Post by Isiah Zombie on Apr 25, 2009 15:53:07 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Family Flashbacks
Episode: 81
Original Post Date: April 25, 2009
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Iisah Zombie, Monkeysarefunny and BigBoss are at the Carlton-Ritz Mansion lobby one morning...
Isiah Zombie: (wakes up on couch) ... *yawn* ...Hey, 'morning, guys.
BigBoss: Oh, IZ, I see you're up. I'm not wearing any pants and I know you don't like that.
Isiah Zombie:
Dammit man! Put some pants on!BigBoss: I'm a subgenius, I knew you'd say that. Besides, this is also my house. I can do whatever the hell I want.
Isiah Zombie: Aww come on! Show some decency! *rubs eyes*
Monkeysarefunny: Heh, that was comical. We should make a movie about us.
BigBoss: A movie? About us? Would that even be funny?
Monkeysarefunny: Of course it would. You'd be sure to laugh your pants off -- assuming you're wearing any.
BigBoss: I don't have time for this kind of NONSENSE! Around me, everything must make sense! Everytime! *vanishes in a puff of logic*
Isiah Zombie: Wow, I haven't seen him do that in a while.
*w00tdude walks in*
w00tdude: (carrying briefcase) ...Oh, h-hey guys...
Isiah Zombie: Hey w00tdude, what do you have going on in that briefcase?
w00tdude: N-Nothing... it's just a school project... I'm supposed to electrify a potato or something...
Monkeysarefunny: A whole briefcase for only one potato? Sounds fishy. Lemme open it.
w00tdude: Nooooo! ...I mean, nooooo!
Monkeysarefunny: *grabs briefcase* ...And with every lie, the truth shall be revealed... *opens briefcase* ...What the hell? You have a whole family of potatoes in here.
w00tdude: S-So...? There's nothing with that!
Monkeysarefunny: You painted faces on them, and they look exactly like us.
Isiah Zombie: ...
w00tdude: *picks up and hugs IZ replica potato* ...Don't listen to them, they're just jealous because they're not fluffy on the inside...
Isiah Zombie: So... let me get this striaght. You collect potatoes, paint faces on them and then name them after us? That's weird.
Monkeysarefunny: Don't forget that he separates them and talks to them individually.
w00tdude: I'm not weird! Remember when we were younger, Monkey? One time you shaved one eyebrow! Now THAT'S weird!
Monkeysarefunny: How many times do we have to go over this? Again, it was the style back then.
w00tdude: Well remember that other time when you stole a fish tank and filled it up with beer? That was reeealy weird!
Monkeysarefunny: Hey, it's not my fault I bought a fish that was an alcoholic.
w00tdude: The point is, you've done much weirder stuff!
Monkeysarefunny: *looks at IZ* ...Don't worry about Mutton Butt. When we were younger, he fell into a pool, and.... well, he was in there for awhile.
Isiah Zombie: Dammit Monkey! Use your brain for once! The only reason why w00tdude has to resort to potato-face-painting is because he has no friends! We aren't "there" for him like we should be.
w00tdude: Umm... IZ? You want Monkey to use his brain? That doesn't sound like a good idea.
Isiah Zombie: Hmm, good point. There's no point in asking for that, because his brain is in his head, which is currently up his ass.
Monkeysarefunny: No-no-no-no. We're not the problem here IZ, so don't blame us. The only reason why Mutton Butt has to resort to potato-face-painting is because... I didn't want to say this, but, he has food fetishism.
w00tdude: Nu-uh! That's a lie! That's a big, fat, dirty lie!
Monkeysarefunny: Don't be so hard on yourself.... because that's what we're here for.
w00tdude: That's not what I said! How come when I talk I feel like nobody listens to me? ...Does that mean I'm gay?
Monkeysarefunny: Well, you ARE a screamer-
w00tdude: -Not in the gay sense!
