Post by Isiah Zombie on Mar 21, 2009 13:45:36 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Mansion Maniacs
Episode: 76
Original Post Date: March 21, 2009
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Isiah Zombie, Monkeysarefunny, BigBoss and w00tdude are on the streets searching for a new house...
Isiah Zombie: Hey look at that poster over there. There's a mansion for sale nearby here.
Monkeysarefunny: A mansion? Where the hell are we gonna get the money for a mansion? ...And no IZ, I will not do any of your "sexual endeavors"...
w00tdude: Well don't look at me for any money. I quit my job right after my manager made we work 100 hours straight with no pay...
BigBoss: Dammit! Why do we have to move to a new house anyway?
Isiah Zombie: Don't you remember? Donutz needed a boat to sail away to Finland... and since my house was ship-shaped... well, you do the math.
Monkeysarefunny: SHOW ME THE MONEY!
Isiah Zombie: I'm the fricken owner of J2 Global Communications! It's the largest news corporation on Earth! My news even delivers to Mars! I got tons a cash I tell ya -- tons a cash!
Monkeysarefunny: Maybe we shouldn't live here after all. I don't think it's safe...
BigBoss: Stop being such a pansy!
Monkeysarefunny: I-I'm not a pansy... there's just a man over there pointing a gun at me, a-tellin' me I got to beware.
Several minutes later, the four approach a mansion they're willing to buy...
Isiah Zombie: *rings doorbell* ...Anybody home?
Frank the Stein: *opens door* (7-feet tall, bolts in head) ME answer door!
Isiah Zombie: Wow, you're a really tall... umm, what are you?
Frank the Stein: ME Frankenstein! ME created in lab! ME butler of mansion!
Isiah Zombie: Oh, cool, so anyway, there's a sign out here that said this mansion is for sale. What's the asking price on it? One million? Two million?
Frank the Stein: YOU talk to DADA! DADA in lab now!
Isiah Zombie: Who's Dada...? And why do I need to talk to him?
Frank the Stein: HE owner of mansion! HE owner of me!
Isiah Zombie: Is he like, some weird "mad" scientist? Heh. You know, like the one we see in movies? Haha.
Frank the Stein: YES!
Isiah Zombie: ...R-Really?
Frank the Stein: ME lead you there now!
A few moments later, inside the Carlton-Ritz Mansion, the four wait in the foyer as Frank the Stein summons his owner...
Isiah Zombie: So, uhh... what do you guys think about living here?
Monkeysarefunny: Hey, as long as you have a ****load of cash, I'm crazy good. Just out of curiosity, have any of you guys heard of the "Elite Los Angleles Escort Services"...? Cuz, now that we have money-
BigBoss: -Is that a place to get fake women? FOOLS! Find real women!
Isiah Zombie: Monkey tries, but he can't... *looks at Monkey* ...I bet when girls see you, they start tearing off their clothes... SARCASM!
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah well, when girls see you, they start tearing out their eyes. NOT SARCASM!
w00tdude: Umm... I-Is anyone else scared about the Frankenbutler? I know I am...
Monkeysarefunny: Don't worry Mutton Butt, we'll pay the Frankendude some of IZ's cash to make him protect you. But first, you have to pay us.
w00tdude: Hmm... I need more allowances, yodelaheehoo!
Mad Albert, a short-old guy with white hair and a lab coat, approaches...
Mad Albert: *yawn* ...Hello, I am Mad Albert. I just finished proving that MC does not -- I repeat does NOT -- equal square.
Isiah Zombie: So what does it equal then?
Mad Albert: E = MC Hammer.
Monkeysarefunny: ...I like this guy already.
Mad Albert: So I hear you want to purchase this mansion?
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, how much is it?
Mad Albert: It has long been known...
BigBoss: "It has long been known"...? What does that mean?
Mad Albert: It means I didn't look up the original reference. But what I did look up was the fact that this mansion can be bought at a fraction of its original price due to my experiments which have severely damaged the foundation.
Isiah Zombie: So, how much?
Mad Albert: According to the statistical analysis -- or rumor, if you will -- this mansion is estimated to be worth a total of 26 dollars.
Isiah Zombie: That's it? Seriously....
