Post by Isiah Zombie on May 16, 2009 0:26:41 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Bartendar Gone Good
Episode: 84
Original Post Date: May 16, 2009
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Isiah Zombie, Monkeysarefunny, BigBoss, Admiral Donutz and w00tdude are at the Carlton-Ritz Mansion one morning... about to eat breakfast at the table...
Isiah Zombie: It's time to say grace again... *closes eyes, bows head* ...One day, back when I used to work at a theater, I was selling tickets and this guy came up to me and asked me to buy a gift card.
BigBoss: ...
Isiah Zombie: I asked him how much he wanted to put on it and he said $10.50, which was the exact price for one ticket.
w00tdude: ...
Isiah Zombie: So I punch in $10.50, he paid me, and right after I give him the gift card, he decided to buy a ticket with that exact same gift card.
Monkeysarefunny: ...Heh.
Isiah Zombie: I laughed out loud. So I thought maybe he collects empty gift cards, because I know some people that do.
w00tdude: Shu-shut up...
Isiah Zombie: So after he paid with the gift card, I ask him if he wants to keep the gift card. He says no. I tell him then, "Well, that was a waste of time..." He then kinda nods at me, didn't say anything and walked away with his ticket.
Admiral Donutz: What the...? Do you always tell stories like this before you eat?
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, it's kinda his thang he started last week.
*Steven walk in*
Steven: You guys are eating breakfast without me?
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, pretty much.
Steven: Oh, well, I don't have time anyway. See, with all the money IZ game me since moving in, I'm going to start my own bartending school! It's goint to be the new Prince Bar!
Admiral Donutz: Yeah, and I going to be the vice principle.
w00tdude: That sounds cool! Can I join?
Steven: Have you graduated from elementary school?
w00tdude: No...
Steven: Then sorry, you can't join.
w00tdude: Now I feel teh suckish...
Monkeysarefunny: And not only that, but you have to be cool to join.
w00tdude: I AM COOL!
Monkeysarefunny: Anyone can be cool... but awesome takes practice.
BigBoss: Wow, I think you just blew your own mind.
Isiah Zombie: I think everyone here is awesome except you, Monkey. We all have lives: I'm the president of a news organization, BB's a cop, Steven and Donutz are setting up a bartending school and w00tdude is trying to graduate from pre-school. What are you doing with YOUR life, Monkey? Huh?
Monkeysarefunny: Relax, you big baby, I've just been really busy.
Isiah Zombie: Never tell a baby to relax. Especially if it's me.
Monkeysarefunny: Hey man.... I have dreams...
Isiah Zombie: Yeah right, you loser.
Monkeysarefunny:
...It's like ...no one else in the world has this, "I'm annoying, kick my ass" face. IZ should be in a museum or something. This guy is one of a kind.BigBoss: Just slap him.
Monkeysarefunny: ... *slaps IZ*
BigBoss: Good work.
Monkeysarefunny: Where's my prize?
BigBoss: The satisfaction of my approval.
Monkeysarefunny: ...I want it in the form of a trophy.
BigBoss: *gives the finger*
Later that day, at the "Ice Cream Socias" store...
Monkeysarefunny: *walks in* ...Hey there, do you have an application form to work here?
Blue Pudding Samurai: ...You want to work at Ice Cream Socials? What gives? You an undercover cop, mofo??
Monkeysarefunny: No-no, I'm clean... *shows Santa Claus tattoo* ...Sa'll good, naw mean?
Blue Pudding Samurai: Fo sho, mofo... so you really wanna work here? Do you know what this place really is?
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, it's a toy collectors shop.
Blue Pudding Samurai: And?
Monkeysarefunny: And the only place which sells Mint Chocolate Ice Cream -- smuggled all the way from Africa.
Blue Pudding Samurai: And...?
Monkeysarefunny: And, you know... *leans in* ...The place where kids can get their crack on.
Blue Pudding Samurai: Aight, you know the real deal. You in da bizness already. You have any experience?
