Post by Isiah Zombie on Apr 4, 2009 18:49:16 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Failed Experiments
Episode: 78
Original Post Date: April 4, 2009
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Isiah Zombie, Monkeysarefunny, BigBoss and w00tdude are at the Carlton-Ritz Mansion one morning...
Isiah Zombie: So what do you guys want to do today?
Monkeysarefunny: Let's go bowling in the bowling room. Although... I remember they're only open for one day... what day was that again...?
w00tdude: It's on a Thursday.
Monkeysarefunny: Shut up -- you're on a Thursday.
w00tdude: Umm.... what does that mean? Does that mean you really want to go?
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, only no.
w00tdude: Teh awwws!
BigBoss: Or we can go see what Mad Albert is up to. You remember, the old scientist who owned this mansion before we did and who lives in our basement now?
Isiah Zombie: Hmm, good idea. He might be concocting some weird-ass experiments. Let's move!
The four walk down the stairs into the basement...
BigBoss: Maybe this was a bad idea... *cough* ...Does anybody else know what that nasty smell is? Smells like fish.
Monkeysarefunny: *look at w00tdude* ...It's w00tdude, he hasn't showered in days.
w00tdude: NUH-UH!
Monkeysarefunny: Well tell me then, how long has it been since you last showered?
w00tdude: ....What's a shower?
Isiah Zombie: It reeeeally stinks down here. This smell reminds me of "Funky Smell, Funky-Moves Tommy-Two-Tone." He was a good friend I once had, although he smelled like **** for a majority of his existence.
*Mad Albert walks in*
Mad Albert: Aha! Finally I have some visitors! Please, sit, sit! I have FINALLY created an electrode with the ability to electrify neutrons back into the state of a hydrogen-carbon-atom!
BigBoss: You know, scientifically, that makes no sense at all.
Mad Albert: It is CLEAR that much additional WORK will be REQUIRED before a complete UNDERSTANDING of this phenomena OCCURS.
BigBoss: Meaning...?
Mad Albert: Meaning I don't understand it one bit.
Isiah Zombie: So, Mad Albert, what's the stinky smell down here?
Mad Albert: Ah... you noticed. Interesting, very interesting indeed...
w00tdude: That doesn't sound so good...
Mad Albert: You see, in my experience-
Isiah Zombie: -Once?
Mad Albert: In case after case-
Isiah Zombie: -Twice?
Mad Albert: In a series of cases-
Isiah Zombie: -Thrice?
Mad Albert: Yes, in three of my experiments, I have discovered the startling phenomenon which shows that stimulating a human sense causes a Neurological unbalance which leads to an inexplicable fascination to uncover the truth behind the enlightened state of... enlightenment.
Isiah Zombie: Oh, so... you planned to have that smell?
Mad Albert: Indeed my zombie friend, indeed! I have been working on a new Frankenstein which will be better than the current butler-one!
Isiah Zombie: What makes him better?
Mad Albert: Hmm. Speed, strength, reflexes, regeneration... smelling ability too! Are you ready to see him?
w00tdude: NOOOO! *hides under table*
Monkeysarefunny: Sure, let's check him out.
BigBoss: YES! IN THE NAME OF SCIENCE!
Mad Albert: Okay, well here he is. It is now time to unveil... FRANKENSTEIN: THE SEQUEL! *opens curtain*
Frankenstein the Sequel: Lol. *sniff* Whoa, pancakes.
Mad Albert: Aha! Sniffing ability - superb!
Monkeysarefunny: That's uhh... that's a pretty big nose he has there... and he also doesn't have any eyes... was that whole 'stinky-fish smell' the ONLY thing you concentrated on when making this guy?
Mad Albert: No! It is generally believed that-
Monkeysarefunny: -You mean couple other guys think so too?
Mad Albert: Y-Yes...
Monkeysarefunny: You just failed out loud.
