Fish Cops (3)

[Isiah Zombie]

The Clown Fish
Episode: 3
Original Post Date: May 30, 2009

__________________________________________

At the "Fish Cops Department," Taz the Bass and Marlene the Sardine are sitting around the conference table...

Taz the Bass: Tony said he arrested a Swordfish for illegal possession of a sword. He should be bringing him in any minute.
Marlene the Sardine: It's hard to catch dangerous fish these days. They're learning how to conceal their identity much better.
Taz the Bass: What do you suggest be done to those catch dangerous fish?
Marlene the Sardine: Every fish who carries a weapon should wear one of those little beanies on their head with a little propeller on it.
Taz the Bass: Yes, I need more ideas like those. Starting today, I will start a plan of catching all of the dangerous fish in the sea!
Marlene the Sardine: I doubt that. You've been pretty inactive lately.
Taz the Bass: I've been plenty active... *points to head* ...in here.

*Tony the Tuna swims in*

Tony the Tuna: Well, I'm here. What did you call me in for?
Taz the Bass: Where's the swordfish you arrested?
Tony the Tuna: What swordfish?
Taz the Bass: THE ONE YOU ARRESTED!
Tony the Tuna: I arrested one?
Taz the Bass: You told me that over the phone!
Tony the Tuna: No, no I didn't. Do you think, maybe... maybe it was an IMPOSTER?!
Taz the Bass: No, it was you.
Tony the Tuna: Oh well. I didn't arrest any swordfish.
Taz the Bass: But I called in the fish from the museum to take a look at that sword!
Tony the Tuna: I don't have any sword from any swordfish. It's the truth.
Marlene the Sardine: Wait! If you didn't arrest a swordfish... then where'd you get that sword??
Tony the Tuna: *pulls out sword* ...I bought it.
Marlene the Sardine: Oh, well then.
Taz the Bass: That's worthless! The museum fish are looking for authenticity and are coming any minute now! What am I going to do??
Marlene the Sardine: Well Tony can go arrest another fish that might have something valuable.
Taz the Bass: Y-Yes! That's a great idea! But who's worthwhile in our seas?
Marlene the Sardine: I think maybe-
Sammy the Salmon: *kzrk* (on intercom) -Reporting to Fish Cops Department! Do you read me?
Marlene the Sardine: Yes Sammy, we read you loud and clear.
Sammy the Salmon: There's a crazy Clown Fish swerving across the street! I think he's high on his own supply!
Marlene the Sardine: What is your location?
Sammy the Salmon: I'm on Seaweed Avenue! Send back-up quick! Ahh-*kzrk*
Marlene the Sardine: Okay, Tony, you're back-up.
Tony the Tuna: What? Why me?
Marlene the Sardine: Because every Clown Fish is notorious for having something of great value.
Taz the Bass: Right! Arrest that Clown Fish and be back in time for those museum fish!
Tony the Tuna: But what's the incentive for me?
Marlene the Sardine: Umm, your friend Sammy is possibly in danger and could lose his life because of your retarded indecisiveness?
Tony the Tuna: Oh... r-right...

Meanwhile, on Seaweed Avenue...

Sammy the Salmon: D-Don't do anything crazy!
Clown Fish: *holding gun to head* ...Give me MY CRACK! Gimme my crack or else I'm gonna SHOOT!
Sammy the Salmon: Put that gun down! It doesn't have to end this way!
Clown Fish: You COPS are all the same! You all do a half-assed job protecting citizens!
Sammy the Salmon: No we don't! We do a fully-assed job!
Clown Fish: I was in club sipping on unleaded!
Sammy the Salmon: ...Just tell me what your problem is! We can talk it out!
Clown Fish: If she tells you that I chained her up and beat her, don't believe her! *ready to pull trigger*
Sammy the Salmon: Nooooo!

*squirt!*

Clown Fish: W... Wa... Wat.... WATER GUN ! *jumps into car*
Sammy the Salmon: What?? A trick? You won't get away this!
Clown Fish: *starts up car* ...CRACK -- HERE I COME! *VROOM-VROOM!*
Sammy the Salmon: I'll get you !

10 minutes later... in the middle of pursuit...

