: Ah yes, he left a pineapple toppings trail out through the door.... everything else in my room was untouched. Go out and serve some justice!
Isiah Zombie: Like.... now?
El Dave: Why? Are you too tired now? Have you been smoking the pipe?
Isiah Zombie: What? Of course not.
Admiral Donutz: I think it's too cold right now to be searching.
El Dave: Oh really? Well it'll be a lot colder on the street when I kick you out of here!
Monkeysarefunny: I can help. Everything's fine with me!
El Dave: Really?
Monkeysarefunny: No, but that's what I will predict I will say in the future assuming I'm correct, which unless I'm wrong, I most certainly am.
El Dave: So you can't help?
Monkeysarefunny: Sorry, no.... I've been planning to go to the dentist... and if I eat anything remotely hard, I might chip a tooth.
El Dave: Your teeth would not be here. They would be in a box, unless a terminator came back in time to save you because you were the leader of the revolution against the machines.
Isiah Zombie: Okay, how about this: we help you find your missing diamond ring, and in return, we can live here with free rent for.... a reasonable amount of time.
El Dave: Six months.
Isiah Zombie: ......A year.
El Dave: Six months.
Isiah Zombie: Deal.
Monkeysarefunny: Cool......... IZ again rules.
Isiah Zombie: Again? When did I stop?
El Dave: This is important to me though.... it is my LIFE! What about you, IZ, how's your life?
Isiah Zombie: Besides weed? Heh, I'm kidding..... I hope this weed joke doesn't last for the next 3 days......
Three days later, on Sunday night, back at Jasmine's Pizzeria, the trio notices a pineapple trail leading behind the counter....
*Trio jumps behind counter*
Admiral Donutz: AHA! Who's the thief?
Isiah Zombie: It's..... it's..... oh my gawd.... it's...
Monkeysarefunny: Mutton Butt! What the hell are you doing here?
w00tdude: AHHH!
...I always eat pizza behind the counter...Admiral Donutz: You stole El Dave's diamond ring!
w00tdude: What? No I didn't. I found this ring on the floor and I was going to sell if for more legos to add to my collection. But now I feel teh suckish
Isiah Zombie: You.... just found a diamond ring on the floor?
w00tdude: Yesh. I was searching around El Dave's room looking for my new Rex Rat which ran away, then I see a diamond ring on the floor. I pick it up and....... FINDERS KEEPERZ!
Monkeysarefunny: Let's just see about that... *calls El Dave*
El Dave: (answers phone) ...Hello?
Monkeysarefunny: We found your missing diamond ring - boo yah.
El Dave: What are you talking about? It was under my computer desk this whole time. I have it with me right now. Sweetdiggity! Gotta go, Monkey, it's Sunday night
! *hangs up*Monkeysarefunny: Uhhh..... guys... he said we can keep it...
Isiah Zombie: Hmm, maybe I can finally get me some marijuana now that I can afford it.
Monkeysarefunny: You just couldn't contain yourself, huh? You drug addict.
Admiral Donutz: How about we sell the ring and buy a new heating system in our apartment? .....Or maybe even some WARM WHALE SHOES!
w00tdude: ...Or how about we get some new Legos? Or a G.I. Joe? Or a water gun?
Isiah Zombie: NO NO NO!
w00tdude: Aw Aw Aw!
Monkeysarefunny: I say we use the money for something useful... like a dental plan that will replace my tooth with a pimpin' gold chip.
Isiah Zombie: You're starting to become more self-conscious about your teeth, aren't you?
Monkeysarefunny: I would smile more if I didn't have HUMONGOUS OMG WTF horse teeth.
Admiral Donutz: Wait a minute, I just thought of something.
Monkeysarefunny: ...You actually like.... HUMONGOUS OMG WTF horse teeth?
Admiral Donutz: No. If w00tdude has a diamond ring which is not El Dave's..... then it must belong to someone else. And since there was a pineapple trial in El Dave's room.... then that means that someone who eats here tried to steal the ring but dropped it near El Dave's room. Seriously, CONNECT TEH DOTZORZ!
Monkeysarefunny: Wow Donutz... you're a real investigator.
Isiah Zombie: But who could this ring belong to?
Tough Man Rudy: *Tough Man Rudy walks in* I BELIVE THAT DIAMOND BELONGS TO ME.
Admiral Donutz: ...Who are you? You look like a Maniconda!
Tough Man Rudy: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHO I AM. RETURN WHAT IS RIGHTFULLY MINE.
Monkeysarefunny: You gotta take it from us first...
Tough Man Rudy: WHOM SHALL I TAKE IT FROM.
w00tdude: Ehhh.... *throws the ring to IZ* ....Take it from him!
Isiah Zombie: Awww ****! Damn your laziness! ...I... umm... I can't deal with you right now..... I'm real busy...... I work here though..... yeah, so I'm taking a break from making all these pizzas. I'll make more later.
Tough Man Rudy: NO. YOU'LL MAKE MORE NOW.
Isiah Zombie: Okay I'll make more now....
Tough Man Rudy: AND AFTER THAT, I'LL BE WAITING FOR YOU OUTSIDE.
Monkeysarefunny: Well IZ, it looks like you have a rough night ahead of you - see ya!
Admiral Donutz: Woo
!w00tdude: Biya! I'm outta here!
Isiah Zombie: Are you serious...? ...........ARE YOU ****ing SERIOUS?!?
*Monkeysarefunny, Admiral Donutz, and w00tdude run out*
Isiah Zombie: ........Dammit..... I guess now seems like a good time to get high....
Tough Man Rudy: DON'T MAKE ME STICK MY FOOT ALL UP IN YO' ASS!
