Post by Isiah Zombie on Dec 21, 2008 19:01:24 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Meeting Mr. Clause
Episode: 63
Original Post Date: December 21, 2008 (Sunday Special)
__________________________________________
Isiah Zombie, Monkeysarefunny and Admiral Donutz are at IZ's House on Christmas Eve...
Isiah Zombie: Well tomorrow's finally Christmas! Is anyone else excited as I am?
Admiral Donutz: I know I am! Oh boy, I can't wait to see what you guys got me
!Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, about that...
Admiral Donutz: Hey MAF, can you give me a hint to what you got me?
Monkeysarefunny: From now on, just call me "No Comment" Monkey.
Isiah Zombie: So where's BB anyway? I haven't seen him around much.
Monkeysarefunny: He's busy.
Isiah Zombie: Doing what?
Monkeysarefunny: Sleeping.
Admiral Donutz: No, actually he's out at the mall looking for a part-time holiday job. He wants to get accustomed to life here in LA.
Isiah Zombie: Eww... *shudders* ...holiday jobs... I remember my first holiday job...
Monkeysarefunny: You mean the time when you worked as Santa's little helper and you had to service his toys?
Isiah Zombie: No, that was my second holiday job. I was referring to the time when I accepted a job as Santa's personal shaver and massager.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh, that's not soooo bad-
Isiah Zombie: -Full body, baby.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh... dayum.
Isiah Zombie: Hmm... I was thinking of buying BB a gift card to one of his favorite movie stores. How much does a $30 gift card cost nowadays?
Monkeysarefunny: More than you think. Thirty dollars.
w00tdude bursts in...
w00tdude: Hey GUUYYSS! Guess what?? I just won a $5,000 gift card! It's valid at any store at the mall! Whooopy!
Isiah Zombie: Sweet! I can finally get an Undead Statue with my likeness added to it!
Admiral Donutz: Awesome! I can finally get Whale Shoes made from endangered whales!
Monkeysarefunny: *****in'! And I can finally get the Special Edition X-Mas Froaster I've always wanted! Now with an even BIGGER FRO!
w00tdude: I-I thought the gift card was only for me to use...
Monkeysarefunny: Silly Mutton Butt, your prizes belong to us!
w00tdude: S-Since when...?
Monkeysarefunny: Since you've won prizes!
w00tdude: But this is the first time I ever won anything...
Monkeysarefunny: Just shut the hell up and hand that gift card over!
w00tdude: No! I won't! I will only give my $5,000 gift card to the person who buys me the best gift this Christmas!
Isiah Zombie: Alright, what do you want?
w00tdude: I don't know! Surprise me
! *runs out*Monkeysarefunny: Psh... idiot. So, should we have an X-Mas Eve holiday-party mash-up later on tonight? I'm up for it!
Isiah Zombie: I really want that gift card that w00tdude has.
Monkeysarefunny: No! Forget about him! Put all your focus on the holiday mash-up party!
Admiral Donutz: But w00ty said he'll only give it to the person who buys him the best gift...
Monkeysarefunny: Will you dudes forget about that??
Isiah Zombie: I will be buy w00tdude the best gift ever!
Monkeysarefunny: Nooooo!
Admiral Donutz: Me too!
Monkeysarefunny: Double nooooo!
Isiah Zombie: You too!
Monkeysarefunny: Triple nooooo!
Admiral Donutz: Let's head out to the mall!
Monkeysarefunny: Qua-droop-NO!
Later that day, BigBoss is at the mall working part-time...
BigBoss: So all I have to do is stock these train sets, then I get to go to my lunch break? Sounds easy.
Retarded Elf: ...Do not underestimate the magic of elves! *does skippity-skip* I am your boss and I will do everything in my power to make this job difficult for you!
BigBoss: Alright, try me.
Retarded Elf: After you stock the train sets, I want you to... *looks around* ...I want you to lift those heavy Lego boxes!
BigBoss: Those weight like seriously five pounds.
Retarded Elf: And you think you can handle that??
