Post by Isiah Zombie on Nov 8, 2008 0:11:49 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Evil Twin
Episode: 57
Original Post Date: November 8, 2008
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Isiah Zombie and Monkeysarefunny are at IZ's House one morning...
Isiah Zombie: ...So the other day I was mowing someone's lawn for money-
Monkeysarefunny: -In a sexual way?
Isiah Zombie: No, in the normal way. So anyways, as I get onto the lawnmower-
Monkeysarefunny: -On a sexual lawnmower?
Isiah Zombie: No.... on a normal one. Anyways, I get onto the lawnmower and then I hear a sound-
Monkeysarefunny: -Was it like, a sexual moaning sound?
Isiah Zombie: ...What the hell is wrong with you today?
Monkeysarefunny: Hey, if your story doesn't have any sexual references, I'm going to nap right through it.
Isiah Zombie: -LIKE I WAS trying to say, I hear a sound, and then all of a sudden-
Monkeysarefunny: ........ *yawn*
Isiah Zombie: Don't yawn! Either be asleep or be awake! None of this "in-between" stuff!
Monkeysarefunny: Sorry man, I'm a "tweener."
*Donutz walks in*
Admiral Donutz: *looks at Monkey* ...Weren't you just outside?
Monkeysarefunny: No. I've been here all morning.
Admiral Donutz: Oh... I swear I saw someone outside who looked just like you.
Monkeysarefunny: That's impossible! No one can match with my level of awesomeness!
Isiah Zombie: Psh, on a scale of one to awesome, you're like a negative 12.
Monkeysarefunny: Don't make me take out my awesome hammer!
Admiral Donutz: No seriously, the guy outside looked just like you. Except he was a little darker and had different hair. I wonder who he was?
Meanwhile, at the fast food restaurant Kurger Bing...
Jack Hammer: Mr. w00t! You're ONE MINUTE LATE!
w00tdude: *puts on apron* Yeah I know, sorry Manager...
Jack Hammer: Ah forget about it. Look, I'm planning on taking you to an Italian restaurant after work today.
w00tdude: *puts on hat* ...Why?
Jack Hammer: Because you said you wanted to be my apprentice! I need to start taking you under my wing!
w00tdude: Oh yeah. I forgot I agreed to that... *walks over to stove*
Jack Hammer: You sure you wanna be my apprentice though? I got sued for touching my last one.
w00tdude: *grabs spatula* Eh... ewwww?
Jack Hammer: Ah don't worry about that. Hey if it makes you feel any better, I'll be paying the dinner for you
!w00tdude: *flips burger* ...Oh cool. So what's the best thing to order at an Italian restaurant?
Jack Hammer: Food.
w00tdude: I-I know that... but what I meant was-
Jack Hammer: -Get back to work or else you're fired!
w00tdude: Teh awwwws!
30 minutes later, back at IZ's House...
Isiah Zombie: So getting back to my story-
Monkeysarefunny: -The sexual one?
Admiral Donutz: Ewwww...
Isiah Zombie:
Will you EVER let me finish my STORY?-*knock knock!*
Monkeysarefunny: *walks over and opens door* ...What the?!? Who the??
Dark Monkey: It is I, Monkey - your half twin brother!
Isiah Zombie: ...
Admiral Donutz: ...
Monkeysarefunny: Half twin brother? I don't have any brothers.
Dark Monkey: My name is Dark Monkey. We were separated at birth when I was stolen as a baby. Just look at us, man! We're identical!
Monkeysarefunny: Well yeah, except for the fact that I'm better than you in every possible way.
Dark Monkey: Wow, our mom didn't teach you any manners, did she? Aren't you going to invite me inside?
Monkeysarefunny: *looks at IZ* ...Should I let him in?
Isiah Zombie: ...
Admiral Donutz: ...
Monkeysarefunny: Hey, you're the brother I never had! Sure! Of course you can come in!
Dark Monkey: *walks inside* ...I did a lot of research to track you down. I know almost everything there is to know about you.
Monkeysarefunny: Really? What's my favorite band?
Dark Monkey: Same as mine.
Monkeysarefunny: Which is?
