Post by Isiah Zombie on May 2, 2009 11:22:18 GMT -8
The Mackeral
Episode: 1
Original Post Date: May 2, 2009
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At the "Fish Cops Department," Tony the Tuna and Sammy the Salmon are sitting around the conference table...
Tony the Tuna: There haven't been any emergency calls as of late. This gives a chance to finally go clubbing
!Sammy the Salmon: There's actually an emergency call going on right now-
Tony the Tuna: -Do you know what you'll be wearing tonight at the fishco-tec? You gotta look good for those pink fins!
Sammy the Salmon: I'm not going. I'm married, remember?
Tony the Tuna: So? Rings don't plug no holes!
Sammy the Salmon: Fishes don't have rings. Besides, my wife laid her eggs last night and I need to fertilize them as soon as possible.
Tony the Tuna: Just because you're married doesn't mean you're buried!
Sammy the Salmon: Shut up, Tiny the Tuna...
Tony the Tuna: So what are wearing at the club? Clothes makes the fish, you know. Naked fish have little or no influence on society. I think I'll go with a seaweed-flanel shirt with ukuleles-
*Taz the Bass swims in*
Taz the Bass: -GET OFF YOUR LAZY FINS AND RESPOND TO THE EMERGENCY CALL!
Tony the Tuna: What emergency call, boss?
Taz the Bass: Is your fish-vision failing you, son? Can't you see the RED BLINKING LIGHT??
Tony the Tuna: Sorry, I can't see that many wavelengths of color...
Taz the Bass: USE YOUR GILLS FOR ONCE
!*Taz the Bass swims out*
Tony the Tuna: Okay, you heard the boss! Let's head out and serve this city a giant bowl of JUSTICE! Time to put those criminals behind bars!
Sammy the Salmon: ...Hey, Tiny, my sister is coming by for a short visit in a few minutes.
Tony the Tuna: We must serve this city JUSTICE -- oh really? Can I see Marlene today
?Sammy the Salmon: No. Stay away from her. You're always creepy around my sister. Besides, you're not experienced enough to be with her.
Tony the Tuna: PSH NONSENSE! I've been gangbanging sardines since Jaws was a goldfish! AYAAAYAYA
!Sammy the Salmon: Just... just stay away from her...
Tony the Tuna: You're such a rainbow-gay-shark.
Sammy the Salmon: If you touch her I'll shoot you!
Tony the Tuna: *laughs heartily* ...Have you ever shot anyone before? ANSWER ME WITH THE TRUTH!
Sammy the Salmon: No, and I've never sledge hammered any dead seahorses either.
Tony the Tuna: I never said you-
Sammy the Salmon: -I SAID I NEVER DID IT! STOP LOOKING AT ME THAT WAY! *nervously aims gun*
Tony the Tuna: HAHA...... pewpewpew.
Sammy the Salmon:
*Marlene the Sardine swims in*
Marlene the Sardine: Hey Tony, hey Sammy. Finally something exciting is going on here.
Tony the Tuna: Yes! I am EXCITING indeed!
Marlene the Sardine: No, I meant the emergency call,
Sammy the Salmon: Yeah, we have to go. It's time to serve this city a giant bowl of JUSTICE
!Tony the Tuna: ....But justice can always wait, right?
Sammy the Salmon: Get your fin in the cop car now!
Tony the Tuna: Marlene, will you be here when I get back? Because I will miss you, my loooooveeee-
Sammy the Salmon: -*fwack* SHUT UP!
*Tony and Sammy hop into the Fish-Mobile*
Tony the Tuna: I'm having trouble with the siren again.
Sammy the Salmon: Stop acting warm-blooded. Just press the siren switch.
Tony the Tuna: I don't know what you're talking about! You're the computer wiz
!Sammy the Salmon: *presses only button* ... *HONK HONK HONK! AOOOOGA!* ...There, the siren is on. I only wonder how you'll survive when you're in a dark alley and a gang of sharks sneak up on you...
Tony the Tuna: So what's the nature of our emergency call? ANSWER ME!
Sammy the Salmon: A fish is disturbing the peace or something.... let's go check it out.
10 Minutes later... while driving in the fish-mobile...
Sammy the Salmon: The car in front of us has the same license plate that was in the emergency call. We need to pull it over.
Tony the Tuna: Okay. Watch me work my magic... *talks on mega-phone* ...You are the most SELFISH DRIVER EVER! You are the most SHELLFISH DRIVER EVER! Pull OVER your vehicle now!
*cars pulls over*
Tony the Tuna: Good. Now you go investigate while I wait in here.