BigBoss: I'm a human, not an elf. Of course I can handle that.
Retarded Elf: Hmmph! Well we'll just see about that! *skippity-skips away*
Upon entering the mall, the trio heads for a toy store...
Isiah Zombie: Hey look, a toy store is up ahead. Okay guys, remember our plan?
Admiral Donutz: Yep. We all pitch in and work together to buy w00ty the best present ever so that he'll give us his $5,000 gift card. Got it.
Monkeysarefunny: ...Which is stupid, considering that we can just go straight into any store and buy whatever we want without the middle man.
Isiah Zombie: If you have a complaint, you can write it down.
Monkeysarefunny: But cantcha see how stupid this plan really is?
Isiah Zombie: All of your complaining is making me feel like life is worth living again... *looks at store* ...Whoa... wait a minute...
Admiral Donutz: What's the matter?
Isiah Zombie: Look at the name of the toy store.
Admiral Donutz: *looks* ......It's "Kidsexchange."
Monkeysarefunny: Whoa indeed. Is that "kids exchange"? Or "kid sex change"?
Isiah Zombie: I don't know, let's check it out.
Admiral Donutz:
The trio enters Kidsexchange...
Isiah Zombie: Phew. We're lucky this time. Turns out it's just a kids store.
Admiral Donutz: Where kids exchange toys. Good.
Monkeysarefunny: Hey, does anyone know if it's illegal to deflate someone's tires?
Isiah Zombie: Wuhtufuh? Y-Yes Monkey, it is... why do you ask?
Monkeysarefunny: Uh-oh. I'll be back. *walks out*
Isiah Zombie: That was weird.... so Donutz, what should we buy for w00tdude?
Admiral Donutz: The best gift evar
!Isiah Zombie: Which is...?
Admiral Donutz: Iunno...
Isiah Zombie: Let me ask that salesman over there. Hey excuse me! We need some help here!
BigBoss: *approaches* ...Yeah? ...Oh hey guys.
Isiah Zombie: BB? What the heck are you doing here? You work here??
BigBoss: Yeah it's my holiday part-time gig. My boss is a retarded elf who makes moving boxes the hardest job ever. Jusk kidding, he's just as pathetically easy to beat as those other ****ing bosses.
Admiral Donutz: HAH! BB works at a store called "Kidsexchange"!
BigBoss: Yeah, it's easy money. I wipe off my manly tears with all the cash this place gives me. So you guys need help with anything?
Isiah Zombie: Yes. What's the best gift you sell here at this store? You know, the toy that EVERY kid wants.
BigBoss: Well we have these golden Legos which have been selling like hot cakes.
Isiah Zombie: How much are those?
BigBoss: About $5,000.
Isiah Zombie: ...What else ya got...
BigBoss: Umm... dolls and stuff. Who are you buying this for anyway?
Isiah Zombie: Well, we were going to buy a gift for-
BigBoss: -Because we have special discounts for different kinds of people. Like, if you were to buy a gift for Monkey, you could save half off on any purchase because of his... "condition."
Admiral Donutz: "Condition"? What condition does MAF have?
BigBoss: You know, he's mentally unstable.
Admiral Donutz: He is??
BigBoss: Well not really. But he could pass for it.
Isiah Zombie: I see your point. Monkey's fundamental flaw is that he is unstable.
BigBoss: And you can't spell fundamental without fun and mental.
Isiah Zombie: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm...
BigBoss: So, what'll it be?
Isiah Zombie: Give me the most expensive thing you got
! ...For Monkey, of course.Meanwhile, at the center of the mall, all the kids are lining up to see Santa...
w00tdude: This line is taking forever! We'll never get to see Santa by closing time!
Pedro: Why are here again? You mean to tell me I missed out on my morning cartoons for this kids-stuff?
w00tdude: I need to tell Santa what I want for Christmas.
Pedro: You do realize Santa doesn't exist, right?
w00tdude: Heh heh... Monkey warned me you'd say that one day. But seriously, I need to speak with Santa!
