Post by Isiah Zombie on Jun 27, 2009 22:58:02 GMT -8
The Zombie Guy Show
How It Began
Episode: 90
Original Post Date: June 27, 2009
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Isiah Zombie, Monkeysarefunny and BigBoss are at the Carlton-Ritz Mansion lobby one morning...
Isiah Zombie: *flips through newspaper* ...Wow, it says here in this K9 Universal Communications paper that there's a new car design that will supposedly "revolutionize" the way we drive.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh, is that the newspaper run by werewolves?
Isiah Zombie: Yeah. But you know what's weird? I remember back in the day I had an idea for a car design that would revolutionize the way we drive... wonder what happened...
BigBoss: Who needs to drive anyways? Just whistle for a taxi and leave your problems at the door!
Isiah Zombie: Now that I think of it, it was my car idea that led me to meet you in the first place, Monkey.
Monkeysarefunny: ...O-Oh yeah? Let's reminisce about it...
*everything gets blurry*
Several years ago, at a car convention in L.A...
Isiah Zombie: Can you believe it, man? I'm gonna be rich! Both rich and famous!
BigBoss: Quiet down you crazy zombie-freak, you're making a scene.
Isiah Zombie: This is it! After years of designing this new car model, I will finally deserve the recognition that has escaped me for years! Feels good, man... feels good.
BigBoss: Just hope that nobody steals it from you and makes a billion dollars off of it.
Isiah Zombie: Nah... that'll never happen.
BigBoss: Whatever you say. So what do you plan on doing once you acquire your rich "recognition"?
Isiah Zombie: I'll probably buy a mansion nearby. What do rich people do?
BigBoss: Not sure. Probably play golf, drink expensive tea and shower in the nude. Either way, I'm staying in my Shanty no matter how rich you get.
Isiah Zombie: Oh man, I can't wait to win first prize!
BigBoss: Settle your happy ass down. What's so special about your car design anyway?
Isiah Zombie: It's top secret. But since you've been nice to me and a caring friend over the years, I'll let you on the secret. See, the main drive behind my project is-
BigBoss: -Oh look! A circus booth! Let's go check it out! *walks to booth*
Isiah Zombie: ...
At the circus booth... Monkey is on stage wearing ringmaster clothing...
Monkey: Step up to the podium -- if ya got the balls!
BigBoss: Ooooh cool. What's going on here, little Monkey?
Monkey: If you hit the target bull's-eye, I get dunked into the water tank. You get three chances, five bucks each. So... do ya got the balls to do it? Huh... do ya?
BigBoss: Sure... what do I use to hit the target?
Monkey: You use the balls on that table, dumbass! I've been saying "do ya got the balls" for ages now!
BigBoss: *pays money* ... *picks up ball* ...You know, I've very good at baseball.
Monkey: Yeah, and I'm very good at your mom!
BigBoss:
...Why you little punk! *throws ball* ... *misses*Monkey: HAH! You're good at baseball? You're about as good as my 5-year old cousin, and he's won awards for sucking the most. Last Place - National Champ.
BigBoss: Oh it's on now monkey-freak! *throws second time* ... *misses*
Monkey: HAHAHA! Nice girly throw, you little girl who girls a lot!
BigBoss: AHHH! *throws third ball* ... *misses*
Monkey: HAHAHAHA! LAME! *bends over in laughter*
BigBoss:
Monkey: Hahahaha........ *wipes tears from laughter* ...Ooooh, heh, I chuckled a bit.
Isiah Zombie: *approaches* ...Hey BB, you abandoned me when I was about to tell you my secret car design. I mean, I was right in the middle-
BigBoss: You little Monkey! You're dead!
Isiah Zombie: *looks at Monkey* ...Huh? You again? Didn't I save you from the circus already?
Monkey: N-No...
BigBoss: Wait IZ, you know this Monkey?
Isiah Zombie: Yeah... last week, me, Steven and Mdiddy went to the circus and rescued him from abuse. After living in my house for one day, he escaped through a cracked window.