Dark Monkey: -Not important. Nice place you have here, it almost looks like a-
Isiah Zombie: -WAIT A MINUTE! What the hell, Monkey? You had a twin brother this whole time??
Monkeysarefunny: I guess so IZ. Weird, huh?
Dark Monkey: *looks at IZ* So... you're IZ?
Isiah Zombie: So... I'm IZ. Where did you come from anyways? If you're Monkey's half twin, shouldn't you have no legs?
Dark Monkey: I'll answer that question once the whores stop agreeing to service me, son... *looks at Donutz* ...And who might you be?
Admiral Donutz: I might be Donutz. What state do you hail from?
Isiah Zombie: More like what state do you fail from, am I right? SLAP IT HIGH MONKEY!
Monkeysarefunny: No... I will not slap it high. You don't talk to my brother that way. We grew up together.
Admiral Donutz: I kinda like this new Dark MAF.
Isiah Zombie: Are you kidding me? Why's that?
Admiral Donutz: MAF plus more MAF equals GENIUS! Or maybe it equals awesome... I don't know, I suck at math.
Dark Monkey: Yeah I'll be moving in today, so go pack your bags cuz the three of you will be moving out.
Isiah Zombie: You think it's that easy to just kick us out?
Dark Monkey: How many times do I have to flush before you go away? I'll give you 10 minutes. Your time starts now!
Isiah Zombie: Wow Dark Monkey, you're such an egomaniac.
Dark Monkey: I'm not an egomaniac, I just love awesome I am.
Isiah Zombie: Someday you're going to find out that the world doesn't revolve around you, and then, after crying into your pillow for a bit, you'll come to terms with it and be less of a dick.
Dark Monkey: You say I'm a dick like it's a bad thing.
Isiah Zombie: You know what? I want you outta here. That's right. Get your ass outta my house!
Monkeysarefunny: *puts arm around Dark Monkey* Dark Monkey ain't going anywhere. We're brothers.
Dark Monkey: Back off, Monkey. You're standing in my aura.
Monkeysarefunny: It's just that I've always knew you were out there somewhere in the world... *sniff* ..And here you are, finally... *hugs tighter*
Dark Monkey: Did I mention the kick in the groin you'll be receiving if you continue to touch me?
Monkeysarefunny: *lets go* O-Okay...
Dark Monkey: Oh crap! I left my giant box of underwear in my car. I'll go get it right now, but when I come back, I want the three of you to be gone! *walks out*
Meanwhile, back at Kurger Bing...
Jack Hammer: Mr. w00t! Do you plan on taking your one minute lunch break now?
w00tdude: Yes manager... *presses button* ...My break just started.
Jack Hammer: Good. That should give me time to install the new robot.
w00tdude: The... new... robot...? What do you mean, sir?
Jack Hammer: Why the new robot that's going to replace you and make you obsolete, dummy!
w00tdude: You're going to replace me?
Jack Hammer: Oh yes. In the manual for the new robot it says that it can do the work of the average worker three times faster! Sounds great, right?
w00tdude: Well not for me...
Jack Hammer: Here it is! *opens box* ...The new Meatbot 3000!
Meatbot: *strolls out of box* (robot voice) Flip-the-burger is my job. Anyone-who disagrees will get robbed. Flippin-the-bird is what I do. Get-out-the way or I shall zap you.
Jack Hammer: Oh it's humorous too! How splendid!
w00tdude: What about me?
Jack Hammer: Your ONE MINUTE lunch break is OVER! Hurry up and finish that pickle!
w00tdude: Yes manager... *eats pickle*
Jack Hammer: Now go erase the bird droppings from the roof with that miniature pencil I got you! Now!
w00tdude: ...Now I feel teh suckish
10 minutes later, back at IZ's House...
Isiah Zombie: Wow, it's sure taking Dark Monkey a long time to get his underwear in here.
Admiral Donutz: Didn't he say he wanted us out of here by the time he gets back?
Isiah Zombie: Forget that! I'm gonna wait for him and kick HIM out.
Monkeysarefunny: You know, I'm a little dissapointed. He's just not as awesome as I thought he would be...
Dark Monkey: *walks back in* (holding large box) I needs mah underwear! *places box down* ...You guys are still here? Didn't you get the memo?
