The Zombie Guy Show (44)

[Isiah Zombie]

The Zombie Guy Show

Mind Reader
Episode: 44
Original Post Date: August 9, 2008

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Isiah Zombie, Admiral Donutz, and Monkeysarefunny are in their apartment one morning...

Isiah Zombie: So Monkey, I hear you sneaked into Shion's apartment yesterday. Is that true?
Monkeysarefunny: Heh, yeah, I took some stuff too.
Admiral Donutz: Cool! What did you take?
Monkeysarefunny: Well Shion is an alien, so I took a sneak peak at his fridge to see if he ate any humans. Then I managed to filch a little drink called "Odyssey."
Isiah Zombie: Odyssey? What kind of drink is that?
Monkeysarefunny: I don't know, it had alien letters on it.
Admiral Donutz: Uh... it wouldn't happen to glow in the dark, would it?
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah... why? Did you see it?
Admiral Donutz: Yes, I think I may have..... drank it.
Isiah Zombie: You drank an alien drink?? What the hell is wrong with you??
Admiral Donutz: Crap! What's gonna happen to me?
Monkeysarefunny: You're gonna visit LA-LA LAND! You best get yo mind blown!
Admiral Donutz: What do you mean?
Monkeysarefunny: You best get yo mind racked!
Admiral Donutz: What the hell does THAT MEAN??
Monkeysarefunny: Listen up. The bottle only had one line which I could read, and it said: "Beware, one gulp of this tonic may severely ALTER the MIND."
Admiral Donutz: Ffffff****!

Later that night, still at the apartment, w00tdude visits to watch a movie...

Isiah Zombie: Wow, w00tdude, you broke your old record. Now it takes you MORE than five minutes to insert a DVD. Congrats.
w00tdude: Teh awwwws! The movie won't start!
Admiral Donutz: Just press play, w00ty.
Monkeysarefunny: Seriously, it shouldn't be that hard.
w00tdude: I can't.... there's no words that say "play" or "stop." There's only arrows.
Isiah Zombie: Oh I see. (I guess they're designing the DVD players for the illiterates now)
Admiral Donutz: What did you say?
Isiah Zombie: All I said was "Oh I see."
Admiral Donutz: No, you said something else. It was something about illiterates.
Isiah Zombie: Wow, crazy, just this moment I was thinking about how illiterate w00tdude was.
Admiral Donutz: You mean... you only thought that?
w00tdude: I'm not illiterate! I'm so smart that I skipped kindergarten!
Isiah Zombie: Really? You mean to tell me that you made it this far without knowing your shapes and colors? ...I'm impressed.
w00tdude: You learn that stuff in 1st grade anyways.
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, but by then it's only a review. Anyways, I think I want to see a comedy-free, DEPRESSING AS HELL film! (If only to skip this movie night)
Admiral Donutz: So I can read thoughts now? Heh heh heh...
Isiah Zombie: Why would you want to watch a depressing film? (Please give a valid reason so we can skip this damn movie night)
Monkeysarefunny: Because it's my one time of the month to feel dark and moody! (Is that a good enough reason for ya? Huh? IS IT?)
Isiah Zombie: Well, I guess we all go through that. (Not good enough)
w00tdude: Are you guys gonna help me or what? I can't get this DVD to play!
Admiral Donutz: Just think, w00ty, THINK!
w00tdude: I am thinking!
Admiral Donutz: No... you're not.
w00tdude: How would you know?
Admiral Donutz: Trust me, I know.
w00tdude: Now I feel teh suckish
Isiah Zombie: Should I go get the popcorn ready? (Maybe my "secret ingredient" could end the party soon)
Monkeysarefunny: Sure, that sounds like a great idea. (About time you get off your lazy ass, IZ)
Isiah Zombie: Would you like your popcorn with butter or would you prefer it salted? (Pick your posion, Monkey boy)
Monkeysarefunny: I think I'll go with butter tonight. (Psh, jerk ass)
Isiah Zombie: Alright, I'll be back in a few. (I might as well jump out the window since I got the chance)
Monkeysarefunny: Okay! Don't be long! (You should jump out the window if you get the chance)

Isiah Zombie leaves the room... and jumps out the window out of sight...

