Post by Isiah Zombie on May 2, 2009 11:19:56 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Mystery Murderer
Episode: 82
Original Post Date: May 2, 2009
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Monkeysarefunny, BigBoss and w00tdude are at the Carlton-Ritz Mansion one morning...
Isiah Zombie: *walks in* .....Good morning, guys. So... how's life?
Monkeysarefunny: Besides weed? Pretty good actually. I'm going to see "The Who" tonight!
Isiah Zombie: "The Who"? Who's "The Who"?
Monkeysarefunny: Pete Townshend, Roger Daltrey, Simon Townshend, some random bass player... and Zack Starkey.
Isiah Zombie: That sounds like a annoyingly filled weekend to me. What about you BB? Got any plans?
BigBoss: I'm doing the same thing I do every Saturday.
Isiah Zombie: Which is...?
BigBoss: KICK ASS AND DRINK TEA -- BUT WE'RE ALL OUT OF TEA.
Isiah Zombie: Interesting. So what about you w00tdude? Got any plans?
w00tdude: I was going to bake cookies with my friend Pedro.
Isiah Zombie: Umm... are you sure you're a dude?
w00tdude: Yes.
BigBoss: Are you of the male gender?
w00tdude: Double yes.
Monkeysarefunny: Do you have.... testicles??
w00tdude: TRIPLE YES!
Monkeysarefunny: Wait... triple yes? Meaning you have three balls?
w00tdude: Now I feel teh suckish
Monkeysarefunny: Hmm... it's unconventional, but I'll allow it.
w00tdude: No
! ...I don't have three balls Monkey!Monkeysarefunny: Don't raise your voice to me, son.
w00tdude: WHY NOT??
Monkeysarefunny: Let me show you how the guards used to do it... *headlocks w00tdude*
w00tdude: Teh awwws!
Monkeysarefunny: And your crybaby whiny-assed response to this would be...?
w00tdude: ... *face turns red from headlock*
Monkeysarefunny: Umm....... are you okay?
w00tdude: ... *chokes* ... *passes out and falls flat*
Monkeysarefunny: I'll take that as a yes.
Isiah Zombie: So anyway, getting back to the important stuff, I was wondering if anyone would want to go with me to the supermarket because I was going to buy some socks. I need them for my footsies.
BigBoss: Let me think: No.
Isiah Zombie: What do you mean?
BigBoss: English, mutha****a. Do you speak it?
Isiah Zombie: I know what "no" means. Dammit BB... you're such a...
BigBoss: ...Awesome guy? Badass? Manly Man?
Isiah Zombie: Let me think: No.
w00tdude: *regains consciousness* ...Alright guys... I'm okay... I'm just seeing things a lil blurry...
Monkeysarefunny: Wow, Mutton Butt, you have really bad breath.
w00tdude: Oh, yeah... I barfed a lil... just a lil...
Isiah Zombie: That's okay w00tdude. Monkey will just put a mint on his shoe and kick you in the mouth.
Monkeysarefunny:
w00tdude:
Later that day... at "The Who" Concert... IZ and Monkey are amongst many fans...
Isiah Zombie: Well I guess being at a concert is better than wasting a day buying socks. Which band is this again?
Monkeysarefunny: I can't explain.
Isiah Zombie: Why not? Is it because I'm ugly?
Monkeysarefunny: Go to the mirror!
Isiah Zombie: No! YOU go to the mirror!
Monkeysarefunny: Won't get fooled again.
Isiah Zombie: What the hell? ...You wanna fight or something?
Monkeysarefunny: I've known no war.
Isiah Zombie: You're not making any sense at all. So how exactly will this concert be like?
Monkeysarefunny: Anyway, anyhow, anywhere.
Isiah Zombie: What is wrong with you today? You're acting very... strange.
Monkeysarefunny: A legal matter.
Isiah Zombie: Okay, now you're just weird.
Monkeysarefunny: La-la-la-lies.
Meanwhile, BigBoss and w00tdude are at a Mexican restaurant...
