Post by Isiah Zombie on Jun 6, 2009 22:48:24 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Confidence Fight
Episode: 87
Original Post Date: June 6, 2009
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Isiah Zombie, Monkeysarefunny, BigBoss and w00tdude are at the Carlton-Ritz Mansion...
Isiah Zombie: Sup, how you guys doing this fine Friday?
Monkeysarefunny: Yo yo foo! Wut up wit chu? Aint nothin' wrong with me *****! Jus chillin' n ****!
Isiah Zombie: Why are you talking like that?
BigBoss: He's been hanging out at Ice Cream Socials too long. You know, that gangsta' ice cream place that sells crack to kids?
Isiah Zombie: Oh, right... so w00tdude, what's up with you today?
w00tdude: Today is Nerd Day at school. Can I borrow some of your clothes?
Isiah Zombie: What's that supposed to mean?
w00tdude: It means I'm FAILING SCHOOL! I need help IZ! Will you go to school with me?? Please, please? Perty please! I need to copy off someone!
Isiah Zombie: No, sorry. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
w00tdude: WAAAH
!Isiah Zombie: Just ask Monkey.
w00tdude: *sniff* ...M-Monkey? Want to go to school with me?
Monkeysarefunny: Hey, white boy, what you doin' uptown? Ain't nothin' wrong with me *****!
w00tdude: Guess that's a no...
*walks out*BigBoss: Wow, w00tdude seemed sad today. The kid needs confidence bad.
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, but he should be happy there ain't no bullies messing with him. Back when I was in school, there was a guy named Starks who would bite, claw, hold undies, arms and piss in your cheerios should you be eating a bowl. Tough as nails, that kid.
*Admiral Donutz walks in*
Admiral Donutz: Guys I have a problem...
Isiah Zombie: What's wrong? Did someone steal your boat?
Admiral Donutz: No, my girlfriend Helen wants to have a romantic evening tonight. Apparently it's our seven-month anniversary... but I didn't get her anything!
Isiah Zombie: Just run away.
Admiral Donutz: I can't do that!
Isiah Zombie: Wouldn't that just butter your biscuits? Or float your boat, whichever sounds less redneckish?
Admiral Donutz: She's gonna KILL me!
Isiah Zombie: Nah, she won't do that.
Admiral Donutz: You don't think so?
Isiah Zombie: Nope, she'll MURDER YOU INSTEAD!
Admiral Donutz: Fffff***! What am I supposed to do??
BigBoss: Ahem, I am a cop. I'm used to hearing this kind of talk all the time.
Admiral Donutz: What's that supposed to mean? *grabs BB's shirt* ...WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN??
BigBoss: Get a hold of yourself! *slaps Donutz*
Admiral Donutz: Oww... S-Sorry...
BigBoss: You can just get a restraining order on Helen and she won't be able to go near you.
Admiral Donutz: Does that work? Does that really work??
BigBoss: Yeah, come down to the station and I'll get you the paper work.
Admiral Donutz: Alright! Sounds good!
Isiah Zombie: Whoa, wait a minute. Helen is expecting a nice romantic evening with Donutz, and instead she's getting a retraining order?
BigBoss: Indeed.
Isiah Zombie: Oh I see.
*Donutz and BB walk out*
Isiah Zombie: I feel pretty bad for Helen. All she wants is a romantic dinner... What do you think, Monkey?
Monkeysarefunny: Wut up wit chu? Aint nothin' wrong with me *****!
Isiah Zombie: ...
Later that day, at Long Neck Elementary School...
w00tdude: Pedro! I need help with the material! I'm failing this class!
Pedro: Just insult the teacher. That's what I do.
w00tdude: I'm being serious!
Pedro: So am I. What, you don't believe me? Check this out... (shouts) Hey Mr. Butterball! You're so fat you don't have a chin!
Mr. Butterball: What was that, Pedro?? I do NOT lack a chin! I have many! Oh... you meant... never mind...
Pedro: See what I mean? Now you, give it a try.
w00tdude: (shouts) Hey Mr. Butterball! What did you have for breakfast? An elephant
?Mr. Butterball: Why you little punk... Just for that you're getting double the homework for the rest of the semester!
w00tdude: Teh awwwws!
