Post by Isiah Zombie on Oct 17, 2008 23:40:02 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
New Friend, New Foe
Episode: 54
Original Post Date: October 18, 2008
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Isiah Zombie is cooking breakfast for Admiral Donutz at IZ's House one morning...
Isiah Zombie: So how'd you like your omelets?
Admiral Donutz: Hated them.
Isiah Zombie: ...
Admiral Donutz: Joking, one of the top 10 omelets of my life, and yes, I've been to France.
Isiah Zombie: Well that's good to hear. I wonder why Monkey is late this morning?
Admiral Donutz: Is he always late?
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, I think he was born late too.
Monkeysarefunny: *runs in* ...Holy crap! I'm late for my first day of filming! Sorry IZ, I can't have any of your breakfast- *looks at empty stove* ........not that you're making me any.
Isiah Zombie: Oh I got a call earlier. Your studio fired you for unknown reasons this morning.
Monkeysarefunny: Really? Huh....... well that's Hollywood for ya. They treat you like King Kong one day, and then they treat you like Mighty Joe Young the next.
Isiah Zombie: Ah, cheer up, there's a lot more stuff out there that you can conquer and destroy.
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah... I think they fired me because I insulted my boss's intelligence during that toast I made at his birthday party. To be fair, he does resemble a 14-year-old "mentally below-averaged thinker." So what kind of job requires little to no talking so I can avoid getting canned again?
Isiah Zombie: Stocking food.
Admiral Donutz: Being a mime.
Isiah Zombie: Working as a hooker.
Admiral Donutz: Working with deaf kids.
Monkeysarefunny: Working with deaf kids you say? Sounds awesome. You can say sexual things to them and they won't hear you, and also they can't say no.
Isiah Zombie: Or you could just stock deaf kids while dressed as a mime-hooker.
Monkeysarefunny: Either way, either way.... so what should we do today? I'm pumped up and ready for action!
Isiah Zombie: Well I was planning on going to a car convention in downtown L.A. They're supposed to be designing a new safety-vehicle or something.
Admiral Donutz: Sounds like a plan. Let's move!
Arriving at the car convention, an announcer at the main stage appears...
Announcer: (on microphone) May I have your attention please? The organizer of this event has finally arrived! Now I'm no fan of further ado, so without more ado than necessary, but still some ado, I present to you the man with the Billion Dollar Plan: Mr. Leo the Vampire!
Leo the Vampire: *appears on stage* ...Hello all, thank you for gracing this event with your presence. As you all know, I have come up with a new car design that will not only help the environment, but that will also make ALL automobile accidents IMPOSSIBLE!
Crowd: YEAH! Whoo-Yeah!
Isiah Zombie: ...L-L-L-LEO'S HERE??
Leo the Vampire: That is because all cars will be mechanically equipped with magnetic sensors that will PREVENT them from colliding into each other! All hail the new safety design created by me!
Crowd: YEEEEAH!
Isiah Zombie: I can't believe Leo's back!! He started his car company based on my design long ago, and now he's rubbing it in my face? Can you believe that guys? He's RUBBING IT in my FACE!
Monkeysarefunny: Umm... I don't know what "it" is, but I really hope I'm gone before the rubbing starts.
Isiah Zombie:
...He's a liar, a cheater, and a stinkin' vampire!Admiral Donutz: Yeah, everyone knows that zombies and vampires are long lost enemies.
Isiah Zombie: DANGITTY! I feel like walking up to some random person and just biting a piece of flesh off
!Monkeysarefunny: No IZ, you're better than that.
Isiah Zombie: GAH! ... *walks over to random person* ...TAKE THIS! *takes bite*
Random Dude: Ah! You bit me, dude! You took a clean chunk right outta me!
Monkeysarefunny: Wowza IZ, I've never seen you this mad before. Like, if you caught your girlfriend with a bull, would you be this mad?
Isiah Zombie: Psh, no.......... I'd help make the hamburger.
10 minutes later, the trio decide to sneak backstage to confront Leo the Vampire...
Isiah Zombie: Heh heh heh ;D ....time for us to sabotage this event!
Admiral Donutz: You sure that's a great idea?