?Mad Albert: IDIOT! *FWACK!* OF COURSE NOT! Have you lost your mind?!
Isiah Zombie: Oww.... so how much then??
Monkeysarefunny: Let me guess: this mansion is worth more than 10 million dollars, but you're willing to give it to us for only 5 million as long as we let you keep your lab and don't interrupt with your experiments?
Mad Albert: Precisely! Truly a student of the mind!
Monkeysarefunny: God, I love being right...
Mad Albert: However! There is one thing that you must absolutely not touch under any circumstances! Do not touch the bolts on Frank the Stein's head!
w00tdude: Why not? Will he hurt us if we do...
? WILL HE?Isiah Zombie: Shh, quite w00tdude. Demanding answers will not get us answers.
Monkeysarefunny: NONSENSE! Demanding answers WILL get us answers!
Mad Albert: Frank the Stein is usually quite docile, but when you touch a bolt on his head, he goes MAD! INSANE! ENRAGED! ALL of the above!
BigBoss: Alright, cool. So what do we have here? Do we get big-ass rooms? A pool? An indoor arcade room?
Mad Albert: Yes, you get all that. Just pay me my 5 million and you can do whatever you want!
Later that day... in the foyer...
Isiah Zombie: Well, I just paid Mad Albert his 5 million. As of right now, we are the proud owners of the "Carlton-Ritz Mansion!"
Monkeysarefunny: Hell yeah! We can sleep whenever we want, we can eat whenever we want, we can do whatever we want.... we can sleep whenever we want...
w00tdude: You mentioned that.
BigBoss: Nice job, IZ.... but, but.... I COULD have done more than you! MUCH MORE!
Isiah Zombie: You could've, but....eh....you didn't.
*Frank the Stein walks in*
Frank the Stein: YOU meet DADA? HE nice!
Isiah Zombie: You mean Mad Albert? Yeah, he's nice... listen, I'm going to check out my new room, catch you guys later... *walks away*
Monkeysarefunny: Hey BB, want to see what happens when we touch this guy's nuts?
BigBoss: What??
Monkeysarefunny: I meant bolts... not nuts... not nuts and bolts... just bolts.
BigBoss: Sure. Go ahead.
w00tdude: Don't do it, Monkey! Don't do it!
Monkeysarefunny: Ahhh quit being such a vagitarian, Mutton Butt... *jumps up and touches bolts on head*
Frank the Stein: *kzrk* ....ME.... NO.... MORE.... HAPPY
! GWAR!10 minutes later, in the Master bedroom...
Isiah Zombie: (to self) Wow... this place just keeps getting better and better. I'm going to have a rollicking good time here.
Mad Albert: *runs in* ...What did you do?!?
Isiah Zombie: Umm... what did I do?
Mad Albert: You touched Franken the Stein's bolts! Even after I specifically told you not to!
Isiah Zombie: I did not do such a thing!
Mad Albert: When creating Frank the Stein, only three of the samples were chosen for study...
Isiah Zombie: Meaning...?
Mad Albert: Meaning the other results didn't make any sense. But what did make sense is that he becomes enraged and threatens everyone in his path! I cannot have people living in my mansion if they do not obey the rules! I'm KICKING YOU OUT!
Isiah Zombie: What?!?
Meanwhile, back in the foyer...
Monkeysarefunny: Up top!
Frank the Stein: ME no likey table! *breaks table in half* ...GWAR
! Monkeysarefunny: Don't "leave me hangin'" Frankendude. Up top!
Frank the Stein: *looks at BigBoss* …TIME to destroy... VISITORS!
BigBoss: Wow Monkey, you really got this butler mad.
w00tdude: I told you not to do it! I told you not to touch his bolts!
Frank the Stein: *walks over to BB and picks him up* EAT ALL ENEMIES!
BigBoss: (feet off ground) Put me down you simple minded cretin!
Frank the Stein: *opens mouth* TIME to take BITE!
BigBoss: NOOO! SHIVER ME TIMBERS!
*PING!*
Frank the Stein: *falls to floor* ...Uhhh...
Isiah Zombie: (holding frying pan) ...That should knock him out for now.
Monkeysarefunny: What the-? When did you walk in?
