Post by Isiah Zombie on Apr 11, 2009 12:46:11 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Ninja Vs. Pirate
Episode: 79
Original Post Date: April 11, 2009
__________________________________________
Isiah Zombie, Monkeysarefunny, BigBoss and w00tdude are at the beach one morning...
Isiah Zombie: It's good to finally get out of the mansion for once, right guys?
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, but... to the beach? Why? Just look at that hot-dog stand over there. It looks like a bunch of people waiting in line to get slapped up-side the head.
BigBoss: (shouts) Hey ladies! Check out my wash-board abs!
w00tdude: G-Guys...? I think I'm getting sunburned over here...
Isiah Zombie: All worrying aside, hanging out the beach is great. It's better than sex to be quite honest.
Monkeysarefunny: You wouldn't know to be quiet honest. Come back after you get laid.
Isiah Zombie: I've already been laid.
Monkeysarefunny: -By a GIRL!
Isiah Zombie: Shu-shut up! *runs away*
10 minutes later, under the shade in a secluded area...
BigBoss: Hurry up, w00tdude! Set up the picnic so I can pick up chicks on a full stomach!
w00tdude: Why do I always have to be the one who sets up everything?
BigBoss: It's subject to change with a good argument.
w00tdude: I don't have one.
BigBoss: THEN HURRY UP!
w00tdude: Teh awwwws!
BigBoss: C'mon w00tdude! Stop acting like such a child!
Monkeysarefunny: Ah don't worry about him. He's just a couple sandwiches short of a picnic
Isiah Zombie: *walks back* ...Alrighty, I just finished up in the porta-potty. Now it's time to go surfing! HANG TIME BABY!
Monkeysarefunny: Hey what's that thing in the trash bin next to the porta-potty?
Isiah Zombie: N-Nothing...
Monkeysarefunny: *pulls small container from trash can* ...I see someone had a little trouble this morning
Isiah Zombie: Uhh.... that's not mine...
Monkeysarefunny: It has your name on it.
Isiah Zombie: ...No, my name is only on that because I, umm... I...
Monkeysarefunny: -It says here that "this bottle is prescribed to Isiah Zombie for frequent diahhrea, chronic vomiting, and-"
Isiah Zombie: ALRIGHT! YOU GOT ME! I was leaking like a leaky faucet this morning! Okay?
Monkeysarefunny: ...
w00tdude: ...
BigBoss: ...
Isiah Zombie: ...Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go back to the porta-potty and think for awhile...
Monkeysarefunny: You mean cry for awhile?
Isiah Zombie: SHUT UP! JUST SHUT UP AND GO AWAY! *runs away*
WEEEE-WOOOOOO...
w00tdude: Hey look out in the ocean! There's a giant boat coming in!
BigBoss: It's a pirate ship..... weird, I haven't seen one of those in a while.
Monkeysarefunny: Let's go check it out.
10 minutes later, as the pirate boat reaches shore, the trio wait for someone to come out...
w00tdude: I-I don't think we should wait here anymore. I'm starting to feel the goose bumps! The goose bumps of terror!
BigBoss: QUIT YOUR ****ING WHINING!
Monkeysarefunny: Seriously, it's not like anything weird is going to happen-
A pirate jumps off the high boat and falls face-flat into the sand... THUMP!
??: (head in sand) ... *cough* ...
w00tdude: AHHHHHH! What is that? It's moving! Let's get out of here!
Monkeysarefunny: H-Hey, BB, maybe we should go get a stick and poke it or something...
BigBoss: Stop being such girly-men! *grabs pirates head out of sand* ...SPEAK YOU FIENDISH BASTARD!! SPEAK!
??: *cough* ...Argh... what say thee of the Cockmongler's Pirate Crew?
BigBoss: Umm... Caboose? Is that you?
Caboose: *stands up* Avast Ye! I haven't seen you three dublins since we ate the Salmagundi on Hogshead day!
Monkeysarefunny: T-That never happened...
Caboose: All aboard! Join me and me landlubbers on a journey of sea and stone! ...Or just lubber.
BigBoss: Shouldn't we wait for IZ?
Isiah Zombie: *walks back* ...Okay, I just finished crying in the porta-potty. Now it's time to go surfing! HANG TIME BABY!
Caboose: ARGH! No passenger on me ship sheds tears of wussy-puss!
Isiah Zombie: ...Caboose? What the hell are you doing here?
Caboose: Only when me loaded to the gunwalls do I maroon a sutler... But sink me! Today we shall load the six pounders! Ahoy mateys!
Isiah Zombie: W-What does that mean...?
Monkeysarefunny: It means you about to get yo mind blown.
Caboose: *grabs IZ* ...Board the ship! *throws IZ onto poop deck*
Caboose grabs everyone else one by one and throws them onto the ship... THUMP x3!
Isiah Zombie: (on ship) ...Oww! Hey Caboose! Ever heard of a ladder?
Caboose: *hook-shots onto ship* ...Quit your blubbering, matey! Hoist the Yaarrrrd Arm, climb the mizzen, clean the midden, swab the poop, and get me a damn sandwich!
BigBoss: Umm... did Caboose just make us his slaves?
Monkeysarefunny: No, he just made us his *****es.
w00tdude: I told you guys waiting for the ship was a bad idea! I told you guys!
Caboose: Haul in the gangplank me hearties! Measure the landlubber for his chains!
*Two other pirates walk out from their cabins*
Caboose: No time to take a taulk! Make the undead walk the plank, then chain his corpse to the gibbet! Yo-ho-ho!
Bluebeard: (pirate #1) Ay ay, captain!
Jack Rackham: (pirate #2) Ahoy!
10 minutes later, IZ is handcuffed and ready to walk the plank as BB, Monkey, and w00tdude are held by the other pirates...
