Post by Isiah Zombie on Oct 11, 2008 10:51:27 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Hollywood Star
Episode: 53
Original Post Date: October 11, 2008
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Isiah Zombie and Monkey are at IZ's House one morning...
Isiah Zombie: Hey Monkey, I just got a new GPS for my car ;D
Monkeysarefunny: Oh that's nice
Isiah Zombie:
.....Be excited, dammit. Monkeysarefunny: Oh like this?
Isiah Zombie: Much better.
Monkeysarefunny: Wait a sec, you had a car this whole time? Didn't we travel over here by train?
Isiah Zombie: My car has been locked in my garage for years. I decided to dust it off and take it for a test drive.
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, just like your old ding-a-ling! KA-BAM!
Isiah Zombie: Umm... since when did you start saying "KA-BAM"?
Monkeysarefunny: Since now.
Isiah Zombie: I'm not feeling it.
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, cuz the only thing you're feeling is the soft touch of another man's genitals! KA-BAM!
Isiah Zombie: Nope... still not feeling it...
*Donutz walks in*
Admiral Donutz: I just saw Zane outside. He was watering his lawn while his grandma had a metal-collar-chain around his neck. He looked like he was in some SERIOUS PAIN!!
Isiah Zombie: Yep, that's good ol' Zane, up to his old antics again.
Admiral Donutz: ...But I can relate to Zane... cuz I had a harsh childhood growing up too.
Isiah Zombie: Really?
Admiral Donutz: Yeah.... my mother brutally forced me to learn the Stepmania dance moves as a child.... Can you imagine the way I danced before my mother gave me lessons? HAH!
Isiah Zombie: No, what did you dance like?
Admiral Donutz: Imagine me as a Chihuahua doing the oompa-loompa dance while eating a taco.
Isiah Zombie: ...You mean like literally? Because that's not possible.
Admiral Donutz: No ****, Sherlock.
Isiah Zombie: My name isn't Sherlock, Einstein.
Admiral Donutz: Don't call me Einstein, doofus.
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, because you're not as smart as Einstein - and thus, you're quite stupid!
Admiral Donutz: Fffffff***!
Monkeysarefunny: ...H-Hey... look at me... you guys know you can't argue without me!
Isiah Zombie: Tell me then, did you have a harsh childhood growing up too?
Monkeysarefunny: Yes, yes I did.
Isiah Zombie: Oh really?
Monkeysarefunny: Did I ever tell you guys the story about a confused army recruit, a bottle of Hennessey's Cognac, and a stern but loving drill sergeant?
Isiah Zombie: Yes. Several times. Please stop.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh, well then... did I tell you about all the doors that were slammed in my face when I said I wanted to become a rock star?
Isiah Zombie: Hmm... that doesn't make any sense. You definitely have the tenacity to be a rock star.
Monkeysarefunny: And now since I'm in L.A., the possibility is slightly more plausible!
Isiah Zombie: Yeah! Let's make it happen! But before we do, step back and watch how a real reaction is done. -Hey Donutz, I just got a new GPS system for my car ;D! Whadaya think?
Admiral Donutz:
Really IZ? That's AWESOME!Isiah Zombie: I know!
Monkeysarefunny: What? ...Seriously? People actually react that way?
Isiah Zombie, Monkey, and Donutz walk into IZ's garage...
Isiah Zombie: Let's see if I can install this new GPS thingy first...
Admiral Donutz: The tires on your car look chewy - just like what a human body would taste like.
Isiah Zombie: Uh, I think I know what a human body would taste like. I'm a zombie, you know.
Monkeysarefunny: Yes, we know. We're reminded every time we look at the dead bodies in your garage.
Isiah Zombie: Wait, you guys have been back here?
Monkeysarefunny: N-No... Why do you even need a GPS anyways? Did you get lost at the "Gay Pride Parade" again?