Isiah Zombie: Hell yeah I'm sure! .....Except there's guards up ahead!
Admiral Donutz: Well of course there's guards. Leo is a billionaire, did you forget that?
Isiah Zombie: Hmm... maybe I should talk to that old guy over there... *walks to old guy*
Admiral Donutz: Hey MAF, let's stay behind.
Monkeysarefunny: Why? What do you have against old people?
Admiral Donutz: Nothing, we just need to avoid trouble so that when IZ gets thrown in jail, he can have someone to bail him out.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh... that's right. So are you sure you don't have anything against old people?
Admiral Donutz: I have nothing against old people; heck, I want to be one myself one day.
Isiah Zombie approaches the old guy...
Isiah Zombie: Excuse me, sir?
??: What do you want, youngster? Can't you see I'm busy? You need a reason if you want to talk to me!
Isiah Zombie: Oh... uh, do you know what time it is?
??: Back in my day, we didn't have clocks! We used dials! That's how I focused on making my first billion!
Isiah Zombie: First billion? ......A-Archibald? Are you Leo's great-great grandfather?
Archibald: You recognize me, eh boy? Ever since Leo took over, I haven't had a single fan! Not-a-one!
Isiah Zombie: You look kinda young for the "great-great" status.
Archibald: That's because I freeze myself once a mouth to stay alive longer. You got to keep those lungs in shape!
Isiah Zombie: Interesting. So do you think I can see Leo?
Archibald: -Recently, we moved our headquarters to Los Angeles to make more money.... but once you get old, life is like a box of whatchamacallits...
Isiah Zombie: Y-Yeah...... so Leo-wise, do you think I can see him?
Archibald: -My private nurse was very lovely back in the day. She had blonde hair, bright red lipstick, and her bottom was just a touch too big for her uniform. Her thick thighs would stick together in the heat and-
Isiah Zombie: -Alright man! Direct me to Leo now or else I'll pull the plug on your lifespan!
Archibald: Hmm... you have fire in you, boy. I like that. Leo isn't passionate to do anything anymore. He only looks at the rewards and uses other people's ideas in the process.
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, tell me about it...
...so can you get me through the guards to see Leo?Archibald: Sure! I'll do anything for a fan! Say, you aren't a zombie, are you?
Isiah Zombie: C-Can't you tell??
Archibald: I'm biblically old, son! You know I can't see well!
Isiah Zombie: Well, you're not THAT old.
Archibald: Son, whenever I go to an antique auction, three people always bid on me!
Archibald and IZ walk across the convention to see Leo...
Isiah Zombie: ...Hey Archibald, did I mention that you look better with age?
Archibald: Yes, I can't wait until I'm 200-years-old.
Isiah Zombie: No... that's... really old... like... oldy ooooold.
Archibald: Alright youngster. Here's Leo's backstage door at the convention... *knock knock!* ...LEO! Open up the door!
Leo the Vampire: (from other side of door) Stay out Gramps! I have a headache!
Archibald: My head would hurt too if I looked like you!
Leo the Vampire: *sigh* ...That joke is as old as my grandmother's foot, and twice as corny.
Archibald: But I have a visitor for you!
Leo the Vampire: Another measly human? They're just moving old bags... and my grandmother is a moving old bag too... and I don't care about her either.
Isiah Zombie: Listen! I ain't no ordinary human, LEO! You may remember me from the past as........ ISIAH ZOMBIE!
Leo the Vampire: *runs and opens door* ....YOU!? Isiah Zombie?? What are you doing here??
Archibald: ...I escorted a zombie? SECURITY!
Isiah Zombie: Not so fast! I have a score to settle! Time to give credit where it's due!
Security: *arrives* ...Don't move! *aims gun*
Leo the Vampire: Take him away! And lock him up!
Isiah Zombie: Listen to what I have to say!
Security: *grabs IZ* ...You have some nerve sneaking in here! Why I outta-
*lights turn off and glass breaks...... as sky blue smoke suddenly fills the room*
Dominion Phantom: *appears* Like all days the sun has set. With darkness all around me. Just one difference I see tonight. The sun will not rise in the morning.
Security: *aims gun* ...W-W-Who are you?