Monkey: I ain't paying you back for that window...
Isiah Zombie: You broke it?! I thought it was already cracked... anyway, we should get back to the judging table, BB.
BigBoss: I ain't going anywhere 'till I dunk this little punk into the cold water! Quick IZ, spot me five bucks!
Isiah Zombie: I really don't think I should-
BigBoss: -C'mon! Hurry!
Isiah Zombie: But I left my secret car design back on-
BigBoss: FIVE-DOLLARS-NOW before I make five dollars out of you!
Isiah Zombie: *sigh* ....Fine, but you better pay me back... *hands over cash*
BigBoss: *picks up ball* ....I will not miss now!
Monkey: Try harder, fool!
BigBoss: Just you wait and see!
Isiah Zombie: So what do I do in the meantime?
BigBoss: Go drink your little green tea! *throws first ball* ... *misses*
Monkey: Hahaha! So much fail it's actually a win!
Isiah Zombie: But grown men don't drink tea.
BigBoss: AHHHH! I don't believe this! How could I miss so bad?? *throws second ball* ... *misses* ...DAMMIT! *looks at IZ* ...What do you know about grown men anyway?
Isiah Zombie: Hey, I know PLENTY about GROWN MEN!
Monkey: (dancing on podium) Yeah, I'm sure you do... cuz you spend every night with them. KA-POW!
Isiah Zombie: ..."KA-POW"? What's that supposed to mean?
Monkey: It's my catchphrase. Get used to hearing it. It's going to revolutionize the world!
Isiah Zombie: I doubt it'll last long.
Monkey: Yeah, like you in bed last night! KA-POW!
Isiah Zombie: Oh my. BB, will you hand me the last ball?
Monkey: Yeah! Handle his balls, man!
BigBoss: *hands over ball* ...Dude, if I had five tries and couldn't do it, there's no way you'll do it with only one try.
Isiah Zombie: Trust me with this one. All you have to do is go through the motions.
PA Speaker Announcer: Attention all members attending this event-
Isiah Zombie: -First, you get a real good grip on the ball-
PA Speaker Announcer: -May I have your attention please-
Isiah Zombie: -Then, focus onto the red bull's-eye with the utmost attention-
PA Speaker Announcer: -There has been a report of a stolen item-
Isiah Zombie: -And finally, throw the ball, but stay easy now-
PA Speaker Announcer: -The car design of a member has been reported missing-
Isiah Zombie: -*raises arm* ...And in one, two, and three-
PA Speaker Announcer: -It belongs to a man named "Isiah Zombie."
Isiah Zombie: WHHHAAAAT?! *throws third ball* ... *connects*
Monkey: Noooo! *podium falls into water*
BigBoss: Haha! Yes! Take that, you dirty, little monkey!
Isiah Zombie: What?? My car design has been stolen??
BigBoss: Who cares? Look at the monkey swim!
Isiah Zombie: We gotta look for it!
Monkey: *crawls out of tank* ...Too cold ...need warm blanket...
Officer: *approaches* ...Sir, are you Isiah Zombie?
Isiah Zombie: Yes officer! *grabs shirt* ...Please heeeeelp meeee
Officer: Sir, we're not sure who, but someone reported your missing car design.
BigBoss: Dude, why would you leave it unattended?
Officer: The report says a Vampire swooped in and took it.
Isiah Zombie: B-But... it wasn't even complete! And vampires are a zombie's worst enemy!
BigBoss: Then you have no worries - he can even do anything with the design.
Officer: Yes, please release my shirt.
Isiah Zombie: *let's go* ...Are there any vampires in this competition?
Officer: No, the thief is not involved in the this convention at all.
Isiah Zombie: *sniff* ...I'll start my design all over again from scratch, then finally build my own car based off of that design! That'll show the thief that he can't stop me!
BigBoss: Just hope that nobody steals the car from you once you finish it and make a billion dollars off of it.