Isiah Zombie: First of all, the GPS, or the "Global Positioning System," is supposed to make me go to places the quickest way possible, thus reducing my emission of harmful gasses into the atmosphere.... indeed, I actually DO CARE about the Earth.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh I see.
Isiah Zombie: -And by the way, I NEVER get lost at the "Gay Pride Parade!"
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, I'm sure you don't.
Isiah, Monkey, and Donutz get inside IZ's car...
Isiah Zombie: *installs GPS* ...Well that was easy.
Admiral Donutz: So where are we going?
Isiah Zombie: We're going to make Monkey a rock star!
Admiral Donutz: Why?
Isiah Zombie: Because... umm... it's good for us to set for goals for ourselves?
Admiral Donutz: Want to listen to my goals?
Isiah Zombie: No, maybe later.
Admiral Donutz: I've always wanted to be a chemist, or an electrician, or maybe even a-
Isiah Zombie: -So Monkey! Where are we headed off to?
Monkeysarefunny: To Hollywood baby, yeah!
On the road to Hollywood, Isiah Zombie doesn't know the directions...
Isiah Zombie: Damn, I'm lost...
Admiral Donutz: Use your GPS.
GPS: (female voice) Stay-on-current road. "We'll Make You Famous" lies ahead.
Isiah Zombie: Oh, okay.
GPS: TURN-LEFT! DO-IT! DO-IT NOW!
Isiah Zombie: *swerves car left* -----WHOA! ...Why so sudden?
GPS: Wrong-turn. My bad.
Isiah Zombie:
...Now what do I do?GPS: Make-an-illegal U-turn at the stop sign ahead followed by a sharp right turn.
Isiah Zombie: Damn you robot GPS! Are you sure you even know where you're going?
GPS: Destination-approaching-in 1 mile.
Isiah Zombie: Okay then, good...
GPS: Stop the vehicle for the hot-dog stand up ahead. Me-hungry.
Isiah Zombie: AHHH
! The time has come!Monkeysarefunny: To throw away this crappy GPS?
Isiah Zombie: No! To make a left turn.
Isiah Zombie makes a left turn and parks at "We'll Make You Famous." The trio then walks inside...
Receptionist: ...Yes?
Isiah Zombie: Go ahead Monkey, tell her what you're here for.
Monkeysarefunny: What? You told me I didn't have to speak.
Admiral Donutz: Just talk to her, MAF... *pulls out glass onion* ...Why are you scared? *bites glass onion*
Monkeysarefunny: The thing is.... I didn't really want to be a rock star.
Admiral Donutz: *crunch crunch* Pfwhat??
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, I mean, could my sparkling personality and stunning good looks be expressed through music?
Admiral Donutz: Oh... *crunch crunch crunch* ...No.
Monkeysarefunny: That's why I decided on becoming a movie-star
!Receptionist: Ahem, sir, did you say that you want to be a movie star? Well you showed up just at the right moment!
Monkeysarefunny: Whoo-hoo!
Receptionist: Because our previous top star was shot down yesterday for his portrayal in the "King Kong" movie!
Monkeysarefunny: Whoo---eh?
Receptionist: Quickly, come this way before someone else takes your spot!
Monkeysarefunny: He really got shot you say?
Receptionist: *grabs Monkey's shirt* Yes! Quickly now! *drags Monkey to back room*
Isiah Zombie: Huh.... well whaddaya know? Monkey is going to become a movie star after all.
Admiral Donutz: Heh heh... *crunch crunch*
One hour later, Monkey walks back out to the waiting room wearing a Banana Suit...
Isiah Zombie: Umm... nice costume?
Monkeysarefunny: *shudders* Doesn't it just give you the jibbles?
Admiral Donutz: HAH! HAHA! HEHEHEHE! You're a banana MAF!
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, I'm playing the part of "Banana #1" in the "King Kong" movie.
Isiah Zombie: You look like a pear, or one of those M&M chocolates.
Monkeysarefunny: So...... I'm on the road to stardom! ...Right?