Dominion Phantom: A rift in space. I seep right through. To conquer all lands. No faith shall save you.
Leo the Vampire: Back up man, we don't want no drama!
Dominion Phantom: The vampire lives in dark. No sight to be seen. He flies all around. Aimlessly soaring towards his death.
Isiah Zombie: Well this seems to be a personal things between you guys, so I'll just quietly leave-
Dominion Phantom: To be undead. An outcast amongst his kind. A second chance at life. Destined to die again.
Archibald: Let me at 'em! *grabs Guard's gun* ...You think you can just come in here and take over with your little blue smoke? Well you've never dealt with Archibald before! *aims gun and shoots*
Dominion Phantom: *bullet goes through Phantom* Your time has come. I am your reaper. Destiny shall be achieved. You have seen your last freeze.
Dominion Phantom shoots blue lightning from his fingertip... zapping away Archibald's last breathe...
Archibald: *ZAP!* ........Uhhhhgggg........ *falls and dies*
Leo the Vampire: NOOOOOOOOOO
!Dominion Phantom: Initiate the plan. One step at a time. Everyone will submit. To conquer all lands. *vanishes away with blue smoke*
Isiah Zombie: Wow.... that's messed up.
Leo the Vampire: NO! I SHALL GET MY REVENGE! I MUST! You, Isiah! I know we've had our differences in the past, but me must team up and take that Phantom DOWN!
Isiah Zombie: ...NOW you want my help? Why?
Leo the Vampire: Because you're the one with the actual ideas! That's right, I admit it! So are you with me?!?
Isiah Zombie: Hell yeah I'm with you. Archibald was one awesome dude.
Leo the Vampire: Good! We must track the Phantom down back to his dimension, and in due time, I shall ZAP HIM TO DEATH!
Isiah Zombie: Let's make it happen.
Meanwhile, Monkey and Donutz are standing by a "Ford Fiesta 3000" across the convention...
Admiral Donutz: I wonder what's taking IZ so long to sabotage this event.
Monkeysarefunny: Maybe that old guy threw a long-ass "back in my day" story at him.
Admiral Donutz: Perhaps. So how old do you have to be before it can be said you died of old age?
Monkeysarefunny: Anything above 80s. Why do you ask? Are you suggesting IZ died of old age?
Admiral Donutz: No, but do you think maybe..... maybe IZ has already been ARRESTED...
Monkeysarefunny: ...Ya think
?*Isiah Zombie approaches*
Isiah Zombie: Hey guys.
Monkeysarefunny: Damn...
Isiah Zombie: I talked to Leo and now we're pretty good friends. That's all there is to it. Nothing out of the ordinary. So... who wants to buy this new Ford Fiesta 3000?
Admiral Donutz: Friends? ...Why did you become friends with Leo? Your mission was to get even with him!
Isiah Zombie: Yeah well, we talked about the good 'ol times. Everything is now cool between us. Nothing crazy or weird happened. It's not like anyone DIED in the process or anything.... so stop looking at me funny, okay??
Admiral Donutz: What exactly did you do?
Isiah Zombie: I just... umm... talked... to... Leo... and... Yes. I just talked to Leo... *runs away*
Admiral Donutz: ...
Isiah Zombie: *runs back* ...And umm... something crazy happened... and... *runs away again*
Admiral Donutz: ...
Isiah Zombie: *walks back* ...Eh, who am I kidding? There's a murderous Phantom from another dimension who wants to take over the world.
Admiral Donutz: I don't believe you.
Isiah Zombie: Why? Is it because of my shifty eyes?
Monkeysarefunny: Yes, and also because whenever you lie, you soil yourself. Anyways, I always seem to be running late these days... I gotta get out of this convention and find myself a new job soon before I lose all my perfect talent...
Isiah Zombie: Oh... that's right. I forgot you needed to find a new job.
Monkeysarefunny: Heh, typical.
Isiah Zombie: Oh come on! Like you never forget anything? Do you even remember a single conversation we had yesterday?
Monkeysarefunny: Yes, I do. We had a conversation about me and how awesome I am.
Isiah Zombie: No we didn't. It was quite the opposite.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh that's right. It was about you, and how un-awesome you are in comparison to me. KA-POW!
