Post by Isiah Zombie on Jul 5, 2008 12:05:34 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Independence Cookout
Episode: 39
Original Post Date: July 5, 2008
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Isiah Zombie and Monkeysarefunny are sitting around in their apartment, one day before Independence Day...
Isiah Zombie: Hey Monkey... have you ever smoked mushrooms before?
Monkeysarefunny: No, because that stuff is teh crapzorz.
Isiah Zombie: I did a few times. Interesting stuff.
Monkeysarefunny: May I add that I see enough crazy things without using mind-altering chemicals?
Isiah Zombie: But do you hear it, and can you feel it?
Monkeysarefunny: Hmm, good point.
Isiah Zombie: I think you may suffer from insanity.
Monkeysarefunny: I don't suffer from insanity - I enjoy every minute of it.
Admiral Donutz: *walks in* ...Hey guys, guess what happened to me at school today.
Isiah Zombie: Someone gave you a wedgie during the weekly food fight?
Admiral Donutz: Nope. My school was locked down after a ninja was sighted in the woods.
Monkeysarefunny: What? Real ninjas don't get spotted! He's a fraud I tell you! A FRAUD!
Admiral Donutz: Heh, I hear you mon.
Isiah Zombie: So you're off for the rest of the day?
Admiral Donutz: Yeah, and I also don't have to go to school tomorrow because it's Independence Day... whatever that means.
Monkeysarefunny: You don't know what Independence Day is??
Admiral Donutz: Not really... is it an American holiday? I'm Finnish and I don't know these things.
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, well, after this I'm gonna Finnish you off!
Isiah Zombie: Well Donutz, Independence Day is a holiday that you don't know need to know anything about, other than the fact that you're supposed to light up a crapload of fireworks for no particular reason.
Admiral Donutz: A holiday where you're supposed to light up fireworks? That sounds like a fresh of breath air!
Isiah Zombie: Also, you're supposed have a barbecue.... for no particular reason again. So are you going to join our Independence cookout tomorrow?
Admiral Donutz: We'll see.
Isiah Zombie: You WILL join us. I'll make sure of it.... *rubs hands greedily together with a sneaky smile*
Monkeysarefunny: Why are you rubbing your hands together? Are you high right now?
Isiah Zombie: N-No...
Monkeysarefunny: Don't do drugs, man! Do hugs!
One day later, on July 4th, still at the apartment...
Admiral Donutz: So why is Independence Day always on July 4th?
Monkeysarefunny: Do I LOOK like a rocket surgeon to you? Sheesh!
Isiah Zombie: Independence Day is on July 4th so people can say, "May the fourth be with you!"
Monkeysarefunny: Um.... that joke was soooo gaaay.
Isiah Zombie: What was that?? Say that again and I'll press the ban button on you!
Monkeysarefunny: Oh, the ban button. I'm practically shaking in my Jimmy Choos. Except I'm not. Not at all, actually.
Admiral Donutz: So is anyone else showing up for the cookout?
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, I invited BB and-
Monkeysarefunny: -Don't say it... PLEASE DON'T SAY IT...
Isiah Zombie: And Shion and Zorat....
Monkeysarefunny: NOOOOOOO! What the heck is wrong with you, IZ? Were you high when you invited those two freaks over? ...Marijuana creates propaganda! Do you see what I mean now? I told you!
Isiah Zombie: Well I'm sure they would've smelled our cookout anyways...
Monkeysarefunny: Dayum! Dayum-dayum-dayum!
Admiral Donutz: Wait, are you guys eating meat? Didn't you know that I'm trying to become a vegetarian?
Monkeysarefunny: GET OVER YOURSELF.
One hour later, still at the apartment, Admiral Donutz has stepped out to find himself a vegetarian meal...
BigBoss: *walks in* Hello all! The name is BigBoss! What a wonderful and glorious day!
Isiah Zombie: Wow, you seem up-beat and cheery today.
BigBoss: Indeed I do! I just got back with Wendy! All is well in the kingdom of the boss!
Monkeysarefunny: You're not high right now, BB, are you? You know... sniffing the ol' Marijuana plant again?
BigBoss: No! Of course not! But speaking of marijuana, IZ, how was your weekend?
Isiah Zombie: Uh... wait, what?
Monkeysarefunny: Haha! KA-POW!
BigBoss: Anyways! Check out this cool fire-rocket I got! *lights up rocket* Watch it fly!
The rocket shoots up through the roof, creating a loud blast, and leaving a pile a debris on the floor...
Monkeysarefunny: Wowza, that rocket went high!
BigBoss: Indeed. Speaking of high, IZ, how was your weekend?
Isiah Zombie: What? I wasn't high...
Monkeysarefunny: Haha! Double KA-POW!
Isiah Zombie: STOP THIS NONSENSE!
Monkeysarefunny: No! We need more nonsense! Seriously, seeing that rocket blast through the roof really got my prankster juices flowing.
BigBoss: Yes! I feel the same way! ...Wanna blast firecrackers at a bunch of Mexicans?
Monkeysarefunny: Hell yeah! I like shooting it in their faces! They're all "que?" and then they're all "gurgle gurgle gurgle."
Isiah Zombie: That's kinda racist...
Monkeysarefunny: Shut up, you cigarette smoker.
Isiah Zombie: I don't smoke cigarettes - I only use natural herbs.
BigBoss: I say, I say boy! Look at me when I'm talking to you! Will we attempt to do any pranks today?
Monkeysarefunny: Yes, of course we are. Just give me a second to think of a good prank here...... one plus one equals four... and... carry the two... okay, I got it. Today is Independence Day, right?
Isiah Zombie: Yeah....?
Monkeysarefunny: Well, "independence" means to be by yourself, so an "independence cookout" would mean to be at a cookout by yourself!
