Post by Isiah Zombie on Jul 19, 2008 10:27:43 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Broken Stock Broker
Episode: 41
Original Post Date: July 19, 2008
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Isiah Zombie and Monkeysarefunny are in their apartment one morning...
Isiah Zombie: Hey Monkey, there's a new videogame out called "Tenoxicam," should I pick it up?
Monkeysarefunny: You shouldn't just pick it up, you should buy it too.
Isiah Zombie: Why? Is it good? And does it have any difficulty?
Monkeysarefunny: This game is not only better than your mother, but it's also harder than your mother.
Isiah Zombie: Gah... you beat me again.
Monkeysarefunny: Just like all your previous girlfriends.
Isiah Zombie: Shut-up, you stupid sophomore.
Monkeysarefunny: Stupidity isn't an act or an emotion, it's a way of life.
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, well... you can't spell "sophomore" without "homo."
Monkeysarefunny: And you can't spell IZ without idiot.
Isiah Zombie: But... that doesn't make any sense...
Monkeysarefunny: Oh cry me a river. Then build a bridge. Then get me the **** over that bridge.
*Donutz walks in*
Admiral Donutz: Hey guys. I'm heading out on a trip tomorrow that will last for several days. Do you know of any good dog-walkers who can watch Buster in the meantime?
Monkeysarefunny: How about us? We'll do any gig for very little money.
Admiral Donutz: I said do you know of any "good" dog-walkers.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh, dandy... dandy...
Isiah Zombie: But WE ARE good dog-walkers.
Admiral Donutz: No, comparing you two is like comparing apples to oranges.
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, like rotten apples to fresh oranges.
Admiral Donutz: So who should I hire?
Isiah Zombie: Try hiring Caboose. I hear he's good with animals.
Admiral Donutz: Really? Caboose is good with animals? Is that a joke?
Monkeysarefunny: IZ doesn't make jokes, he is a joke.
Admiral Donutz: Isn't it true that Caboose beats dogs and cats up?
Isiah Zombie: He does - but they like it. So it evens out.
Admiral Donutz: Ah, so it's settled. I'll hire Caboose to watch my dog for me. See you guys later... *walks uot*
Isiah Zombie: Damn, being dog-walkers could've earned us some serious cash.
Monkeysarefunny: Hey you.... you with the face.... entertain me....
Isiah Zombie: I just got an idea. If we become dog-walkers, we can earn money just for spending just 4 hours walking around the block with some cheapo dogs.
Monkeysarefunny: Is your dog driving you crazy? Go beyond the leash.
Isiah Zombie: And then, with the extra cash, we can set up a dog-walking company so we hire people to make money for us!
Monkeysarefunny: What do you mean?
Isiah Zombie: What do you mean "what do I mean?" I mean exactly what I mean! Idiot!
Monkeysarefunny: Wow, that was mean...
Isiah Zombie: What do you mean?
Monkeysarefunny: I mean exactly what I mean! That you're mean!
Isiah Zombie: You really mean that?
Monkeysarefunny: Yes you meanie!
Isiah Zombie: Dammit fool! Make some sense there!
Monkeysarefunny: None of us made sense there. Our randomness was about even.
Isiah Zombie: About even? How odd...
Later that day, still at the apartment, Donutz is home alone ready to leave for his trip...
*knock knock!*
Caboose: (from outside) Yargey MATEY!
Admiral Donutz: *opens door* Good, you finally showed up.
Caboose: Yer Cap'n dodged a chain shot from the execution dock!
Admiral Donutz: Yeah so... you're good with dogs, right?
Caboose: Heave-To, MATEY! Ye don't run a rig!
Admiral Donutz: Right... so how much should I pay you?
Caboose: No prey, no pay!
Admiral Donutz: Okay, I'll pay you after my trip. I left the instructions for Buster on the fridge door. Take good care of him, and please make sure he's alive when I get back.
