Post by Isiah Zombie on Dec 13, 2008 0:27:18 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Divided Ways
Episode: 62
Original Post Date: December 13, 2008
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Isiah Zombie, Monkeysarefunny, Admiral Donutz, and w00tdude are at IZ's House watching TV one morning...
Isiah Zombie: So w00tdude, what are your plans for today?
w00tdude: I have to go to work at Kurger Bing. My shift starts in.... OH MY GAWD! My shift started an hour ago! My manager is gonna KILL me!
Admiral Donutz: You better hurry up and go.
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, or else you'll get... *pulls out dictionary and reads an entry* ...Or else you'll get "chastised!" Yeah!
w00tdude: *grabs hat and apron* I'M LAAAATE! *runs out*
Isiah Zombie: ...So Donutz, what are your plans for today?
Admiral Donutz: I was going to meet up with my girlfriend Helen at the Skeleton Bar today. We were supposed to meet at... *looks at clock* ...Fffff***! We were supposed to meet an hour ago! Helen is gonna KILL me!
Isiah Zombie: She'll probably break up with you if you don't explain yourself.
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, you should explain yourself, or else you'll get... *reads a dictionary entry* ...Or else you'll get "abrogated!" Yeah!
Admiral Donutz: *grabs rose and hat* I'M LAAAATE! *runs out*
Isiah Zombie: ...So Monkey, what are your plans for today?
Monkeysarefunny: (slouching on the couch) You're looking at it.
Isiah Zombie: Shouldn't you go outside and see what the world has to offer, instead of just sitting on the couch and doing nothing?
Monkeysarefunny: iZombie, you're so silly.
Isiah Zombie: You should join a club, or go out jogging, anything that will help you explore your horizons-
Monkeysarefunny: -Will you get off my back already? You're doing the same thing as me! Don't be a hypocrite, Mr. Dead.
Isiah Zombie: Actually, I'm waiting for Leo. We were supposed to go out somewhere later today.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh, well, it's good to see you're dating again.
Isiah Zombie: He's just a friend.
Monkeysarefunny: ...For now.
Isiah Zombie:
Monkeysarefunny: Hey, you never know, you know?
Isiah Zombie: Hmm.... maybe you're right--WAIT A MINUTE!
Monkeysarefunny: Yo, Graveyard Betty, you sure you're not late like the others?
Isiah Zombie: No, of course not. I was supposed to meet Leo at... *looks at watch* ...GAH DANGITTY! I was supposed to meet up with Leo an hour ago! Leo's gonna KILL me!
Monkeysarefunny: As he should, Patient Zero, as he should... *reads a dictionary entry* ...If you leave your date waiting, then you'll get "raped!" Yeah!
Isiah Zombie: *grabs briefcase and shades* I'M LAAAATE! *runs out*
Monkeysarefunny: (to self) Cool, everyone's gone.... awww crap! Who am I gonna insult now
?10 minutes later, at Kurger Bing...
w00tdude: *slowly sneaks in* ...I hope my manager doesn't see me walk in-
Jack Hammer: -A LITTLE TOO LATE TO BE HOPING! Eh, w00tdude?
w00tdude: -AHHH! How did you see me walk in??
Jack Hammer: It's the front door. And there's a spotlight pointing at it. And I was the one who opened the door for you.
w00tdude: Now I feel teh suckish...
Jack Hammer: Now you have to make this up to me!
w00tdude: Yes manager! I'll do anything!
Jack Hammer: .....Anything?
w00tdude: Eh... ewww?
Jack Hammer: Listen, here's what you can do to make it up to me. I have a little problem, you see. You need to fix it. My wife is having an affair with my brother. Sounds strange, I know. Here's where you come in.
w00tdude: YOU WANT ME IN A THREESOME?!?
Jack Hammer: No, I need you sabotage their relationship.
w00tdude: But what if I don't want to...?
Jack Hammer: Then you're FIRED!
w00tdude: Teh awwws!
Meanwhile, at the Skeleton Bar...
Admiral Donutz: *slowly sneaks in* ...I hope Helen doesn't notice I'm late-
Helen: -Oh I noticed
!Admiral Donutz: Fffff***! Helen! You're here??
Helen: Of course I'm here! Where were you?
