Post by Isiah Zombie on Aug 2, 2008 8:27:30 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
The Camping Trip
Episode: 43
Original Post Date: August 2, 2008
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Isiah Zombie, Monkeysarefunny, and Admiral Donutz are walking up on Alpine Trail...
Isiah Zombie: So where exactly does this "Alpine Trail" lead to?
Monkeysarefunny: In about 1.5 miles we should be arriving at a little log cabin. We sign up there and they give us supplies for camping... and stuff.
Admiral Donutz: And why are we camping again?
Monkeysarefunny: Don't you remember? We decided where we going for our vacation over a flip of a coin. Heads was the camping trip, and tails was fails.
Admiral Donutz: But I said I wanted to go to the "Downtown Arcades" instead!
Isiah Zombie: Yeah me too. But camping isn't all that bad, is it?
Admiral Donutz: It's the most horrifying thing in world. At least for me. Camping sucks ass. Hard.
Monkeysarefunny: I... I like camping... quite a bit, actually.
Admiral Donutz: I HATE IT!
Monkeysarefunny: Lighten up, Mr stick-in-his-ass.
Admiral Donutz: Shut up! You're just a stupid, sloppy Monkey!
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, well, that's just, like, you know, your opinion, man.
Several minutes later...
Isiah Zombie: So is that the cabin up ahead?
Monkeysarefunny: Yep. It's been a long time. I remember when I camped here as a kid. Heh, good times.... though it seems kinda empty now.
Admiral Donutz: Do you think.... do you think maybe....
Isiah Zombie: Oh geez, what is it this time?
Admiral Donutz: Do you think that maybe there's OMG BEARS EVERYWHERE??
Isiah Zombie: Of course not.
Monkeysarefunny: It's just a myth. Didn't you once tell me that each year, more people are killed by teddy bears more than by grizzly bears?
Admiral Donutz: By grizzly bears, not by OMG BEARS!
Isiah Zombie: Alright, settle down. There's a guy working at the cabin now. I'm sure he can tell us if there are any OMG bears or not.
*the trio approaches the cabin*
Isiah Zombie: Excuse me, sir?
Goddard: ZZZzzzzzZZZ..... ZzzzzZzzzz......
Monkeysarefunny: See Donutz? He's sleeping. Do you think this guy would be taking a nap if there were vicious bears running around here?
Admiral Donutz: Hmm, that's a good point.
Isiah Zombie: EXCUSE ME SIR! STOP SLEEPING AND ATTEND US!
Goddard:
Huh? Are the bears back already ??Monkeysarefunny: ...Umm...
Isiah Zombie: Hasn't anyone ever told you that you're not supposed to sleep on the job?
Goddard: Eh... I wasn't sleeping... I was just... uhh... resting my eyes. Yeah.
Isiah Zombie: Dude, I heard you snoring.
Goddard: Oh... well... it's just that I've been sad lately because my dog died.....
Admiral Donutz: Is he gonna be okay?
Goddard: I SAID MY DOG DIED! DON'T YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS??
Admiral Donutz: That’s sort of a trick question, and I don’t have a trick answer. Next question, please.
Goddard: ...Who are you guys anyways? And what are you doing on this camping ground? Eh?
Isiah Zombie: Well we were just going to-
Goddard: -EH I SAID! EH!
Isiah Zombie: ...We were just going to get some supplies for our camping trip.
Goddard: C-Camping trip
? Haven't you been warned...?Isiah Zombie: What did you say?
Goddard: It's just that... not many people have showed up since..... the incident...
Isiah Zombie: Since the what?
Goddard: Since..... the incident...
Isiah Zombie: Speak up, boy!
Goddard: Uhh... I said... it's a pleasure to have you as new members to this log cabin!
Admiral Donutz: So where is everybody else? You can't tell me we're the only ones here.
Goddard: All the other people.... have already gone camping! Yeah! Let me give you your camping supplies!
Several minutes later...