BigBoss: Could somebody please remind me why Caboose is making IZ walk the plank again?
Monkeysarefunny: Because he doesn't like people who cry.
BigBoss: Oh I see.
w00tdude: Is that why...? IS THAT THE REASON? *sniff*
Monkeysarefunny: You know, Mutton Butt, for the first time in my life, I actually want you to bellow like a baby.
w00tdude: Now I feel teh suckish
Caboose: Arrgh mateys! Man the rigging and prepare to overhaul! Any last words before ye visit Davy Jones' Locker?
Isiah Zombie: ...Who me? Actually, yes. Yes I would. I would just like to say-
Caboose: -Sail ho ye squiffy man!
Isiah Zombie: Noooooo!
*smoke grenade blast*
Kung Pao Tiger: *appears* (ninja, wearing all black) Time for some Kung Fu Chicken!
Caboose: Arrgh! What fluke enters the execution dock??
Kung Pao Tiger: Crouching tiger, hidden dragon says... ENERGY TIME!
Caboose: Bluebeard! Jack Rackham! Stick the intruder in the cannon!
Bluebeard: Ay ay, captain!
Jack Rackham: Ahoy!
BigBoss: *cough* ...This sucks. We're getting saved by a ninja?
Monkeysarefunny: What's the matter? Do you hate ninjas or something?
BigBoss: Yes, as a matter of fact I do. A ninja who gets his leg cut off is useless. A pirate who gets his leg cut off is captain. Go figure.
Kung Pao Tiger: I will write peace on your wings and you will fly all over the world! *throws ninja stars at Bluebeard*
Bluebeard: *hit* Argh! Man down!
BigBoss: ...Because, seriously, ninjas aren't even allowed to keep pets because they usually have allergies and will break out in hives.
Monkeysarefunny: Hmmm...
Kung Pao Tiger: Blood is just red sweat! *Kitana-blades Jack*
Jack Rackham: *hit* Arr!
BigBoss: Also, pirates keep their stash of loot in cool wooden chests whose locations are marked on wicked awesome maps. Ninjas keep their money in no-interest checking accounts and get charged lots of fees by their banks.
Monkeysarefunny: Why?
BigBoss: Because ninjas are idiots.
Caboose: Blimey! Time to blow the man down! *gets behind cannon*
Kung Pao Tiger: In a mad world, only the mad are sane. Quick! You four, join me, and I shall bring you to the light!
BigBoss: Who the hell made you the leader around here?
Kung Pao Tiger: A person, no matter how desperate the situation, who gives others hope, is the true leader.
Monkeysarefunny: Wow BB, he makes a good argument.
BigBoss: And as you know, I'm subject to change with a good argument. C'mon IZ! Get off that damn plank!
Isiah Zombie: Right!
Isiah Zombie, BigBoss, Monkeysarefunny, w00tdude and Kung Pao Tiger gather around the center of the ship...
Kung Pao Tiger: I don't have dreams. How can I say it? I myself am a dream... *holds smoke grenade up* ...With this, we shall vanish like the hidden eagle!
Caboose: *rotates cannon back onto ship* The cannon's loaded! Fire in the hole! *BLAST!*
Kung Pao Tiger: K-P-TIGER! *slams smoke grenade down*
The five landlubbers vanish as the cannon misses and hits the front of the boat... KA-BOOM!
Caboose: Aarrrggh! Me blasted me own ship??
*boat slowly sinks in a fiery heap in the middle of the ocean*
Meanwhile, back on the beach...
Isiah Zombie: *appears on shore* ...Whoa... what just happened?
BigBoss: *appears* ...How the hell did we get here so fast...?
Monkeysarefunny: *appears* ...Awesome. Ninjas officially rule.
w00tdude: *appears* ...Do it again! Again
!Kung Pao Tiger: *appears* ...We have all escaped. The world is its own magic. But I must warn you four, that the pirate invasion has just begun. They will come back, with only vengeance in their hearts. We must be ready for them.
Monkeysarefunny: AWWW CRAP! How many times do we have to save the world? *grabs Kung Pao* ...How can any of us trust you?
Kung Pao Tiger: I have just saved your life.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh, oh-yeah... *lets go*
w00tdude: Do we REALLY have to fight them? Can't we just run away from it all?
Kung Pao Tiger: In the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert's mind there are few.
w00tdude: But there's lots of pirates! And only five of us! How will we ever take them down?
Kung Pao Tiger: The determination to win is the better part of winning.
w00tdude: But... I'm just a kid! I don't want to fight! I CAN'T fight!
Kung Pao Tiger: Any child can be developed, it depends on how you do it.
w00tdude: O-Okay...
Isiah Zombie: Hey ninja guy! You didn't tell us your name, or who you are.
Kung Pao Tiger: I am Kung Pao Tiger. Empty-handed I entered the world, barefoot I leave it. My coming, my going -- two simple happenings that got entangled... *smoke grenade vanish!*
Isiah Zombie: Well, umm... that was interesting. So I guess now Caboose is our offical enemy?
BigBoss: I guess so. Although I still think pirates are cooler than ninjas. They have names like Jolly Roger.
Monkeysarefunny: Alright, get over it.
BigBoss: But I'm serious! Give a pirate a bottle of rum and he'll go on a three day bender in which he rapes anything that moves, livestock included. He'll break into every storefront and kill everything else. If you give a ninja some rum, he'll just make you a gay-ass Mojito.
Isiah Zombie: But he saved us...
BigBoss: If you disagree, expect my size 10 boot up your ass.
Isiah Zombie: Oh yeah? Well why don't you just take your own ass to a motel
?Monkeysarefunny: Like you do every Thursday afternoon?
Isiah Zombie: Sh-Shut up! *runs away crying*
