Post by Isiah Zombie on May 31, 2008 10:48:23 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Memorial Remembrance
Episode: 34
Original Post Date: May 31, 2008
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On Memorial Day, the trio are sitting around in their apartment watching a movie...
Isiah Zombie: So what's the name of the movie we're watching now?
Monkeysarefunny: It's a classic - "Attack Of The 50-Foot Woman". It's way better than you might think.
Admiral Donutz: Why are we watching this again? I told you I wanted to see "Disco Beaver from Outer Space" instead!
Isiah Zombie: And I wanted to see "Caveman to the Future"...but did anyone listen to me? Noooo!
*w00tdude runs in*
w00tdude:
WAAAAH!Monkeysarefunny: Oh great, Mutton Butt has started crying... that's our cue to pop in "Wal-Mart the Movie".
w00tdude: NOOOO! It's not that! My Rex Rat died this morning
!Admiral Donutz: You have a Rex Rat?
w00tdude: Yes! I took it with me everywhere! I found it dead outside my room today.... someone must've killed it
!Isiah Zombie: Not really, w00tdude. Something you have to learn in life is that not everything lasts forever. Speaking of which, today is Memorial Day.
Admiral Donutz: A holiday?
Isiah Zombie: It's an American holiday that commemorates U.S. men and women who have died in military service. That also explains why we didn't go to school today.
Monkeysarefunny: Wait, there was no school today? Sweet! I took the day off without even knowing!
w00tdude: What does Memorial Day have to do with my dead Rex Rat?
Isiah Zombie: Today is a day to remember those who have died.
Monkeysarefunny: In COMBAT IZ, COMBAT. Not in mousetraps.
Admiral Donutz: Maybe watching the Wal-Mart Movie might cheer you up.
w00tdude: I don't know...... maybe...
Monkeysarefunny: Alright IZ, switch the movie.
Isiah Zombie: Why do I have to do it?
Monkeysarefunny: Because you're the cigarette smoker.
Isiah Zombie: I don't smoke cigarettes - I smoke opponents.
Monkeysarefunny: .....So you take steroids?
Isiah Zombie: *sigh* ...When will you people learn... *switches movie*
Several minutes later...
Monkeysarefunny: Hey IZ, I just realized that you're such a loser at life.
Admiral Donutz: ...You just realized this now?
Isiah Zombie: Yeah Monkey, like you've done anything with YOUR life...
Monkeysarefunny: I HAVE done things with my life. I used to be in the army back in the day... and I remember I had a gay drill sergeant.
Admiral Donutz:
Isiah Zombie: ...Not this story again...
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, now let me tell you a story about a confused army recruit, a bottle of Hennessey's Cognac, and a stern but loving drill sergeant...
Isiah Zombie: Hoo boy...
*everything gets blurry*
Several years ago... in an army camp located in Vietnam...
Monkeysarefunny: I got my guns ready! I'm ready for COMBAT! PEW PEW PEW!
Damian: Awesome! I joined the army and I got laid! Go America!
Monkeysarefunny: You got laid already? I haven't gotten any action yet...
Damian: Monkey, I've known you for only one week - since we joined this camp - and I can honestly say that I've had more action ON THE FIELD and IN THE SACK than you have.
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, about that.... have you figured out if our drill sergeant is a man or a woman yet?
Damian: No, have you?
Monkeysarefunny: Not really.... though I get the homosexual vibe either way.
Damian: Yeah.... and on that note, here comes our drill sergeant.
*drill sergeant approaches*
Drill Sergeant: Have you two hit the showers yet??
Monkeysarefunny: No...
Drill Sergeant: I want to see you two there now! No excuses! Go! Go! Go! *runs off*
Damian: I heard he... or she... often likes to secretly listen to other people's conversations.
Monkeysarefunny: Is he a she? Or is she a he? Or is it an IT?
Damian: I don't know, but I think he-she might have a special thing for you.
Monkeysarefunny: I think so too, though I hope I never see it...
*everything gets blurry*
Isiah Zombie: So wait a minute... was your sergeant a man or a woman?
Monkeysarefunny: Well, I never did find out.
Admiral Donutz: What? Monkey? Involved in gay stuff? Well I never.
w00tdude: Eh.... ewwww?
Monkeysarefunny: Don't get ahead of yourselves. Let me tell you what happened later that night...
*everything gets blurry*
During the night, in a small room, with all the lights out, Monkey and Damian are sleeping on a bunk bed...
Monkeysarefunny: (from the top bunk) PSSSST! DAMIAN!
Damian: (from the bottom) Shhhhh! We're supposed to be sleeping now!
Monkeysarefunny: When are we going to shoot some Vietnam ass?
Damian: I asked ALL my friends that same question the other day - and they both replied with never.
Monkeysarefunny: Damn.... I have my guns ready for COMBAT!
Damian: It's not gonna happen.
Monkeysarefunny: Not even if I'm a good boy and I wish really, really hard?
Damian: There's a 0% chance of any combat happening.
Monkeysarefunny: .....SO YOU'RE SAYIN' THERE'S STILL A CHANCE! WOO!
Damian: Dude, I said ZERO PERCENT. Don't you know anything about percentages?
Monkeysarefunny: Umm.... yeah I do.... like 25%....