Isiah Zombie: Not really, because bananas are a rip off. There's no way to eat one without poking yourself in the eye.
Monkeysarefunny: Medical bananas.... that should do the trick.
Director: *walks in waiting room* Alright, we're about ready to film. No funny business, or you could get shot too! ....And we can't have any of that, no-no-no.
Monkeysarefunny: This is what I've always dreamed for... *sings* ...Got a feelin' 21 is gonna be a good year! 'Specially for you and me, singin' in together!
Isiah Zombie: It's official: Monkey has gone bananas.
On the studio set...
Director: Okay, that's beautiful. Be the banana. Feel the banana within you. You're riping, just be natural and ripe for me.
Monkeysarefunny: *poses* ....
Director: That's great! Be the banana that you know you are! Don't be afraid to shake those MARACAS!
Monkeysarefunny: So, uhh, is this the part where King Kong shows up? Or...?
Director: King... Kong?
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, you know, the big ape who rips apart the city?
Director: Oh, haha... THAT King Kong... this is an independent film, a "private" film if you will.
Monkeysarefunny:
.....I-I gotta go now, I just remembered that I left a pop-tart in my froaster.Director: You're not going anywhere.
Monkeysarefunny: I'm not?
Director: No. Rememebr that contract you signed in the backroom? Didn't you notice the part where it said "you cannot leave no matter what" when filming "King Kong Does Bananas"?
Monkeysarefunny: Wait... I had to read that? WHO reads the SMALL PRINT
!Director: It wasn't in small print. That's the title of the movie. It was bolded in 20-point font.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh great, so if I wanna be a movie star, I gotta start reading? What's GOING ON HERE?
Director: So, getting back to the posing...
Monkeysarefunny: No! Forget this! I quit!
Director: Oh... well then. I guess the next actor who takes your spot will recieve the 25,000 dollar check instead...
Monkeysarefunny: What?? You didn't mention a check to me before!
Director: It was on the front page, before the name of the title.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh, well in that case...... *poses*
One hour later, back in the waiting room..
Admiral Donutz: If you peel my skin off, I won't cry, but you will. What am I?
Isiah Zombie: An onion.
Admiral Donutz: Correct again. Now onto the bonus round-
Isiah Zombie: -Enough of this game. I wonder what's taking Monkey so long?
Monkeysarefunny: *walks in* ...Well I'm done for today.
Admiral Donutz: Did you quit?
Monkeysarefunny: I had a fight with the Director but we ended up hugging it out, though. I'm finally on the road to becoming a real movie star!
Isiah Zombie: Cool, so when does your movie come out?
Monkeysarefunny: Uh, we'll see...
Isiah Zombie: *sigh* ...It's not going to be released, is it? You're so stupid!
Monkeysarefunny: Hey man, I'm smart, you just don't want to believe me. Besides, I'm working on my early films, I won't become famous until later on.
Isiah Zombie: Oh, like those actors aren't noticed until after they're dead?
Monkeysarefunny: Exactly, old chum.
Admiral Donutz: So what do we do now? Wanna go back home?
Isiah Zombie: Oh-hell-to-the-no! That GPS is literally driving me crazy! Who wants to walk across the street and get a banana shake?
Monkeysarefunny: Nuh-uh-to-the-oh! I just had 18 banana smoothies... that's more than enough for one week...
Admiral Donutz: Hey MAF, you want my Glass Onion Lamp?
Monkeysarefunny: Why are we talking about eating a Beatles song?
Isiah Zombie: Because we plan on beating you senseless! Yeah!
Monkeysarefunny: Heh, you love beating things, don't you IZ? KA-POW!
Isiah Zombie: I though you switched over to saying "KA-BAM"?
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, you just love to switch over to other things, don't you, IZ?
Isiah Zombie: What's that supposed to mean?
Monkeysarefunny: It's supposed to mean Yo mama! KA-POW!
