Post by Isiah Zombie on May 24, 2008 10:30:32 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Old Western Duel
Episode: 33
Original Post Date: May 24, 2008
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After being stranded in the Nevada Desert for the entire day earlier, the trio spots a small town not too far off in the distance...
Isiah Zombie: Yes! We're saved! We're saved at last! I thought we were going to die of thirst in the desert!
Monkeysarefunny: Really? I thought we were going to die when the vultures got to us first.... but.... Mmkay.
Admiral Donutz: I can see the small town... it's only about 100 feet away... we're almost there...
Several minutes later, the trio enter the small town...
Isiah Zombie: It's empty here. Not a single person in sight.
Monkeysarefunny: Maybe they're too busy shopping for water online?
Isiah Zombie: *sigh* ...A simple joke from a simple man...
Admiral Donutz: There's nobody here! It's a ghost town I tell ya! A GHOST TOWN!
Isiah Zombie: Donutz, chill. There must be a backdoor somewhere. Let's try to find it first, shall we?
*bell sounds*
Admiral Donutz:
What was that??Monkeysarefunny: It's probably lunch time.
Isiah Zombie: Or maybe something even worse...
Broncho Jim: *walks out* It's TIME for a DUEL!
Isiah Zombie: Uh-oh...
Broncho Jim: Everybody out of their houses!!
*all the townspeople run out and quickly establish their watching positions*
Broncho Jim: Our DUEL will have our favorite hero "Wild Billy" against the dirtiest scum of them all........ Mr. Tumbleweed!
Crowd: BOOOO Mr. Tumbleweed sucks!
Admiral Donutz: They're going to have a DUEL?
Monkeysarefunny: Damn, I should've brought some popcorn.
Isiah Zombie: Should we sneak out of here or watch the DUEL?
Admiral Donutz: This has nothing to do with us! Let's just get out of here!
Monkeysarefunny: Nah, let's stay. We might be able to get first dibs on some cowboy memorabilia.
Isiah Zombie: Well you can stay here Monkey. I'm sneaking out of here.... c'mon Donutz.
Admiral Donutz: Okay!
*Isiah Zombie and Donutz start to sneak out*
Broncho Jim: HEY! Who are those two brush-poppers running away from a DUEL?
Isiah Zombie: Uh-oh!
Broncho Jim: You two Whippersnappers have committed a Tally-book crime!
Admiral Donutz: Fffffff***!
Broncho Jim: Attention Vaqueros! I want you to wrangle the two woolies and tie them to a Whippletree!
Monkeysarefunny: Ka-pow.....?
Broncho Jim: Or better yet, have them face off in a DUEL!
Crowd: YEAH! *chants* DUEL! DUEL! DUEL!
Admiral Donutz: It's all your fault IZ! I HATE YOU!
Isiah Zombie: WELL TOO BAD! I HATE YOU FIRST!
*Two Vaquero Guards ride their horses and throw a rope around Isiah Zombie and Donutz and drag them up on their horses*
Broncho Jim: They face off tomorrow morning, at the same time as today. Then after that, we'll have Wild Billy face off against Mr. Tumbleweed!
Crowd: YEEEAH!
Broncho Jim: Now everyone, return to your houses. We must prepare for tomorrow morning!
*the townspeople run quickly inside their houses*
Monkeysarefunny: Heh heh...... I came for the fiesta, and I stayed for the siesta.
Several hours later, when the sun had set, Isiah Zombie and Donutz are sitting in a jail cell with Mr. Tumbleweed...
Admiral Donutz: Are we really going to face off in a DUEL?
Isiah Zombie: Yes, it seems that way....
Mr. Tumbleweed: *wakes up* OH MY GAWD ITS A ZOM BAY.
Isiah Zombie: Yeah.... I'm not even supposed to be here, actually.
Mr. Tumbleweed: You're a good-for-nothing scumbag who wouldn't have a chance in HELL if you were in a DUEL against me!
Isiah Zombie: Dude, who the heck are you?
Mr. Tumbleweed: The name's Mr. Tumbleweed, I'm an old man who needs a few slices of apple pie.