Pedro: Don't worry about that. It could be a lot worse.
Mr. Butterball: Okay class. I have an announcement to make. We have a new student who will be joining us today. Please welcome... Starks Junior!
Starks Jr.: *walks in* (big bully) ...GRR. I DEVOUR SCUM.
Mr. Butterball: Yes that's nice. Please take a seat.
Starks Jr.: *sits next to w00tdude* ...ARE YOU SCARED?
w00tdude: M-Me...? Of what...
?Starks Jr.: My father would BITE, CLAW, HOLD UNDIES, ARMS and piss in your CHEERIOS if you happen to be eating a bowl... Tough as nails, my father.
Pedro: He lacks a chin, too.
Starks Jr.: What you say, boy? You make fun of my FATHER?!
Pedro: Not me, w00tdude did.
w00tdude: N-No I didn't!
Starks Jr.: How dare you! Me and you -- fight it out after class!
w00tdude: But I didn't say anything-
Starks Jr.: -May the biggest, fiercest man win! I'm taking you down, "w00tdude"!
w00tdude: Now I feel teh suckish...
Pedro: Meh... don't worry about it. It could be a lot worse.
Starks Jr.: I'm telling all my bullies to join in on the ass-kicking too!
w00tdude: Awww!
Pedro: See? I told you it could be a lot worse. Never underestimate my wisdom.
Meanwhile, at the Police Department...
BigBoss: (cop uniform) ...Just a few papers need to be signed and you'll be all set.
Admiral Donutz: I can't believe I have to get a restraining order on my girlfriend to avoid a romantic dinner...
BigBoss: When you're separated from loved ones, it really makes you appreciate them more.
*Inmate Jackson walks by*
Inmate Jackson: Officah! Officah! I almost MISSED THE BOAT! *does the cockroach*
Admiral Donutz: Umm... BB? Who is this guy?
BigBoss: He's the captain of the other inmate's S.S. Dreamboat.
Inmate Jackson: Papa there goes that man!
Admiral Donutz: What man?
Inmate Jackson: PAPA there goes that MAN!
BigBoss: He always says that.
Inmate Jackson: PAPA THERE GOES THAT MAN!
BigBoss: Alright enough.
Inmate Jackson: PAPA THERE GOES THAT MAN!!
BigBoss: SHUT THE **** UP. NO. THAT MAN DOESNT ****ING GO ANYWHERE. STOP USING THAT DAMN PHRASE. RAGE INDUCING. RAGEEEEE!
Inmate Jackson: Papa, there goes that man!
BigBoss: ...FFFFFF****!
Admiral Donutz: Hey, you stole my line!
Inmate Jackson: YO-YO-YO POP A 40 AND CHECK YOUR ROLLIE. ITS CRYME TYME.!
BigBoss: RAGE!
Inmate Jackson: Turn me around and **** me sideways!
BigBoss: Alright that's enough! I'm sticking you back in your cell!
Inmate Jackson: Thanks broskis, thanks brogurts.
BigBoss: SHUT THE **** UP!
Admiral Donutz: Hey what about me?
BigBoss: Your restraining order has to wait, buddy... Cuz I'm taking this trash to the hole!
Inmate Jackson: I pack STEEL CRATES WITH BODY PARTS for 27 hours a DAY!
BigBoss: GEE-AHHH-UUG! *smack!* ... *handcuffs and drags Jackson away*
Meanwhile, at Ice Cream Socials...
Isiah Zombie: So... this is Ice Cream Socials... the place you work at... seems nice. Why am I here again?
Monkeysarefunny: I need an assistant. Dude, I gave you all the info on the way over here.
Isiah Zombie: No, you were talking all gangsta on me. I'm glad the crack-effect has worn off.
Monkeysarefunny: So you gonna be my assistant?
Isiah Zombie: No.
Monkeysarefunny: Yes...?
Isiah Zombie: I didn't say yes.
Monkeysarefunny: That's what I heard so that's what you meant.