Monkeysarefunny: Well I know the owner of Ice Cream Socials, Red Jello Ninja, personally.
Blue Pudding Samurai: Oh you don't say, dawg? I'm Blue Pudding Samurai. Red Jello Ninja covers the east coast, I, Blue Pudding Samurai, cover the west coast.
Monkeysarefunny: Huh... coincidence.
Blue Pudding Samurai: Fashiggity, dawg.
Monkeysarefunny: So, can I work here?
Blue Pudding Samurai: Fashizzle. Just fill out the application form then smoke it.
Monkeysarefunny: Sounds good.
Blue Pudding Samurai: *looks outside* ...Awww SHIZZLES! That mofo outside is coming for his ice cream-crack money! *hides in box*
Monkeysarefunny: Uhh... w-what? What do I do?
Rocky Thunderhand: *walks in* (buff bald guy) ...Where's the Blue PoS?
Monkeysarefunny: The Blue Pudding of Samurai?
Rocky Thunderhand: No, the Blue Piece of ****! Is he here??
Monkeysarefunny: Shizzless, homey. That crazy mofo be gettin' caught by black and white cops... fo sho, son.
Rocky Thunderhand: You then, get me my money!
Monkeysarefunny: Let's make a compromise. I'll give your money if you can... do something for me. I want you to go to the nearest bar and hook me up with six pints of Hennessy's Cognac. Get to-a-steppin' son!
Rocky Thunderhand: *grunt* ... *walks out*
Meanwhile, at the new Prince Bar...
Steven: Everything is looking great, mates! I hope we don't have any angry customers!
Isiah Zombie: All the finishing touches have been complete. Should I get the big red ribbon and GIANT-ASS scissors?
w00tdude: Not yet! Shouldn't we wait for Monkey?
BigBoss: Forget that guy. Let's get drunk!
Admiral Donutz: It's early in the morning, and no one is even here yet.
BigBoss: Let's drink a beer to commemorate the new Prince Bar!
Admiral Donutz: It's not just a bar, it's a bartending school. We teach people things.
BigBoss: That blows.
Steven: Hey! It looks like we have a customer!
*Rocky Thunderhand walks in*
Rocky Thunderhand: Six pints of Hennessy's Cognac, on the double!
Steven: Instead of just ordering drinks, have you ever wanted to serve drinks?
Rocky Thunderhand: NO.
Admiral Donutz: Have you ever been low on cash?
Rocky Thunderhand: *thinks of crack money* ...Well, maybe... what's your point??
Isiah Zombie: Well if you learn how to become a bartender, you can make a boat load of cash with just the tips!
Admiral Donutz: And believe us -- we know what a boatload is!
Rocky Thunderhand: R-Really? I'm not sure...
BigBoss: And not only that, but you can also get drunk every night on your own drinks!
Rocky Thunderhand: Can I also bring my own weed and get high on that?
Isiah Zombie: Psst... never get high on your supply...
Steven: No, no. This is a respectable bar, mate. We teach people how to become bartenders.
Rocky Thunderhand: I'm not sold...
BigBoss: You can meet a lot of women, too.
Rocky Thunderhand: I'm sold...
Isiah Zombie: Heh... you can also "meat" a lot of women if you know what I mean... and I think you do...
Rocky Thunderhand: Alright. You guys did a pretty good job convincing me. How do I join?
Steven: With just your interest, you're already part of the family you old bloke
!Meanwhile, back at Ice Cream Socials...
Monkeysarefunny: Yo, Blue PoS, you can come out now.
Blue Pudding Samurai: *crawls out of box* ...What did you call me? Did you just call me a Blue PoS? What's that supposed to mean??
Monkeysarefunny: Blue Pudding of Samurai, duh.
Blue Pudding Samurai: Oh... oh yeah fashizzle. How did you get rid of Rocky?
Monkeysarefunny: Meh... I just told him to get some beers and bring them back.
Blue Pudding Samurai: You told a mofo to come back drunk... making him even more dangerous??