Isiah Zombie: Oh I got the memo, but I want YOU outta here. There's just too many Monkeys under one roof.
Admiral Donutz: George, George, George of the Jungle...
Dark Monkey: I think the better person should be living in this house. And since I'm better, I'll be living here.
Isiah Zombie: Better? In terms of what?
Dark Monkey: Brains, skillz, looks...
Isiah Zombie: Looks? You look like a Monkey high on speed!
Dark Monkey: And you look like ****. Is that the new style now?
Isiah Zombie: Oh that's it! It's on now! *flexes*
Dark Monkey: Breaking news - my foot will be stuck up your ass!
Isiah Zombie: Says who?
Dark Monkey: My source - your ass.
Isiah Zombie: Please don't lodge your foot into my rectum, good sir. I just want you to leave as quickly as possible.
Dark Monkey: I will. When you three decide to move out.
Isiah Zombie: That's not gonna happen. C'mon guys! Three against one, let's kick his ass!
Admiral Donutz: I'm in. I don't like this Dark MAF anymore. He plans on taking over and replacing the original MAF.
Monkeysarefunny: I don't know if I can confront someone with the same blood as me. We've been through sooo much together...
Admiral Donutz: Oh come on! Reclaim your brain!
Monkeysarefunny: I don't know...
Isiah Zombie: GEEZ! Make up your mind already! Stop being such a TWEENER!
Monkeysarefunny: Hey
! No one calls me a tweener but me! Isiah Zombie: Yeah that's right! Get MAD! Get PUMPED! How do you even know if you are of any relation to your twin brother?
Dark Monkey: -Cuz we're related, dumbass?
Monkeysarefunny: Hey! No one calls IZ a dumbass but me!
Dark Monkey: Wow, for being my twin brother you're pretty stupid. How's the weather like in DUMBASS-VILLE?
Monkeysarefunny: It's partly idiotic with a chance of STUPIDITY! Now step back before I knock you into "OMG I'm so SCARED" VILLAGE!
Dark Monkey: Is it time for your medication or mine?
Monkeysarefunny: Aaahhh! *punches Dark Monkey* TAKE THAT!
Dark Monkey: *goes flying outside the door* Uuuuuugh! .... *crashes*
Underwear is all over the lawn...
Isiah Zombie: ...Wow... that's the end of him.
Admiral Donutz: MAF, you knocked your own twin brother out cold...
Monkeysarefunny: He's not my twin brother. He's just some evil freak who doesn't make any sense. See no evil, hear no evil, date no evil. That's my policy.
Isiah Zombie: Well I gotta admit, having a twin brother around the house could've been awesome. I mean, I had a full sister and it sucked. Too bad this dude was a jerk-ass.
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah... so, uhh, what now?
Isiah Zombie: Can I finally tell you guys the story about my lawn-mower?
Monkeysarefunny: Sure, but only if there's sexual references.
Isiah Zombie: Alright, I'll try. So there's this Asian kid named wang-
Monkeysarefunny: -I once knew an Asian wang named kid.
Isiah Zombie: -Can I finish please? So there's this Asian wang named kid-err, yeah. And he's like this major pimp dude who gets all the ladies-
Monkeysarefunny: -You get ladies when I'm not around? It's sick the way you people keep having sex without me! I'm outta here! *walks out*
Isiah Zombie: ...
Admiral Donutz: ...I'm hungry. Wanna grab a bite?
Isiah Zombie: Sure. Hey let's go to Kurger Bing. I hear they have a robot who can cook faster than ever while rapping about politics.
Admiral Donutz: Sound like a plan. Let's move!
Isiah Zombie: Wait! We should check the trash cans first. I once found a cheeseburger in the trash which restored my HP.
Admiral Donutz: That makes no sense.
Isiah Zombie: You make no sense. You think you're important enough for every stranger in the room to turn around and look at you? Get over yourself!
Admiral Donutz:
Isiah Zombie: .....Joking.
Admiral Donutz:
Isiah Zombie: But seriously, get over yourself.
Admiral Donutz: I think I'll be leaving now... *walks away*
Isiah Zombie: Oh I wish there was a twin brother to replace YOU!