Mad Albert:
You're right... maybe this new Frankenstein was just a big waste of time... I should have just created a giant nose with legs instead! *stomps out*Isiah Zombie: Well that was weird. What should we do now?
Frankenstein the Sequel: Hello. Please don't be afraid of me and my giant nose. My master was just a bad scientist. I can even smell his failure from here.
w00tdude: *pops up from under table* ...What about me? What do I smell like
?Frankenstein the Sequel: Please go back under the table. The smell of ugly is not pleasant.
w00tdude: O-Okay... *goes back under table*
Ten minutes later, still in the basement...
Monkeysarefunny: There's nothing else to do down here...
BigBoss: Wanna see what other stuff this Mad Albert guy has?
Monkeysarefunny: Sure!
Isiah Zombie: *checks* ...Well, there's a machine here called the "Duplicating Generator." There's also a-
Monkeysarefunny: -Let's try out the Duplicator first! *jumps in machine* ...Alright! I'm strapped in! Press the button now!
w00tdude: OKAY!
Monkeysarefunny: No! Not you! I want the 'Sequel' to do it!
Frankenstein the Sequel: No thank you. I do not press buttons for dirty smelly monkeys.
Monkeysarefunny:
Hey! I may be a dirty, smelly monkey, but I'm a dirty smelly monkey with appeal! Now someone better press that button before I poke my own eye out!BigBoss: Chill out, man.
Monkeysarefunny: No! It's time to HEAT things up!
BigBoss: Shocking, isn't it?
Isiah Zombie: *cough* ...Let me just press the damn button... *presses button*
WEE-WER-KZRK-ERMMM-WHOOOOP!!
w00tdude: ...I-Is Monkey okay?
Isiah Zombie: Oh hey, there's a disclaimer on this machine. It reads: "This machine should only be used for the purpose of creating carbon copies of specimens. Unwanted copies should be disposed of through the liquidation process."
w00tdude: OH NO! That sounds horrible! ....What does it mean?
BigBoss: It means we got ourselves two monkeys!
Isiah Zombie: OH DEAR GOD.
w00tdude: *rocks back and forth in the fetal position* ...They'll both come soon, very soon... to kick my ass double-HARD! Double the pain! Double the trouble! AHHHH! *covers head*
The "Duplicating Generator" door opens... steam spews from the inside... fog fills the room...
Isiah Zombie: Quick! We should run away before both monkeys see us!
BigBoss: Yeah! I don't think I can handle double the annoyance!
w00tdude: *stands up* -WHERE SHOULD WE RUN TO??
Frankenstein the Sequel: We should run to BigBoss's room. *sniff* It smells like manliness.
Isiah Zombie: Good idea! Let's move!
Isiah Zombie, BigBoss, w00tdude and 'The Sequel' run upstairs to BigBoss's bedroom...
Isiah Zombie: Okay, I think we're safe here...
BigBoss: IZ, just out of curiosity, how many monkeys did you make?
Isiah Zombie: Just one, why?
BigBoss: You sure? I mean, did the button actually say "one" or do you think it said one?
Isiah Zombie: Holy MOTHER of CRAP! You're right! I may created a whole army of Monkeys!
w00tdude: Noooo!
Isiah Zombie: We should all split up! RUN FO YO LIVES, MAYNZ!
*Isiah Zombie, BigBoss and w00tdude run out*
Frankenstein the Sequel: *sniff* Something smells fishy.
Later that day, in the Mansion basement...
Monkeysarefunny: *stretches* Wow, thanks for getting me out of that machine. I thought I was going to strapped in there forever.
Mad Albert: That's the good news. But that bad news is that my invention was just another failure. I created it to clone any specimen that enter it. Turns out... it's just another fog machine...
Monkeysarefunny: Look on the bright side, at least you created a fog machine!
Mad Albert: No, I just bought a fog machine and tried to make it a Duplicator.
Monkeysarefunny: At least you bought a fog machine.
