Post by Isiah Zombie on Jun 20, 2009 22:16:18 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
Retrieving Treasure
Episode: 89
Original Post Date: June 20, 2009
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One day, Isiah Zombie is alone in his room watching TV...
Isiah Zombie: Hmm... what else is on TV...
Television: (commercial) Got parasites? Then you've got problems! *click* ...The world is going to end... one man and his family try to outrun it! *click* ...Honey, please... less laughing, more casual sexing. -But it's so small! Haha! *click*
Isiah Zombie: Wow, nothing's on right now...
*w00tdude walks in*
w00tdude: Hey IZ. What's on TV?
Isiah Zombie: Nothing, nothing at all. What's up with you?
w00tdude: Remember a long time ago when our ninja friend got captured?
Isiah Zombie: Oh yeeeeah-no.
w00tdude: Well I was thinking... are we ever going to try and get him back?
Isiah Zombie: You know, I was thinking-
*Monkey walks in*
Monkeysarefunny: -Hey losers, how's it going?
w00tdude: Monkey, do you remember our old ninja friend?
Monkeysarefunny: You mean Kung Pao Tiger? Yeah, why?
w00tdude: Because IZ doesn't remember him.
Monkeysarefunny: Well that's cuz IZ's a flower girl.
w00tdude: Wait, is IZ gay?
Monkeysarefunny: Well I have a cousin who saw him one time at a club and said that he had on some extra tight leather pants... and his mannerisms were a bit... "questionable," to say the least.
w00tdude: That was me, I saw him.
Monkeysarefunny: Heh, yeah, good times.
Isiah Zombie: What are you guys talking about?
Monkeysarefunny: You, and your gayness.
Isiah Zombie: You don't know what you're talking about! I've had a girlfriend before!
Monkeysarefunny: Oh yeah, that one Spanish chick. I saw her yesterday, she just doesn't look right without the mustache. KA-POW!
Isiah Zombie: Sh-Shut up!
*Steven walks in*
Steven: Hey old blokes. I've finally-a-day-off from the Prince Bar! What crazy adventures will get into today?
w00tdude: Steven! Wanna retrieve a ninja with us
?Steven: Sure thing! Try and stop me!
An hour later, on the beach shoreline...
Isiah Zombie: Alright, so how do we find the ninja?
w00tdude: Well, he was captured by the pirates, so we just have to wait here for them to come to shore and capture us.
Isiah Zombie: Wow. That sucks... so, so hard.
Monkeysarefunny: Yes, yes you do.
Steven: I've brought something to combat boredom, mates... *takes out metal detector* ...Let's see if I can find some treasure.
Isiah Zombie: How much is gold treasure these days? And where could I get a metal detector? Also how much will they be in like 20 years?
Monkeysarefunny: A lot. You can't. Even more.
Steven: *beep! beep!* ...Hey! I found something!
w00tdude: What do you think it could be?
Steven: It's...! It's...! An old dirty mirror...
Monkeysarefunny: *picks up mirror* ...Wow IZ, this mirror magnifies your ugliness even more than in real life.
Isiah Zombie: You calling me ugly?
Monkeysarefunny: Yes, please take a bath.
Isiah Zombie: I just sat in my golden marble bathtub for 20 minutes as the water continued to sprinkle on me just sitting their naked.
Monkeysarefunny: No one wants to see you naked.
Isiah Zombie: Sure about that?
Monkeysarefunny: Yes, positively sure.
w00tdude: Yeah, Monkey has a point.
Steven: Sorry IZ, but it's true.
Isiah Zombie: Or it just might be that you're all wrong and I'm right.
Monkeysarefunny: Ahhh... you're just a suckah.
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, but you're the suckah's suckah!
Steven: Wait, who sucks more? The suckah? Or the suckah's suckah?
Monkeysarefunny: I would believe the suckah's suckah would suck more, being as he is the suckah to the original suckah. However, having a suckier suckah than the original suckah would render the original suckah useless.
Isiah Zombie: Wow, that was rather intelligent.
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, I've thought about it for awhile.
WEEEE-WOOOOOO...
w00tdude: Hey, there's the pirate boat! Time for us to get caught!
