Post by Isiah Zombie on Feb 7, 2009 10:17:44 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Partner Swap
Episode: 70
Original Post Date: February 7, 2009
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Isiah Zombie is alone at IZ's House one morning...
Isiah Zombie: (to self) Okay, let's see if I can get my zombie medication today... *picks up phone*
Telephone: *kzrk* ...Hello, and welcome to the mental health hotline. If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
Isiah Zombie: Umm... no?
*BigBoss walks in*
BigBoss: Hey there, Candlejack! Who are you talking to?
Isiah Zombie: I'm just... ordering pizza, yeah. So are you going out with your girlfriend today?
BigBoss: Mmm... girlfriends. I need to get me one of those.
Isiah Zombie: You already have one. Her name's Wendy.
BigBoss: W-Wendy? No... I'm not going anywhere with her today...
Isiah Zombie: Why not? Are you afraid of her?
BigBoss: Hell no! I fear NO MAN! *runs out*
Isiah Zombie: Well that was strange...
Telephone: If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2 for you.
*Mdiddy walks in*
Mdiddy: What's UP Zombie Man?
Isiah Zombie: I'm just... ordering pizza, yeah. So do you have another hoe in your house right now?
Mdiddy: Psh... yeah. I'm tired of hoes. I already told you that I want to be in a real relationship with just one woman for once in my life.
Isiah Zombie: But I have a friend who has a girlfriend and he's afraid of her all of the time. You sure you want that?
Mdiddy: Hey, if it means that she'll always be there for me, unlike mah hoes, then yes. I wouldn't mind being afraid.
Isiah Zombie: Well their relationship looks like it's about to fall apart anytime soon. Do you want me to hook you up with this girl?
Mdiddy: Oh, wow. You'd do that for me
! Thanks! You're one hi-class zombie! You go and set that up, while I kick out a few freakos outta my place! *runs out*Telephone: If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
*Monkey walks in*
Monkeysarefunny: Hey, IZ. I've created a new word. Let me try it out on you. Go on, insult me.
Isiah Zombie: Umm... your mother's a prostitute?
Monkeysarefunny: ...
Isiah Zombie: What? Too soon?
Monkeysarefunny: Oh yeah? Well... you're gaytarded! KA-POW!
Isiah Zombie: That's your new word? You make me laugh... but only because I think you're kinda pathetic.
Monkeysarefunny: Dude, are you a gaysexual?
Isiah Zombie: Oh geez... why don't you go mack on your grandmama girlfriend and leave me alone?
Monkeysarefunny: Eww... *shudders* ...That old lady gives me the creeps. The only way I would spend time with her is if you pay me. If you ain't talkin' money, you ain't speaking my language.
Isiah Zombie: Will you please leave now? Can't you see I'm busy on the phone?
Monkeysarefunny: Sure thing, Undead General... *walks out*
Isiah Zombie: Monkey's always gotta insult me. WHY? ...WHY??
Telephone: If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Please stay on the line so we can trace your call.
Isiah Zombie: (to self) If there was only a way I could get back at Monkey... that would SURELY show him that I'm the best...
Telephone: If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mothership.
*Wendy walks in*
Wendy: Hello Isiah. Where's my BigBoss sweet'ums
?Isiah Zombie: You mean BB? He's nowhere to be found. BUT! I know someone who WAS looking for you!
Wendy: Oh really? Who was it?
Isiah Zombie: It was my neighbor, Mdiddy. He wanted to talk to you about something.
Wendy: Oh no... he doesn't want to talk to me for sexual reasons, does he? You know one time, I bought myself a movie starring Tom Hanks Jr.
Isiah Zombie: So?
Wendy: On it's RELEASE day...
Isiah Zombie: OH.
Wendy: And then I rented another one of his movies later that week.
Isiah Zombie: So?
Wendy: TWICE...
Isiah Zombie: OH.
Wendy: And then I went to a free-screening of one of his upcoming films.
Isiah Zombie: So?
Wendy: And ENJOYED it...
Isiah Zombie: OH.
Wendy: The point is, I've made some horrible decisions in the past. I think that if talk to your neighbor, it may lead into another mistake.
Telephone: If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
Isiah Zombie: Actually... I think the only mistake you've made so far is clinging onto BB... yeah. That is a very bad mistake.
Wendy: You think?
Isiah Zombie: Yep... you should probably talk to Mdiddy for a little while, see what happens, and THEN decide if talking to him is a bad decision.
Wendy: Yeah... you're right! Love is all about freedom and fertility, right? *walks out*
Telephone: If you are a manic-depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press, no-one will answer.
*Donutz walks in*
Admiral Donutz: Sup IZ?
Isiah Zombie: I'm just... ordering pizza, yeah. So where have you been?
Admiral Donutz: I was just outside walking my dog. I heard Zane's grandmama beating up Zane in his house. HAH! I laughed.
Isiah Zombie: Wow, that old Grandmama lady is really crazy, huh? I think it's funny that she has a crush on Monkey.
Admiral Donutz: Yeah. Wouldn't it be funny if we invited her to come over and then asked Monkey to show up? That would be the ULTIMATE set-up! Oh well...
Isiah Zombie:
! Donutz! That's the best idea you've ever had! Monkey did that to me once before, and now it's my turn to do it him! Let's make it happen!Admiral Donutz: Alright! Angel Hair and Star Jelly, here we come! *runs out*
Telephone: If you are dyslexic, please press 9696969696969.