Isiah Zombie: Alright! Enough of this! Look w00tdude, I think you should head out for awhile to the nearest park and just cool off.
w00tdude: Can I get a ride there?
Isiah Zombie: No. If you really want go, then you're going to have to hitchhike.
w00tdude: Why? So some trucker can have his way with me? You'd love that, wouldn't you??
Isiah Zombie: *sigh* ...You just don't get it, do you? I'm trying to help you with your problem. Sometimes I wish that there was ONE thing different about you. That way, everything would be just right.
w00tdude: Would there have been a difference if I was born one day earlier?
Monkeysarefunny: Not really, except you would've asked that question yesterday... *SMACK!*
w00tdude: OWW!
Isiah Zombie: ...How the hell did you two guys ever get along when you were younger?
w00tdude: Monkey used to beat me up everyday anyway
Isiah Zombie: What about you Monkey? Do you remember anything from your childhood?
Monkeysarefunny: Yup, I remember when I was just a fetus. I used to sneak out at night when my mother was sleeping.
Isiah Zombie: I'm being serious.
Monkeysarefunny: Well... I remember when I was a kid. I had a dog that would never, ever, ever, EVER play dead. It pissed me off so much that I killed him.
w00tdude: You know, there's videos in the mansion basement from when we were kids...
Isiah Zombie: Alright! Let's go check 'em out!
Minutes later, in the mansion basement... Isiah Zombie, Monkeysarefunny and w00tdude are sitting on a couch facing a projection screen...
Isiah Zombie: Let's roll the reel
!*montage starts, pictures of Monkeys childhood roll by*
Isiah Zombie: Umm... why are you wearing a Wonder Women outfit at a barbecue?
Monkeysarefunny: That's not me. You can actually see me eating ribs over there, see? *points*
Isiah Zombie: Ahh, yes. So what happened at that barbecue? Anything exciting?
Monkeysarefunny: Some chick was there. She had just gotten off from work and brought over some ribs.
Isiah Zombie: I bet she expected a baby back from you! ...Get it? "Baby back" ribs?
Monkeysarefunny: ...
*next pic is w00tdude getting a swirly by Monkey*
Isiah Zombie: Wow, nice camera work.
w00tdude: Yeah, it was Monkey's dad with the camera. I got the swirly because Monkey called me an asshat...
Monkeysarefunny: Asshat? I never said that. Underage, gullible, and just generally clueless? Yes.
Isiah Zombie: Umm... w00tdude? Why did YOU get a swirly if it was Monkey who should've been in trouble for cursing?
w00tdude: Our childhood doesn't make any sense. Next pic!
*next pic is w00tdude on fire*
Monkeysarefunny: Heh, I remember that. Mutton Butt was like, "I'm gonna burn boys! I'm gonna burn HARD!" ...Heh heh... good times.
Isiah Zombie: Interesting, w00tdude. How old were you in that picture?
w00tdude: I was 5.
Monkeysarefunny: Lame! When I was that age, I was 6!
w00tdude: Teh awwwws!
*next pic is Monkey using a walkie-talkie*
Monkeysarefunny: I was 10-years-old in this picture. I had only bought one walkie-talkie because I didn't want anyone to hear what I was saying.
w00tdude: And also because you didn't want to talk to me...
Isiah Zombie: *squints at picture* ...You know, I have a pair of pants just like those, except that they're red with green stripes and they're shorts.
*next pic is w00tdude behind bars at a daycare*
w00tdude: Oh... daycare prison. When they sent you to the "corner," they sent you in there for LIFE! Those were some scary times! *bites nails*
Monkeysarefunny: Ah don't act like it was a nightmare. They played fun games in daycare prison, like musical electric chairs.
w00tdude: I still have burn marks from that.
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, just a reminder of your golden years.
*next pic is blurry*
w00tdude: What's going on in this one? Is this when I couldn't find the train station? I was LOST FOR DAYS!
Monkeysarefunny: I told you, the train station was probably near the tracks.
