Post by Isiah Zombie on May 17, 2008 8:17:33 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Desert Stranded
Episode: 32
Original Post Date: May 17, 2008
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After driving to Las Vegas one day earlier, the trio begins a 4-day road trip heading back home. The trio are currently inside the car, riding in the middle of the hot desert...
Admiral Donutz: It's too bad we couldn't win that free car at the blackjack table yesterday.
Isiah Zombie: I actually did win it, but as usual, Monkey got us locked up in the county jail for the night.
Monkeysarefunny: Heh heh, yeah, good times......
Isiah Zombie: So I had to sell the new car so they could let us leave early. And as you can see, we're still driving around in this cheap Ford Fiesta.
Monkeysarefunny: So are we there yet?
Isiah Zombie: No.
Monkeysarefunny: Are we there yet?
Isiah Zombie: No!
Monkeysarefunny: Are we there yet?
Isiah Zombie: Dammit boy! You better shut your mouth before I SHUT IT FOR YOU! You hear me??
Monkeysarefunny: I will not listen to you! I have no respect for cigarette smokers!
Isiah Zombie: Well, I have no cigarettes for respect smokers, so there. Do you want me to stop this car right now? Is that what you want? I will leave you stranded in the desert with only a STICK!
Monkeysarefunny: You're gonna leave me stranded in the desert?
Isiah Zombie: Oh... I'd like that very much.
Monkeysarefunny: You better be careful what you wish for.... we could all get stranded with that kind of thinking.
Isiah Zombie: Nah, it'll never happen.
Admiral Donutz: *cough* ....Umm... guys? We're running low on gas.
Isiah Zombie: What the...? I just filled up before we left! Why are wasting the gas so quickly?
Admiral Donutz: Maybe one of us is too heavy?
Isiah Zombie: Damn Monkey! I told you lay off the buffet food yesterday!
Monkeysarefunny: Why the hell are you blaming this on me?
Isiah Zombie: Well tell me then... how much do you weigh?
Monkeysarefunny: ...I'm not telling you.
Isiah Zombie: Fine, I'll take a guess. You weigh 250, you fatass.
Monkeysarefunny: Meh... whatever... *drinks beer*
Isiah Zombie: YOU HAD BEER THIS WHOLE TIME AND YOU DIDN'T TELL ME?
Admiral Donutz: We're running low on gas and we need to stop at a gas station... like right now.
Isiah Zombie: Why Donutz, are YOU the heavy one here?
Admiral Donutz: Well, I don't weigh as much as Amanda does.
Isiah Zombie: Exactly - you weigh MORE!
Admiral Donutz: ...She once ate all she could eat at an "All You Can Eat" festival.
Isiah Zombie: Granted she's fat as hell, but still...
Monkeysarefunny: *thinks* ......Heh heh.
*CHUCK-CHUCK! KA-POOOSH!*
Isiah Zombie: Awww ****! The car died on us!
Admiral Donutz: Did we run out of gas?
Monkeysarefunny: OH SNAP! I told you to be careful what you wished for! Haha! KA-POW!
Isiah Zombie: Psh.... it's just a coincidence.
Monkeysarefunny: OH SNAP!
Isiah Zombie: STOP THE OH SNAP!
Monkeysarefunny: Stop the stop the oh snap the stop!
Isiah Zombie: ....Oh Snap....
Admiral Donutz:
...What are we gonna do now?Isiah Zombie: It's all over for us now. We have to adapt to our new environment. Learning how to survive in the desert is our next top priority. I guess we should start pulling straws to see who we should eat first.
Monkeysarefunny: I say we eat IZ first, because he's crispy........ Tucson style.
Admiral Donutz: Maybe we should call for help?
Monkeysarefunny: Eh.... we're in the middle of nowhere.
Admiral Donutz: We should call some people who we know! Like BigBoss!
Monkeysarefunny: We haven't seen him since we moved out of his shanty.... and plus, he lives hella far from here.