Monkeysarefunny: That's probably like the worst idea ever.
Isiah Zombie: Psh... and you said I had bad ideas.
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, my mistake. Mutton Butt is like IZ, 'cept IZ has some redeemable qualities, like not sucking all the time.
Steven: *beep! beep!* ...And I found something else! It's...! It's...! An old tin pail...
Isiah Zombie: Maybe we should start running before the pirates get here.
w00tdude: What do you mean
?Monkeysarefunny: I think what IZ is trying to say is, "Damn, man. Izzy Zomzom don't want to get captured by no pirates again. And ain't nobody else does, either."
Isiah Zombie: Truer made-up words have never been spoken, Monkey.
Monkeysarefunny: Thanks.
w00tdude: But Kung Pao is our friend! He's saved us before! Now it's our time to save him!
Pirate ships approaches shore....
Steven: This is our last chance to run, mates.
Isiah Zombie: Let's vote: who wants to survive this ordeal by not going into it in the first place?
Steven: Har!
Isiah Zombie: That makes two of us. What about you Monkey, you in?
Monkeysarefunny: Well that ninja dude was kinda cool...
Steven: *beep! beep!* ...And I found something else!
Monkeysarefunny: Okay you know what? I'm going to base my decision on what Steven finds next.
Steven: It's...! It's...! A bag of coins...
Monkeysarefunny: TIME TO ****ING RUN!
Caboose: *jumps out of ship* ...Arrrrgh mateys! What say thee of me new platoon??
Isiah Zombie: W-What? Caboose? What do you mean new platoon?
Caboose: The new pirates hired for the yaaaard arm!
30 pirates jump off the ship one by one, landing on the beach shore...
Isiah Zombie: O-Oh... that platoon...
w00tdude: Hey Caboose! Where's that ninja Kung Pao you captured from us?? Give him back!
Caboose: Argh! The swordsman is on me poopdeck!
Monkeysarefunny: That just sounded wrong....
Caboose: Fellow buccaneers! Capture the landlubbers and tie 'em to ropes and chains!
Steven: Hey Caboose! Long time no see
!Caboose: ...Steven?
Steven: Remember me? It's your old British fellow, you old bloke! We used to have some good times making fun of IZ with his backdoor plumbing tapes!
Caboose: Hmm...
Steven: I figured I'd tag along and show these guys some real fun!
Monkeysarefunny: Good, Steven. You're playing the "we're old friends" card well.
Caboose: Yarg... me memory escapes me now...
Steven: It's really me, mate! I promise!
Caboose: Hmm...
10 minutes later... the pirates surround the four of them...
Isiah Zombie: You know, we always tend to find ourselves in these situations.
Monkeysarefunny: And somehow, we always manage to escape.
w00tdude: How will we get out this time...?
Caboose: YARG STEVEN! Or... the one who CLAIMS to be Steven!
Steven: It's me!
Caboose: Talk British!
Steven: I'm not sure I know "how."
Caboose: Speak British or else me and me mateys will have a field day and slice ya IN HALF
!!Steven: O-Okay! "Ello guvna, ows ya mum?"
Caboose: ...
Steven: "Blimey Guv'nor tally ho with that James Blunt, Fisticuffs and crumpets now!"
Caboose: Steven! Yarg! It really is you!
Steven: Yeah, I told you it was!
w00tdude: Yay! We're saved!
Caboose: ...Steven is me friend, not you. Buccaneers, tie the other scwaffly men up to me ship!
40 Buccaneers: (in unison) Ay ay, captain!
Isiah Zombie: Well that sucks... so, so hard.
Monkeysarefunny: Yes, yes it does.
Buccaneer #1: *grabs IZ's arm* ...Come with me, matey!
Isiah Zombie: Gah! Let go of me, you dirty, smelly, ugly pirate!
Buccaneer #1: Ugly? Yarg! Me no ugly! Me mum said I beautiful!
Isiah Zombie: Oh yeah? Well... *grabs old mirror* ...LOOK AT YOURSELF! LOOK!