Admiral Donutz: No, you're a grumpy old man that needs a few slices of humble pie.
Isiah Zombie: When do we get out of here anyways? I really need to shower.
Mr. Tumbleweed: Speaking of showering, today I don't have to. We're all going to die tomorrow.... we should start digging our graves now....
Admiral Donutz: You know, for a fat person, you're not really jolly.
Isiah Zombie: He's not much of a "Mr." either.
Mr. Tumbleweed: If that's true, then why do I have a Ding Dong? You know, wang? Willy? Hairy hotdog? Ankle spanker? That stuff.
Isiah Zombie: I meant you're not really a gentlemen.
Mr. Tumbleweed: Of course I am - I go to gentlemen's clubs all the time.
Isiah Zombie: Oh man, I can't take this anymore. I wish I could just forget about all of this...
Admiral Donutz: Hey IZ, ask Mr. Tumbleweed for some... Tumbleweed.
Isiah Zombie: That was very classless, Donutz.
Admiral Donutz: Hey not really, one time I saw a bunch of kids outside of a school registering for some classes...... now THEY were classless.
*Monkey enters and talks from the other side of the cell*
Monkeysarefunny: Hey what's up?
Isiah Zombie: Hey man! What are you doing here?
Admiral Donutz: Did you come here to rescue us?
Monkeysarefunny: Nope, I just came here to tell you guys that I might miss your DUEL tomorrow because I'm going to a square-dancing festival with some girl I met. It's on the other side of town.
Isiah Zombie: But you gotta get us out of here!
Monkeysarefunny: Hey believe me, I WANT to get you guys out of here, but what can I do? They invited me to join. It's not like I can just slap a giant NO across the face.
Isiah Zombie: Why not? That's exactly what you do to me every time it thunders at home and I want to sleep in your bed.
Monkeysarefunny: Look, IZ, I can probably get you out if you pay me some money.
Isiah Zombie: I barely have any money, but fine, I'll give my last cents to you.
Monkeysarefunny: ...That'll cost you.
Isiah Zombie: What? I have to pay money to you so you can accept my money?
Monkeysarefunny: That's the way the business works.
Isiah Zombie: Awww screw you! Get out of here!
Admiral Donutz: No MAF! Don't go! You have to get out of here! The guards come from places from which I can't even pronounce!
Isiah Zombie: Donutz, just let him go. I'm sure he'll have a blast when he's square-dancing with all his new gay friends.
Monkeysarefunny: Most of the people here are straight.
Isiah Zombie: That's what THEY say.
Monkeysarefunny: Psh...... *walks out*
Early the next morning, still in the jail cell...
Admiral Donutz: I wonder what time it is?
Isiah Zombie: It's time for a DUEL!
*bell sounds*
Admiral Donutz: Want to say any last words before we go out there and kill each other?
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, I need to confess something to you. Remember that one time I told you that I didn't sell your favorite Silver Fang DVD's?
Admiral Donutz: Yeah?
Isiah Zombie: Well the truth is-
*guard opens jail cell*
Guard: Everybody out! The DUEL begins now!
Isiah Zombie: -Hold on to the thought, Donutz.
Several minutes later, the Vaquero Guards set up Isiah Zombie and Admiral Donutz across from each other about 50 feet away, and the crowd has already gathered...
Broncho Jim: It's TIME for a DUEL! Our DUEL will have the worthless Isiah Zombie against the other worthless scum........ Admiral Donutz.
Isiah Zombie: Hey I'm not worthless! I have the power to control a zombie horde... that shoots lasers!
Admiral Donutz: I'm not worthless either! I have the ability to hydropump from my saxophone!
Broncho Jim: Quiet! The both of you! I've issued you two a Scattergun for the DUEL. This will ensure certain death. Is everyone ready for a DUEL?
Crowd: YEAH! *chants* DUEL! DUEL! DUEL!
Broncho Jim: Listen up you Whippersnappers! Lift your guns at the count of three!
Admiral Donutz: Well, this is it...
Broncho Jim: ONE...
Isiah Zombie: It's finally time...
Broncho Jim: ...TWO...
