Post by Isiah Zombie on Feb 14, 2009 14:46:31 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Horror Film (Part 1 of 2)
Episode: 71
Original Post Date: February 14, 2009
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Isiah Zombie, Monkeysarefunny and Admiral Donutz are at IZ's House on Valentine's Day...
Isiah Zombie: *sigh* ...It's Valentine's Day once again and I am lonely once more...
Monkeysarefunny: Well IZ, that's what you get for being basically a Bambi with testosterone. Do me a favor and grow a pair, will ya?
Isiah Zombie: I'm not lonely because I'm afraid of women... I'm lonely because I'm too busy pursuing my career goals.
Monkeysarefunny: Do any of your career goals include growing a pair? Because that should be at the top of your list.
Isiah Zombie: What are you talking about? I DO have goals. Remember I wanted to be a reporter for the J2 Global Communications Newspaper?
Monkeysarefunny: Oh yeah, and then you failed at getting hired. Heh.... good times, good times.
Isiah Zombie: Monkey, I didn't "fail" at getting hired, I just-
Monkeysarefunny: -Failed in STYLE! KA-POW!
Isiah Zombie: ...Are you calling me stupid or something?
Monkeysarefunny: Nobody is calling you stupid. They're just saying that you were 16 years old before you learned how to wave goodbye.
*Donutz walks in*
Admiral Donutz: Hey guys. Do any of you have any special plans for Valentine's Day?
Monkeysarefunny: IZ doesn't. Do you?
Admiral Donutz: Yeah... Helen wants me to take her somewhere special, but I don't know where to go...
Isiah Zombie: Bring her over to my house
! We'll have a great time here!Admiral Donutz:
...Uhh.Monkeysarefunny: Don't worry Donutz, IZ may look like an idiot and talk like an idiot, but don't let that fool you...... He really is an idiot.
Isiah Zombie: Fine. Do you have an better ideas?
Monkeysarefunny: Of course I do. I was going to begin filming the horror film "Black Holes of Symmetry" starring me and Julia. Donutz, bring Helen with you and prepare to be wowed by my amazing acting skills.
Admiral Donutz: But Helen wants me to take her somewhere romantic...
Monkeysarefunny: Well... just make out while we film.
Admiral Donutz: Alright! Let's move!
10 minutes later, on a street curb a few blocks away from IZ's House...
Admiral Donutz: I called Helen and told her to meet us there. I guess we just stand here and wait for a cab to pull over.
Isiah Zombie: Hey Monkey, do you think I'm good enough to star in my own movie?
Monkeysarefunny: No, for several reasons.
Isiah Zombie: Why not?
Monkeysarefunny: Let's see, where do I begin... You can't act, you're too slow learning the lines, and you just don't have "it." And besides, you're not easy on the eyes....... Although....
Isiah Zombie: What?
Monkeysarefunny: You could probably play the part of a zombie. You know, the usual "gurgle gurgle" stuff.
Isiah Zombie: Nah, that is such a stereotype. Not all zombies are like that.
Monkeysarefunny: Now that I think of it, you really should play the part of a zombie in a movie. Try doing at least one extraordinary thing with your life before you die.
Isiah Zombie: I plan on living forever. So far, so good.
Admiral Donutz: Look guys! Here comes a cab!
*taxi can pulls over*
Rashidi: *opens taxi door* You have money??
Isiah Zombie: Of course I do. I never leave my house without-
Rashidi: Come in my taxi cab now!
*the trio walk inside cab*
Rashidi: Good evening, patrons. My name is Rashidi, I come from Zimbabwe. Where shall I transport you this morning?
Isiah Zombie: We're going to Monkey's filming session. But it's not like I don't have a Valentine-
Rashidi: -LISTEN! I came to America because I plan on becoming a rapper. I'm shooting my first solo rap album. Something like yo, yo, uh, yeah, uh, yo, check it, yo. I always wear a bulletproof vest and I'm ready for anything! *vroom-vroom!*
One hour later, just outside the filming studio...
Helen: (to self) Hurry up Donutz... it's already been an hour... Nobody leaves me waiting! NOBODY!