Sammy the Salmon: *kzrk* ...Reporting to Fish Cops Department! Do you read me? I called for back-up 20 minutes ago! Where are you guys??
Tony the Tuna: *kzrk* (on radio) ...I'm right behind you, you big cuttlefish!
Sammy the Salmon: *looks in rearview mirror* ...Ah, there you are. I'm following the Clown Fish right in front of me. He's out of control!
Clown Fish: *swerving across the road* ...HEE HEE!
Sammy the Salmon: *on megaphone* Hey! SLOW DOWN. YOU ARE NOT DRIVING SAFELY.
Clown Fish: *continues to drive crazy* I... need... more...
Sammy the Salmon: I guess it's time for the old PIT maneuver...

Sammy speeds up and drives into Clown Fish car..... CRASH-CHICKA-BOOM!

Clown Fish: *car smokes* ...Awwww hell naw..... I need it.... now.... !
Sammy the Salmon: *steps out of crashed cop car* ...Did you see what I had to do? Are you drunk or something?
Clown Fish: Need it.... I need it now!
Sammy the Salmon: You need what now? ANSWER ME!
Clown Fish: C..... Cr..... CRA....
Sammy the Salmon: ...Crash?
Clown Fish: C...... CRACK.... I need more C-CRACK!
Sammy the Salmon: A clown fish taking crack? *fwack!* What the heck is wrong with you? We got kids who look up to you !
Clown Fish: Kids do look up to me...
Sammy the Salmon: You don't want me to hurt you, sicko - I was in the marines.
Clown Fish: Marines are for the sardines.... C-C-CRACKO COMBO BREAKER!
Sammy the Salmon: *fwackity-fwack!* Huh? you like that? Answer me! *fwack*
Clown Fish: ...Cops know how to deal pain!
Sammy the Salmon: ...I can't take you back to the station.... my car is broken... Hey Tony! Hurry up, will ya?

Tony parks his car next to the broken Sammy and Clown Fish cars...

Tony the Tuna: Keep him busy. I'm getting an incoming call.
Sammy the Salmon: *headlocks Clown Fish* ...You think driving crazy is funny? Huh?? *fwack!*
Clown Fish: HEE HEE HAHAHAH!
Tony the Tuna: *kzrk* ...Who is this?
Marlene the Sardine: (on radio) ...This is Marlene from the headquarters. How are things going?
Tony the Tuna: Well we just caught the Clown Fish. We should be bringing him in just in time for those museum fish.
Marlene the Sardine: Tony, I... I have some bad news...
Tony the Tuna: What? No more anchovy-topping pizza?
Marlene the Sardine: No... Taz the Bass is thinking of firing you...
Tony the Tuna: What?? Why?
Marlene the Sardine: Well because the museum fish already dropped by and there was no swordfish... and well, you know the rest.
Tony the Tuna: I never said I was going to arrest a swordfish in the first place!
Marlene the Sardine: See, that's the thing... I traced the call and it turns out, Sammy was the one who told Taz about the swordfish arrest. You were right; there really was an imposter...
Tony the Tuna: You mean... my imposter was... Sammy...?
Marlene the Sardine: Yeah, sorry about that... *kzrk*
Tony the Tuna: I'm getting fired because of... Sammy? But.... I didn't do.... ANY-THING-WRONG...
Sammy the Salmon: Hey Tony! Are you done talking on the radio? I can't keep this Clown Fish head locked forever, you know.
Tony the Tuna: YOU!
Sammy the Salmon: Me?
Tony the Tuna: IT WAS YOU!
Sammy the Salmon: What was me?
Tony the Tuna: I'm getting fired because of you!
Sammy the Salmon: What are you talking about? I didn't do anything to you.
Tony the Tuna: You called about the swordfish arrest, didn't you??
Sammy the Salmon: ...Swordfish arrest? Oh yeah, that was this morning. It was just a prank. Why? Are you getting fired over that??
Tony the Tuna: Grrr-eeee-augh! THE NEXT TO BE HEADLOCKED IS YOU, SAMMY BOY!
Clown Fish: (head locked) ...Wow, even I'm scared...
Sammy the Salmon: W-What should I do...?
Clown Fish: You screwed, officer.
Tony the Tuna: AUUUGGGHHH! *runs toward Sammy*
Sammy the Salmon: Whoa

*Sammy releases the Clown Fish and jumps into Tony's vehicle*

Sammy the Salmon: See ya later, suckah ! *vroom vroom!*

10 seconds later...

Sammy the Salmon: (to self) Phew... that was a close one...