Isiah Zombie: You mean you want us to leave Donutz here by himself?
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah! And since he's inviting the two freak droids over, he'll have a hell of a time!
One hour later, in the empty apartment...
Admiral Donutz: *walks in* Hey, I'm back from the store... *looks around* ...Where are you guys? ......If you guys aren't here, please say something.
*knock knock!*
Shion Alien: (from outside) Salutations! We're here for the cookout! We even brought some Grizzly steaks with us for the barbecue!
Zorat Robot: (robot voice) Zorat-prefers-scrap metal for lunch.
Admiral Donutz: *opens door* Uhh... I'm the only one here right now, and I don't eat meat. I'm trying to become a vegetarian.
Zorat Robot: Master-Shion, what shall become of the meat chuncks.
Shion Alien: We should.... hide the Salami.... with his mommy?
Admiral Donutz: Do you two want to come back when the others arrive?
Shion Alien: No, one spineless human child is enough.
Admiral Donutz: Shion, what you just said could be considered offensive to some people.
Shion Alien: Pardon me Donutz, I'm sorry if I may have insulted you. I wasn't aware that single-celled organisms could take offense to something so juvenile.
Admiral Donutz:
....Yeah, well, you just did it again.Shion Alien: Wow, you're pretty smart for a brain-dead peace of meat.
Admiral Donutz: Shut-up! You're just a gray-skinned apology for a lawn ornament!
Zorat Robot: Cheap-insult-by the slime sucking humanoid.
Admiral Donutz: And YOU! You're just a deranged toilet cleaning droid!
Zorat Robot: The-hologram-can comprehend, interesting. New-data-being updated.
Admiral Donutz: What's the matter with you guys? I thought we were friends! I mean, Monkey was right, you both suck!
Shion Alien: Oh please, what has that wretched baboon taught you this time? Did he lecture you on how to throw coconuts while tripping over his banana peels again?
Admiral Donutz: Shion, Monkey has taught me that you are just a one-dimensional son of a vat-grown alien pimpstress who has come from a planet of three-eyed excuses!
Shion Alien:
What was that? Why you little @%$&#!Admiral Donutz: What did you just call me...?
Zorat Robot: According-to-Master Shion, it is so foul, that it cannot be translated into the human language.
Admiral Donutz: Oh...
Zorat Robot: Douche.
Admiral Donutz: Shut-up, you calculating machine. I want the both of you out of here!
Shion Alien: ...Fine, we'll leave. But this isn't the end of us! We'll be back!
Admiral Donutz: Just leave already, and take your radiation-damaged cyborg with you.
Zorat Robot: I-have-been programmed to serve many purposes, and eliminating humans is one of them.
Admiral Donutz: Yeah, and I'm sure you also serve as a sick, space, pleasure droid...
Several hours later, Donutz is alone in the apartment...
*Isiah Zombie, Monkeysarefunny, and BigBoss walk in*
Isiah Zombie: Wow, I gotta admit, that was the best Independence Day ever.
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, who knew that Mexicans could light up so quickly?
BigBoss: You were right Monkey! They really do go "gurgle gurgle gurgle!"
Admiral Donutz: WHERE WERE YOU GUYS??
Isiah Zombie: Sup Donutz, were you here just chilling by yourself?
Admiral Donutz: I had the worst day ever! I felt like killing myself!
Monkeysarefunny: ......Go on......
Admiral Donutz: Shion and Zorat dropped by and starting insulting me like crazy! And they thought it was funny!
BigBoss: Well that's about as funny as a burning orphanage.
Admiral Donutz: I know! I never want to see the two of them ever again!
Isiah Zombie: ...You didn't happen to burn something in here, did you? Because I can smell some smoke.
Monkeysarefunny: *sigh* ......Smoking is such a turn-off. Especially for girls.
Isiah Zombie: See I don't think so. I find the risk of their own health and the health of others to be quite sexy.
BigBoss: STOP THIS NONSENSE! So.... Donutz, was it really that bad for you today?
Admiral Donutz: Yeah, about as bad as putting a pineapple up your ass.
BigBoss: SHIVER ME TIMBERS!
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, I know what that's like...
Monkeysarefunny:
........ IZ! Say it isn't so!Isiah Zombie: Umm...... *stuffs a Twix bar in mouth*
Admiral Donutz: Need a moment? Chew it over with Twix.
Monkeysarefunny: So is that a yes? ....Please respond truthfully.
Isiah Zombie: *gulp* Why must you guys interrogate me like this?!?
Monkeysarefunny: IZ, you're the closet thing I've ever had to a daughter, and I'll be dammed if you let that title go to waste.
Isiah Zombie: Thanks man, that means a lot to me.
Monkeysarefunny: No problem.
Admiral Donutz: Ummm.... what's going on here?
BigBoss: Gay stuff, I'm outta here.... *walks out*
Later that night...
Isiah Zombie: You know, the day isn't over yet. We could still light up some firecrackers or start up the grill.
Monkeysarefunny: Agreed. Actually, earlier today, I robbed a little kid who had a box of flares. He said he needed them for a camping trip he was going on.... what a waste that would've been.
Admiral Donutz: I have a lot of experience lighting up flares. You know, back in Finland, I used to work as a training boy in the fire department... but then...
Isiah Zombie: What happened?
Admiral Donutz: ...But then I got fired
Isiah Zombie: That sucks... Oh! I just remembered that I bought a fire-rocket last month just for this occasion... *pulls out rocket from under chair* ...BOOMSHAKALAKA!
Monkeysarefunny: Umm... IZ? You're not high right now, are you?
Isiah Zombie: No, why would you even ask that?
Monkeysarefunny: You tell me, Mr. Zombie. You tell me.