Caboose: Yarg! Yer a Drivelswigger, a Picaroon, a Freebooter, a-
Admiral Donutz: -Alright! Just don't do any weird stuff! *walks out*
Meanwhile... Isiah Zombie and Monkeysarefunny are walking down the street...
Isiah Zombie: Monkey, in your opinion, what is the height of stupidity?
Monkeysarefunny: I don't know. How tall are you?
Isiah Zombie: I'm being serious.
Monkeysarefunny: And I'm being honest.
Isiah Zombie: Hey look at that sign over there. It reads: "Now Hiring: Professional Dogwalkers." I'm going to check that out! *walks off*
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah man, just leave me here... alone...
Monkey walks inside a different store and sees a TV.. the television show is already in prgress...
TV Wife: Mike, tell me the truth! Have you been seeing other women?!?
TV Blind Man: No....
*Monkey changes channel*
TV Announcer: Are you looking for an easy way to make money at home?
Monkeysarefunny: (to TV) Hmm... yeah...
TV Announcer: Are you tired of waiting for other people to do it for you?
Monkeysarefunny: *thinks of IZ* ....Yeah.
TV Announcer: Well today's your lucky day! It's now easier than ever to make hard cash! Join our stockbroker's club today and make all the money you've ever wanted!
Monkeysarefunny: Go on...
TV Announcer: All you have to do is buy our stockbroker's program!
Monkeysarefunny: Sweet, where at?
TV Announcer: Not sold in stores...
Monkeysarefunny: Damn.
TV Announcer: As seen on TV!
Monkeysarefunny: Yay!
TV Announcer: Order within the next 5 minutes, and receive another free program for your lesser unfortunate friend!
Monkeysarefunny: Cool, so what do I do now?
TV Announcer: Call this number now! Processing fees may take several years to complete...
Monkeysarefunny: Sounds legit
Isiah Zombie: *returns* Okay, I got a couple dog-walking applications for us. Wanna take a look at these?
Monkeysarefunny: Umm... a good friend of mine once told me about a stockbroker's program which could make us easy money at home...
Isiah Zombie: Dude, that stuff is fake.
Monkeysarefunny: You rich or you no rich?
Isiah Zombie: Well, stockbrokers DO make more money than dogwalkers... but Monkey, you can't be trusted anymore.
Monkeysarefunny: I can't be trusted?? What are you talking about?
Isiah Zombie: Didn't you once get voted in school as "The Most Likely to Abuse his Consoles and TVs"?
Monkeysarefunny: I only have one console, and only one TV, and the only thing I abuse is your mom.... KA-POW!
Isiah Zombie: The point is, your ideas have caused much trouble in the past.
Monkeysarefunny: Trust me on this one, I have a good feeling about stockbrokers.
Isiah Zombie: Listening to you is gonna make me weep.... in a manly way, of course. But I think you may be onto something...
Several days later, back at the apartment...
Monkeysarefunny: Hey IZ, there's some mail for you. It's from the stockbroker thing.
Isiah Zombie: Well open it up.
Monkeysarefunny: ...Why isn't my name on this? *opens envelope* Hot-Diggity-Dog! ...We just got a check worth $10,000!
Isiah Zombie: Wow! I'm FLABERGASTED!
Monkeysarefunny: And I'm more FLAMDOOZLED!
Isiah Zombie: But..... we didn't do anything to earn this money.
Monkeysarefunny: Hey, I pretend to work, and they pretend to pay me.
Isiah Zombie: But we didn't invest in anything! This must be a mistake!
Monkeysarefunny: I started out with nothing and I still have most of it left. Just be happy with what we've earned.
Isiah Zombie: I think this is a scam. Maybe it's illegal money, and if we accept it, we get thrown in prison.
Monkeysarefunny: But we need the cash to... pay for rent... for our apartment. If you can't pay the cash, then you're out with the trash. What's better for you, living in a peaceful prison or living out in the cold streets?
Isiah Zombie: What's wrong with living on the streets?