Admiral Donutz: I-I uhh, I had car problems... that's why I was late...
Helen: But you live across the street from here!
Admiral Donutz: Y-Yeah... the car was blocking the door, or something, and I was stuck in the trunk, so then the tires popped, and then I heard a siren-
Helen: -No more excuses! I've been waiting here for ONE HOUR! You never leave me waiting! You know what happens when you leave me waiting??
Admiral Donutz: You forgive me...?
Helen: NO! I take complete control of our relationship! That's what happens! *ties leash around Donutz's neck* NOW go on your knees and WALK!
Admiral Donutz: You're gonna treat me like a dog?!? Are you crazy? After all I've done for you?? Can't you throw me a fricken bone here?
Helen: Quiet! Don't bark! Just lead the way!
Admiral Donutz: *goes on all fours* ...I've done so much to not be treated like a dog... *sniff* ...Soooo much...
Meanwhile, at the graveyard...
Isiah Zombie: *slowly sneaks in* ...I hope Leo doesn't notice that I'm late-
Leo the Vampire: -I SEE YOU!
Isiah Zombie: H-Hey there, Leo!
Leo the Vampire: I told you to be here an HOUR ago!
Isiah Zombie: Uh, yeah... sorry about that.
Leo the Vampire: What? Don't just say you're sorry! At least come up with a creative excuse!
Isiah Zombie: ...But then that means I have to act like an idiot.
Leo the Vampire: That's a sacrifice I'm willing to make.
Isiah Zombie: Yeah... so anywho... I brought the briefcase you told me to bring for our mission. It's time to hunt down that Phantom!
Leo the Vampire: No, not now. We'll be doing that some other time. While I was waiting for you, I met another zombie in this graveyard.
Isiah Zombie: You met... another zombie? You met someone??
Leo the Vampire: Yeah, he invited to me go get some burgers right now. I'll be leaving. See ya later, Crank Zombie!
Isiah Zombie: Wait-wait-wait! You can't just abandon me! I thought we were friends??
Leo the Vampire: ...For now.
Isiah Zombie:
Leo the Vampire: You never know, you know?
Isiah Zombie: Hmm.... maybe you're right--WAIT A MINUTE!
Leo the Vampire: Good day, "Untold Horror"! *vanishes in a puff of smoke*
Isiah Zombie: ...
Meanwhile, at Mdiddy's House doorstep...
*knock knock!*
Monkeysarefunny: Open up!
Mdiddy: *opens door* ...Huh?
Monkeysarefunny: Hey BBQDiddy, I was wondering if I could make fun of you-I mean hang out with you. Busy?
Mdiddy: Why are you here, mofo? Where are the others?
Monkeysarefunny: Oh, we're all exploring our horizons for once... listen, I really need someone to hang out with right now.
Mdiddy: What was that, you little punk?
Monkeysarefunny: I.... I need someone to hang out with? Cuz.... I'm lonely?
Mdiddy: Go hang out with your cousin -- the w00t man.
Monkeysarefunny: He's working.
Mdiddy: Go hang out with the Finnish fiend -- the Donut man.
Monkeysarefunny: He's doing his girlfriend.
Mdiddy: Go hang out with the Hungry One -- the Zombie man.
Monkeysarefunny: He's dating some guy, or something.
Mdiddy: Then go visit your other neighbor.
Monkeysarefunny: Uh, you mean... Zane? I've never even met that freak! I've heard some terrible, terrible things about him!
Mdiddy: That's pretty ****ing sad. Alright, howzabout this. If I go with you, will you grow some balls and go to the Zane man's house?
Monkeysarefunny: Sure. By why do you want to go there...?
Mdiddy: I've always wanted to compare you two, side by side.
Monkeysarefunny: Huh... that's such a strange... *pulls out dictionary and reads an entry* ...Such a strange "juxtaposition."
10 minutes later, at Kurger Bing...
w00tdude: (behind cashier) ...N-Next in line, please...?
BigBoss: *walks up to cashier* ...Okay, let's see, I'll order a-
w00tdude: BB! What are you doing here??
BigBoss: Well that was rude. I was right in the middle of my order.
w00tdude: You gotta help me! My boss wants to me to deal with his wife's infedelity! What should I do??
BigBoss: What you should do, little kid, is start getting the grill ready because I want to order the "Death on a Bun" combo.
w00tdude: No! I need help!