Dominion Phantom: *appears* To take away his most valuable possesion. The one he claims as humble. Seeing the international vying for revenge. Stirring a crumble that will cause a rumble.
Helen: W-Who are you? What are you talking about? And what do you want with me??
Dominion Phantom: To destroy the dancer's gem. Leave her hanging on a rope. An effigy symbolizing power. The final action that crushes hope.
Helen: No! Nooo! Stay away from me....! *blackout*
10 minutes later, the trio walk inside the studio...
Admiral Donutz: Augh! That Rashidi cab driver took forever to get here! Helen's going to kill me!
Isiah Zombie: That's not so bad.
Monkeysarefunny: Dammit! That cabbin' 'Shiddi took so long that I might get fired!
Isiah Zombie: Yeah that's pretty bad.
Director Rockhammer: *approaches* MONKEY! There you are! You're late! Julia's been waiting for you! WE'VE ALL BEEN waiting for you!
Monkeysarefunny: I know, I know. You can blame the "Self Mutilated IZ" for that.
Director Rockhammer: You took so long that our cameraman left! Now we have no one to film this movie! *looks at IZ* ...Hey you! Do you have any experience as a cameraman?
Isiah Zombie: No.
Director Rockhammer: All I heard was "yes"! That's good enough for me! Everyone get on the set! It's filming time!
Admiral Donutz: Hey IZ, what am I supposed to do in the meantime?
Isiah Zombie: Go look for Helen. It's YOUR prerogative!
Meanwhile, in Julia Darwin's dressing room...
Julia Darwin: (to self in mirror) ...I can't believe I'm making a horror film. I didn't train for this! I'm more of a drama actress... *applies make-up* ...Nothing horrifying has ever even happened to me... where will I get my inspiration from?
Dominion Phantom: *appears* To take away what he lusts for most. The plan would be complete. All that is needed is to sacrifice the chosen. To defeat the elite is bitter sweet.
Julia Darwin: Oh my God! Who are you?? ...WHAT are you?
Dominion Phantom: To eliminate the renowned star. Leave her plastered on a wall. A remain that all can see. The result that will cause a worldwide brawl.
Julia Darwin: What do you want with me?? Don't come near me!
Director Rockhammer: *knocks on door* (from outside) JULIA! WHAT"S GOING ON? .....Can't you see that we're late? Hurry up and finish painting your face! *walks away*
Dominion Phantom: Do not tell anyone you saw me -- or else I will kill you. *vanishes*
Julia Darwin: ...
10 minutes later, on the set of "Black Holes of Symmetry"...
Monkeysarefunny: Hey director, can I talk to you real quick?
Director Rockhammer: What's the matter? You don't like the script? Is that the problem?
Monkeysarefunny: No...... I really do wanna find out who the mother of my child is, or whether or not the gun is loaded. But I really don't think IZ should be the cameraman...
Director Rockhammer: Well guess what? You don't have a say in that matter! I'm the one who calls the shots around here! This is not "Monkeysarefunny presents: 'Monkeys Are Funny', starring Monkeysarefunny; a Monkeysarefunny Production."
Monkeysarefunny: That would be ****ing awesome. But seriously, I just told IZ to practice failing less... and that he fails out loud... and that his failure is now complete. Making him the official cameraman would make him... *shudders* ...succeed.
Director Rockhammer: We don't have a choice! There's no camerman on set! Shut up, here comes Julia Darwin!
Julia Darwin: *approaches* ... *sniff*
Monkeysarefunny: Umm... you okay? You look like you just saw a ghost.
Director Rockhammer: Alright everyone! Let's all take position... READY... SET... ON YOUR MARK... GET SET... and... ACTION!
Isiah Zombie: (using camera) ...Umm... Director? The camera's not working.
Director Rockhammer: ...GRRRR...
CUT! We are delayed enough as it is! I'll give everyone a quick 10 minute break while I find a repair man, but I want everyone back here without anymore hold-ups! *stomps away furiously*Monkeysarefunny: Well it looks like we have some extra time. Want to tell me what's up?
Julia Darwin: I just... I can't... something bad may happen... I'm really scared
Monkeysarefunny: At least being scared will prepare you for your role in this movie. As my mother used to say, "Proper preparation prevents piss-poor performance."
