Post by Isiah Zombie on Jul 26, 2008 14:27:16 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Babysitting Fools
Episode: 42
Original Post Date: July 26, 2008
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Isiah Zombie and Admiral Donutz are in their apartment one morning...
Isiah Zombie: Hey Donutz, I'm sorry I sold your Silver Fang DVD's. I didn't realize they were THAT important to you.
Admiral Donutz: It's okay, they show re-runs on TV.
Isiah Zombie: But I'll make it up to you. Because your my MAYNE MAN!
Admiral Donutz: Yeah, aha no. Seriously, forget about it.
Isiah Zombie: Why? Did you buy them again without telling me??
Admiral Donutz: I said FUHGETABOUTIT!
*knock knock!*
Isiah Zombie: *opens door* Hey there, Landlord. What's rockin'?
El Dave: IZ! Thank goodness you're home!
Isiah Zombie: Why? What's the matter?
El Dave: You remember my girlfriend, right?
Isiah Zombie: You mean, the girl who would kill you if you didn't get her the things she wanted?
El Dave: Exactly! Well... her sister has a baby... and I'm supposed to look after it in my apartment! This is no good!
Admiral Donutz: HAH! That's what you get for getting involved with girls. Being single is way better by several miles, maybe even by kilometers.
Isiah Zombie: A mile is longer than a kilometer, you silly goose.
El Dave: What am I supposed to do? I've never taken care of a child before!
Isiah Zombie: Well luckily for you, I live with Monkeysarefunny, which is like living with a child. I'll tell you what, I'll go down the hall over to your room and help you out with the babysitting.
El Dave: Hey thanks! Then when we get there, we can drink some ZANAHOL!
Isiah Zombie: No Dave. You don't drink while watching kids... *sigh* ...there's so much you have to learn...
Several hours later, Donutz is alone in the apartment watching TV...
Admiral Donutz: Oh cool, they're showing a re-run of Silver Fang. I can finally watch this in peace-
*Monkeysarefunny walks in*
Monkeysarefunny: HUZZAH! Wuz happenin?
Admiral Donutz: What are you doing here?
Monkeysarefunny: You mean besides the fact that I live here?
Admiral Donutz:
...What do you want?Monkeysarefunny: I'm here to teach you how to swim. Why, you ask? Because now I have "swimmer" skillz!
Admiral Donutz: Please, not now.
Monkeysarefunny: Why not? It's easy. Swimming is like riding a bike. Once you get it down, you're not gonna unget it.
Admiral Donutz: Not unless.... you don't know how to ride a bike.... SHUT YOUR FACE OK!?
Monkeysarefunny: You don't know how to ride a bike? HAHA! LOSER!
Admiral Donutz: Get over it!
Monkeysarefunny: Okay okay, I'm over it.....
Yeah right, who am I kidding? That was PURE!Admiral Donutz: Shut up already! It's not like I'm that guy who didn't know how to juggle!
Monkeysarefunny: Who? You mean Spruce Willy? It's not that he didn't know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it.
Meanwhile, down the hall in another room, Damian and the Drill Sergeant are planning a scheme...
Damian: Okay Sarge, after having successfully accomplished objective 1, we'll now move onto objective 2.
Drill Sergeant: As scheduled. We must infiltrate Monkey's apartment and deliver the kill. This is revenge for his absence in Vietnam!
Damian: I know. He deserted us... and we almost got killed because of it. Good thing you decided to eat a hard boiled egg that morning.
Drill Sergeant: Indeed. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
Damian: Okay, maybe we should prepare for objective 2 now.
Drill Sergeant: Or maybe we should father our own children
Damian: ...No.
Meanwhile, down the hall in another room, Isiah Zombie and El Dave are planning a meal for the baby...
Isiah Zombie: Uhh... this seems like a lotta food for just one baby.
El Dave: Trust me, it's a big baby.
Isiah Zombie: But this is enough food to feed a fully grown man.
El Dave: THROW AWAY YOUR LOGIC AND KICK REASON TO THE CURB!!
Isiah Zombie: I haven't even seen the baby yet. Where is it?
El Dave: It's in my bedroom sleeping. I had to put it in there because it barfed up a smaller child earlier.
Isiah Zombie: A... a what?
El Dave: A smaller child. Yeah, Little Timmy likes to eat people for snacks.
Isiah Zombie: Umm... I didn't see it, so I guess it never happened...
El Dave: Alright, the meal is prepared. Let's go feed Little Timmy!
*IZ and Dave walk into the bedroom*
El Dave: Hey there little fella! We got some food for you!
Isiah Zombie: *looks at Timmy* HOLY SUNUVA-OH MY GAWD!
Little Timmy: (deep voice) GOO-GOO GA-GA, *****.
Isiah Zombie: This baby is HUGE!
El Dave: Well it looks like a normal baby, except for the fact that it's scaled 10 times larger.
Isiah Zombie: It takes up HALF THE ROOM!
Little Timmy: FEEEEED MEH..... NOOOOOW!
Meanwhile, down the hall in another room, Monkeysarefunny and Admiral Donutz are watching Silver Fang...
Admiral Donutz: MAF, could you please stop talking? I can barely hear what the Ivory Priesthood are talking about.
Monkeysarefunny: I am a civilized primate! I can talk whenever I want to talk!
Admiral Donutz: Grrrrr...
Monkeysarefunny: You know, T-Shirts have been pissing me off lately.
Admiral Donutz:
...Go to different stores. Realize the world isn't based on you and your needs. Also, why would that piss you off? Take some anger management classes.Monkeysarefunny: ...Wow, chill out dude. It's not like I'm raging about it.