Admiral Donutz: Wow... hey MAF, could I ask you a question?
Monkeysarefunny: As long as you don't ask me a question, sure.
Admiral Donutz: What do you think about me? What is your honest opinion of who I am and how I am?
Monkeysarefunny: You're a pretty cool Finnish kid. (With many, MANY problems)
Admiral Donutz: Really? What's your opinion about the way I look?
Monkeysarefunny: You look pretty cool for a Finnish kid. (Actually, you look about as dumb as Mutton Butt, and that's saying something)
Admiral Donutz: What? I am speechless! I am literally without speech! *runs out*
Monkeysarefunny: Hey wait a minute! What did I say? (So I can say it more often!)
w00tdude: *DVD starts* Cool! The movie started! I guess now it's just you and me Monkey! Just you and me
Monkeysarefunny: Well that REALLY sucks. (And I'm not afraid to say it)
w00tdude: Let's both sing along the Wal-Mart intro!
Monkeysarefunny: *sigh* ....A PBS mind in an MTV world....

The next morning, still at the apartment...

Isiah Zombie: *walks in* G'mornin' Monkey.
Monkeysarefunny: Where have you been? I'm still waiting for my popcorn from last night.
Isiah Zombie: Oh yeah, about that... the thing is, we didn't have any popcorn in the house, so I went down to the store to get some, but then one thing led to another, and..... long story short, here I am.
Monkeysarefunny: Just so you know, I had to watch the 3-part DVD series of "The Making of the Wal-Mart Movie" alone with Mutton Butt.
Isiah Zombie: So? That movie is fun for the whole family! Well, except maybe for the baby...
Monkeysarefunny: Including the bonus DVD.
Isiah Zombie: Oh.... ouch. Sorry about that. So where's Donutz?
Monkeysarefunny: He said something about "going to Shion's apartment to drink more Odyssey because the effects faded away" ......whatever that means.
Isiah Zombie: Wait, so the drink DID alter his mind? I gotta get me one of those!
Monkeysarefunny: May I add that I see enough crazy things without using mind-altering chemicals?
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, you told me that once. Now to get me some Odyssey...
Monkeysarefunny: What did you say? I couldn't quite hear it.
Isiah Zombie: I SAID I MISS DONUTZ. Turn up your hearing aid, grandpa!
Monkeysarefunny: I was just asking for a clarification... *turns up hearing aid anyways*

Several hours later, still at the apartment, Monkey is alone...

Admiral Donutz: *walks in* Well, I went to Shion's place and he told me he didn't have anymore Odyssey. I guess I won't be having anymore mind altering effects.
Monkeysarefunny: You... talked to him about this? So now he knows I sneaked into his apartment?? You stupid, dirty DONUT!
Admiral Donutz: No, I didn't mention you did it.
Monkeysarefunny: You DOOFUS! How would YOU even know about it if I didn't steal it? Huh?
Admiral Donutz: Oh... I didn't think about that.
Monkeysarefunny: That's your problem Donutz, you don't THINK!
Admiral Donutz: Hey man, I do plenty of thinking.
Monkeysarefunny: Great, now I gotta go to his apartment, offer him Gatorade, and if he refuses, slaughter him. Thanks a lot.
Isiah Zombie: *walks in* So according to Shion, I should be able to read minds...
Admiral Donutz: Hey IZ, where have you been? (Not that I care)
Isiah Zombie: Oh, just plotting to take over the world. Haha I'm joking... (But in my mind I will)
Admiral Donutz: So I guess you went nowhere then. (Like always)
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, pretty much.
Monkeysarefunny: See, I don't mind going nowhere as long as it's an interesting path. (And as long as IZ isn't there)
Isiah Zombie: You know, I feel like making some coffee now, but my coffee maker has been missing for awhile. Have any of you guys seen it? (I can finally found out who took it!)
Admiral Donutz: Don't worry! I'll make some coffee for you! (You aren't the only one who can add "secret ingredients"... HAH!)
Isiah Zombie: Thanks a lot. Can you make my coffee with some milk and a little bit of soda?
Admiral Donutz: Sure! (What a nasty combination...) *walks into kitchen*
Monkeysarefunny: You don't want decaf? Huh.... weird.
Isiah Zombie: So.... Monkey. What ever happened to your girlfriend? You don't talk about her anymore.
Monkeysarefunny: Uhh... she's still around. (Damn, did he find out I don't have a girlfriend anymore?)
Isiah Zombie: Heh... you don't have a girlfriend, do you?
Monkeysarefunny: I think, therefore I'm single.
Isiah Zombie: HAHA! You lost her, didn't you?
Monkeysarefunny: Of all the things I've lost, I think I miss my mind the most. (Man... I wish that were a joke)
Isiah Zombie: Don't worry about it. Like I always say: "Mind over matter - if you don't mind, it don't matter."
Monkeysarefunny: Way ahead of you, buddy.