Buccaneer #1: AHHHHHHHH ME UGGGGGLY! *pulls hair and stumbles away*
Isiah Zombie: *shines mirror at pirates* ...TAKE A NICE LONG LOOK AT YOURSELVES!
Buccaneers #2-10: NOOOOOOO! *collapse*
w00tdude: Yeah! Hold them back as I look for Kung Pao!
Caboose: Block the entrance to my boat, buccaneers!
Buccaneers #11-20: *block path* (in unison) ...YAAAAARG!
w00tdude: *picks up old tin pail* ...You all need to take a bath! *throws water at pirates from pail*
Buccaneers #11-20: NOOOO! Must stay dirty! *runs frantically away*
Monkeysarefunny: Haha! I bet that water on you tastes good, right?
Buccaneers #21: Actually, my favorite brand of water is hose water. That's the kind that you get from your garden hose - it has a pleasant metallic taste, very earthy.
Monkeysarefunny: Shut-up! *fwack!*
Isiah Zombie: C'mon Monkey! Let's help w00tdude find that pirate!
Monkeysarefunny: Screw you.
Isiah Zombie: ...
Monkeysarefunny: Heh heh, I kid, I kid.
Isiah Zombie, Monkeysarefunny and w00tdude board the pirate ship...
Isiah Zombie: Quick! Where could he be?
Monkeysarefunny: There's nothing here, 'cept that treasure box right there.
??: (from inside box) HELP ME!!
w00tdude: There's a voice coming from inside that box! It sounds like... Kung Pao's!
Kung Pao Tiger: Hurry! Save me!
Isiah Zombie: Let's just lift it out of here!
Buccaneers #22-32: *blocks exit* (in unison) LEAVE OUR TREASUE ALONE!
Monkeysarefunny: Crap! What do we do now?
Isiah Zombie: Let's use w00tdude as a baseball bat and smack tha crap out of these pirates into the home run stands!
Monkeysarefunny: You could have come up with an original idea, preferably one that didn't suck. But I guess that would be asking too much. Hey, do any of you have that bag of coins Steven found?
Isiah Zombie: Yeah, it's in my pocket. I stole it from Steven without his knowledge.
Monkeysarefunny: *sigh* ...Well give it to me -- I'll throw it at the pirates and make them scramble for money.
Isiah Zombie: *hands over bag* ...Why can't I do it?
Monkeysarefunny: Because I'm better than you.
Isiah Zombie: Geez man, is there anything you aren't better than me at?
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah -- sucking... *throws bag of coin at pirates*
The bag hits the first pirate and they fall as dominoes... as the coins scatter on the floor...
Isiah Zombie: Alright Monkey, help me out with the treasure box here.
w00tdude: Do you need my help?
Isiah Zombie: No, you're too weak and fragile.
w00tdude: Teh awwwws!
Monkeysarefunny: Yeah, go play with your boyfriend.
w00tdude: Now I feel teh suckish...
Isiah Zombie, Monkeysarefunny and w00tdude return to shore...
Isiah Zombie: Hey Steven, we're-
Caboose: *has Steven at gunpoint* ...Yarg! Return the treasure for your dearest friend! You're no match for me and me remaining buccaneers!
Buccaneers #33-40: (in unison) YAAARG!
Steven: Save yourselves! ....Actually, screw that. Save me!
Monkeysarefunny: *opens treasure box* ...Time to level the playing field.
Kung Pao Tiger: *pops out* ...The eye of the eagle has awoken! And now, the wings must flap into freedom! *throws dust at pirates and Caboose* ... *POOF!*
Isiah Zombie: Wow, they umm... they disappeared...
Monkeysarefunny: That **** is just not right. It's so not right, it's wrong. It also sucks -- for them, at least.
w00tdude: Yay! We're all safe and we retrieved Kung Pao!
Kung Pao Tiger: Indeed, my little warrior, indeed. You have taken the first steps into becoming a student of the Tiger.
Monkeysarefunny: Hahahaha! This ninja's hilarious. He's like Tommy Chong, 'cept he doesn't smell like weed and ass. Alright, let's get out of here. I hate the beach... *everyone walks away into the sunset*
