Post by Isiah Zombie on May 10, 2008 9:50:19 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Casino Night
Episode: 31
Original Post Date: May 10, 2008
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Monkeysarefunny and Admiral Donutz are in their apartment one evening...
Monkeysarefunny: Hey Donutz, have you ever noticed that it doesn't matter if you're heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts? That's because your enemies will always wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
Admiral Donutz: You should make your own movie instead.
Monkeysarefunny: Hell yeah! That's a great idea! Check this out - a martial arts expert is attacked by 20 thugs, and instead of each one waiting for their turn and not attacking until the last guy is beaten senseless, they all attack him at once and overwhelm him.
Admiral Donutz: But then the good guy would die easily. You should be smarter than that, MAF.
Monkeysarefunny: Hey man, I finished first in my class!
Admiral Donutz: ...Out of two people?
*Isiah Zombie walks in*
Isiah Zombie: Alrighty! Remember last week when I found that expensive diamond?
Admiral Donutz: Umm, w00ty found it, but go on.
Isiah Zombie: Well anyways, I just sold it and got crapload of cash in return!
Monkeysarefunny: Sweet.... now hand it over.
Isiah Zombie: I'm not giving any of the money to you. I have good judgement now.
Monkeysarefunny: Good judgment comes from experience, and a lot of experiences comes from bad judgment. Now hand it over.
Admiral Donutz: Before anyone gets the money, we need to decide on something that we really, really need.
Monkeysarefunny: We need................ more money.
Isiah Zombie: We could gamble all the cash at a casino and double what we have now!
Admiral Donutz: I don't know about that...
Monkeysarefunny: Oh yeah! The more money the betterer! What casino should we go to?
Isiah Zombie: Let's head out west to the grand city of Las Vegas! It's the only place in Nevada worth going to! YEAAZ! FOUR DAY ROAD TRIP!!
Monkeysarefunny: Four day road trip? If a road trip is over six hours, I get really antsy and jump out of cars.
Admiral Donutz: .....
Isiah Zombie: ...What's the matter, you scared?
Monkeysarefunny: Don't worry Donutz, it's worth it cuz we can be even richer! Seriously, you're like a space guitar - cuz you rock so hard it's outta this world! Now do an air space guitar solo! C'mon! DO EET!
Admiral Donutz: No, I will not air guitar. This is probably a stupid question, but aren't we a little too wild to be going on road trips?
Monkeysarefunny: You're right! ...That is a stupid question! Now pack your bags cuz it's time to get super-duper richzorz!
Several hours later, during the dark of night, the trio get into their car.....
Admiral Donutz: So is this our new car?
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, after driving around in that Pimp-Mobile with no insurance, the only car that was available to me, was...... this one.
Monkeysarefunny: *sigh* .....This is a fricken' FORD FIESTA. It's the choontiest car EVAR!
Isiah Zombie: .....EVAR?
Monkeysarefunny: EVAR!
Several minutes later, as Isiah Zombie enters the freeway.....
Isiah Zombie: A day without sunshine is like......... night.
Monkeysarefunny: Damn IZ, keep your dream-like philosophy to yourself.
Admiral Donutz: So.... what's our location now?
Monkeysarefunny: Why the hell do you care?
Admiral Donutz: Sorry, MAF.
Monkeysarefunny: And stop calling me MAF. Would you like if I started calling you..... 'Nutz?
Isiah Zombie: Heh heh..... 'Nutz.
Monkeysarefunny: Shut-up, 'Ziah.
Isiah Zombie: What's up with you?
Monkeysarefunny: I'm mad because we're riding around this cheap car. I want a new one!
Four entire days later, after arriving at the Casino at night, the trio enter it and notice the blackjack tables, the slot machines, and the elegant hallways...
Isiah Zombie: Oh this place is nice. I'm gonna go bet some money at that blackjack table over there.... *walks away*
Monkeysarefunny: Ooooh! There's a buffet with all kinds of foods! I'll be stuffing my stomach tonight! *walks away*
Admiral Donutz: Uhh.... guys? What about me?
At the blackjack table, Isiah Zombie sits down...
