Post by Isiah Zombie on Jan 17, 2009 10:18:27 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Fast Food Incident
Episode: 67
Original Post Date: January 17, 2009
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Isiah Zombie, Monkeysarefunny, and Admiral Donutz are at IZ's House one morning...
Isiah Zombie: (in the middle of a story) --So then the bank teller gives me this crazy look like I did something wrong. At least I THINK she's looking at me. I have no idea. I just hate talking to people who have a lazy eye.
Monkeysarefunny: ESPECIALLY if it's in a group. You can never tell who they're talking to and everyone keeps looking around. Then they get mad and glare at you.
Isiah Zombie: Well, not exactly at you, but at someone.
Monkeysarefunny: I know! I mean, I'm sure I'm talking to them, but how can I be so sure they're talking to me?
Admiral Donutz: Umm... guys? I was going to go to Kurger Bing with BB. Do either of you want to join us?
Isiah Zombie: Oh... you're going to that burger place where w00tdude works at. They tend to only serve Death-on-a-bun. I've had enough of that.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh come on, IZ! You could use a little death!
Isiah Zombie: Nah... not now.
Monkeysarefunny: Why don't you just drop dead for once?
Isiah Zombie: CUZ I'm not in the MOOD! Alright??
Admiral Donutz: IZ should stay away from Death Burgers. If he eats one more then he'll drop dead for sure.
Monkeysarefunny: ...We don't know that.
Isiah Zombie: Well whatever. I ain't going.
Monkeysarefunny: WHAT IF I make you? Huh? What do you got to say to that?
Admiral Donutz: Easy there, MAF. Don't mess with IZ - not even death stopped him.
Monkeysarefunny: Heh, yeah...
*BigBoss walks in*
BigBoss: You ready, Donutz? I can't wait to go to Kurger Bing.
Isiah Zombie: You can't wait to go to a fast food place? Am I the only one who finds this weird?
BigBoss: Shut up, Freckleface Beefburger.
Isiah Zombie: I don't have any freckles.
BigBoss: Aha! You didn't mention anything about the Beefburger!
Monkeysarefunny: KA-POW!
Isiah Zombie: Shu-shut up...
BigBoss: Actually, the truth is that I'm still trying to avoid my EX, Wendy. She knows I fled to LA and now she's finding ways of calling me. She's tracking me down from the east coast! It's bonkers!
Admiral Donutz: So you use Kurger Bing as a hideout?
BigBoss: Exactly. This whole situation is bananas. Am I going to come home one day and she's sleeping in my bed? Is she going to steal my dog?
Admiral Donutz: You don't have a dog.
BigBoss: Well I have an imaginary dog. And it's in danger.
Isiah Zombie: You guys should probably get going. You wouldn't want to accidentally run into Wendy wen she mysteriously shows up.
Admiral Donutz: Sounds like a plan. Let's move!
*BigBoss and Donutz walks out*
Isiah Zombie: So getting back to the lazy eye story--
Monkeysarefunny: --Enough of that. The more you talk about lazy eye's the more I remember about our neighbor...
Isiah Zombie: You mean the sweet old lady who lives next door? Why don't you want to remember her?
Monkeysarefunny: Zane's GRANDMAMA is NOT SWEET. She has a lazy eye and is trying to hook up with me! She's infatuated with me! It's the nastiest thing ever!
Isiah Zombie: Look here steak-head, no matter how many times she calls you, just say NO!
Monkeysarefunny: I try. The thing is, she's starting to go old-school on me. The other day, as I was beating up Mutton Butt outside like I always do at 6 p.m., she passed by and told me a little story about there was phonograph-sex before there was phone-sex! Eerie!
Isiah Zombie: Really...?
Monkeysarefunny: Needless to say, she gave me a phonograph.
Isiah Zombie: I bet she clicks the button HARD when she's about to climax.
Monkeysarefunny: EWWW....... EWWW! I think I'm gonna puke! *runs out*
20 minutes later, at Kurger Bing...
Jack Hammer: Hey w00tdude! Did you finish cleaning the bloodstains from the basement with that tissue I gave you??
w00tdude: Yes boss.
