Post by Isiah Zombie on Nov 29, 2008 10:46:06 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Thanksgiving Clash
Episode: 60
Original Post Date: November 29, 2008
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On Thanksgiving Day, Isiah Zombie and Monkey are at IZ's House...
Isiah Zombie: *looks at Monkey on couch* ...Wow Monkey, you're already up? It's early.
Monkeysarefunny: It's only early for you because you're on doucebags-savings-time. Don't bother me now, I'm busy.
Isiah Zombie: Busy doing what? You're just sitting on the couch doing nothing.
Monkeysarefunny: I'm doing research for a movie where I play the part of a loser.
Isiah Zombie: How are things going so far?
Monkeysarefunny: I'll let you know when I'm done.
Isiah Zombie: Kay... so did you make the list of things we need to buy for Thanksgiving?
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah. The list of things we need to buy are: stuffing, bacon bits, three turkeys... huh, weird... I myself can only can only one turkey.
Isiah Zombie: What else?
Monkeysarefunny: I'm pretty much stuffed after one.
Isiah Zombie: I meant what else ON THE LIST!
Monkeysarefunny: Oh, well, uh, let's see.... umm....
Isiah Zombie: Monkey, there is no list, is there?
Monkeysarefunny: No, but making a list is ALSO on my to-do list!
Isiah Zombie: Oh geez...
*Donutz walks in*
Admiral Donutz: Well guys, I just bought the stuffing, bacon bits and green beans. What's next?
Isiah Zombie: Wow Donutz, you seem to be on top of things.
Admiral Donutz: I have to. I invited my girlfriend over. So should I buy the yams now, or....?
Isiah Zombie: You have a girlfriend? What the-?
Admiral Donutz: Yeah her name's Helen. So yam-wise, do we need them right now?
Isiah Zombie: I had no idea you had a girlfriend. Hey Monkey, did you know Donutz had a girlfriend?
Monkeysarefunny: Don't bother me now. I'm trying not to talk to people.
Admiral Donutz: Don't worry MAF. I'm sure the people you don't talk to aren't really that bothered anyway.
Isiah Zombie: So Donutz, that's cool that you have a girlfriend. Where did you two meet?
Admiral Donutz: At the bar across the street. I told her to come over soon. If she shows up and I'm not here, don't do anything crazy!
Isiah Zombie: Don't worry, we won't.
Admiral Donutz: MAF, please tell me you won't do anything crazy.
Monkeysarefunny: No.
Admiral Donutz: SAY IT!
Monkeysarefunny: Aww... where's the fun in that?
*knock knock!*
Admiral Donutz: OMG! Could Helen be here already? No! I'm not ready! Does my hair look okay?? Ahhhh! *runs into bathroom*
Isiah Zombie: *walks up to answer door* Wow, Donutz seems kinda ballsy today... *opens door*
Leo the Vampire: Okay Isiah Zombie, I'm here. Thank you for the Thanksgiving invite. I have matured much since last year's feast.
Isiah Zombie: Well, it's good you showed up. I invited someone else, too...
BigBoss: *appears next to Leo* AHA! I'm back!
Monkeysarefunny: Yay
! BB's here! Isiah Zombie: Just in time, too.
BigBoss: Oooh man, I needed to come back here to LA. I left Wendy behind in my Shanty in Massachusetts. I said WAM BAM THANK YOU MA'AM and took off!
Isiah Zombie: You mean, you're no longer with Wendy anymore?
BigBoss: Nope.
Isiah Zombie: Why not?
BigBoss: Because you told to come over here!
Isiah Zombie: Yeah... For one day...
BigBoss: Oh.... ****.... *sizzle*
Monkeysarefunny: Heh heh... good ol' BB. When WILL you learn?
Isiah Zombie: I believe you've met Leo before, haven't you?
BigBoss: Yeah, once, a long time ago.
Leo the Vampire: We are sworn enemies!
BigBoss: Are we now?
Leo the Vampire: Yes, but let's end it, not mend it!
BigBoss: Uhh... sure. So where's MY TURKEY?!
Isiah Zombie: Later today, BB... later today...
Later that day, still in IZ's House, Donutz is out buying the Turkey...
