Post by Isiah Zombie on Sept 11, 2009 23:30:48 GMT -8
Septuplets of Sin
Alpha, Day 1
Episode: 1
Original Post Date: September 12, 2009
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Every story has a beginning, I say! Now that our family is in utter turmoil, it is best to look back at the beginning. Perhaps clues that were hidden the first time will reveal themselves during retelling!
Allow me to introduce myself. I am Alpha, the septuplet who was born first -- if only by a few minutes. There are rumors afloat that me and my brothers are all clones created in a lab with slightly altered DNA mutations to infuse different personalities. That is heresy, I say! Utter nonsense!
Whatever the case may be, that is another story for another day. What matters now is the story that has altered the very fabric of this family's strings. My father, Sigma, was the owner of the "Heptagon Headquarters" estate. He also happened to withhold a very surmountable fortune aside from the mansion. The only real experiment that existed was the one that he set upon the day we were born: he will donate his entire fortune to one of the seven brothers.
Who redeems the prizes, you say? The most sadistic, evil brother, that's who! I've been lying my way to top; trying to outwit, outfox and out-sin my siblings the day I knew my objective in life! Who impressed my father the most is up for debate. The man was intensely indifferent.
Now, onto how it all began. It was last Sunday, and I remember walking inside the "Heptagon Headquarters" residence. I noticed that my heavy brother Beta had food across the entire conference table...
Alpha: What day is it today? I AM WRATH! I demand answers! What day is it today, I ask!
Beta: [Eating sandwich] Today is Sunday, of course. The beginning of a new week. Slide over that hot dog, will you? I'm starving.
Alpha: Where are the rest of the siblings?? We must always be on time for our Sunday meetings!
Beta: Mmm-hmm. I absolutely agree. You know what else I agree with? Dill pickle on rye bread. Quickly now - pass the dill.
Alpha: How dare you put forth more attention to your gluttonous habits than to our very important meetings?? HOW DARE YOU?!
Beta: How dare I? How dare I indeed... How dare I eat this sandwich without any ketchup. [Walks over to refrigerator]
Alpha: It is 8 a.m. on a Sunday morning - and the conference table only has two of the seven siblings! This is an outrage! If we're not all here on time, the meeting will get cancelled -- again! I cannot have anymore delays!
Just then, my brawny brother Gamma walked into our headquarters...
Gamma: I am the best there is! [Flexes] Everything I have ever accomplished in life is made of very high quality!
Alpha: If you were the best there is, Gamma - then shouldn't you be the first one to arrive to our Sunday meetings??
Gamma: [Lifts eyebrow, thinking] Well, it's a simple error. Not necessarily an error, actually. Nobody is perfect, I say. The only thing that comes close to perfection, of course, is me.
Beta: [Still looking inside refrigerator] I agree Gamma, you are definitely the best. And speaking of best, the best topping on a pizza would be... [Pulls out pineapple from refrigerator] A taste from the tropical.
Alpha: You were in the middle of eating a sandwich and now you're thinking of eating a pizza? When does it end??
Beta: Food that ends? Impossible. Food is never ending. And speaking of never ending, where did I leave my coke fountain? [Searches cabinets]
Alpha: It's getting late! Our father will be here any minute! Where is everyone??
My tall and lanky brother Delta walked in...
Delta: [Looks around room] I see that not everyone is here yet. Anyone care for a quick game of cards? With cash as always. Always show me the cash.
Alpha: No! There isn't time for that! We're late enough as it is! We need to get this meeting started as soon as possible!
Delta: Oh no, no, no. You don't understand. It's a quick game, you see? I need to practice my pool skills as often as I can.
Gamma: Hah! Delta, you humor me. When will you learn that your gambling problem is indeed a problem?
Delta: [Approaches Gamma] How about you, Gamma? Are you interested in a quick game of poker?
Gamma: Oh, I don't have a need for petty scrimmages. I'm better than that.
Delta: You always say you're the best, but are you the best at poker?
Gamma: [Puts hand on chin, thinks] I'm the best at everything. Of course I can beat you at poker. There's no need to prove it.
Delta: Quick game, come on! Show me the cash as always. Always show me the cash.
Gamma: Well since you insist on losing, then fine. A quick game of poker is reasonable. [Takes out bundle of cash from inside shirt pocket] How much are we playing for this time?
Delta: All of it! Hahaha! [Takes out playing cards] Clear the table of food, Beta, because the only thing that's going to be cooked this morning will be Gamma's wallet!
Beta: Fine... [Lifts sandwich, pineapple and hot dog off table]
Alpha: No! We don't have time for this! When will the others arrive??
My anxious brother Epsilon walked in...
Epsilon: Oh. I see we've decided to have fun and play cards without the boss's permission. Why do you guys always get to have all the fun? Why don't I ever get to do anything I want around this place?
Delta: Care to join us, Epsilon? If you want to join in on the fun, then you're going to have to show me the cash. Always show me the cash.
Epsilon: I will not partake in this madness! You guys get to do everything! It's not fair!
Gamma: [Sits at table] Well it's also not fair to beat people because you're better than them, but heck, that's what I'm about to do. Deal the cards, Delta.
Delta: [Sits next to Gamma] Yes, I like that look in your eyes. It's a gamblers look! Unfortunately, the only thing you're looking for is fool's gold! [Deals out five cards to Gamma and self] Time for the moment of truth!
Epsilon: It's just not fair!
Beta: What's not fair? The fact that we don't have any mayonnaise? I know, it's wrong, isn't it?
Epsilon: Beta, how come you get to eat whatever you want around here? Is it because you're special? Am I not special enough to eat whatever I want?