Jack Hammer: Good, now I want you to fill the coke machine as usual... except this time, I want you to inspect each and every drop for cleanliness! Get to it!
w00tdude: Yes boss. Oh hey listen, I wanted to thank you for hiring my friend Pedro to work here. He really appreciates it.
Jack Hammer: Hmm... I forgot I hired him. Remember, he only works here as long as the Meatbot 3000 is being repaired. Speaking of which, how did the Meatbot end up at the bottom of the bacon grease tank?
w00tdude:
...I-Iunno.Jack Hammer: Anyway, forget about that. Where is Pedro?? He should've been here 20 minutes ago!
w00tdude: You told him to come in late, remember? You wanted a reason to yell at him?
Jack Hammer: Oh, yes I forgot about that as well. Thanks for reminding me. Just for that, you get to stay here and work after hours mopping the floors!
w00tdude: Yaaay! .......Wait a minute... *thinks* ...Teh awwwws...
*Bigboss and Donutz walk inside Kurger Bing*
BigBoss: (in the middle of a story) --So that's why I'm avoiding Wendy. Can you imagine she asked me that?
Admiral Donutz: She really asked you to marry her?
BigBoss: Yeah. I'm telling you, that chick is obsessed with me. I mean, if she was really hot, then I'd marry her own cat just to get into the family.
Admiral Donutz: I agree. A philosopher once said, "If you marry a good woman, you will have a good life, if not, you will become a philosopher."
BigBoss: Those are words to live by.
w00tdude: HEYS GUYYYS
! Over here! It's good to see familiar faces around here! Can I take your order 
?BigBoss: *walks over to register* ...I'll have the usual.
w00tdude: You have a usual?
BigBoss: Of course I have a usual! I come here everyday to avoid Wendy, remember? You should KNOW THIS!
w00tdude: Please don't yell! I don't want the manager to hear this!
Admiral Donutz: Okay, okay, calm down, let me order... *looks at menu* ...What does "caliente" mean?
BigBoss: It means "delicious."
Admiral Donutz: Okay I'll have that then.
w00tdude: So it'll be one "Caliente Burger" and one... "Usual"... anything else?
BigBoss: What do you mean ANYTHING ELSE?? YOU SHOULD KNOW THIS! ALWAYS STUDY BEFORE AN EXAM!
w00tdude: Shhhhh! Quiet down! Please!
*Pedro walks in front door*
Pedro: So this is where I work at? Looks kinda crappy.
w00tdude: Hey Pedro! There you are! Quick! Start your shift right now and finish taking this order! I have a... a Meatbot to polish... yeah... *runs into kitchen*
Pedro: *walks behind register* ...Let's see here. You guys ordered one "Caliente Burger" and one "Blank"? Anything else?
BigBoss: What the hell? One blank? That's not my usual! Did w00tdude forget my usual? Oh that's it! I'm about to go medieval on his ass! *jumps over register and into kitchen*
Admiral Donutz: Uhh....... I'll have my burger..... to go.
Meanwhile, back at IZ's House...
Isiah Zombie: (alone, twiddling thumbs) ...Do-do-do-dee-doo-weaboo...
*Mdiddy walks in*
Mdiddy: What up dawg?
Isiah Zombie: ......
Mdiddy: What's the matter? All you have to say is "sa'll good!"
Isiah Zombie: I'm bored. Being bored is boring.
Mdiddy: You should come over to my house. The Monkey Man is there.
Isiah Zombie: What?? Monkey left MY house so he could hang out with YOU?
Mdiddy: Yeah. He says you were talking about old ladies and that kinda freaked him out.
Isiah Zombie: Wow. How old is he? Like 14? He mad.
*Monkey runs in*
Monkeysarefunny: Holy crap! The Grandmama is outside patrolling the grounds! Quick! We need to leave this house before she Morse-codes her way inside!
Isiah Zombie: ......
Monkeysarefunny: Get it? Cuz she's really old?
Isiah Zombie: Oh, oh yeah... I guess we should go to BB's hideout -- Kurger Bing! C'mon! Let's move!