*Isiah Zombie walks out of fitting room*
Isiah Zombie: Alrighty. I got a cool new camping hat, some candy bars in case I get hungry, and a big backpack where I packed a lot of stuff in. I'm all good. What about you, Donutz? Where's all your stuff?
Admiral Donutz: We're all gonna die. What's the point?
Isiah Zombie: Umm... okay. Have you seen Monkey?
*Monkey walks out from a different fitting room*
Monkeysarefunny: Oh yeah, check me out!
Isiah Zombie: Woah... what the hell are you wearing, man?
Monkeysarefunny: What do you mean? I'm just wearing my old boy scouts outfit. The EXACT same one I wore as a kid
Isiah Zombie: Heh heh... nice short-shorts.
Admiral Donutz: You know where they don't have short-shorts? .....At the Downtown Arcades.
Isiah Zombie: Well, Monkey, you gotta cover yourself up or something, cuz there's no way I'll be staring up at that as you lead the hiking trip.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh come on man, can't you be supportive of me and my style?
Isiah Zombie: Okay, how's this: "You know what I want for Christmas? THAT ASS wrapped in BICYCLE SHORTS!"
Monkeysarefunny: There you go. Now Donutz, I need a compliment from you too.
Admiral Donutz: Nice shorts. I like the way the purple brings out the veins in your legs.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh yeah! Now we're cookin'! So who wants to sing along to some camping songs? I'll lead the way
!Admiral Donutz: *sigh* ...You know where they don't have to sing camping songs? .....At the Downtown Arcades.
One hour later, continuing on the path of Alpine Trail, Goddard leads the way into the woods...
Goddard: Oh wait, I forgot to introduce myself. Yep, hello. I'm Goddard, and this is a pointless introduction to a pointless camping trip...
Monkeysarefunny: This is great! The good 'ol outdoors! Don't you agree, Donutz?
Admiral Donutz: Tell me, what's the most you've ever lost on a coin toss?
Goddard: All eyes on me! I also serve as a tour guide, ya know... *points to tree* ...See that tree over there? That's a tree. And you see that other tree behind this tree? Well... that's just another tree.
Isiah Zombie: Interesting. So where are we headed off to?
Goddard: There's a cave, with a river, and some more trees. When we're there, we've hit the camping site. Got it?
Isiah Zombie: But the whole place looks like that. How do we know when we're there?
Goddard: You always gotta divide by zero! Then you'll know!
Isiah Zombie: ...I don't get it
Monkeysarefunny: You, sir, deserved to be slapped up-side your head with a dead, slimy trout. If I can recall correctly, it's called being "troutslapped."
Isiah Zombie: Heh... I once knew a guy who was troutslapped. Guess who it was?
Monkeysarefunny: Um.... Mulligan?
Goddard: BLAAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGGHHHH!! I just remembered that I ate UNCOOKED FISH yesterday!
Isiah Zombie: ....So?
Goddard: That explains my itchy skin and my desire to shoot myself!
Monkeysarefunny: Dude, you're turning green.
Goddard: *patches of green skin are visible* BLARG! I'm turning into a mutant! An ugly dirty mutant!
Isiah Zombie: ...Not that there's anything wrong with that...
Goddard: Help me! HELP ME NAO!
Admiral Donutz: I've seen this before. You've been infected with poison ivy.
Goddard: Ahh! Make it stop! Make it stop!
Admiral Donutz: Hmm... I wasn't aware that this habitat had any of these kinds of plants. Unfortunetely, you'll just have the deal with the urushiol on your own.
Goddard: Deal with the what? SPEAK ENGLISH YOU DUBLIN! It's starting to get irritating!
Admiral Donutz: The urushiol, or itch. I know about these things because I have "chemist" skillz.
Goddard: OHMYGAWD I'm dying! ..... *falls and dies*
Isiah Zombie: Oh no! *kicks Goddard* Live, dammit! LIVE!
Admiral Donutz: Leave him, for now. There's only one way to bring him back from the dead.
Monkeysarefunny: And that one way is to.... KILL HIM.
Admiral Donutz: *sigh* ...MAF, sometimes I worry about you.
Isiah Zombie: He's a monkey. He's not very evolved. What do you expect?