Isiah Zombie: Why did you get Frank upset? Now we're gonna get kicked out because of it!
Monkeysarefunny: I-I didn't do it...
Isiah Zombie: *looks at BB* ...It was YOU!
BigBoss: *cough* ...What?
Isiah Zombie: You're just jealous of me! Remember when you said, "Nice job, IZ, but I COULD have done more than you! MUCH MORE!" You just wanted to see me fail!
Monkeysarefunny: That's seems about right...
Isiah Zombie: I'm gonna force you to pay me back my 5 million dollars, BB!
BigBoss: What the hell is wrong with you? Monkey was the one who did it!
Monkeysarefunny: No, I'm not a jealous sunuva-gun like you are. Anyways, I'm going to check out the room I never had. Oh and BB, for what it's worth, I think you were WAY out of line... *walks away*
5 minutes later, in Monkey's room...
Monkeysarefunny: (to self) I avoid getting in trouble at the expense of a 5 million dollar mansion. That's seems like a good trade-off.
w00tdude: *walks in* ...Hey Monkey, BB just convinced IZ that you were the one who made Frankenbutler mad.
Monkeysarefunny: Dammit! I got off so cleanly, too!
w00tdude: So what are you going to do now?
Monkeysarefunny: Well IZ's going to be really pissed off at me the next time he sees me, so I just need a way for him to get over it fast... got any ideas?
w00tdude: Hmm...
Monkeysarefunny: Remember when we were younger? Remember when I broke your elementary diploma and forced you to do 5 years of elementary school again? How did you ever get over that?
w00tdude: That never happened...
Monkeysarefunny: PRETEND IT DID!
w00tdude: I-I think you should just talk to IZ about and make him forgive you.
Monkeysarefunny: As gay as that sounds, I think you're right. Oh, and don't touch my new Froaster in this room. It's the only thing I unpacked and it's my only prized possession... *walks out*
5 minutes later, after Monkey and w00tdude left Monkey's room, IZ sneaks in...
Isiah Zombie: (to self)
....Monkey thinks he can just take this mansion away from me?? Well I got news for him! *sees Froaster* ...HAHAHA! Is this the "prized" possession he's always talking about? Well we'll see about that! *stomps on Froaster and breaks it*5 minutes later, IZ walks back to the foyer...
Isiah Zombie: Hey w00tdude? Where are the others?
w00tdude: BB and Monkey went to go get some ice cream.
Isiah Zombie: I lose a 5 million dollar mansion and they have the nerve to get some ice cream at my expense?!?
w00tdude: No... They both convinced the mad scientist that the "Rocky Road" flavor is only found in the dark mines of Africa... and that it is worth 5 million dollars. So they're going to give him the ice cream to pay him back and we're keeping the mansion.
Isiah Zombie: W-We are? But I... I just destroyed a Froaster which may or may not be worth a lot of money!
w00tdude: *looks out window* Well here they come. Better think of something fast.
Isiah Zombie: Uhhh.... w00tdude! How about you say that you're the one who broke Monkey's Froaster
!w00tdude: Why?
Isiah Zombie: Because Monkey's used to you being a screw-up!
w00tdude: Teh awwws!
*BigBoss and Monkey walk in*
BigBoss: Time to give this ice cream to Mad Albert.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh hey IZ. It turns out we convinced-
Isiah Zombie: -Hey Monkey! w00tdude broke your new Froaster!
w00tdude: *gulp* ...
Monkeysarefunny:
...Well, I see. It looks like it's time to destroy someone's elementary diploma.w00tdude: No! I didn't do it! IZ did!
Isiah Zombie: Well since we're getting the mansion back, I should go check out the room that rightfully belongs to me. Oh and w00tdude, for what it's worth, I think you were WAY out of line... *walks away*
w00tdude: What?? NOOOO!
Monkeysarefunny: I'm kicking your ass right now!
w00tdude: AHHH! *runs out*
Monkeysarefunny: Meh..... so BB, how's the hot dog stand business going?
BigBoss: I'm not in that business....
Monkeysarefunny: Then why's your wiener for sale? KA-POW! You walked right into that one!
BigBoss: Shut-up, Weenie Roast.