BigBoss: Don't think we're friends, w00tdude. The only reason we're at this restaurant is because I'm an undercover cop doing a stakeout... and they give free Grizzly Steaks to stakeout cops.
w00tdude: Do you like tacos?
BigBoss: Yes, they're muy bueno. What about you?
w00tdude: Si Senor!
BigBoss: Don't go Spanish -- I went Spanish.
w00tdude: Now I feel teh suckish...
BigBoss: So how come Monkey gave away his extra concert ticket to IZ instead of you?
w00tdude: He said I took too long to claim it ...Even though I asked for it before he gave it away...
BigBoss: You took "too long"? Ah yes... I always wanted to be a procrastinator, but unfortunately, I never got around to it.
w00tdude: So who's the stakeout for? Is it a criminal? ...A criminal
??BigBoss: I'm looking for a murderer by the name of "Murder McMurderson"... the guy who murders.
w00tdude: AHHHHHH!
BigBoss: Shut-up! *FWACK!* ...Keep a low profile!
??: *approaches* ...Excuse me, do any of you young men know what the time is?
BigBoss: *looks at watch* ...It's a quarter to seven.
??: Thank you... *walks away*
w00tdude: Oh... My... BB! Did you see that guy's name-tag?? It said Mr. McMurderson!
BigBoss: That guy who asked the time?
w00tdude: Yes! YES!
BigBoss: Idiot, he works here. I see him all the time.
w00tdude: But his name-tag said McMurderson!
BigBoss: You're delusional. I don't think I like you very much.
w00tdude: WAAAAH! *cries* ...PLEASE LIKE ME! *opens arms for hug*
BigBoss: *shakes head* ... *walks away*
A few hours later, back at the concert...
Isiah Zombie: This concert is really, really bad.
Monkeysarefunny: Naw, it's almost as good as when they were in Isle of Wight.
Isiah Zombie: You know, being the owner of J2 Global Communications, I could probably report on how sucky this concert is-
*-GUNSHOT!*
The crowd scatteres frantically...
Monkeysarefunny: Holy crap? What the hell just happened??
Isiah Zombie: Gunshot! Gunshot! Man down! Man down!
Monkeysarefunny: I hope it wasn't the random bass player!
Isiah Zombie: Hey you know what? I could actually report on THIS
!Monkeysarefunny: Take some cover, dammit!
One hour later... still at the concert... mostly vacant...
Isiah Zombie: Okay, I called BB and he told me that there's a murderer by the name of Murder McMurderson on the loose in this area.
Monkeysarefunny: Damn. That's creepy. How long does it take for the police to arrive?
BigBoss: *approaches* ...Sorry I'm late, guys. I was just buying some TEA so I could KICK some ASS. Also, they just started showing Fish Cops re-runs on TV. I just had to watch one.
Isiah Zombie: Do you have a description of the murderer?
BigBoss: Well according to w00tdude, the murderer doesn't have a watch because he asked me for the time. People who ask for time don't have watches.
Isiah Zombie: ...You talked to the murderer?
BigBoss: According to w00tdude, yes.
Isiah Zombie: Wait a minute, let me get this straight: You talked to the murderer, let him get away, and now he possibly killed someone at this concert, and you're totally okay with that??
BigBoss: According to w00tdude, yes.
Isiah Zombie: Wow... *blinks*
Monkeysarefunny: Speaking of Mutton Butt, where the hell is that little booger?
BigBoss: I don't know. He cried his way to buffet bar.... and hit the burrito stand pretty hard.
Isiah Zombie: What else do you know?
BigBoss: I am not at liberty to discuss.
Isiah Zombie: As a reporter, you must tell me everything! It's called freedom of the press!
BigBoss: And as a cop, you must remain silent! Everything you say may be held against you in a court of law!
Monkeysarefunny: Wow, things get really tough when job titles are in the way.
Isiah Zombie: As a friend, you need help me out here!
BigBoss: And as a buddy, you should know that I don't know a darn thing about what's going on here. I just say "I am not at liberty to discuss" when I don't know something.