Sammy the Salmon: Why do I have to go?
Tony the Tuna: Don't be such a cuttlefish!
Sammy the Salmon: Alright, alright... I'll go... *swims out of car*
Tony the Tuna: Don't forget to take your tazer, because you know what they say: never leave your car without your tazer.
Sammy the Salmon: Wow! That was really creative, Tiny! ...Psh...
Sammy approaches the car...
Mackeral: *snoring in car* ...ZZZzzzzzZZZZzzzzZZzz...
Sammy the Salmon: *taps window* Excuse me? SIR?
Mackeral: ... *wakes up* ...Huh? Whaddaya want?
Sammy the Salmon: I received an emergency call that said you were... "disturbing the peace" ...is this true?
Mackeral: Uhhh.... whaddaya? A stout or something? I haven't been disturbing no PEACE!
Sammy the Salmon: Then why are you dressed up as a barracuda?
Mackeral: I charge 10 dollars an hour.... you in?
Sammy the Salmon: What??
Mackeral: Waddaya 'fraid or something? I give the best underwater pleasure of the whole sea! They call meh teh "Ocean Delight!"
Sammy the Salmon: Umm.... I think that's illegal in this sea... let me go check with my partner on this one...
*Tony the Tuna starts up car and drives off*
Sammy the Salmon: Hey wait up!
Meanwhile, Tony drives back to the Fish Cops Department...
Tony the Tuna: *humming* ...On-my-way, back to Marlene.... gotta look good, for-my sardine... I'm strong and mean, and very lean..... and you can't mess with me, cuz I'm.... ummm......... uhh... On-my-way, back to Marlene....
Meanwhile, back at the Fish Cops Department, Marlene is in Taz the Bass's office...
Marlene the Sardine: Hey Taz, is it possible to get a restraining order on a another Fish Cop?
Taz the Bass: NO! WHY?? What did I ever do to you
?Marlene the Sardine: ...It's for Tony.
Taz the Bass: In that case, yes.
Marlene the Sardine: He's been acting really weird ever since I met him.
Taz the Bass: You mean when you met him three years ago? And it's barely bothering you NOW??
Marlene the Sardine: He's been making unnecessary sexual advances as of late. It's weird.
Taz the Bass: But it takes too long to write up a restraining order. You don't want me to waste my whole weekend writing it up, do you? I thought you were my friend!
Marlene the Sardine: Sorry, I was too busy not being your friend to hear you. What did you say?
Taz the Bass:
... *begins writing restraining order*Meanwhile, back with Sammy and the Mackeral...
Sammy the Salmon: *walkie talkie* ...Calling the Fish Cops Department! I need back-up!
Mackeral: *swims out of car* ...Whaddaya doin'?
Sammy the Salmon:
...Stand back!Mackeral: *stumbles* ...There ain't no other Mackeral who'll dress as a barracudda for you!
Sammy the Salmon: Why are you stumbling? Are you drunk? I need you to blow into this breathalyzer tube for me.
Mackeral: Sorry, I can't do that. I am an asthmatic. If I do that I'll have a really bad asthma attack.
Sammy the Salmon: Okay, fine. I need you to accompany me to the station to give a blood sample.
Mackeral: I can't do that either. I am a hemophiliac. If I do that, I'll bleed to death.
Sammy the Salmon: Well, then... I'll need you to take a urine sample.
Mackeral: I'm sorry, but I can't do that either. I am also a diabetic. If I do that I'll get really low blood sugar.
Sammy the Salmon: Alright, then I need you to come over here and swim along this white line.
Mackeral: I'm sorry, but I definitely cannot do that.
Sammy the Salmon: Why not?
Mackeral: Because I'm drunk.
Sammy the Salmon: ...
Mackeral: And in about two seconds, you'll be dead. It's payback for what you've done!
Sammy the Salmon: What are you talking about??
Mackeral: I know your horrible secret! You sledge hammered dead seahorses before!
Sammy the Salmon: Nobody accuses me of murder and lives to see another day! *uses tazer* ... *tzk!*
Mackeral: Ah! DONT TAZE ME BRO!
Sammy the Salmon: I've never sledge hammered dead seahorses before! *tzk! tzk!*
Mackeral: Ahh! *falls and flops on floor*
Meanwhile, back at the Fish Cops Department...
Marlene the Sardine: So how's the restraining order coming along?
Taz the Bass: I'm almost done...