Damian: Well I'm 100% sure that there will be no combat.
Monkeysarefunny: You're 100% sure? Well you're 100% WRONG! I'm gonna do the right thing and go out there to kick some ass!
Damian: Well you know what they say, if you want something done right, you should do it yourself.
Monkeysarefunny: You mean, like sex?
Damian: ........Why must you question my ethics?
Monkeysarefunny: Because I think they suck.
Drill Sergeant: (from under the bed) Really?
Monkeysarefunny: Indeed.
Drill Sergeant: Oh no you DIDN'T!
Monkeysarefunny: ...Yes..... I did.
Drill Sergeant: Oh, okay.
Monkeysarefunny: ...Yeah.
Damian: Dude.... who are you talking to?
Monkeysarefunny: I.... I thought I was talking to you?
Drill Sergeant: *stands up from under bed* Hey there young men, are we ready to hit the showers yet?
Damian: ...You heard this entire conversation? ...Wow... *blinks*
Monkeysarefunny: That's an invasion of privacy!
Drill Sergeant: Screw you, young man. So who's ready to take a shower? We're going to get a little clean..... and maybe..... a little dirty.
Monkeysarefunny:
I can't hit the showers, sir.... or ma'am.... because I'm getting really sharp pains on my body.... and it really hurts.....Drill Sergeant: Sounds like somebody's in LOVE!
Monkeysarefunny: Heh heh.... good one...
Damian: Dude, that's not funny.
Monkeysarefunny: No, but your life's funny, though.
Damian: I would respond with something amusing... but I'm running out of humor.
Monkeysarefunny: I can debate on whether or not you had any to begin with.
Drill Sergeant: Let's hit the tracks! Five quick laps! And after we're done, we can celebrate my birthday! ......Who wants to blow my candle?
Monkeysarefunny: ...Uhh...
Drill Sergeant: Let's Go! Go! Go!
*everything gets blurry*
Isiah Zombie: So what happened next?
Monkeysarefunny: Well after I ran the 5 long laps, I had to run in the obstacle course, so naturally I got exhausted. But little did I know.... there was one more hurdle I had to clear...
Isiah Zombie:
Monkeysarefunny: Hey man, I'm just remembering Memorial memories.
*knock knock knock*
Isiah Zombie: *walks up and answers door* Hello......?
Damian: Hey guys, I just moved in the other room. I am Damian, the lovable charismatic Irish stallion. I found this rat underneath my bed. You guys want it?
w00tdude: Yay! My Rex Rat! I guess it was some other rat that I found dead earlier!
Monkeysarefunny: Yo Damian! Remember me? Long time no see! You're like, the coolest guy ever!
Damian: Hey wassup Monkey! I'm the coolest guy I know too!
Monkeysarefunny: So what ever happened to our gay drill sergeant back at our camp?
Damian: I inspected her gadget!
Monkeysarefunny:
Oh you sneaky inspector gadget, you!Damian: Yeah, I learned a lot of things that night. The Sergeant asked me "why milk cows if you can..... milk yourself?"
Monkeysarefunny: ...Uhh...
Damian: Actually, I have to get to my room now. The drill sergeant is waiting for me
!Monkeysarefunny: Eh....... what? You still keep in touch with her?
Damian: ......Him.
Isiah Zombie: ...
Admiral Donutz: ...
w00tdude: ...
Monkeysarefunny: "Him"? You mean to tell me that the drill sergeant is a MAN?? Then why is he in your room right now??
Damian: Because we moved in together, that's why. Relationships are about love - not about gender or species.
Isiah Zombie: I think it would've been funnier if the sarge was like an extreme lesbian or something.
Monkeysarefunny: Heh... "extreme lesbian" sounds like a sport...
Damian: Now if you'll excuse me, it's time for me to enter the combat zone and gets things done IN THE SACK!
*Damian walks out*
Isiah Zombie: That was weird.
Monkeysarefunny: Not really.
Admiral Donutz: Yeah, because none of that gay stuff rubbed off on MAF.
w00tdude: Well maybe just a little...
Isiah Zombie: HOW DARE YOU INSULT MONKEY!
Monkeysarefunny: Indeed Mutton Butt, apologize to me now.
Admiral Donutz: Obey us w00ty.... obey us....
w00tdude: Me so sorry!
Isiah Zombie: We have w00tdude apologizing to us.... what else is new?
Admiral Donutz: I know - it's oldy old.
Monkeysarefunny: Ka-pow!
w00tdude: Teh awwws.....
Isiah Zombie: Damn your laziness!
Meanwhile, back in Damian's apartment...
Damian: Okay Sarge, we have successfully accomplished objective 1.
Drill Sergeant: Good, on schedule, too. Now we move onto our next objective...
Damian: Which is to infiltrate Monkey's apartment.... and to deliver the kill.
Drill Sergeant: Ah yes, many years of searching him down have finally payed off. Now it is our turn to seek revenge for his absence in Vietnam.
Damian: He deserted us, that is against my ethics. I mean, why must he question my ethics?
Drill Sergeant: I don't know... *looks at watch* Ooooh! It's showertime! Time to to get a little clean..... and maybe..... a little dirty.
Damian: Dude, the whole gay thing was just a cover-up.
Drill Sergeant: But I was starting to enjoy it