Admiral Donutz: The only way to bring him back is to find a cure... and according to the map that I grabbed to combat boredom, the cure can be found inside a dark cave located up north. Let's move!
The trio locates the dark cave, and after carrying Goddard to the entrance of the cave, IZ places him down...
Isiah Zombie: Damn Goddard is heavy.... wait, wasn't this where we were headed anyways? I mean, see the cave, the river, and the trees?
Monkeysarefunny: Heh, yeah. So where's the cure?
Admiral Donutz: It should be located underground. Now how do we get it out...?
Monkeysarefunny: Life is a garden, dig it.
Admiral Donutz: But it can only be found behind that giant bolder ahead. There's no way we can get past that.
Monkeysarefunny: Monkey's my name, destruction's my game. Let me at it!
Isiah Zombie: Umm... guys? Could the cure be in this bottle labeled "cure" by the entrance of the cave?
Admiral Donutz: Yeah! That's it!
Monkeysarefunny: Hell yeah! Now we're cookin'!
Admiral Donutz: But wait, there's not enough dosage in here to fully cure Goddard.
Monkeysarefunny:
...You got my hopes up... now all hell will break loose.Isiah Zombie: I shall grace you with my presence and with my intelligence. According to the map that Donutz grabbed to combat boredom, there are more bottles of cure across the river.
Monkeysarefunny: HOLY **** I LIVE FOR THIS.
Isiah Zombie: What do you mean?
Monkeysarefunny: I have "swimmer" skillz, remember? I'll just swim across the river, grab the extra bottles of cure, and we'll be all set!
Admiral Donutz: But according to the map that I grabbed to combat boredom-
Monkeysarefunny: -stop calling it that...
Admiral Donutz: It says that there are OMG bears on the other side of the river..... You said they were just a myth! YOU STINKIN' LIAR!
Monkeysarefunny: Hmm... I guess you were right. I was wrong. I'm sorry.
Admiral Donutz: Good. Now apologize.
Monkeysarefunny: I.... I.... just.... *sigh*
Isiah Zombie: I guess it's time to kick some OMG BEAR ASS! ...Or to get eaten alive. You in, Donutz?
Admiral Donutz: You know where they don't have OMG BEARS? .....At the Downtown Arcades.
Isiah Zombie: If we decide not to do anything, we should dispose of the body or something.
Admiral Donutz: Well, at least we tried. Should we throw the body in the river? Or should we bury it underground?
Monkeysarefunny: Life is a garden, dig it.
Several minutes later, still at the entrance of the cave...
Isiah Zombie: *walks back from distance* Okay, I'm done. The body has been dealt with.
Admiral Donutz: That's sad. I wonder who's going to run the cabin now?
Monkeysarefunny: ...Yo mama.
Isiah Zombie: You know what's weird though? Goddard actually came back alive for a few seconds as I was burying him.
Admiral Donutz: He what? What do you mean "he came back alive"? What happened?
Monkeysarefunny: Yes, I'd like to know too.
Isiah Zombie: He gave out a long, relentless fart and said, "I win."
Admiral Donutz: What does that mean, he wins?
Monkeysarefunny: He probably means that he took something valuable with him to the grave! Let's search him!
Isiah Zombie: No Monkey, that's what google is for. I think he meant that he won something, like.... revenge.
*three OMG BEARS burst from underground*
OMG BEARS: RAAAWR!
Admiral Donutz: Fffffff***!
Monkeysarefunny: Quick! Run for the hills!
Isiah Zombie: GAAHH!! Lead the way, Mr short-shorts!
The trio runs back to the cabin as the OMG bears chase after them... into the distance...
Goddard: *crawling out from underground* Heh heh heh.... *wipes dirt off from face* ...That's what you get for not dividing by zero! Mwahahahahah! *starts to sing* "Go ahead and run, cuz you ain’t got no gun, run over there, away from the bear, and climb up a tree, if you disagree...... The moral of the story, is that I get all the glory, and that’s all there is, there ain’t no more, so what the heck, am I singing for?