*Donutz walks back in with two cups of coffee*

Admiral Donutz: Okay! Your coffee's ready! (Drink up, IZ!)
Isiah Zombie: Thanks Donutz. You're one of the coolest people I know.
Admiral Donutz: No problemo. (Just shut-up and drink it already)
Monkeysarefunny: You made me coffee too? But I didn't ask for any.
Admiral Donutz: Why so many questions? JUST DRINK IT. (Don't worry Monkey, I added "secret ingredients" to yours too)
Isiah Zombie: Yeah yeah... *drinks coffee*
Monkeysarefunny: ...That was mine.
Isiah Zombie: *gulp* Umm... this tastes kinda weird.
Monkeysarefunny: ....Well, it seems to me that there may be some kind of.... other.... liquid.... in that coffee. I'm not saying there is, I'm just tossing it out there.
Isiah Zombie: What? *spits out* What is this ****?
Admiral Donutz: It's the soda you told me to put in.
Monkeysarefunny: Uh... you wouldn't happen to get that "soda" from the back of the fridge, would you?
Admiral Donutz: Yeah... why? Was it yours?
Monkeysarefunny: That was my extra bottle of Odyssey.
Isiah Zombie: ...
Admiral Donutz: ...So... IZ can read our minds now...?
Isiah Zombie: I was reading both of your minds this whole time. Especially yours, Donutz.
Monkeysarefunny: Sicko.
Isiah Zombie: Donutz, I knew about your scheme to put "secret ingredients" in my coffee since the beginning!
Admiral Donutz: What? Don't accuse me of anything! Remember yesterday when you went to go get popcorn? You tried to do the same thing to Monkey!
Isiah Zombie: Uhh.... yeah, about that....
Monkeysarefunny: Sicko.
Isiah Zombie: At least I didn't try to go back to Shion's apartment to get more Odyssey to read even MORE MINDS! IN YO FACE!
Admiral Donutz: ...Well, I just wanted to read minds for little while more...
Monkeysarefunny: Sicko-sicko-sicko.
Admiral Donutz: At least I didn't jump out the window to run away from the movie night! Remember you left Monkey alone with w00ty? Roundhouse kick BACK in YO FACE!
Monkeysarefunny: Sicko-sicko-sic-hey wait, you did that on purpose, IZ? I had to watch "The Wal-Mart Bonus DVD" with Mutton Butt alone for three hours! That **** was brutal!
Isiah Zombie: At least I didn't STEAL Odyssey from Shion! I just asked him politely and he gave me some. Monkey's a THEIF!
Monkeysarefunny: Uhh... that's one of my best qualities...
Admiral Donutz: That's true. Monkey WAS the one who started all this.
Monkeysarefunny: Don't accuse me of anything! At least I didn't press play on the DVD movie!
Isiah Zombie: ...What does that have to do with anything?
Monkeysarefunny: Umm... let's... all... blame... this... on... Mutton Butt?
Admiral Donutz: I could get on board with that.
Isiah Zombie: Sweet. Let's do it.
Monkeysarefunny: Whoo-hoo! (Then I can secretly blame all this on IZ again... heh heh)
Isiah Zombie: Dude, I can still hear you.
Monkeysarefunny: Dammit! Ya got me!
Isiah Zombie: Don't worry Monkey, you'll grow up to be big and smart like me one day. (Oh yeah, I went there)
Admiral Donutz: (Where?)
Monkeysarefunny: (Donutz, don't worry about it)
Isiah Zombie: (Wait.... you guys could read minds this whole time?)
Monkeysarefunny: (Way ahead of you, buddy)

[monkeysarefunny]

That was fun.

[Isiah Zombie]

Meh... I thought it was alright.