Admiral Donutz: Call him anyways!
Isiah Zombie: Okay okay, I'll do it.... *calls BigBoss* ...
Admiral Donutz: ...Well...?
Isiah Zombie: Dude, hold on, it's a long distance call.
BigBoss: (answers phone) ...Hello?
Isiah Zombie: Oh hey! What;s up BB? Wuz happenin'?
BigBoss: Sorry, IZ, but I'm busy as hell right now. My University is giving me a bunch of lecturs I have to memorize.
Isiah Zombie: Fight 'em, and then give THEM a lecture on how badly you kicked their ass.
BigBoss: Heh... but I can't - I'm busy in college doing a ton of coursework. And the fact that I'm trying to break-up with Wendy because she's starting to spy on me a lot isn't helping matters either.
Isiah Zombie: Dude.... we're kind of like, stuck in the Nevada desert right now, and we sorta need your help.
BigBoss: That's your problem.
Isiah Zombie: I DEMAND YOUR ATTENTION! *burps*
BigBoss: Excuse you.
Isiah Zombie: Screw you!
BigBoss:
No one talks to me that way! Just for that, I hope you three guys stay stranded in the desert forever! *hangs up* Several minutes later, back at BigBoss's Shanty....
BigBoss: (to self) That damn trio of losers.... there will always be a certain amount of excrement that manages to hit the proverbial fan....
*cell-phone rings*
BigBoss: (answers cell-phone) Is this you again, IZ? Because I said I hope you stay stranded in the desert forever!
Wendy: No, this is Wendy.
BigBoss:
....Uhhhhhhh.... hey?Wendy: Whatcha doin' now?
BigBoss: I'm.... uhhh.... doing a lot of coursework for University.
Wendy: Are you at the University now?
BigBoss: *clears throat*
Y-Yes....Wendy: Do you want me to bring you some pizza real quick?
BigBoss: Uhhhhhh... I havealottodoofstufftodo.... now.
Wendy: So I should just wait until you get home?
BigBoss: Uhhh.... okyeahthatwouldbe...... good.
Wendy: Are you sure you're not at home?
BigBoss: ...I'm positive...
Wendy: Then please explain to me how I can see your head through the window in your shanty right now as we speak?
BigBoss: Oh ****!
Wendy: And now I can see you ducking your head behind the window.... and shutting off the lights...
BigBoss: That's not me! *runs out of the shanty*
Wendy: And I see you running outside the shanty... and diving into your car... and starting it up... then driving out of your driveway... while taking out a mailbox in the process...
BigBoss: Damn you! Stop spying on me!
Wendy: I'm doing this for your own good - you're becoming a childish nuisance and I will not have that.
BigBoss: Leave me alone! I ripped off my pants right now and I'm doing the no pants dance! IN THE CAR!
Wendy: ....Put your clothes on BB....
Meanwhile, back in the middle of the Nevada desert...
Isiah Zombie: BigBoss can't help us because he's busy with his University coursework.
Monkeysarefunny: Psh... University is basically a bunch of rooms where you sit for roughly two thousand hours and try to memorize things, but the two thousand hours are spread out over four years, and you spend the rest of the time sleeping and trying to get dates.
Admiral Donutz: We really, really need someone to fix our car.
Isiah Zombie: But I have no money.
Admiral Donutz: Why not?
Isiah Zombie: The Poker Joker at the casino is a magician.... because he made all my money disappear....
Monkeysarefunny: Alright, it's my turn to take over. Give me the keys - I can power this car with my own self-esteem, and we'll easily be able to fly to the nearest city.
Isiah Zombie: Do you have a driver's license?
Monkeysarefunny: No, but I have a license to kill *sneaky smile*
Isiah Zombie: So you've killed other people before?
Monkeysarefunny: I do live down by the river.
Isiah Zombie: I live in the VAN down by the river.
Monkeysarefunny: I live in the TRUNK of the van down by the river.