Monkeysarefunny: What the **** is taking Donutz so long? All you do is go to a store, pick up a bird, and take off. It's called being thrifty, right?
BigBoss: Yeah. When I say I need my turkey, that means I need MY TURKEY!
Leo the Vampire: I hope Donutz gets one filled with BLOOD.
Isiah Zombie: He might not be back until much later. Perhaps we should start eating the cold turkey that I have in my fridge now?
Monkeysarefunny: ...
BigBoss: ...
Leo the Vampire: ...
Isiah Zombie: Fine, give me the cold shoulder on my cold turkey! Want to eat ice-cream-wiches in the meantime?
Monkeysarefunny: IZ, that's the best idea you've ever had.
Isiah Zombie: Oh wait, I think I ran out.
Monkeysarefunny:
...You're gonna die.*knock knock!*
BigBoss: Bout time! *walks over to door* Show me the turkey! *opens door*
Helen: Hello, is Donutz home?
BigBoss: Uhhh.... who are you?
Isiah Zombie: Oh hello. You must be Helen, Donutz's girlfriend. Please, come inside.
Helen: *walks inside* I brought some biscuits. Hope you like 'em.
Monkeysarefunny: Wow, you look bangalicious.
Helen: You... like me?
Monkeysarefunny: No sorry, incredibly attractive girls with awesome bodies and interesting personalities aren't for me. But thanks for asking.
Leo the Vampire: Come closer - I want to suck your BLOOD!
Monkeysarefunny: You better hope she's having her period...
Helen: You guys are kind of weird. You sure Donutz lives here?
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, he's out getting the turkey.
BigBoss: Hey Helen. I like your shoes. Where did you get them?
Helen: Oh I received them as a gift.
BigBoss: Do them come in men's sizes? AHA! SLAP IT HIGH!
Monkeysarefunny: *slaps it high* Heh. Hey Helen, I mean this in the most heterosexual way possible: that jacket is fabulous.
Helen: Thank you...?
BigBoss: Yeah, she looks better with clothes on. And by clothes I mean nothing. BA-ZING!
Monkeysarefunny: You're on a roll, BB!
BigBoss: I'm on something, that's for sure! ZING ZING ZING!
Helen:
...You guys don't know act around a woman.Isiah Zombie: Hey I do. I have a girlfriend who is smart and beautiful.
Monkeysarefunny: -And not to mention imaginary. KA-POW!
BigBoss: AHAHAHA!
Helen: You guys are really rude. BITE ME!
Monkeysarefunny: That is something you should NEVER say to a zombie. KA-POW!
Helen: Is this what you guys do all day? Don't you guys have any jobs?
BigBoss: Thank God I was fired from my job last week, because now I make more money from home and love it.
Isiah Zombie: Doing what?
Monkeysarefunny: Yo mama! KA-POW!
Leo the Vampire: HAHAHA! I haven't laughed this hard since the rats ate my baby brother!
Helen: You guys are losers! I'm leaving... *walks towards door*
Monkeysarefunny: Losers can't be choosers! Remember that!
BigBoss: TWO-HUNDRED percent agreed with you, Monkey!
Helen: (standing next to door) I can't believe Donutz lives with you people! You're all terrible!
Monkeysarefunny: (to Helen) You mad!
BigBoss: (to Monkey) Nu-uh! YOU MAD!
Monkeysarefunny: WE BE MAD! Awwww yeah!
Helen: Ugh! *walks out*
Leo the Vampire: HAHAhahahaha... oooh... I'm out of breath from laughing so hard. I haven't had hearty laughs like this since I was drinking cheery under the oak tree.
Isiah Zombie: Yeah... that was Donutz's girlfriend, you know. I don't think this will end well. Can't you see when something is going wrong?
Monkeysarefunny: Hey I can see well. I have 100% vision.
Isiah Zombie: Dude, just last week, you hooked me up on a date with a blind chick. Couldn't you see that she was blind?
Monkeysarefunny: I told you already! All I saw was that she had sunglasses and was walking a dog! How was I supposed to know she was blind?
Isiah Zombie: That's exactly how you would know.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh... heh, yeah... in hindsight, I probably should've foresaw that.
BigBoss: This is the kind of comradely I've been missing for the past few months. Now... where's my turkey?