Isiah Zombie: Alright, I'll bet $20 to start off.
Poker Joker: Hee hee hee... is that all, stranga?
Isiah Zombie: Yep. Go ahead and serve the cards.
Poker Joker: HEE HEE HEAH! *serves 3 cards* ...How's that, stranga?
Isiah Zombie: Hmm.... I can actually win this round. Hit me.
Poker Joker: *smacks IZ* ....HEE HEE HEAH HAH!
Isiah Zombie: Dammit! I meant hit me one more card!
Poker Joker: ...Listen, Stranga, I know a guy at the casino who won’t gamble. He just watches the games and makes mental bets.
Isiah Zombie: ....So?
Poker Joker: Last week, he lost his mind! HEE HEE HEAH!
Isiah Zombie: Oh geez...
Meanwhile, at the buffet....
Monkeysarefunny: Hey you, can you hand me over some of that ice cream back there?
Buffet Lady: I'm sorry sir, but we only have strawberry shortcakes.
Monkeysarefunny: ...I'm looking directly at an ice cream cone right now.
Buffet Lady: Sorry, but those are only for our preferred customers.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh come on lady! I'm having a real bad night in Las Vegas so far! A few minutes ago I got thrown out of the casino! ......I completely misunderstood the idea of a crap table......
Buffet Lady: Like I said, those are only for our preferred customers.
Monkeysarefunny: But I got kicked out.... doesn't that mean anything to you??
Buffet Lady: You told me what happened to you already.
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, I know, just going full circle.
Buffet Lady: Excuse me, sir, but you're holding up the line.
Monkeysarefunny: But I was here FIRST!!
Buffet Lady: Please, sir, do not lose control.
Monkeysarefunny: Nah, I don't lose it very oft-WHY ARE YOU STARING AT ME!? YOU WANNA START SOMETHING, YOU LITTLE *****!?
Buffet Lady: ............
Monkeysarefunny: YEAH, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT! *points to coat rack* DON'T **** WITH ME!
Buffet Lady: ............... *hands over ice cream*
Monkeysarefunny: ...Thank you. Do I pay with cash or credit
?Buffet Lady: Oh my...
Meanwhile, back at the slot machines...
*DING DING DING! DOODLE-DEE-DO-DEE!*
Admiral Donutz: Hey cool! I won! *jovial chuckle*
Claire Annette: *walks near* Nice.
Admiral Donutz: Uhh.... thanks... *puts in another coin* Come on... come on.... please let me win again.... *pulls lever* ...
*DING DING DING! DOODLE-DEE-DO-DEE!*
Admiral Donutz: Woohoo!
Claire Annette: Wow, you're on a roll!
Barb E. Dahl: *walks near* There you are Claire. I've been looking all over for you. What are you doing here?
Claire Annette: This guy is winning a lot of money... and if you play it smart, maybe we can get some of it...
Barb E. Dahl: Ohhhhh okay
!Admiral Donutz: Let's see if I can keep this going..... *puts in another coin* ....Please let me win one more time.... *pulls lever* ...
*DING DING DING! DOODLE-DEE-DO-DEE!*
Admiral Donutz: YAHOOO! *coins start to overflow onto the floor* Oh yeah! Lady luck is with me tonight!
Claire Annette: That's cool! ...Can we have some of those coins...?
Admiral Donutz: Sure! Take as many as you like!
Barb E. Dahl: Ohhhhh okay
!Claire Annette: Uh-oh, here comes our annoying ugly friend.... she's always bad luck....
Admiral Donutz: ...Bad luck?
Anna Graham: *walks near* You girls forgot me back there! You know, if you really want me to follow you, you shouldn't stuff me into a trash can like that.
Claire Annette: Thanks for the tip...
Admiral Donutz: Alrighty, just ONE more time please.... *puts in coin and pulls lever*
*A-DONKA-DUNG! DOODLE-YOU-SUCK*
Admiral Donutz: Awwww dammit! The bad luck girl ruined my streak
! *walks away*Anna Graham: Did he just call me the bad luck girl? What did I do wrong?
Claire Annette: Just...... go away, Anna.