*Mdiddy walks in*
Mdiddy: Hey Zombie Man! I got rid of the hoes from mah crib!
Isiah Zombie: Already? Wow that was fast... sounds like a lot of work.
Mdiddy: *sigh* ...With many hoes, comes many responsibilities... so did you talk to that girl yet?
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, she said she is willing to talk to you. Her name's Wendy, and she should be here any minute.
Mdiddy: I can't wait to see her. Getting her to like me should be as easy as shoplifting BBQ sauce.
Isiah Zombie: Do you shoplift candy bars from 7-11 too?
Mdiddy: No, as candy bars are full of junk. I do shoplift lettuce, however.
Isiah Zombie: She'll be here anytime soon. Aren't you at least a little bit nervous?
Mdiddy: Well, I may be a LITTLE nervous...
Telephone: If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until a representative comes on the line.
*Wendy walks in*
Wendy: Hello again, Isiah.
Isiah Zombie: There you are! This is the man who wanted to see you. Wendy, meet Mdiddy -- Mdiddy, meet Wendy.
Wendy: Hello Mdiddy.
Mdiddy: Wow! You look Pumpalicious! Welcome to love! MWAHAHAHAHA!!
Wendy: It's nice to meet you too.
Mdiddy: Welcome to the world of exotic fetishes!
Isiah Zombie: Easy there, Mdiddy. That's what hoes are for.
Wendy: Welcome to whatever the hell I just arrived to...
Isiah Zombie: You two should probably head outside. Go for a walk or something.
Mdiddy: Alright, I'll go get the BBQ sauce ready! *runs out*
Isiah Zombie: Well that was strange...
Wendy: What does your neighbor want with me anyway?
Isiah Zombie: I-I think he likes you...
Wendy: Me too. I like myself as well. I think this may lead me into a truamatic experience... *walks out*
Telephone: If you have post-traumatic stress disorder, slowly and carefully press 000.
*Grandmama walks in*
Grandmama: HELOOO! Where's the LOVE of my LIFE?? Is he hiding??
Isiah Zombie: You mean Monkey? Oh... right. He should be here any minute-
Grandmama: -If he doesn't show up in the next second, I'm going to to spank someone with my metal-chained belt!
*BigBoss walks in*
BigBoss: (to IZ) ...H-Hey, Wendy isn't here, is she? It's not like I'm trying to HIDE FROM her or anything... *looks at Grandmama* ....Why hello there. What do we have here
?Grandmama: ...?
Isiah Zombie: ...?
BigBoss: I usually don't see that many older women around town. You are certainly one finely tuned specimen.
Grandmama: ...Really? *pouts eyes*
BigBoss: Yes, and that beard of yours is exquisite.
Grandmama:
! Well now! I must say, I am most certainly taken aback! Would you like to join me for some tea, at the expense of my grandson?BigBoss: Hell yeah!
*Grandmama and BigBoss walk out holding hands*
Isiah Zombie: (to self) Well that was strange... and kinda sick. I hope I can forget what I just saw.
Telephone: If you have amnesia, press 8 and state your name, address, phone, date of birth, National Health number and your mother's maiden name.
*Monkey and Donutz walk in*
Monkeysarefunny: Okay Donutz, where's that ice cream you promised me?
Admiral Donutz: HAH! MAF I tricked you! I just wanted you to be home!
Monkeysarefunny: Why?
Admiral Donutz: IZ was going to set you up with that crazy Grandmama lady!
Isiah Zombie: ...Way to ruin the surprise, Donutz.
Monkeysarefunny: Times like these make me wish assault was legal.
Isiah Zombie: She's not here anyway, so you can chill. She left with BB, can you believe that?
Monkeysarefunny: BB and that old hag got together? Wow, if they have children, they should be prosecuted for child abuse because no child should be subject to having them as parents.
Isiah Zombie: It's that bad, huh?
Monkeysarefunny: The damn kid should strangle itself with the umbilical cord and end the misery ASAP.
Telephone: If you have bi-polar disorder, please leave a message after the beep or before the beep. Or after the beep. Please wait for the beep.
Isiah Zombie: You gotta admit though, I had a pretty good plan. Remember you had the same plan when we first met?
Monkeysarefunny: I'll never forget the first time we met - although I'll keep trying.
Isiah Zombie: But it was a good plan, right??
Monkeysarefunny: No, it was a gaytarded plan by a gaysexual dude. I'm outta here. I'll leave now while my burn still stings.
*Monkey walks out*
Isiah Zombie: Wow, that burn DID sting... I need to forget that as well...
Telephone: If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9. If you have short-term memory loss, press 9.
Admiral Donutz: So are you still ordering that pizza?
Isiah Zombie: *sigh* ...Y-yeah... s-sure...
Telephone: If you have low self esteem, please hang up. All of our operators are too busy to talk to you. *kzrk*
Admiral Donutz: Well I'm going to walk my dog. Heh... you're gonna be alone again. See ya! *walks out*
Isiah Zombie: (to self) Eh... I need to forget about that damn zombie medication. Let's see if Jasmin's Pizzeria is open today... *dials number*
Telephone: *kzrk* ...Welcome to Jasmin's pizzeria. Please press 1 if you're alive.
Isiah Zombie: Dammit.