Tony the Tuna: *humming* ...On-my-way, back to Marlene.... gotta look good for-my sardine... ah! Marlene! You're still here
! What a delight Marlene the Sardine: Yeah, I needed to tell you something. Lately, you've been acting kinda weird, so I had Taz write up a-
Tony the Tuna: -You know, I was going to a club later tonight. Wanna join the fiercest, strongest fish that this sea has to offer?
Marlene the Sardine: No, no I don't.
Tony the Tuna: If it helps, Sammy will be going too.
Marlene the Sardine: But he's married.
Tony the Tuna: So? Why does everybody think that rings plug holes? Just look at all those married dolphins...
Taz the Bass: Okay! I'm done
! Tony, there is an official restraining order against you petitioned by Marlene the Sardine. Have fun! *swims out*Tony the Tuna: Marlene! You put a restraining order on me? How could you? After all we've been through??
Marlene the Sardine: The only thing we've been through is in and out of this door.
Tony the Tuna: But! BUT! My life is ruined!
Marlene the Sardine: Don't be so hard on yourself. There are other fish out in the sea.
Tony the Tuna: That's just an expression and YOU KNOW IT! *cries and swims out*
Later that day, back at Sammy's House, as he checks on his wife's eggs...
Samara the Salmon: Sammy! It's about time you got home! My eggs have been laid since last night
!Sammy the Salmon: Sorry, I had a tough day today. I had to pull over a Mackeral dressed up as a barracuda!
Samara the Salmon: I told you, you need to quit your job.
Sammy the Salmon: Worst part is, he got away! He punched me in my fin and ran off to a bar! I would have chased him, but I remembered that you were waiting.
Samara the Salmon: Hurry up and fertilize my eggs!
Sammy the Salmon: I'm not really in the mood right now-
Samara the Salmon: -Do it! DO IT NOW!
Sammy the Salmon: Alright...
Five minutes later...
Sammy the Salmon: Oh no! I just remembered! Tony said he was going to that same bar tonight! I gotta make sure the Mackeral doesn't get him!
Samara the Salmon: Quit... Your... Job...
Later that night, at the fishco-tec club bar... Tony is drinking...
Tony the Tuna: *drinks* ...My Marlene! My love! Why have you gotten a restraining order on me? WHYYY!
Eel-Tender: SHUT. UP.
Tony the Tuna: Sorry...
Sammy the Salmon: *swims in* ...There you are, Tony. You're alright. I thought the Mackeral would've hurt you for revenge after I tazered him 20 times.
Tony the Tuna: Whoa! What the hell are you wearing?
Sammy the Salmon: It's called a shirt. You should try one.
Tony the Tuna: I know you may not be as young as I am, but PLEASE, don't wear that shirt anymore. You're scaring the children and confusing the babies.
Sammy the Salmon: What's wrong with my shirt?
Tony the Tuna: It's a fail so epic... that it might just be a win!
Mackeral: *approaches* ...I can't relieve it! You two have the gull to walk rack here? Rack where I come from, that's called ravery! I haven't reen arle to see ravery retween all my hard work and laror!
Sammy the Salmon: Ahhh! You're here! And... why are you talking funny?
Tony the Tuna: I know what probably happened. He bit one of those hooks with tasty flies. It pierced his mouth and caused nerve damage.
Mackeral: It's true! You retter relieve it, you rig rafoon!
Sammy the Salmon: Wow, that can totally kill your social life.
*hot fish sits next to Mackeral*
Hot Fish: Hello.
Mackeral: Hi, I'm Rill. Can I taste you reer?
Hot Fish:
... *slaps Mackeral* ... *walks away*Sammy the Salmon: Heh heh... so... should we arrest him for evading the police and resisting arrest?
Tony the Tuna: No, I think he has enough punishment as it is.
Sammy the Salmon: Yeah... seeing as everything is okay here, I should probably head back home. The eggs take a few hours to hatch.
Tony the Tuna: You know, your sister put a restraining order on me...
Sammy the Salmon: Oh.... ouch. Don't be so hard on yourself. There are other fish out in the sea.
Tony the Tuna: That's just an expression and YOU KNOW IT! *cries and swims away*
Mackeral: Hey there, rartender. I charge 10 dollars an hour.... you in?
Eel-Tender: SHUT. UP.
An hour later... back at sammy's House... as the egg hatches...
Samara the Salmon: Well Sammy? Is it a boy or a girl?
Sammy the Salmon: Both, actually, thanks to all the chemicals in the water these days.
Samara the Salmon: Nooo! These chemicals will soon cause our extinction!
Sammy the Salmon: No... You know what's gonna cause our extinction? Whales.