Mad Albert: I didn't. I just ordered the butler to get it for me.
Monkeysarefunny: ...At least he listens...
Mad Albert: He doesn't. He had to beat me up four times before I finally gave in and had to pay him for him to comply.
Monkeysarefunny: ...At least he accepts cash...
Mad Albert: He won't. He took my credit card and now I'm in major debt.
Monkeysarefunny: ...Wow you fail...
Mad Albert: I don't. The scientific community has stated that I fail so hard that they're researching a new word to describe my epic failure.
Monkeysarefunny: ...
Meanwhile, back in the mansion lobby...
BigBoss: Okay, we've been running around this mansion like sissies for hours and we haven't even seen a single duplicate yet.
w00tdude: But they're out there! I can sense it! I SENSE FEAR!
Isiah Zombie: Hmm, I wonder what that sense of fear is originating from...
BigBoss: Remember, IZ? Mad Albert said that stimulating a human sense causes a Neurological unbalance which leads to an inexplicable fascination to uncover the truth behind the enlightened state of... something.
Isiah Zombie: O-Oh yeah... let's go investigate what w00tdude is truly afraid of. Because you and I both know, it ain't the multiple Monkeys.
w00tdude: Okay! I'll admit it! It's... it's... it's SNIFFENSTEIN! That guy has a big nose and no eyes! HE IS TEH CREEPZORZ!
Isiah Zombie: I think you're scared of your own smell because you don't shower, w00tdude.
w00tdude: Why does everybody keep saying that??
BigBoss: Because it's true.
w00tdude: Now I feel teh suckish
*Monkey and Mad Albert enter the lobby*
Monkeysarefunny: Here you guys are.
Mad Albert: We've been looking all over for you.
w00tdude: It's a CLONE MONKEY!
Monkeysarefunny: What are you talking about? That thing didn't even work. On the plus side, I helped Albert make a new cologne.
BigBoss: People who make cologne and perfume don't realize that there's an additive which was extracted from animals.
Isiah Zombie: Ah... no wonder I smell BEASTLY.
Monkeysarefunny: Wait-wait-wait, extracted from animals?? Like... monkeys?
Mad Albert: *cough* ...Let's not get stuck on the details.
Monkeysarefunny:
Albert! Did you use to me get an additive to make a new cologne??Mad Albert: N-No... not at all...
Monkeysarefunny: I'm calling in the new butler to kick your ass four MORE times! SEQUEL! Get your ass in here!
Frankenstein the Sequel: *walks in* ...You rang?
Monkeysarefunny: Beat up MAD ALBERT!
Frankenstein the Sequel: *sniff* Smells like somebody had a good time.
Monkeysarefunny: Wha-? I-I comand you to punish MAD ALBERT!
Frankenstein the Sequel: *sniff* Something smells funny. Must be a comedian.
BigBoss: Ew... that's just wrong... and pointless... so uhh... what now?
Isiah Zombie: Let's go bowling in the bowling room.
w00tdude: But it's not Thursday yet.
Monkeysarefunny: I'LL ****ING MAKE IT THURSDAY! *FWACK!* LET'S MOVE!
10 minutes later, IZ, Monkey and Mad Albert are in the bowling room...
Isiah Zombie: Umm, Monkey? Why are you wearing golf shoes? This is a bowling alley.
Monkeysarefunny: I do not know of this "Monkey" you speak of.
Isiah Zombie: So... you're not the Monkey I know? The one who would bring in a foghorn into a bowling game and use at crucial moments?
Monkeysarefunny: No... *brings out gold idol* ...Pray to this.
Isiah Zombie: ...You wouldn't happen to be made by a duplicating machine, would you? Because if you were... holy ****! We really do have more than one Monkey!
Monkeysarefunny: STRIKE!
Mad Albert: Aha! SUCCESS!
Isiah Zombie: Um... this mansion just gets weirder and weirder everyday...