*Donutz walks in*
Admiral Donutz: Wow that was a long line. Note to self: don't buy the turkey on the SAME DAY of Turkey Day.
Isiah Zombie:
Eh... hey? What kind of turkey did you get?Admiral Donutz: The normal kind.
Isiah Zombie: Ew, I don't like those.
BigBoss: That's probably because you don't get laid.
Admiral Donutz: So what have you guys been doing all day?
Monkeysarefunny: Uhh, we were just watching a Thanksgiving film about a Turkey not knowing that he's dinner for Thanksgiving.
BigBoss: Pshaw. Oh and your girlfriend showed up.
Admiral Donutz: She showed up? ...Helen showed up?? What happened? Why isn't she here now??
Isiah Zombie: Helen dropped by, and then... *gulp* ...etcetera, etcetera.
Admiral Donutz: What happened-?
Isiah Zombie: I SAID ETCETERA ETCETERA!
Monkeysarefunny: Look Donutz, I'm about to tell you something. Now don't get mad, because it's Thanksgiving Day. If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for?
Admiral Donutz: Their AGE.
Monkeysarefunny: No, they would famous for not getting mad.
Admiral Donutz: Just tell me what happened before I knock you out cold with this turkey!
BigBoss: SHIVER ME TIMBERS!
Leo the Vampire: I don't want to be around for this! See you next time - if you're all still alive! *vanishes in a puff of smoke*
Admiral Donutz: WELL...?? I'm waiting! Tell me what happened to Helen!
Monkeysarefunny: Hmm... I need a good excuse here... Oh yeah, now I remember. We kicked her ass.
Isiah Zombie:
BigBoss:
Admiral Donutz: YOU WHAT??
Monkeysarefunny: Yup. We knocked her out cold. Her tooth was missing and everything. Wanna guess what a toothless person's favorite snack is?
Admiral Donutz: ...
Monkeysarefunny: SOME GUMS! HAHA KA-POW! But no, seriously, I didn't know what to do after we broke her tooth, so what I did was I just used some toothpaste.
Isiah Zombie: Monkey! What the hell are you saying? That's not what happened at all!
Monkeysarefunny: I was just making an excuse.
BigBoss: A horrible excuse at that. Donutz, here's what really happened. She showed up all casually and everything. Nothing out of the usual, but then... she stole our bacon bits from us. NOBODY STEALS OUR BACON BITS.
Isiah Zombie:
Monkeysarefunny:
BigBoss: One time, one of my "friends" took the risk of stealing from me. He's no longer capable of stealing anything anymore thanks to the broken bones that will never fully recover.
Admiral Donutz: ...
BigBoss: -Such as the fingers on his right hand that are still bent a little out of shape after two years, and apparently, they still hurt if he does anything strenuous. So by stealing from me he ruined not only his career as a thief, but also his "love life."
Isiah Zombie: BB! What the hell are you saying? That's not what happened at all!
BigBoss: I was just making an excuse.
Isiah Zombie: Enough of this! Okay, here's what really happened... we got her pissed off and she left.
Admiral Donutz: Really? ...That's it?
Isiah Zombie: What do you mean "that's it?"
Admiral Donutz: I thought you guys assaulted her or left her in a coma. That's not so bad. It's Thanksgiving Day. I need to be thankful that she won't get a restraining order on all of us.
Isiah Zombie: Wow. Thanks for not getting mad. You're one cool cat.
Admiral Donutz: Thanks. I wish I could say the same. You still suck, though.
Isiah Zombie: No really, I mean it, THANK YOU. I don't think anyone has ever been so nice to me before.
Admiral Donutz: Don't be too hard on yourself.
Isiah Zombie: Why not?
Admiral Donutz: Because that's what WE'RE here for. GET HIM!
Monkeysarefunny: I can agree to that *toast*
BigBoss: I like toast *tackles IZ*
Isiah Zombie: AHHHH! *getting ass kicked* ...Find a happy place, FIND A HAPPY PLACE!
Monkeysarefunny: Am I off the hook?
Admiral Donutz: Yes.
Monkeysarefunny: THANK YOU, GOODNIGHT! *drops drumsticks and walks away*