Monkeysarefunny: Not quite.
Blue Pudding Samurai: I think I want to fire you!
Monkeysarefunny: Hell yeah you d-wait, what?
Blue Pudding Samurai: I do not think you are worthy of working here! Get out, you crazy mofo!
Monkeysarefunny: I'm sorry... but... but... your opinion is just wrong... and no, you are not entitled to having an opinion anymore.
Blue Pudding Samurai: You suck, dawg! You're lame!
Monkeysarefunny: If by "lame" you mean, "totally frickin stupendously awesome," then yes, I am "lame."
Blue Pudding Samurai: *picks up baseball bat* ...Why I outta kick your tiny puny ass -- oh crap! Rocky's coming back! *hides in closet*
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah that's what I thought, you better hide!
Rocky Thunderhand: *walks in* ...Hey man, I didn't get you the beers.
Monkeysarefunny: Really? I'm flabbergasted.
Rocky Thunderhand: I think I'm going to change my life around. No more ice cream crack, no more beating up the owner of stores and no more demanding money... I'm just going to be an honest bartender, ya hear me dawg?
Monkeysarefunny: **** yeah! Why the sudden change?
Rocky Thunderhand: Because the people at the Prince Bar have taught me many things. Being a good person is what it's all about.
Monkeysarefunny: The... Prince Bar? Oh God...
Rocky Thunderhand: So if you see that Blue PoS, tell him we're through. I'm off the better things in my life, see ya! *walks out*
Monkeysarefunny: Wow.. that was, umm... strange... Yo, Blue PoS, you can come out now.
Blue Pudding Samurai: *stumbles out of closet* ...What did he want this time?
Monkeysarefunny: Relax, you big baby, I took care of it.
Blue Pudding Samurai: Never tell a baby to relax. Especially if it's me.
Monkeysarefunny: Hey let's go to the Prince Bar to celebrate my new job here at Ice Cream Socials!
Blue Pudding Samurai: I didn't hire you yet, dawg.
Monkeysarefunny: But I smoked my application already.
Blue Pudding Samurai: Oh, sa'll good then.
A few minutes later, back at the Prince Bar...
Steven: You're doing good, Rocky! You're a real quick learner!
Rocky Thunderhand: Am I
? *pours drinks*w00tdude: Yeah! Maybe one day I can become as good as you!
Isiah Zombie: No, no you can't.
w00tdude: Teh awwwws!
BigBoss: Alright, time to get D-R-U-N-K!
Admiral Donutz: I guess we should celebrate this, right?
*Monkey and Blue Pudding Samurai walk in*
Monkeysarefunny: ...And don't worry, Blue PoS, the drinks will be on me.
Blue Pudding Samurai: Really dawg? You a nice mofo...
Rocky Thunderhand: -Did I hear Blue PoS?!
Blue Pudding Samurai: Ahh! Rocky! What are you doing here?
Rocky Thunderhand: I work here mutha-****a!
Monkeysarefunny: I thought you were going to be a nice guy from now on?
Rocky Thunderhand: Looking at this Blue piece of **** brings my piss to a boil!
Admiral Donutz: Heh heh... that's what I used to say...
Blue Pudding Samurai: I'm outta here, son! *runs out*
Rocky Thunderhand: I'll get you! *runs out*
Admiral Donutz: Ummm... that was a waste of time teaching Rocky if he's gone for good.
Steven: But at least we learned an important lesson.
Isiah Zombie: I... I didn't... really...
Monkeysarefunny: Well you're stupid then.
Isiah Zombie: Hey, I may not be very smart, but at least I'm tall!
Monkeysarefunny: And lame.
BigBoss: And a dork.
w00tdude: I didn't get the lesson either.
Monkeysarefunny: You're not supposed to. It's a man's game... and you can't play.
w00tdude: But what if I try really, really hard?
BigBoss: *shakes head* No...
Admiral Donutz: No but seriously, what was the lesson?
Steven: Don't drink and drive, my mates... don't drink and drive...