Julia Darwin: I think you're wrong. Being scared won't help me at all...
Monkeysarefunny: Macho Law forbids me from admitting I'm wrong.
Julia Darwin: You know, Monkey, you're not really helping at all... and you're acting kind of weird...
Monkeysarefunny: Everyone thinks I'm psychotic, well, except for my friends deep inside the earth.
Julia Darwin: I just need to be alone for awhile...
Meanwhile, Director Rockhammer is looking for a repairman...
Director Rockhammer: Hey you over there! Do you know how to fix a broken camera?
Admiral Donutz: *turns around* ...Huh
?Director Rockhammer: ...What are you doing here by yourself?
Admiral Donutz: NOTHING!
Director Rockhammer: Do you know how to fix a camera?
Admiral Donutz: No, but I've always wanted to be an electrician, a chemist, or maybe even a-
Director Rockhammer: -No wait, what WERE you doing here by yourself?
Admiral Donutz: Uh...
...I WASN'T watching Helen dance elegantly behind the curtain!Director Rockhammer: What?
Admiral Donutz: I wasn't watching her lovely sillouette sway from side to side!
Director Rockhammer: What??
Admiral Donutz: I'm not spying on my own girlfriend behind the curtain as she dances to that old record!
Director Rockhammer: Ugh! Why do I work with a bunch of bozos around here?!? *stomps away*
Meanwhile, back on the set...
Isiah Zombie: Monkey, give Julia some space. It's clear that she is being bothered by something.
Monkeysarefunny: Who is General Failure and why is he pretending to be IZ?
Julia Darwin: Please Monkey... something in the dressing room really freaked me out...
Monkeysarefunny: Oh Julia. When I was 15 I was going to marry you. Where did we go wrong?
Julia Darwin: GO AWAY!
Monkeysarefunny: FINE! *walks away*
Monkey walks to the restroom...
Monkeysarefunny: (alone in stall) Hmm... I wonder if there's a way to kill IZ once and for all to save him from his own epic failness. But not with a candlestick -- that’s impossible. If my Christmas Party of 2002 has proven anything, it’s proven that.
Dominion Phantom: *appears* To the one and only. Seeking murder against his friend. As the shine looms-
Monkeysarefunny: -DUDE! GET THE **** OUT OF HERE! I'M BUSY!
Dominion Phantom: -Interrupting the geist is the ultimate crime. Just for that you'll be yourself one last time.
*Dominion posseses Monkey* ... *KA-POWZESS!*
Monkeysarefunny: "The more I want, the more I am. The more bananas there are, the more milkshakes I deserve." *walks back to set*
5 minutes later, back on the set...
Director Rockhammer: Alright everyone! The camera started working again! Let's do scene 1! Lights, camera, action!
Isiah Zombie: (filming) Heh heh... this is pretty awesome...
Monkeysarefunny: "I am the true ghost! FEED ME FEAR!"
Julia Darwin: No, you are a fraud. I will not sumbit to you.
Monkeysarefunny: "No! I am the true phantom! I am PHANTOM DOMINION!"
Director Rockhammer: That's not part of the script... CUT!
Monkeysarefunny: "The plan is now set in motion! THE PLAN HAS BEGUN!"
Julia Darwin: Are you okay, Monkey? You remind me of the ghost that haunted me earlier...
Monkeysarefunny: "I told you... NOT. TO. TELL. ANYONE!" *eyes turn sky blue*
Julia Darwin: Nooo! YOU can't be... that... that ghost!
Isiah Zombie: Wow, I'm glad I'm getting all of this on film...
Director Rockhammer: Yes...! YES! This is what this movie has been missing! Monkey, you're acting is astonishing! How you get your voice to change and how you make your eyes turn blue is outstanding!
Monkeysarefunny: "Now it is time to to eliminate the renowned star! To leave her plastered on a wall! The remains that all will see! The result that will cause a worldwide brawl!" *charges up blue lightning strike* "The DEATH OF ONE IS THE DEATH OF ALL!!" *shoots blue lightning at Julia*
Julia Darwin: NOOOOOOO!
Dun Dun DUN!!
To be continued.....