20 minutes later, at Kurger Bing, Donutz and Pedro are sitting at a table as the police have BigBoss in handcuffs...
Admiral Donutz: I think this incident will be all over the news.
Pedro: Yeah, the headline will be something like, "Angered Customer Fires into Kitchen.... to get Employee Fired."
Admiral Donutz: Or maybe, "Gas Mask was Primary Weapon in Confused Order."
Pedro: Either way, this guy is crewed.
BigBoss: (handcuffed, to officer) Oh come on! w00tdude got my order wrong! You'd do the same thing if you were in my place!
Police Officer: No, I would not strap him down and beat him upside the head with a frying pan.... among other things.
BigBoss: Aw man, this is not good. It's not gonna be in the news, is it?
Police Officer: This is BIG TIME news. Heck, it might even make its way all the way over to the east coast.
BigBoss: East... coast...? *thinks of Wendy* ...Noooo! Now she'll know where my hideout spot is! Crap!
Police Officer: SHUT UP! *drags BB outside*
Pedro: Well that was pretty entertaining for my first day.
Admiral Donutz: I wonder what will happen now...
*IZ, Monkey, and Mdiddy walk inside*
Isiah Zombie: Wow, Donutz. you're still here?
Admiral Donutz: Funny thing just happened. BB just got arrested for-
Mdiddy: --Hey dog, how it goin?
Admiral Donutz: What....?
Mdiddy: I like your fur it looks really good. So you're a dog, right? What's that about? Well it was nice talking to you, say hi to your mother for me, okay?
Admiral Donutz: ...I'll be leaving... *walks out*
Monkeysarefunny: Anyway, the reason why we're here is because we need this place to be our new hideout. But since were here, I could go for something...
Pedro: Welcome to Kurger Bing, how may I take your order?
Monkeysarefunny: Umm... the right way?
Pedro: I said what do you want, you lazy-fat-ass?
Monkeysarefunny: I'd like a Greasy-Triple-Bacon-Double-Platter-Special-- hey wait a minute. What did you just call me?
Pedro: You heard me.
Monkeysarefunny: You suck! You work at a fast food place!
Pedro: We're not fast food: we're good food quickly.
Monkeysarefunny: Whatever, just make it snappy!
Pedro: Sure thing... Idiots... *walks away*
Mdiddy: Hey guys... you see that chick over there by the soda fountain? You have no idea what I'd do to get my hot rod into her garage.
Isiah Zombie: Just go talk to her.
Mdiddy: No, I can't...
Monkeysarefunny: Are you nervous or something? Don't you have like 50 hoes in your house everyday?
Mdiddy: Yeah, but she's different. She's the kinda girl you'd bone hard and still want to see the next morning.
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, that's a special feeling. But you know what they say: If you can't start talking, just keep stalking.
Mdiddy: But see, what I really want is a real relationship. I get tired of my hoes... ya know what I'm saying, dawg?
Monkeysarefunny: I hear ya, BBQDiddy, at first it's fun, but then it's like ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
Isiah Zombie: I wouldn't know what that's like...
w00tdude: *walks over* (has arm cast) Here's your order, Monkey.
Monkeysarefunny: What happened to your arm?
w00tdude: ...BB hurt me pretty severely...
Monkeysarefunny: Aww man! Couldn't he wait until 6 p.m. tonight? Now what am I still supposed to do with all my free time?
w00tdude: Is that I'm worth to you? Just for the daily beatings?
Monkeysarefunny: ....Kinda, yeah.
w00tdude: Now I feel teh suckish
Later that day, somewhere in Massachusetts...
Television: Welcome back to U2 Global Communications, your one stop station to all the news in the world. Boy do we have a real treat for you. Earlier today, at a local "Kurger Bing" restaurant in Los Angeles, a man identified as "BigBoss" was caught beating an employee with a fire extinguisher because he gave him the wrong order. I saidit once and I'll say it again, the people in L.A. are crazy! In other news...
Wendy: ...BigBoss? In LA? AHA! I've found you
! PREPARE YOURSELF -- BECAUSE I'M COMING TO TOWN!