Admiral Donutz: I live in the BODYBAG in the trunk of the van down by the river.
Isiah Zombie: ......Donutz, you lose the game.
Admiral Donutz: I lost the game
Isiah Zombie: But you learned a lesson.
Admiral Donutz: No, I learned life sucks.
Isiah Zombie: At least you learned something.
Admiral Donutz: True....
Isiah Zombie: AHA! I win!
Admiral Donutz: Damn! ...I lost the game again...
Monkeysarefunny: That was awkward, and you guys both know that awkward is basically ALL I do.
Isiah Zombie: Really? Then why am I comfortable with you being here?
Monkeysarefunny: Because I am madly in love you. See? Awkward.
Admiral Donutz: AWKWARD!
Monkeysarefunny: I know.
*phone rings*
Isiah Zombie: Eh.... I wonder who that is? *answers phone*
BigBoss: Alright! I finally broke-up with Wendy! So I guess I have no more chains holding me back!
Isiah Zombie: Oh... hey BB. So does that mean now you can help us out?
BigBoss: I'm pondering on whether or not I should tell this other girl that I like her.
Monkeysarefunny: *snatches phone* WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?? HER TRAIN WILL BE HERE SOON!
Isiah Zombie: Uh-oh...
BigBoss: I was going to take the train to the Nevada desert, actually.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh really? Well maybe your first stop should be at SHUT-IT-UP INDUSTRIES!!
BigBoss: Well I don't HAVE to take the train. I could just drive there instead...
Monkeysarefunny: THEN MAYBE YOU SHOULD DRIVE TO SHUTTY-TOWN!!
BigBoss: WHY ARE YOU EVEN MAD AT ME?? I'm the one going to your rescue! I can finally be successful at something!
Monkeysarefunny: Behind every successful man is a surprised woman.
BigBoss: What are you trying to say to me?!
Monkeysarefunny: Get back with Wendy!
BigBoss: Oh! Okay then!
Monkeysarefunny: Alright then! My life is complete! I can now make omelettes!
Isiah Zombie: Dammit Monkey! What the heck is your problem? Didn't BB say he could help us?
Monkeysarefunny: BB said some pretty hurtful remarks concerning you and your cigarette smoking habits.
Isiah Zombie:
That's not true! That was never true! *snatches phone* It's a lie I tell you! A lie!! *presses buttons on phone*Admiral Donutz: What are you doing, IZ?
Isiah Zombie: I'm de-modding BigBoss once and for all!
BigBoss: SHIVER ME TIMBERS! You can't do that! You can't de-mod me over the phone!
Isiah Zombie: Well as Monkey once said: "CAN! And DID! And LOVED IT!" Boo-yah!
*POW!*
BigBoss: Owwww.... that hurt. What? I'm.... I'm green now?
Isiah Zombie: That's Lime-Green to you, sir! Good riddance and good day! *hangs up*
BigBoss: I don't believe this! *phone rings* ....Hello?
Wendy: This is Wendy again. Where are you?
BigBoss: Stop calling me! I like you - but I don't like you THAT way.
Wendy: .......Hey, wanna join me in bed?
BigBoss: ...Nah. I'm waiting for my new girlfriend.
Wendy: Why wait for her when you can have me?
BigBoss: Why have you?
Meanwhile, back in the desert...
Admiral Donutz: There's only one cantine of water left.... we're gonna die of thirst!
Monkeysarefunny: Oh hey IZ, I just noticed something.
Isiah Zombie: You mean the fact that I drank all the water in the last cantine?
Monkeysarefunny: Nope.... just look into the distance.... do you see what I see?
Isiah Zombie: I see.... a small town.... and unless it's a mirage, we're saved!
Admiral Donutz: Whoohoo! Let's ditch the car and ask for help!
Isiah Zombie: Ditch the car?? I'm not going to do that...... or am I? But seriously, I shouldn't...... or should I? Nah, just kiding....... or am I?