Barb E. Dahl: Ohhhhh okay
!Meanwhile, back at the blackjack table....
Isiah Zombie: *sigh* ....I already lost $300 dollars....
Poker Joker: HEE HEE HEAH! Your luck might change for you, stranger! We have a special promotion starting now - tonight only! If you win the next blackjack hand.... you can win a new car! HEE HEE HEAH!
Isiah Zombie: ...Seriously?
Poker Joker: HEE HEE YEAH!
Admiral Donutz: *walking near* ....Hey IZ, I've learned one very important thing tonight: luck can change on you like a flip of a coin...
Isiah Zombie: Hmmm... so maybe my luck could change too? I can possibly.... WIN THAT NEW CAR??
Monkeysarefunny: *walks near* ...Dang, it's like the buffet people all have ice cream cones up their asses.
Isiah Zombie: Listen up, dudes, if I win the next hand of blackjack, I can win a new car!
Monkeysarefunny: Sweet.... I hate that Ford Fiesta. Did I mention how choontie it was?
Isiah Zombie: Yep. The only problem is, my luck has been bad so far. Ten minutes ago, I made a bet on whether I’d win or lose here. Needless to say, I lost.
Monkeysarefunny: Well, I was just walking around the casino with a pocket full of chips. I’m still trying to get the smell of vinegar out of my trousers.
Admiral Donutz: Don't bet on the new car, IZ. Gambling is just a great way to get nothing for something.
Isiah Zombie: Well you said it yourself: "luck can change on you like a flip of a coin."
Monkeysarefunny: Heh heh, yeah, imagine it was a same-sided coin? KA-POW!
Poker Joker: So what'll it be, stranga? You got the balls to do it? HUH? DO YA?
Isiah Zombie: Psh, yeah. I got cubicle balls.
Admiral Donutz: .....Cubical balls??
Isiah Zombie: ...That means yes, Donutz. AND I'M ALL IN! That means that all the money I started off with is on the line. Either I win all my money back with a new car, or I leave with no money and no car.
Admiral Donutz: That's a big bet, want me to get you something from the bar?
Isiah Zombie: Okay, but only if the waiter gives me what I ask for. I'll take an eight.
Poker Joker: Hee hee hee... ready stranga?
Isiah Zombie: Yep. Go ahead and serve the cards.
Poker Joker: HEE HEE HEAH! *serves 3 cards* ...How's that, stranga?
Isiah Zombie: Hmm.... I can actually win this round. Hit me.
Poker Joker: *gives one more card* ....Well...? Stranga?
Isiah Zombie: .............YES!
Monkeysarefunny: Oh crap! The security guards are here! Everybody run!!
Admiral Donutz: Oh no, MAF, what did you do this time?
Monkeysarefunny: I stole an ice cream cone from a preferred customer.... needless to say, he was only 4-years-old...
Isiah Zombie: But.... I WON! I FRICKEN WON! I got 21 *****es!
Monkeysarefunny: Well, you better gamble away that new car to get us out of the country jail, cuz, that's where we're going to be spending the night.
Admiral Donutz: Awwww Fffffffff***!
Poker Joker: HEE HEE HEAH! Is that all, stranga? HAH!
*Security Guards approach, everything gets all blurry*
On the next day, early in the hot morning....
Isiah Zombie: So, Monkey, how many times have I spent a night in the county jail because of you?
Monkeysarefunny: Ummm... minimal 5 times.
Admiral Donutz: At least they let us go early this morning.
Isiah Zombie: I guess all that's left now is to drive back home.... in our "choontie" Ford Fiesta...
Admiral Donutz: Hey, MAF started using the word "choontie."
Monkeysarefunny: Shut up, 'Nutz.
Isiah Zombie: Well it IS funny.
Monkeysarefunny: You too, 'Ziah.
Isiah Zombie: ........What if I don't wanna shut up? Whattaya gonna do?
Monkeysarefunny: Well, I guess I can start filming my new martial arts movie. All I need is 20 thugs, a good camera, and a reason for them to gang up on you...
Admiral Donutz: Yeah! That sounds like a great idea! *jovial chuckles....... then air guitars*