Isiah Zombie: Nah... that'll never happen.
Monkey walks off stage...
Monkey: *towel over head* ...I'm outta here...
BigBoss: Yeah, that's right, walk away!
Monkey: Yeah, I'm leaving...
Isiah Zombie: Hey, Monkey, I need some help building a car from scratch. You know, if you want to help-
BigBoss: -The hell are you doing, IZ?
Isiah Zombie: Quiet BB, I am in a very emotional state now.
BigBoss: Psh, yeah... what else is new...
Monkey: S-Sure. I'll help. My circus contract stated that if someone managed to dunk me in the water then I'm automatically fired. I have nowhere else to go. I was actually planning on living on the streets...
Isiah Zombie: Well, you can live with us, but you have to promise to pay for that broken window.
Monkey: Sure! Thanks! You're one cool dude, you know that?
BigBoss: I don't know, there's just something about this monkey that rubs me the wrong way. He doesn't seem like one of us.
Isiah Zombie: Hmm, yeah, you're right...
*POW!*
Monkey: Owww..... hey..... I'm lime green now. What the heck?
Isiah Zombie: Hmm... something is still not right. What's your name again?
Monkey: It's "Monkey," plain and simple. And that fricken hurt
!Isiah Zombie: What about your middle name?
Monkey: Not that it's any of your business, but it's "Sare."
Isiah Zombie: And your last name?
Monkey: "Funny" okay! My name is Monkeysarefunny! Lay off my back, old man!
Isiah Zombie: That's it! "Monkeysarefunny"! That's what we'll call you!
BigBoss: Wow, IZ is so baked right now.
Monkeysarefunny: Oh yeah? Well how about I start calling you Mr. Dead?! How would you like that??
Isiah Zombie: I actually wouldn't mind.
BigBoss: Or just call him a loser because he is.
Isiah Zombie: That's not true! Take that back
!BigBoss: It hurts me to say this IZ, but you are indeed a loser... Hey, actually it doesn't hurt at all. IZ is a loser. IZ is a loser. IZ is a loser. It actually feels pretty good. C'mon everyone! Join the chants!
Monkeysarefunny: IZ is a loser! IZ is a loser! IZ is a loser
!Isiah Zombie: Stop it! Just shut-it-uppy!
Monkeysarefunny: Wow, you whine more than my 5-year-old cousin, and he's won awards in crying. National Champ -- First Place.
Isiah Zombie: I'm out of here...
*everything gets blurry*
Monkeysarefunny: Heh, yeah... good times. I don't think I ever payed you back for that window, though.
BigBoss: I can't believe I missed five throws. I'm good at baseball, what the heck?
Isiah Zombie: Yeah... I never did get around to building that car...
Monkeysarefunny: Look on the bright side, if Leo didn't steal your car design, you probably would've never invited me to help you out on that car.
BigBoss: You see IZ? Good things come from stealing. Now let's steal something from the servant and see how he reacts.
Isiah Zombie: What good will come of that?
Monkeysarefunny: That's the thing with destiny -- you never know.
Isiah Zombie: That's just.... evil. Are you the devil or something?
Monkeysarefunny: Oh, did you just think I was just some devilish character with a pitchfork and wearing tight pants this whole time?
BigBoss: The devil doesn't wear tights -- that's his skin.
Monkeysarefunny: Anyway, time to mess with the butler
!Isiah Zombie: No, don't do it.
Monkeysarefunny: Why not, pansy?
Isiah Zombie: Because then I'll drive you off a cliff.
Monkeysarefunny: Well maybe I'll drive YOU off a cliff! HAH!
Isiah Zombie: Has anyone ever told you that you can't drive?
Monkeysarefunny: Nope, but your mom said I am a great driver in bed! KA-POW!
Isiah Zombie: Why you little-
BigBoss: -Hey IZ, I heard you like cars. Let's put a car in your car so you can drive while you drive!
Isiah Zombie: ...