*FISH-FIN window break!*

Tony the Tuna: WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING?!
Sammy the Salmon: Holy CRAP! How'd you get on??
Tony the Tuna: *climbs in through passenger window* ...Many years of police training! *swerves steering wheel*
Sammy the Salmon: Nooo! What are you doing?? *car serve* ...You're going to make us crash! What good is that??
Tony the Tuna: Revenge... hahaha! REVENGE!
Sammy the Salmon: We're both gonna die! The Clown Fish is out still out there! He's still out there!
Tony the Tuna: ...Clown Fish... still out there...?

*blurry flashback* ... *many years earlier*

Tony the Tuna: (child) Hey I like the circus! You like it too, right Mommy?
Mother Tuna: Yes, of course, dear. Of course.
Tony the Tuna: Let's go see the clown!
Mother Tuna: Yes, let's go see the -- oh my! That clown's got a gun!

*fish scatter* ... *pow! pow!*

Tony the Tuna: Mommy? Mommy where are you...? *sees Mother Tuna on floor* ....No! What happened?? Are you okay...?

*flashback ends*

Sammy the Salmon: Lookout! We're gonna crash!
Tony the Tuna: *steers car back onto road* ...No! We're not crashing!

*screechy wheels* ... *car stops* ... *silence*

Tony the Tuna: That Clown Fish got away. He's still out there.
Sammy the Salmon: Yeah, I know. We need to find him. Let's go back to the station...

Later that day... back at the "Fish Cops Department"...

Taz the Bass: Well Tony? Sammy? Where's the Clown Fish you arrested?
Sammy the Salmon: He got away.
Taz the Bass: He got -- he got away?! How did he get away? I have a feeling you let him get away!
Tony the Tuna: Really? Can you prove that?
Taz the Bass: You cannot disprove me, therefor I am right!
Tony the Tuna: The absence of evidence is not evidence of absence.
Taz the Bass: You know Tony, when those museum fish came here looking for my swordfish, they had a hearty laugh at MY EXPENSE ! So all I ask is that you get me a Clown Fish... something so easy! And you failed at that too!
Tony the Tuna: Sir, you don't understand-
Taz the Bass: -My only option now is to fire you. As of right now, you are no longer-
Marlene the Sardine: *swims in* -Taz! What about our plan?
Taz the Bass: ...What plan?
Marlene the Sardine: You said earlier today. You said you were going to start a plan of catching all of the dangerous fish in the sea! Firing Tony will not solve anything!
Sammy the Salmon: It's true.
Marlene the Sardine: We need to develop a plan that will capture the Clown Fish and Swordfish once and for all!

One day later... at a carnival... Tony, Sammy and Marlene stake out...

Tony the Tuna: You know, this carnival circus thing reminds me of my Mother...
Sammy the Salmon: Don't worry, you'll get revenge on the RIGHT fish this time.
Marlene the Sardine: Okay, our plan is in motion. The Clown Fish is approaching those Angel Fish just as planned.
Tony the Tuna: Yeah, that's the same Clown Fish we let go yesterday.
Sammy the Salmon: And that fake jousting tournament is bringing in a bunch of swordfishes.
Tony the Tuna: Wait a minute, you faked the whole swordfish thing, didn't you Sammy?
Sammy the Salmon: Yeah.
Tony the Tuna: Then why are we trying to catch one?
Sammy the Salmon: To redeem Taz from those museum fish who laughed at him.
Tony the Tuna: Oh, right...
Marlene the Sardine: Okay, let's move into action!

*Tony, Sammy and Marlene spring out*

Tony the Tuna: Angel Fish! Press the button!
Angel Fish: (kid) Right!
Clown Fish: Oh no -- not you cops again!
Angel Fish: Bye-bye scary clown! *presses button*
Clown Fish: What's going on??

*net drops from above capturing Clown Fish*

Tony the Tuna: Haha! Yes! We got him!
Sammy the Salmon: Teamwork at its best!
Clown Fish: (in net) Get me out of here!
Marlene the Sardine: *kicks net* ...Yeah! That should teach you to be selling crack to kids!
Tony the Tuna: So what do we do now?
Sammy the Salmon: I'll take this bag back to the station. You two can beat the crap out of that swordfish over there.
Tony the Tuna: Alright !
Marlene the Sardine: Sounds like fun!