Monkeysarefunny: Aaaand we're all back to normal.
*GUNSHOT!*
BigBoss: WHOA! Get down! Murder McMurderson is still in the area!
Isiah Zombie: *kneels down* ...!
Monkeysarefunny: *uses IZ as a shield* ...
Isiah Zombie: Get offy me
Monkeysarefunny: No, I'm good.
BigBoss: *shouts* Hey you! You in the trench coat! Stop right there! You are under arrest!
Trenchcoat man starts running away...
BigBoss: C'mon guys! Help me catch the killer!
Isiah Zombie: That trench coat guy has a gun? I think I'll stay right here.
Monkeysarefunny: Hey IZ, you said this concert sucked and that it sounded like an annoyingly filled weekend. You wanted exciting? Will you got it now sister!
Isiah Zombie: ...Sister?
BigBoss, Isiah Zombie and Monkeysarefunny chase the trench coat man who is armed...
BigBoss: Quick! Down that alley!
Isiah Zombie: This doesn't sound like a good idea...
Monkeysarefunny: Stop *****in' about it, kay? I outta Substitute you for Dr. Jimmy and Mr. Jim from Young Man Blues of Sea and Sand.
Isiah Zombie: My Generation has no idea what you're talking about.
Monkeysarefunny: You. In two minutes. Drowned. Got that?
Isiah Zombie: Y-Yeah...
Monkeysarefunny: GOOD.
The trench coat man is cornered into a corner... as he faces the wall...
BigBoss: There's no more room for escape! *aims gun* ...Just surrender now before someone dies here tonight!
??: *motionless* ...
Isiah Zombie: Don't worry, Mr. McMurderson! I'll make sure you get free burritos delivered to your cell!
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah! At any rate, you should be winning, mainly because you did eat the bread intended to be the gingerbread man.
Isiah Zombie: ...What??
Monkeysarefunny: Nothing.
??: *slowly turns around* ... *wearing mask*
BigBoss: I'm gonna count to three! Before I do, I want you to drop your weapon! ONE..... TWO..... AND.....
??: NOOOOO! I just... I just! I just wanted to bake cookies with Pedro! *takes off mask* ...
BigBoss: ...What the--?? w00tdude??
Isiah Zombie: HOLY HELL! BREAKING NEWS MATERIAL!
Monkeysarefunny: Mutton Butt?!? Where'd you get that bad-ass trench coat??
w00tdude: *throws mask to floor* ...I just wanted to bake cookies with Pedro! But then Monkey choked me! Then he kicked my face with a mint on his shoe!
Monkeysarefunny: Heh heh... good times.
w00tdude: Then he wouldn't give me his extra "The Who" concert ticket! Then BB didn't want me to go Spanish!
BigBoss: Don't go Spanish -- I went Spanish.
w00tdude: Then BB didn't want to hug me after he made me cry! Everybody was mean to me today! So I got myself a pellet-gun and shot it into the air!
Monkeysarefunny: You know, you ruined a perfectly good concert that was escalating into "Live at Leeds" territory.
w00tdude: I did it for revenge!
Isiah Zombie: So wait a minute... if w00tdude isn't the real Murder McMurderson... then he must still be out there, right BB??
BigBoss: I am not at liberty to discuss.
Isiah Zombie: Right BB??
BigBoss: Actually, I just made up that whole Murder McMuderson so I could get free Grizzly Steaks.
Isiah Zombie:
BigBoss: What? They give them for free to uncover cops.
Monkeysarefunny: So there's no murderer? And nobody died?
w00tdude: That's about right. I just wanted to make a point.
Monkeysarefunny: So you ruined a bad-ass concert to make "a point"?
w00tdude: Y-Yes...
?Monkeysarefunny: Let me show you how the guards used to do it... *headlocks w00tdude*
w00tdude: NOOOOO!
Isiah Zombie: Well even though that was little anti-climactic, it's good to see that everything's back to normal.
BigBoss: Si senor. Time to go home, park my ass on the couch, and drink a cup of tea. Cheers
!