Isiah Zombie: Screw you. Be your own assistant.
Monkeysarefunny: ...Naw, **** that!
Isiah Zombie: Why do you need an assistant anyway?
Monkeysarefunny: Focus yourself on the Tele-Tube, being all rich and ****.
Isiah Zombie: Man I wish I lived in imagination-land like you are. Besides, I already live in a mansion. I gots all da money me needs, homski.
Monkeysarefunny: Don't go gangsta. You sound gay when you talk gangsta.
Isiah Zombie: Walk up to white girls and say: "Where da white women at?" Then say OH YEAH and high-five all the white women in the circle. Works every time.
Monkeysarefunny: ...Stop, man.
Isiah Zombie: Seriously, I'm already rich. I'm the owner of J2 Global Communications. It's the best news channel on the planet - check it out! *turns on TV*
Television: Breaking news on J2: An officer by the name og BigBoss has been brutally beaten in the local Police Department. Here is the surveillence tape:
Surveillance tape on Television...
BigBoss: SHUT THE *beep* UP YOU ANNOYING PIECE OF *beep*!
Inmate Jackson: Tru dat, that mofo be a lil- *beep*
BigBoss: I'm talking to you!
Inmate Jackson: True dat, bra. True dat... I be failing hard.
BigBoss: You're an unusual person to make that original comment. Still, I completely agree with your opinion.
Inmate Jackson: PAPA THERE GOES THAT MAN!
*Starks breaks from cell*
Starks: ...Muahahaha! Are you scared?!
BigBoss: Who the hell are you?! And how'd you break that cell door?
Starks: I AM YOUR PAPA! I DEVOUR SCUM LIKE YOU!
BigBoss: Noooooo!
Inmate Jackson: I told you there goes that man!
Surveillance tape cute...
Television: More info of the beating at eleven.
Isiah Zombie: Whoa... what just happened to BB? And was that Starks from my childhood?
Monkeysarefunny: "...Annoying piece of... beep?"
Isiah Zombie: I told you my channel's kick-ass.
Monkeysarefunny: Nah, I'm still doubtful. Just be my assistant then you'll evolve into the exclusive level super cool, which is solo occupied by me.
Isiah Zombie: How many times do I have to say-
Television: -This is J2 bringing you another breaking news story! There is a local school fight featuring ten bullies against one girlish-looking kid! Here is the live coverage:
Live coverage on playground...
w00tdude: *gulp* ...P-Pedro! Help me!
Pedro: I'm taking bets. Bet against the w00tdude kid. Yeah, yeah. He's gonna lose HARD.
Starks Jr.: YOU WILL GET NO HELP! My father is trying to escape from prison! Does HE get any help?? Does he?!?
w00tdude: I don't know...?
Starks Jr.: The answer's NO, SCUM! Nooooo!
*bullies surround w00tdude*
Starks Jr.: Got any last words before we demolish you on National Television??
w00tdude: Umm.... I....
Starks Jr.: WELL? Great, I'm talking to the shy one. What's your problem? Loser much? SPEAK YOU MUTANT! SPEAK! SCUM YOU ARE GOING DOWN!
w00tdude: I.... I just....
Starks Jr.: Someone doesn't have confidence! Guys! GET HIM!
w00tdude: WAAAAIT! Bullies are a pain in the brain! You are just a big tubbo lardy who has eaten a two-ton whale for dessert!
Starks Jr.: What?!
w00tdude: I get picked on because I don't have any confidence! I'm failing school because I don't any confidence! Well it took me to be on TV to finally get it! So eat that! *w00tdude starts kicking bully ass*
Television: Live on J2 Global Communications: the girly one mentioned earlier is dominating this match!
Pedro: No! take your bets back! Take 'em back
!Isiah Zombie: *turns off TV* ...Okay, we've seen enough.
Monkeysarefunny: Wut up wit chu? Aint nothin' wrong with me *****!
Isiah Zombie: I've proven that my channel kicks ass. Now let's help BB and kick w00tdude's ass when gets home... the kid's disgracing my channel... *both nod and walk out*