BigBoss: What is the matter with you?? WHERE ARE YOUR MANNERS?!? I am the customer! I AM YOUR MASTER! Obey me, cashier! OBEEEY MEEE!
w00tdude: Shhh! Please quiet down!
Jack Hammer: *walks in* ...What is all the commotion about??
BigBoss: Your employee is not doing his job the way he should be.
Jack Hammer: What was that? How dare you, w00tdude! Get off the cashier and paint this building a new coat a white -- all three floors! And you're not leaving until you're done! You got that?
w00tdude: Y-Yes sir... *takes off hat and walks away*
BigBoss: Whoa... w00tdude? Is that you? I didn't recognize you with that hat on. Weird. So anyways, I'll have the "Death on a Bun" combo with a small order of "Chili Cheese Sticks"...
Meanwhile, just outside the Skeleton Bar...
Admiral Donutz: *on all fours* ...You can't expect me to walk across the block like a dog, can you?
Helen: This is your punishment, understood?
Admiral Donutz: Can't you teach me my lesson another way?
Helen: Well I can teach you the lesson like I taught my previous boyfriend...
Admiral Donutz: Yes please
! Anything that doesn't involve me walking like a dog!Helen: Okay, sure. I'll do what I did to my previous boyfriend.
Admiral Donutz: Wait, what did your previous boyfriend do?
Helen: He cheated on me once. So on a cool, dry day, I made him scuff his feet along a carpet, then I made him reach his hand into his mouth and touch one of his dental fillings.
Admiral Donutz: ...?
Helen: I noticed him twitching violently and crying out in pain. This taught him not only that he shouldn't cheat on me, but also that electricity can be a very powerful force.
Admiral Donutz: ...
Helen: Would you like that?
Admiral Donutz: N-No... walking around like a dog sounds pleasant...
Helen: Good! Now lead the way!
Admiral Donutz: *begins walking on all fours* ...Suddenly, I no longer want to become an electrician...
Helen: No more talking! Bark for me! Haha! BARK!
Meanwhile, back at the graveyard...
Isiah Zombie: (alone) Psh... Leo thinks he he's the only one who can make zombie friends? WELL I CAN TOO!
Jason Zombie: *walks near* ...Excuse me, fellow zombie. Do you know where the nearest tombstone-shop is?
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, actually. If you go two blocks from here.... *thinks* ....Hey would you like to be my friend?
Jason Zombie: ...What?
Isiah Zombie: You know, just like hanging and chilling and stuff.
Jason Zombie: No thanks. I just wanted directions--
Isiah Zombie: C'mon! It'll be fun! What's the matter, you SCARED?
Jason Zombie: Shut up, Creepy McCreep.
Isiah Zombie: NO YOU SHUT UP, Shaky McShivers!
Jason Zombie: What was that
? ... *whistles* ... *zombie hoard appears* ... *points at IZ* ...GET HIM!!Isiah Zombie: Oh ****! *runs away*
Meanwhile, at Zane's House doorstep...
Monkeysarefunny: Knock.
Mdiddy: No you knock.
Monkeysarefunny: I'll give you five bucks if you knock first.
Mdiddy: Alright... *knock knock!*
Grandmama: *opens door*.....You again?!? ..... *installs doorbell* ....NOW STOP FREAKIN' KNOCKING ON MY DOOR YOU CRAZY KIDS!!!
Mdiddy: -Is Zane home?
Grandmama: YES! HE SHOULD BE LOCKED-err, I mean he's sleeping - why do you care?? Did you call child protector services?!?
Mdiddy: Yes.... yes we did.
Grandmama: You did?!? Oh, well then.... I.... I have an errand to run, excuse me.... *runs off*
Monkeysarefunny: Huh.... that was weird.
Mdiddy: Not as weird as some of the other things that go on in this neighborhood.
Monkeysarefunny: Psh, yeah right. Weird things don't happen at all in this neighborhood. If they did, I would just need a sign then that'd be great.
Helen walks by with a leash around Donutz's neck; Isiah Zombie runs past with a zombie hoard chasing him; w00tdude walks by carrying a bunch of white paint buckets...
Monkeysarefunny: Like I said, I just need a sign then that'd be great.