Pedro: What's the big deal anyway? Didn't you tell me that you won a $5,000 gift card for use at ANY store in this mall?
w00tdude: I-I did say that.... but the truth is, I just made that up so that IZ, Donutz and Monkey would buy me something good this year...
Pedro: And you never thought about the consequences? They're all gonna kick your ass now!
w00tdude: I know! That's why I'm waiting in line to speak with Santa! Guess what I want for Christmas this year: to get away! FAR AWAY!
10 minutes later, at Kidsexchange...
BigBoss: Well guys, I just hooked you two up with golden Legos for Monkey -- half priced, too.
Isiah Zombie: Thanks man, I owe you one!
Admiral Donutz: Yay! It looks like everything turned out fine-
Retarded Elf: *approaches* -BIGBOSS! There you are! I have some work on for you! LISTEN UP!
BigBoss: More easy stuff, I presume?
Retarded Elf: No! The Santa Claus in the middle of the mall is not available for the kids. Turns out he doesn't want to be around children unless he's been shaven and massaged by his personal waxer.
Isiah Zombie: *shudders* ...
Retarded Elf: So that's where you come in, Bigboss! Put on this Santa Cluas garb and go grant those kids their wishes! ...Or whatever it is that Santa does.
BigBoss: Noooo! I hate kids!
10 minutes later, at the center of the mall...
w00tdude: Okay Pedro, we're next! This is finally it! I get to speak with Santa!
Pedro: Actually, the kid before you started crying and his mom smacked him. You better not do the same or else you'll get smacked too!
w00tdude: Now I feel teh suckish
... *walks forward and sits on Santa's lap* Hiya Santa!BigBoss: (wearing Santa costume) Ho ho ho... get on with it.
w00tdude: For Christmas, I want a free trip to Hawaii!
BigBoss: *sigh* ...Don't you want the golden Legos like all the other kids?
w00tdude: WHAT? THOSE HAVE BEEN RELEASED ALREADY?? AWESOME! Now I can play with Monkey all the time!
BigBoss: *squints eyes* ...Wait a minute... w00tdude? It's you
! Get the hell off my lap!w00tdude: *jumps off* ...Why Santa? Have I been a bad boy this year
?BigBoss: Yes! I see you when you're sleeping -- I know when you're awake -- I know when you've been bad or good, so **** off for goodness sakes!
w00tdude: Teh awwwws!
BigBoss: Now get away! FAR AWAY! That's what you really need for Christmas!
w00tdude:
WAAAAAH! *runs away*BigBoss: NEXT!
Admiral Donutz: *walks forward* Boy did w00tdude run away crying. You know what I call people who are afraid of Santa Clause? ...Claustrophobic! HAH!
BigBoss: What the hell are you doing here? There's NO WAY you're sitting on my lap!
Admiral Donutz: No, I just wanted to give you a gift for helping me and IZ earlier... *hands over gift*
BigBoss: Oh, well, thanks... *starts to open gift*
Admiral Donutz: Knock knock.
BigBoss: Who's there?
Admiral Donutz: Donut.
BigBoss: Donut who?
Admiral Donutz: Donut open 'til Christmas! Gimme that back! *snatches gift*
BigBoss: Dang it.
Isiah Zombie: *approaches* ...So BB, how's the North Pole treating you?
BigBoss: Is that supposed to be a gay joke or something?
Isiah Zombie: Oh, because of the poll? No, listen, Donutz and I have to leave now.
Admiral Donutz: Yeah, we got w00ty those golden Legos and now he has to hand over that $5,000 gift card. Oh yeah!
BigBoss: Wait a minute... you told me you got those for Monkey! I gave you guys a half-price discount because of Monkey's condition! Damn cheaters! I'ma kick your ass!
Admiral Donutz: Well, umm... I'm going to kick w00tdude's ass for starting this whole mess!
Isiah Zombie: And I'm going to kick Monkey's ass because I can!
Admiral Donutz: Because you can?
Isiah Zombie: Yes! Because I can!
BigBoss chases Isiah Zombie and Donutz out of the mall while jingle bells music plays in the background...