Admiral Donutz: Funny, wasn't that my point to you? So because you're not raging about it, it's okay? And you're telling me to chill out? Yep, you're definitely lost in your own little naive world. Get over yourself.
Monkeysarefunny: ....Looks like you're the one who needs to take some anger management classes.
Admiral Donutz: You should try saying something good about me for a change. The very fabric of my reality is being torn apart by your childish nonsense.
Monkeysarefunny: I'm raging too. And by raging I mean that I've got a raging boner... cuz there's a hot chick at 12-o-clock.
Admiral Donutz: But it's barely 11-o-clock.
Monkeysarefunny: That means to look straight ahead, dammit!
Admiral Donutz: Oh... that's not a hot chick, that's an old priest from the Ivory Priesthood. He researches the secrets of life and death.
Monkeysarefunny: Huh.... weird.
Meanwhile, outside the door to Monkey and Donutz's apartment...
Damian: Ready, Sarge. Objective 2 will commence in 1 minute.
Drill Sergeant: Good. I got the ropes ready. I'm gonna tie Monkey and anyone else who's in there up to the ceiling.
Damian: Yes, hanging from the ceiling upside down. Just like what was done to us in Vietnam.
Drill Sergeant: Well if it wasn't for my hard boiled egg, we'd still be hanging there... *sniff*
Damian: Don't go there, it's a very dark place. Our revenge will take place.... NOW!
*Damian and the Drill Sergeant break down the door*
Drill Sergeant: No excuses this time Private Monkey! You have no place to run to now!
Monkeysarefunny: Damian? Sarge? What are you guys doing here?
Damian: The revenge for your absence in Vietnam has arrived! We're gonna tie you guys up from the top of the ceiling!
Admiral Donutz: What? Me too? I didn't do anything to get involved in this!
Drill Sergeant: Everyone goes down! There are no prisoners of war! If you can attack, attack. If you cannot attack, defend. If you cannot defend, flee. If you cannot flee, die! *throws rope around Monkey and Donutz*
Meanwhile, down the hall in another room, Isiah Zombie and El Dave are deciding on who should feed Little Timmy...
El Dave: Alright, you spoon-feed him the first ten times.
Isiah Zombie: .....Five.
El Dave: Ten.
Isiah Zombie: Deal.
Little Timmy:
...WAAAAH!Isiah Zombie: Great, now what?
El Dave: Looks like somebody needs to change his diaper.
Isiah Zombie: Oh-hell-to-the-no!
El Dave: Hey man! We're babysitters! Do you know what that means?
Isiah Zombie: With a baby this big, does that mean that the baby SITS ON US?
El Dave: Heh... that was zany.
Isiah Zombie: You like that, don't you?
El Dave: Boo yah! I like anything zany. Zanyholic! I can't live without ZANAHOL!
Isiah Zombie: Dude, we need to take a break.
Little Timmy: *stomps feet on ground* ........MOMMMMY!
Isiah Zombie: I said take a break! Not break the house!
El Dave: Indubitably! Be cool my babies, be cool... there's no need to get upset.
Little Timmy: *stands up and wobbles towards door* GOO-GOO-GA-JOOB! *breaks down door*
El Dave: ...Did I drink too much LOCOHOL again?
Isiah Zombie: NO! This is for reals!
El Dave:
Sweetdiggity! Isiah Zombie: This is a bad thing!
El Dave: Oh, I mean..... GREAT GOOGAMOOGA
! Haven't you realized that there's no peace without war?*Little Timmy crawls out of El Dave's apartment and stomps down the hallway*
Meanwhile, down the hall in another room, Admiral Donutz and Monkeysarefunny are hanging upside down on ropes...
Monkeysarefunny: You'll never get away with this! NEVAR!
Drill Sergeant: Oh I believe it's a bit too late for threats, don't you agree, Monkey?
Admiral Donutz: *red face* ...I've been hanging for too long... too much blood in brain... can't take it much longer...
Damian: Yes! Feel the pain! And you have no hard boiled egg to save you either!
*ground shakes*
Drill Sergeant: What was that?
Damian: I... don't know... but... it sounds like a tank!
*Little Timmy bursts in*
Little Timmy: FEEED MEH! FEEEEED MEH!
Drill Sergeant: It's a giant baby! Quick! Run for cover!
Damian: What? No amount of training can prepare me for this!
Little Timmy: YUMMY! *grabs Damian* ME SO HUNGRY!
Damian: NOOOOO! *gets chewed up*
IZ and Dave run in...
Isiah Zombie: Watch out!
El Dave: I told you, IZ! Little Timmy likes to eat people for snacks!
Little Timmy: *grabs Sarge* YUMMY YUM FOR THE TUMMY TUM!
Drill Sergeant: Nooo! I can't go out this way- *gets eaten*
Little Timmy: Yuuuuumy.... *burrrrp* ........ *falls asleep with a loud thump*
Monkeysarefunny: That's awesome... but don't just leave us hanging here!
Admiral Donutz: *passes out*...
*Isiah Zombie and El Dave cut the ropes*
Several minutes later...
Isiah Zombie: Wow, that was intense!
Monkeysarefunny: What's the deal with that giant baby anyways? I hate how everything in here just turns into one giant, topicless amalgamation.
Admiral Donutz: *regains consciousness* .....Whoa..... I need to take a rest.
El Dave: Is it time to drink some ZANAHOL yet?? Loco Alcohol is LOCOHOL! Randomness for the win! Yeah!
Admiral Donutz: NO! I need some rest! I don't want anyone to wake me up during my nap! You guys hear me?? Do you HEAR ME?!? *Silver Fang starts up on TV* ...Oh cool, Silver Fang
Isiah Zombie: Oh geez...