Isiah Zombie: Oh snap, I forgot to pay my credit card bills this month...
Broncho Jim: ...AND... THREE!
Wild Billy: *horse rides in* HOLD ON JUST A MINUTE! STOP THE DUEL!
Broncho Jim: Wild..... Wild Billy? Your DUEL comes up after this!
Wild Billy: You must stop the DUEL. An acquaintance of mine has informed me of the innocence of these two.
Broncho Jim: What do you mean? I saw them trying to escape from your DUEL with my own two eyes! Who's your acquaintance anyways?
Wild Billy: A little cowboy by the name of Monkeysarefunny.
*pops out of saddle*
Monkeysarefunny: .....HUZZAH!
Isiah Zombie: Monkey?!? What the heck are you doing here?
Monkeysarefunny: I convinced Wild Billy to help you out!
Isiah Zombie: How?
Monkeysarefunny: I just praised the man. You know, said what a great duelist he was and all that jazz.
Isiah Zombie: Oh my gawd.... you're such a nut-hugger, Monkey.
Monkeysarefunny: While I do enjoy walnuts, my favorite nut would be the peanut, which unfortunately does not grow on a tree and...... as you know, is much to small to hug.
Admiral Donutz: *running closer* Yay! We're saved! But IZ, what were you going to tell me about my Silver Fang DVD's that you didn't sell?
Isiah Zombie:
....Nothing....Monkeysarefunny: IZ sold them, I saw it.
Isiah Zombie: Uh-oh...
Admiral Donutz: Damn you IZ! *points Scattergun at IZ* You have three seconds to run before I blast your ass!
Isiah Zombie: Oh Snap! *starts to run out of town*
Admiral Donutz: Get back here! *follows IZ into the distance*
Monkeysarefunny: Heh heh...... crazy kids.
Broncho Jim: So what do we do now? There's not much else we can do.
Monkeysarefunny: Hey, let's all gang up on Mr. Tumbleweed!
Crowd: YEAH! *chants* TUMBLEWEED! TUMBLEWEED! TUMBLEWEED!
Monkeysarefunny: Sweet, I changed history......
Wild Billy: Yes, yes you did.
Monkeysarefunny: Damn, that's a terrible sound bite. Can you just make one up and make me sound hilarious? No, wait, just say that I have a hilarious sound bite, but that it's still in the very early concept stage.
Wild Billy: Sure thing, cowboy.
A few hours later, still in the middle of the Nevada Desert...
Isiah Zombie: Nobody in that town could help fix our car.
Admiral Donutz: I guess we're stuck here in the Nevada Desert.
Monkeysarefunny: Actually, before we went on this four-day road trip, I packed a magic carpet just in case we needed to fly back.
Isiah Zombie: You... mean... to tell me... that you had... a magic carpet this WHOLE TIME?!?
Monkeysarefunny: Mmmm, yeah, pretty much.
Admiral Donutz: Why didn't you tell us, MAF?
Monkeysarefunny: It slipped my mind..... I have reoccurring amnesia, remember?
Isiah Zombie: Alright, just take it out and let's head back home.
Monkeysarefunny: Okay..... but only if you help me remember where I left it.
Isiah Zombie:
.....Does head-swap therapy exist? Because if it does, I'll exchange your head for someone who isn't as dumb as you!Admiral Donutz: Like me?
Isiah Zombie: *sigh* .....Now why would I exchange your head for Monkey's? It just doesn't make any sense.
Admiral Donutz: Oh yes it doesn't!
Monkeysarefunny: Ah, here it is.... *pulls out rolled up magic carpet from back pocket* Where are we headed off to?
Isiah Zombie: Home sweet home... as it turns out, this entire trip was a complete waste. We wasted 4 days on a road trip, lost all our money at a casino, spent a night in the county jail, got stranded in the desert.... spent ANOTHER night in a jail cell, I almost killed Donutz and he almost killed me, and now we're back in the middle of nowhere.
Monkeysarefunny: You forgot to mention the part where I end up as a hero, change history, and have the supplies needed to make it home safely... HAHA!
Isiah Zombie: Sadly, your laughter weeps the truth...