Monkeysarefunny: It's dark, dangerous, and...... DIRTY!
Isiah Zombie: Uhh... let's just hide the check somewhere safe until we figure all of this out...
Later that night, still at the apartment, Caboose is alone watching Buster...
Caboose: Arrrgh! What's a Dublin's Cap'n supposed hearsay?
*phone rings*
Caboose: (answers phone) Hoist the YARD ARM! Who's this?
Admiral Donutz: (on phone) It's me, is everything alright with Buster?
Caboose: The four-legged wobbler is barking for some spriggy things!
Admiral Donutz: Did you read the instructions I left you?
Caboose: What instructions, ya cotton scallywag?
Admiral Donutz: It sounds like Buster is hungry. Did you check the fridge?
Caboose: I ate the dog grub, mate...
Admiral Donutz: Check under my bed, I have some extra bags of dog food in there.
Caboose: Heave-HO! Scallywag!
*Cabbose checks under bed*
Caboose: *finds $10,000 check* Yargitty-yargitty-yarg! Many golden pentaloons to be had! Hee-hee hah
Admiral Donutz: What's going on?
Caboose: ... *hangs up*
One day later, early in the morning, IZ and Monkey are alone on the apartment...
Isiah Zombie: Okay, after much consideration, I've decided to keep the money.
Monkeysarefunny: Hell yeah! You're one cool cat, IZ.
Isiah Zombie: Thanks, I wish I could say the same. Now, if anyone asks what we're using this money for, just say we're using it to pay for rent.
Monkeysarefunny: Dandy, very dandy...
Isiah Zombie: *looks under Donutz's bed* .....OH MY GAWD! The check is missing!
Monkeysarefunny:
........ *finger wags at situation*Isiah Zombie: But... look what I found! A hook! Caboose must've been here earlier!
Monkeysarefunny: Oh yeah, he was here watching a dog or something...
Isiah Zombie: How the hell could Caboose rob us like this? I mean, the guy has a peg-leg and an eyepatch! How can he even drive away from the scene of a crime?
Monkeysarefunny: Well maybe the peg-leg keeps his foot on the pedal while his eye-patch prevents peripheral vision, which means he can't stop to look both ways.... making him go faster.
Isiah Zombie: Crappity-crappity-CRAP!
Monkeysarefunny: Look on the bright side, at least you're still wearing a nice shirt. Whatever kind of look you were going for, you missed.
Isiah Zombie: Well, it's better than living on the streets or being sent to prison...
*knock knock!*
Isiah Zombie: *opens door* Who the heck are you?
Dog Trainer: Excuse me, I have a report stating that you have mistreated a dog by the name of "Buster." Is this correct?
Isiah Zombie: N-No...
Dog Trainer: I've been called in here to call for your arrest. In fact, I have the dog in my truck. It's in pretty bad condition.
Monkeysarefunny: Wow, Caboose must've beat the crap out of that dog. I thought they liked his abuse?
Isiah Zombie: Well I don't know what you're talking about, I-
Police Officer: *approaches* -You there! Are you Mr. Zombie?
Isiah Zombie: Y-Yeah...
Police Officer: Excuse me, I have a report stating that you accepted illegal money from a stockbrokers scam company. Is this correct?
Isiah Zombie: N-No...
Police Officer: I've been called in here to arrest you.
Isiah Zombie:
....But.... Monkey was involved too!Police Officer: *looks at Monkey* Is this true?
Monkeysarefunny: My name wasn't on the envelope... so no.
Police Officer: *handcuffs IZ* You DO NOT have the right to remain silent! Everything you say WILL be held against you in a court of law! *drags IZ out*
Monkeysarefunny: Hey IZ! ...Call me?
Dog Trainer: I'm glad he got arrested.
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah I know, freaking weirdo. So... I hear you like dogs?
Dog Trainer: Of course.
Monkeysarefunny: Cool! Let's exchange recipes!
Dog Trainer: ...Umm... no.