Beta: No, I'm not special. I just eat. Want a bite? [Holds out half-eaten sandwich]
Epsilon: I will not eat that!
Alpha: Can't everyone just quiet down and stop yelling?!?
Epsilon: You're the only one who yells around here! And that's just not fair!
Alpha: It's after 8 a.m.! Where could everyone be??
My passionate brother Zeta walked in...
Zeta: [Holding a rose, sniffing the rose] Such a lovely rose on such a beautiful day. I cannot wait for this meeting to be over so I can make love to all the beautiful women in the world.
Alpha: Why were you late, Zeta? Explain to me why you are late!
Zeta: The only object in existence that can possibly halt me on my path to punctuality is the beauty of another woman. This morning, as I walked past my self-stone statue, I saw the most gorgeous and stunning woman to ever grace our planet. Naturally, she belonged to me, so I made my move and introduced her to her future.
Delta: [Examining cards] Oh no, no, no, Zeta, you have it all wrong. Women don't naturally belong to you; you have to buy them first. Just like I'm about to buy my way into Gamma's savings account! [Slams down cards on table] Straight flush, Gamma! You owe all your money to me!
Gamma: [Looks at cards] No! This can't be! [Wipes sweat from forehead] Another match! Quick! Another match!
Delta: Sorry to say this, mister Pride, but to play against me you'll need money. But since I've won all your money, our game is over! Hahaha! Better luck next time!
Gamma: [Slams cards on table] I don't believe this! I really don't believe this! You are too greedy! Greed will be your ultimate downfall!
Gamma stood up furiously and left the kitchen...
Beta: That was interesting. Anyone care for some pastrami?
Zeta: Food, food, and more food. When will you learn that you cannot eat your way out of your miserable little habit?
Beta: [Angrily] Hey! Don't insult me - or more importantly, don't insult my food!
Zeta: That's the only true friend you really have, Beta. What you really need is a woman by your side. Put down the sandwich, pick up a great line, and go out and explore the world.
Beta: I don't always have to eat! I can find myself a woman! I can do it right now! I can easily do it!
Delta: Five hundred dollars says you won't do it.
Beta: [Surprised] Huh? Oh, well... I will do it! I'll take that bet, Delta, and I'll do it!
Delta: Good. You need to have yourself a woman by the end of the week. If you can indeed do it as you say you can, then you've won yourself 500 dollars.
Zeta: Yes, a real woman. We're talking about a striking broad who knows how to exert the passion that only lust can arouse.
Beta: Well then, it's a deal! [Picks up pineapple]
Beta walked out with a pineapple in hand...
Alpha: Well that's just great! Now we won't have anyone left for the meeting! This is an outrage!
Zeta: Hmm, I assume this means that our meeting is cancelled this week. This is splendid. I have time to approach more attractive women today. I shall see you all again when I see you all again.
Zeta walked out with a rose in hand...
Epsilon: Well I guess it's just us three, then.
Delta: [Packs cards away] Yes, it appears that way. Shall we make a bet on who will return?
Alpha: No! The boss is going to be mad when he sees only us three for the meeting! I'll take the blame for it! I just know it!
Epsilon: And that isn't fair, is it? That just isn't fair?
Alpha: Enough of your questions! What do you want, Epsilon? What is it that you want?
Epsilon: What do I want? What do you mean what do I want? I want to have what everyone else has! That's reasonable and just! Don't you agree?
Delta: Life isn't fair, get used to it. You win some, you lose some, but what's really important is that you play the game. That's the only way you can win the big bucks.
All of a sudden, I heard someone snoring...
Epsilon: Where's that sound coming from?
Delta: I bet it's our brother Omega sleeping again.
Alpha: Omega?? Omega where are you?!? [Lifts table cloth] There you are, Omega! Have you been sleeping under the table this entire time??
Omega: [Wakes up and looks at Alpha] Has the meeting started? [Yawns]
Alpha: No! The meeting hasn't started! What were you doing sleeping under the table?
Omega: I like to sleep like a sloth. Do you mind? [Pulls table cloth down and continues to sleep]
Alpha: This is unbelievable! Am I the only responsible brother here? When our boss walks in-
Just as I said that, our butler rushed in...
Omnicron: -Septuplets! I bring you terrible news! Your father Sigma, he... he...
Alpha: He what?? Speak up!
Omnicron: He was involved in a terrible accident!
Alpha: What?? This is an OUTRAGE!
Omnicron: It was a car crash, of sorts. One involving flames, popped tires and a lake.
Epsilon: That's terrible! That just isn't fair!
Omnicron: I know this isn't the best time, but I can recall that if your father perished, he would be forced to donate his entire fortune...
Delta: Oh I bet it was one of the septuplets who is responsible for this!
Alpha: What are you talking about?
Delta: It was Gamma! Our proud, ego-spurting sibling! He always wants to be the best. So, by getting the fortune as soon as possible, he thinks he'll be better than all of us! Well I won't let that happen -- not with MY money on the line!
Delta ran out the door...
Epsilon: Well we have to go the scene!
Omnicron: I'm afraid that isn't possible.
Epsilon: Why not?
Omnicron: You see, Sigma was very careful about what would happen if somethig had ever happened to him. He told me in confidence countless times that upon his death, he wishes that no son of his shall be witness to the following proceedings as to not compromise the future of the fortune.
Alpha: This is unbelievable! Why would he do something like that??
That is how it all began, to the best of my memory. Everybody seems to point their finger at the obvious murder suspect in these types of cases. I, on the other hand, had my own suspicions. The following day, I had a little chat with my brother Beta. Something just wasn't right...