Isiah Zombie: Wow, this picture is really blurry. I just bought a new camera that is SOOOO advanced that, well... it's so advanced that you don't even need it.
w00tdude: *looks at broken clock* ...Whoa! I'm late for school! Do any of you know what time is it?
Monkeysarefunny: No, sorry. I'm not from around here.
Isiah Zombie: We've been in this basement for HOURS. The whole day has passed, it's already nighttime.
w00tdude: Oh... well then I should probably go to bed early tonight.
Isiah Zombie: Why? Is it past your bedtime already?
w00tdude: No, it's just that my dreams start at 1 a.m. whether I'm awake or not. I can't go through that again. Okay, see you guys in the morning
!Monkeysarefunny: You're not going anywhere. We must have waffles, forthwith!
Hours later... still in the mansion basement... pizza and waffles are on the floor...
w00tdude: We've been in here for a long time... can we go now?
Monkeysarefunny: Ah shut up you granola-eating bastard.
Isiah Zombie: Why do you want to leave? Is it because your childhood memories are eating you up alive? Or is it because you're realizing that your childhood should be eating you up alive?
w00tdude: No, it's getting hot down here...
Monkeysarefunny: Idiot, we're in the basement. Heat rises.
Isiah Zombie: Hmm... if heat rises, shouldn't heaven be hotter than hell?
*next pic shows w00tdude with homeless people*
Monkeysarefunny: Wow, Mutton butt. Could you look 30% less homeless in this picture?
w00tdude: This is from when you kicked me out of my house, remember?
Monkeysarefunny: Oh yeah... you were at the soup kitchen and I remember you said something like, "I want my burger with no bread and no meat... and easy on the mayo."
Isiah Zombie: Sounds tasty.
*next pic is a close-up of w00tdude in extreme detail*
Isiah Zombie: This is like the first high-quality picture we've seen.
Monkeysarefunny: Mutton Butt suffers from HDADD, "High Definition Attention Defecit Disorder." He can barely pay attention, but when he does, it's unbelievably clear.
w00tdude: Can we go upstairs now? I've been sitting on this couch for so long that my butt is starting to sleep.... and now I think it's dreaming.
Isiah Zombie: Well at least it ain't sleepwalking. Next pic!
*next pic is Monkey holding w00tdude in a headlock*
Monkeysarefunny: Heh heh, good times. I was like, "Come on little buddy! Put your game face on!"
w00tdude: I remember... after that I got beat up by someone else.
Isiah Zombie: Would this someone else's name start with "M" and end with "onkey"?
w00tdude: Yeah....
Isiah Zombie: Haha! You'll always get you ass kicked!
w00tdude: ...Now I feel teh suckish
*BigBoss appears in a puff of smoke*
BigBoss: (not wearing pants) I'm back.
Isiah Zombie: Still not wearing pants I see...
BigBoss: Enjoying no pants is an acquired taste.
Isiah Zombie: I agree that it's an acquired taste. I just never acquired that taste.
BigBoss: So what did I miss?
Monkeysarefunny: Not much, just the usual Mutton Butt acting like an idiot.
w00tdude: Shut up, stupid...
Monkeysarefunny: Stupid? I would like to inform you kid that in high school I averaged a 4.0 GPA for all my 6 years. On the metric system that's about a 10.0, I think.
BigBoss: I see you guys have been watching some reels.
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, this here is the real deal, the REAL REEL! I learned a lot.
Monkeysarefunny: Yep... yep... I'm getting kinda tired. I'm going upstairs.
*Isiah Zombie, Monkeysarefunny and BigBoss walk upstairs*
Monkeysarefunny: *starts to close door behind him* ...
w00tdude: Hey what are you doing? You're not going to leave me in here, are you??
Monkeysarefunny: No, I'm just checking to see if the door locks from the outside.
w00tdude: Why would the door lock from the outside?
Monkeysarefunny: I know, it's crazy! ...How do those Mormons do it?
